“Where on earth can I go?” She spread her arms.
“Where can’t you go?” He shrugged. “Go to Chapel Hill. It’s a cute little college town. Go to the beach. That’s only a couple of hours away. Raleigh and Durham aren’t much compared to Atlanta, but they’re bigger than Hillsborough and they’re close. If you don’t want to go by yourself, take Millie and the kids. There are some pretty nice movie theaters and some great restaurants. Just get out of town so I don’t have to worry about you wrestling copperheads.”
She wondered why it hadn’t occurred to her to leave town. Maybe because Atlanta had always had everything she wanted as far as museums and restaurants and entertainment, she’d sort of become a homebody. Living in a small town would require that she leave her shell a little. All part of the adjustment. Her lips curved in a reluctant smile. “I get the point. But hey, did you say you’re worried about me?”
“Are you serious?” He reached over and pulled her into his arms. She relaxed, enjoying the unexpected comfort after the morning’s terror. She lay her head on his chest and closed her eyes.
“The night the store burned…” The words escaped her before she had decided to speak, and she bit her lip, afraid to make the confession she’d begun.
After several moments of silence, he drew back, placing a hand on the side of her face. “It’s okay. Tell me.”
“You ran back in for Ty’s flag.” She dragged her eyes up to meet his. “You risked your life to bring that to me.”
He shrugged and looked uncomfortable but didn’t reply.
“That wasn’t what I was going back in for.” Her voice was very low. Perhaps if she whispered her admission to him, it would be less shameful. She cleared her throat. “I was going back for your mother’s book. I left it on the counter. I didn’t remember Ty’s flag.”
An unfeigned look of astonishment crossed his face. Liam truly hadn’t known how important he had become in her life. He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them again, he released her. “I’m sorry.”
She blinked, startled. “What for?”
He sighed. “I swore to myself I’d never act on my feelings for you. I didn’t realize…” His voice trailed off, but when she continued to stare at him, he finished his sentence. “I didn’t realize what I felt had affected you.”
Alicia shook her head, incredulous. “I don’t understand. I’m suffering serious guilt because my husband has been dead just over a year and I’m lusting after his best friend.”
He raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Lust isn’t quite the emotion I had in mind, although it does seem appropriate at times.” He hesitated. “You don’t remember the first time we met, do you?”
“It was at the bar. Your bar.” She paused, remembering.
“It was six years ago. That bar, but I didn’t own it then. You must’ve been here with him for a few days or something, but when I saw you, you were alone. You were sitting at the bar and you were so beautiful it took my breath away. I wanted you.” His voice was filled with a remembered yearning that made her catch her breath. “Desperately. I was already out of my seat, ready to go hit on you when Ty walked up. I hadn’t seen him since graduation, and he was surprised to see me too. I was a little impatient that he’d stopped to say hello. I’d just seen the girl of my dreams and here was my old high school buddy wanting to catch up.”
She remained silent when he laughed and shook his head. “Then old Ty wanted to drag me over to meet his new wife. Hell no, I wasn’t interested. Then I saw who his wife was.”
Alicia sucked in a breath. She might not have believed him except that she remembered the night he was talking about. Yes, it had been six years ago. Before babies. She’d been so in love with Ty she’d barely noticed any other men—except one. She’d looked up while Ty had been in the bathroom to find the man staring at her. He’d smiled at her with an odd look of recognition and relief. As if he’d been waiting for her. He’d stood, perhaps planning to come over, but Ty had intercepted him, embraced him, obviously an old friend.
Ty had dragged Liam over to introduce him to Alicia. He’d seemed reluctant, and when Ty suggested he sit with them for a while, he’d claimed he had an appointment.
But the way he’d looked at her had remained, a vague impression like an after image on her eyelids. “Like you knew me.” Her gaze met his. “Like you always had.”
