Lulu walked over to Mac, and in a move that surprised him, she put a gentle hand on his arm. “She’ll be back, Mac. Just give her some time.”
Mac blinked away the emotion. “I appreciate that, Lu. And I think that Kate would love it if you reached out to her, just to say hi. I think she feels like she doesn’t have many friends left in publishing.”
She smiled. “I’ll do that, Mac. Thank you.”
After Lulu left, Mac thought about what she said—that Kate would be back. It was too much to hope for, and besides, what would she be returning to?
It was time to finish this. Mac walked out of his office, and with a confidence he hadn’t felt in days, he marched into Edward’s lair.
He was on the phone. “Mac, I’m in the middle of something. Can we do this later?”
Mac closed the door behind him. “We cannot.” He stayed standing, towering over Edward’s desk.
“Fine,” he grumbled, then to his caller, “Let me buzz you later. Okay, sure, thanks.” Edward turned to Mac. “What was so goddamned important that you needed to interrupt me?”
“I have a deal for you, Edward, and it’s one you will agree to or I will go public with your attack on Kate and the fact that you knew that Michael Singer was into child prostitution.”
Edward leaned back into his chair and laughed. “As if anyone would believe it.” Edward tried to sound confident, but he failed. Mac was dangerous right now. He had nothing to lose, but Edward had everything to lose. Mac was free falling, and if Edward wasn’t careful, he’d take everyone with him.
Mac leaned on Edward’s desk. “Listen to me good, Eddie. For years, you have directed this company, and when I first came on board I admired you—your ability to pick a good book out of a sea of unsalable crap. Then it turned. I don’t know when exactly, but you got greedy and selfish and you became nothing more than a book pimp. You buried good books and good authors. You treated your staff as though they were disposable. When you got done with people, you’d toss them into the street. And if that person was female, you’d try to have your way with her like you did with Kate. But she was too smart for you. All of the other women thought it was a way for them to keep their jobs. Look, half the time authors bug the fuck out of me, but there are many good ones out there looking for a good home. They come here with high hopes only to find that they’ve been relegated to the bottom of the barrel while you push the next book by celebs who can’t stay out of rehab or kids who murder their own parents. You had an author, an amazing author, who could have continued to keep MD on the map. But, like every other non-celebrity, you tossed him in the street. Now that’s come back to bite you in the ass.”
“Who are we talking about here, Mac?”
“Allan Lavigne.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Mac wasn’t certain where Grace lived, but he had a general idea of the building. He knocked on a few doors, and finally found an elderly woman who knew her.
“I can assure you,” Mac threw her his most disarming smile, “I just need to give her some important documents about an upcoming art show,” he lied.
“Oh dear, how exciting,” the elderly woman exuded. “Gracie has such a wonderful talent. She’s in apartment 102A.”
Mac thanked her and walked down the hall to find Grace’s apartment.
He knocked and Grace opened up immediately.
“Grace?” he asked.
“Yes?” suddenly it dawned on her, she’d seen a picture of him before, but now he looked different.
“MacDermott Ellis?”
“Yes.”
Grace was surprised. In the pictures, he had an air about him—confidence, sexuality. Now he just looked broken, unshaven, and a bit disheveled.
Grace collected herself; if Mac was at her door, it wasn’t a good thing. “What do you want?”
Mac was prepared that Kate’s dearest friend might hate him. He’d been right. “Grace, I’m sorry for the intrusion, but I need to get something to Kate and I don’t have her forwarding address.”
Grace crossed her arms. “If you expect me to tell you where she is…”
“I don’t, Grace. I get it. Really. I just…I have these documents—legal papers that are urgent; she needs to get them as soon as possible.”
Mac handed her the envelope. “Feel free to take a look if you don’t believe me. It’s not a trap, I assure you. Can you make sure she gets this?”
At first, Grace didn’t respond. Mac handed her the envelope. “Look, it’s open, see for yourself. After you read it, please get it to her.”