“Yeah. It sounds corny, but it was like I’d been looking for you all my life.” His sigh was sad. “I can’t help what I feel for you and I won’t apologize for it. You were—are—Ty’s wife, and I respect that, but I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”
As she stood there in her dead husband’s home, his rings still on her finger and her gaze held by a man she could no longer deny her feelings for, Alicia decided that not all beginnings start at the same place, and she wondered where this path could lead her if she followed it.
* * *
Alicia turned the wedding band on her finger. She imagined taking it off. It was a simple task, the work of a moment, a fraction of a second. Would she feel free then? Would she be more alone than she was now?
She’d spent a lot of time thinking about the rings since Liam had left the day before. If she hadn’t still been wearing them, maybe he wouldn’t have given her a gentle kiss on the cheek and left before she could stop him. The rings represented her bond with Ty, and it was that bond that neither she nor Liam wanted to betray.
She had been so busy with the store, she hadn’t even noted the anniversary of Ty’s death the month before. When she’d looked at the calendar afterward, her heart filled with sadness that she could have forgotten. What had happened to her that the anniversary of the death of a person so important to her could pass unnoticed?
She closed her eyes, imagining Ty behind her. She could almost sense him, his hand on her shoulder to move her hair aside as he bent to kiss her neck… She trembled at the memory of his touch and dropped her coffee mug, watching it shatter on the counter. She sucked in a breath and rolled her eyes. “One thing’s for sure, I don’t need any coffee.”
“Why is that?”
Alicia whirled, her eyes wide at the sight of Penny standing in the door.
Penny blinked, looking a little startled. “You’re right, you don’t need any coffee. What’s wrong with you?”
Determined to stall, Alicia reached for a broom to sweep up the remnants of the mug. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just a little jumpy.”
“I’ll say.” Her friend pushed open the screen door and marched in. “Is this some sort of hangover from your encounter with the snake?”
Alicia dumped the shards of china into the trash and turned. “Yeah, I guess.” She shuddered. “I’m still afraid to go outside.”
“Don’t be.” Penny sat at the table. “Besides, you took care of it, right? Liam says you’re a force to be reckoned with.”
I can’t help what I feel for you and I won’t apologize for it.
“Shit.” Alicia shook her head violently.
“What?” Penny jerked around to face her.
Alicia refocused on her friend. “I’m sorry. I’m just really distracted today, Pen.”
“No kidding.” Penny frowned, then stood and took two mugs out of the cupboard, pouring two cups of coffee. She motioned for Alicia to sit at the table, then sat across from her. “Come on. Maybe you do need a little hair of the dog. And a sympathetic ear. It’s Liam, isn’t it?”
Alicia jumped, startled to hear Liam’s name. “Why would you—”
“Because I know him. I know he thinks he’s in love with you.” She broke off at Alicia’s glare and shrugged. “Okay, yes. I know he’s got a crush. I’ve known for a while. But it doesn’t mean anything. You’ve got to understand that there’s a whole lot of history between Liam and Ty. I told you that. Liam’s kind of famous f
or wanting what Ty had.”
“Yeah, you said that.” Alicia pretended to search the cabinet for the sweetener. “I’m not quite certain why it would be better to keep his ‘crush’ a secret from me, especially when it was obvious we were becoming friends.”
“Honey, I’m sorry, but I warned you about him from the beginning. Liam’s just trouble. He always has been.”
For a moment, Alicia stared at the pink packet in her hand. Then she swung around to confront Penny, her eyes narrowed. “Was he trouble when you dated him for five years?”
Penny blinked. “Okay, so he told you about us. Why is how long we dated important?”
“I could ask you the same thing. Why’d you let on like it didn’t last that long? And he didn’t tell me anything, well nothing I hadn’t figured out, anyway. You told me you dated him for a couple of years right after Amy was born, and she mentioned you were still dating him when she started kindergarten. Did you know she used to think he was her father?”
Penny frowned, her face a little paler than usual. “Amy thought that? I didn’t even think she remembered us dating.”
Something in Penny’s voice made Alicia relent. She sat across from her friend, taking her hand. “I’m sorry. You’ve obviously got a history with Liam that I don’t know about.” She paused, frowning. “And believe me, nobody could feel more guilty about the whole situation than I do. I don’t want to have feelings for another man. It’s too soon. Ty was my life for so long, but somehow I didn’t die when he did.”
For just a moment, understanding flickered in her friend’s eyes, but then she shook her head. “I’m sorry too, and you know I backed off telling you what to do with your life, but I just can’t understand why.”
She didn’t elaborate on what she meant, but Alicia knew. Why would she allow herself to fall for Liam so easily, with the loss of Ty still so fresh? Alicia sighed and pulled her hand away. Penny nodded as if she’d answered her question and stood, putting her mug in the sink. “Mark and I are having a little cookout tomorrow night to celebrate our anniversary. I was hoping you could come.”
“Are you still hoping we can?” Alicia raised her eyebrows and looked at her friend’s back.
Penny turned, her expression contrite and sincere. “Of course I am! Sweetie, you know I adore you. Just because I don’t agree with you…well, it’s your life, right? Please know I’m with you no matter what.”
Alicia’s expression was grim. “Right. We’ll be there. No matter what.”
Chapter Thirteen
Half the neighborhood and part of the rest of the town seemed crowded into Penny’s little suburban yard on the night of the cookout. Alicia recognized several people, and Millie was hailed from all sides the moment they entered the gate. After acting shy for about ten seconds, Gemma spied some friends and took off to play.
Penny greeted them warmly. “I’m so glad you made it.” She gave Millie a hug. “Thank you so much for coming.”
Alicia noted the fervor of her friend’s welcome with some skepticism, but Millie responded with gratitude. “We wouldn’t have missed it, darling.” She patted Penny’s hand. “Where’s your handsome husband?”
“Can’t drag him away from the grill. He’s determined to make the best hamburgers in the history of Hillsborough. Maybe you can set him straight. I seem to remember you are the grilling expert around here.”
“Let me at it.” Millie turned toward the backyard.
Alicia hesitated, her eyes scanning the friendly faces she saw.
“Looking for Liam?”
She hid her guilt. “Why would you think that?”
“A hunch.” Her friend crossed her arms over her chest.
“Don’t look at me like that. Nothing’s going on.” Alicia frowned.
Penny shrugged. “Like I said before, it’s none of my business what you do.”
Alicia snorted. “I’m not doing anything.” She bent to pick up Jason and as she straightened, she caught sight of Liam standing across the yard. He was talking to another woman she didn’t recognize and as their eyes met, Alicia’s heart leapt. No. Not doing anything wrong at all. Turning away in confusion, she caught Penny’s gaze.
Penny nodded. “Sure. Come on, let’s go find a place you can be comfortable with the baby.”
Alicia let herself be led to the backyard. Penny established her in a lawn chair with Jason on a blanket nearby. After a while, evidently thinking Alicia was safe, Penny allowed herself to be called away from her friend’s side. Millie, who couldn’t be divided from her grandson for longer than half an hour, soon arrived to take charge of Jason, and Alicia joined Lulu to watch Gemma and Stella play on the tire swing with Amy. Lulu broke off a story about a funny patron in her store at Liam’s approach.
“Howdy, handsome,” Lulu said. “So you finally made your way through Hillsborough’s eligible bachelorettes to us, huh?”
He snorted. “More like horny divorcees, but yeah.” His gaze moved to Alicia but he didn’t speak.
“Well, I think I’m going to get a refill.” Lulu held up her empty beer bottle. “Can I get anybody anything?” Barely waiting for a reply, she disappeared into the crowd.
“Hey.” He spoke hesitantly, as if he wasn’t sure how welcome he would be.
“Hey.” She smiled, trying to reassure him, but the smile felt like plastic on her face so she dropped it. “I’m glad you came over.”
He looked around. “I’ve been trying to make it over here all night. Can you go for a walk with me?”