Mac turned to leave. “Mac,” Grace said tentatively, “is this more trouble for her?”
“No, it’s not. It’s something for her future.” With that, he headed out. He had had enough of this woman’s accusing eyes. He did what he came to do; hopefully, Grace would do her part for her friend. He knew Grace would never do it just for him.
Grace noticed his shoulders sagged slightly, and his walk wasn’t that of a man in power. The MacDermott Ellis—the legend— was simply broken, and for a half a second, Grace almost felt sorry for him.
…
After Mac left, Grace did indeed read the documents he’d left for Kate. She needed to be sure it wasn’t some sort of set up. She opened the envelope and pulled out a letter and some official paperwork. Grace read it carefully, twice. She couldn’t believe what she was reading or how Mac had managed to pull this off.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
MacDermott Ellis had been in publishing his entire career and most of it he spent with Morris and Dean. He’d been responsible for numerous bestsellers and many, many successful authors.
Today would be his last day at Morris and Dean, maybe even his last day in publishing.
Another June day dawned before him. It was only nine o’clock, and already the temperatures were well above average. The weather report had predicted eight-five degrees for today, and humid, of course. Despite the fact that he’d been in New York most of his life, Mac still hated summers in the city. There was no escaping the hot, sweaty concrete jungle. Mac decided to walk to the office. He needed the fresh air, and it would help to clear his head. He wanted to get in and get out—no goodbyes, no farewell lunches. He’d say his goodbyes to the staff separately—some in email, some over coffee in the next week or two. Today, he just wanted to leave, to grab his things and go. He wondered what Kate was doing, or better, how she was doing. He pictured Kate and Nick, walking on a warm California beach, maybe holding hands. He quickly pushed the image from his mind.
Mac walked into the building and stepped into a packed elevator. He got out on the twentieth floor. When he emerged, he spotted Pete in the lobby.
“Mac, hi. We haven’t really had a chance to talk since the whole Singer thing,” Pete began.
“Now is not a good time, Pete.” Mac tried to step around him, but Pete wouldn’t move.
“How’s Kate? I hear she’s not coming back.”
Mac stared him down, using the fact that he was a head and a half taller than Pete to his advantage. “Listen to me, you little red-headed prick. Do not ever talk to me about Kate or try to pretend you care about her welfare. This is exactly what you wanted, you spineless–” Mac stopped suddenly. Pete looked terrified. He should be. Mac felt like pummeling someone, and Pete seemed to fit the bill nicely. Finally, Mac just pushed him aside. “Fuck off. I hope you stay at MD. You and Eddie deserve each other.”
Mac walked directly to his office, ignoring everything and everyone else. No one would be surprised he was leaving. In the past few weeks, he’d spent maybe three days in the office and it had been excruciating. He only did it to make sure his current authors were taken care of, and then he’d leave without saying a word to anyone. He walked into his office and found Lulu there. She was packing.
“Lu,” Mac was surprised, “what are you doing?”
She smiled—that sweet, helpful smile he knew he would miss. Although she’d primarily assisted the publicity team,
she never hesitated to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed it.
“Edward told me you were leaving; I don’t think anyone else knows. I figured it would be hard on you, so I thought I would pack up your office and have this stuff shipped to you.”
The girl just warmed his heart. He walked over and hugged her. “Lu, you are priceless. I can’t thank you enough.”
A tear trickled down Lulu’s face. “I’ll miss you, Mac, you and Kate both. You guys really brought life to this place.”
Mac’s mouth tensed. No, he thought, she brought life to me.
“Lu,” he said finally, “I’ll make sure to bring you with me when I land somewhere. In fact, I’ll insist on it.”
Lulu laughed. “That’s sweet of you, Mac, but if you can’t, I’ll understand.”
She hesitated before she continued, “I-I heard from Kate…”
“Really?” Mac caught his breath. “How is she?”
“I think she’ll be okay. Did she tell you she’s driving cross country?”