“Sure.” She allowed him to take her hand and they slipped down the steps from the deck. She wondered how long it would be before Penny noticed they’d left. In spite of her friend’s protest that it was none of her business, Alicia still sensed a disapproval of her feelings for Liam.
They walked in silence, hands linked as if by old habit. They emerged from the trees into the clearing at the edge of the pond. Alicia paused, listening to the frogs and insects and a few mysterious plops in the near-darkness that made her think of fish or frogs jumping wetly from one spot to another. At the edge of the pond, Liam stopped too. She wondered what was on his mind, but she could tell he had something to tell her.
“So what’s up?” She tried to keep her voice casual, though her breath came faster than she wanted.
“I’m going to head back,” he said. “To the university. The second summer session is over and fall semester will start soon. I should have plenty to keep me busy.”
“Oh.” Of all the things she’d half expected, dreaded or hoped for him to say, this wasn’t one of them. Alicia took a deep breath and then expelled it. “When do you have to leave?”
“About a week.” He turned. “I wanted to let you know.”
“Of course, you have to do what’s necessary for your job.” She looked down, searching for some reason to object to him being gone.
“I’m just going to stay in Chapel Hill Tuesday through Thursday. I could be here Friday through Monday, or maybe even come home Thursday evening.”
She nodded, pulling her hand from his. “Well, we’ll be sorry to see you go. We’ve gotten used to your company.” She smiled in spite of a pang of real pain in her heart. “You really have to go back?” The words escaped her lips, revealing her disappointment, and she wished she could snatch them back.
“I really have to.” He looked out over the pond. They could hear the merriment going on in Penny and Mark’s backyard. His face was stony and Alicia wondered what was going on behind his solid façade. She couldn’t help thinking that maybe he wasn’t really sorry to be leaving. “I left some business unsettled when I left before. And it’ll be best, considering.”
“I’ve told you before you don’t have any obligation to us. We’re fine.” She turned, walking a little way around the pond. “We’re really well settled in, as a
matter of fact.”
“Of course you are.”
When she stopped and turned back toward him abruptly, he halted just in time to avoid colliding with her. But instead of taking a step back, he stayed there, barely a foot away. Breathing distance. She raised her eyes to meet his and found him looking straight at her. She wanted desperately to tell him not to go just yet, but she kept silent.
The air around them was full of cicada song and cricket cries. Frogs chirped and the air swelled with the noises of awakened nature. His gaze flickered to her lips and back as he brushed the side of her face with a gentle hand.
“Dr. Addison?” Amy’s voice split the fertile air around them and Liam dropped his hand from Alicia’s face as they turned. The girl had stopped at the edge of the trees, her eyes suspicious.
“Amy?” Liam turned to her. “What’s up?”
“Mom said to get you. She needs your help.”
“Then I guess we’d better go see what the emergency is.” Liam looked over his shoulder at Alicia. “Coming?”
She nodded and followed them back to the yard to find Penny holding a bottle of wine and a broken corkscrew. “Here he is!” she said when she saw them emerge from the trees. “Professor, we need your help! I’ve broken the corkscrew and we must have wine!”
Alicia opened her mouth to say she had one at her house, but then she closed it again when her eyes met her friend’s. A broken corkscrew wasn’t the point. Penny had sent her daughter to break up whatever was happening with Liam. And what made it worse was the lack of remorse in her friend’s eyes. Alicia cursed softly. Penny believed she had done the right thing. Which obviously meant Penny thought Alicia was doing the wrong thing.
Alicia felt her face redden with suppressed anger. She gritted her teeth and turned away, fixing her gaze on Liam as he took the wine bottle.
“Need anything, Professor?” Penny asked in a teasing voice.
He looked at her without a spark of irritation. A flush of humiliation raced through Alicia. Was she more invested in whatever was happening than he was? Perhaps he was sorry for what he’d told her about that moment years ago, and he’d been searching for a way out of the situation when Amy showed up.
Where the Heart Lies Page 19