No, Mac thought. Kate didn’t tell him anything except goodbye.
“She didn’t tell me that, but I bet the drive is doing her good.”
Lulu fumbled with the fringe on her blouse. “I asked her if she was ever coming back to New York. She said she didn’t know.”
Mac nodded. “She’s better off staying away from here, at least for a while. She’s had a rough time.” That was an understatement.
Lulu nodded. “I know, I miss her. I always wanted to be like Kate—so brave. She always spoke her mind, and even though the authors made us crazy, she always tried to serve them as best she could.”
Mac took in a deep breath. Kate was also the most loving woman he’d ever known. He dug his hands in his pockets. “Yes,” he began softly, “she was great.”
“I hope things work out for the two of you…” Her words trailed off and Mac realized Lu knew. Quiet, unassuming Lulu, who watched and listened. She may well be MD’s best asset, although he doubted that Edward would ever realize it.
Mac looked around his office. The shelves were nearly empty; the book awards he was so proud of earning were gone, leaving only faint outlines on the wall where they’d hung.
“It’ll be better if you don’t have to walk through the office carrying boxes; I figured you didn’t want to draw attention to yourself.”
She knew Mac well. “Thanks again, Lulu.” He took her hand. “Let’s grab lunch in a couple of weeks, okay?”
Lulu smiled and nodded, then stood on her tiptoes and gave him a light peck on the cheek.
“Be well, MacDermott Ellis. Everything is going to be all right. In the end it always is.”
Mac gave her a half smile. “I hope you are right.”
…
Mac walked out into the sunshine and looked around. Here he was, at the edge of his career and his life. For as long as Mac could remember, everything had been laid out neatly in front of him. A sweet and simple path to follow. Now, everything was in disarray. There was no rhyme or reason to anything anymore. But Mac was going to fix that. It was time to start righting his wrongs and facing down his demons. He would start with himself.
Weaving through the crowds and tourists, he walked home.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The drive was exactly what Kate needed. She loved the feel of the road and the car; the rhythmic sounds of the highway were almost soothing. Kate was glad the car was a convertible. The warmth of the sun beating down on her lifted her spirits. The vintage car did something for her, too. Reminding her of simpler days, simpler times. Kate glanced at the not-digital clock and smiled. This car had character. She was making good time with her southern route; she was now just outside of Arkansas. As she cruised down the endless blacktop highway, Kate’s mind untangled enough to start thinking about her future. She wasn’t sure if she’d stay in publishing, and was glad she wouldn’t have to decide until her savings ran dry. If she didn’t want to go back into publishing, what could she do instead? Maybe she’d go into something Zen, like teaching yoga. Yes, Zen for sure. Something not tethered to egos or expectations. She knew nothing about yoga; in fact, she never had the patience for it. Grace had always urged her to try it, insisting it would change her life. Her fantasizing was interrupted by the buzzing of her phone. A quick check of her caller ID told her it was Andrew.
“Andy, hi!” Kate smiled into the phone.
“My darling Kate, I got your message that you’re headed to California. Can I twist your arm and get you to drop by?”
“I was hoping you would.”
“Horrible affair, that publishing mess. I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle of it. By the way, slight non sequitur, but James is making margaritas.”
“But I won’t be there for a few days, Andy.”
“I know, Love, but we figured you’d need lots of them, so we thought we’d start early. How strong should I make them?”
“Strong, I mean drunken rocker strong.”
Andrew laughed into the phone. “Got it, will do. James and I will get you so pissed, you won’t even remember you were in publishing.”
“From your lips to God’s ears,” she chuckled.
“All right then, I’ll let you go. Text me when you have an ETA. Your room will be ready for you.”
“I can’t wait.” Kate clicked off. For the first time in a long time, she felt good. Flying down the highway with the wind in her hair gave her an incredible feeling of freedom.
Chapter Forty
When Kate arrived in Sin City, it was over one hundred degrees. She wasn’t sure how anyone actually lived here in summer. Kate turned into the ranch and the security guard waved her through. When she pulled up to the villa, both Andrew and James were waiting for her. She stepped out of the car and into Andrew’s embrace.
“My, God, Katie, a pink Cadillac. I love this slice of Americana you’ve arrived in. Quite the bugger-off statement.” Andrew hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.
“It’s on loan from a friend of mine,” she said as James stepped toward her and hugged her as well.
“I’ve been making margaritas,” he said.
“So I heard.” Kate smiled.
“Strong ones.” James winked.
“Come on inside before we all melt. I’ll have someone drive the car into the garage for you and get your bags. Just leave the keys in it and let’s go get you that drink.”
…
They stayed inside; it was just too hot to sit on the veranda. As promised, James had made the margaritas with generous portions of tequila.
“So, Katie,” James began after pouring her second drink, “tell us what happened. All of it. Don’t leave any saucy details out.”
Andrew smiled at her, patting her hand. “If it’s too hard, Love, we understand.”
Kate shook her head. “It’s fine, and the distance and the drive have helped. I feel like it’s given me some perspective.”
She sipped her drink; it felt great to be sitting in their kitchen, with these two men who had weathered so much to be together. A part of her wished that she and Mac had been so lucky.
Mac. His name drifted through her mind, looking for a place to land. Kate hadn’t allowed herself to spend a lot of time thinking about him, but now, whether it was the alcohol or the distance, there he was. Mac. Tall, smiling, handsome, loving her…
Andrew watched her face change and put a hand over hers. “It’s a man, isn’t it?” he said thoughtfully. “You look like someone who lost more than her job, Lovely. You look like someone who’s dealing with a broken heart, too.”
Kate nodded and began to tell her story, all of it—the affair, the man, the book, and the horrible ending.
Finally, she said, “It was time it ended anyway,” She tried to sound nonchalant but her voice was filled with emotion.
“Endings are never easy,” Andy said, “But, Love, let me tell you this. Being gay and accepting that I didn’t actually want to be with a woman took every ounc
e of strength I had, and as James will tell you, I wasn’t always good at it. In fact, I kept trying to sleep with women, even after I’d committed to James.” James nodded and took Andrew’s hand. “In the end, I had to face my demons, Katie. I wasn’t always a good person. I mean, all the drinking and rockstar rubbish aside, I fought horribly against being homosexual. What I mean is, we all have things we need to face in our lives, and some of us are better at it than others. Maybe this Mac person will finally face what he needs to.”
“We’re done,” Kate said, shaking her head.
Andrew leaned in. “The heart wants what it wants, Love.”
Kate tried to change the subject. “I’m sorry about your book.”
Andrew frowned. “My book? Oh, God you’ve gotten bigger things going on than worrying about my book. I don’t even really care about it, it’s done. It’ll come out and it will either sell or it won’t. I’ll be done with the charade and then I can focus on my new life.” He kissed James gently on the lips. “And, perhaps you can help me publicize my next book.”
Kate smiled. “I’d be honored.”
Chapter Forty-One
Kate arrived in Los Angeles almost two weeks after she’d left New York. The sun was out; it was a perfect California day. She put the top down, put her hair in a scarf, and let it waft in the wind as she sped down the 101 freeway to San Marino.
“Gracie, this one is for you,” she said.
When Kate arrived at Nick’s house, he was working in the front yard. Kate pulled the car into the driveway and stepped out. He spotted her, put down his tools, and walked over. “Don’t all you rich California people have gardeners?”
He smiled. “Some of us prefer to do it ourselves. Keeps us in touch with the common man.” He pecked her on the cheek. “Welcome to California, Kate. I’m glad you’re here.”
Kate hugged him. She was, indeed, glad to be there. “I am, too,” she said, her face buried in his shirt. He smelled of fresh grass and dirt. Earthy, wholesome smells that made her feel grateful to be near him.
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