Chapter Eighteen
Nobody ever said being a mother would be easy. Or a daughter-in-law, either. Alicia set a bowl of chips on the kitchen table and looked at Gemma giggling with her grandmother. Amy put a peanut butter and banana sandwich in front of Gemma and caught Alicia’s gaze. Alicia nodded. Yeah, it’s time.
They sat together and Millie looked at them curiously. “What’s this all about, anyway? You two have been very mysterious since you called.”
Alicia took a deep breath, but Amy surprised her by speaking up. “I have something I need to tell you before I leave for college tomorrow.”
Gemma pouted. “I don’t want you to go to college.”
Amy’s face softened when she looked at the girl who didn’t yet know they were sisters. Then she moved from her chair and squatted in front of Gemma. “How about if I told you I found out something that will help us keep in touch forever?”
“You already told me that.” Gemma didn’t look impressed. “You said because we were best friends, we would always be able to call each other, so it didn’t matter where we were.”
“That’s right.” Amy took her hands. “But I found out something better than that.” She shot a look at Millie. “Something really good for all of us.”
A startled expression crossed Millie’s face, followed by one Alicia could only figure was hope. Although she didn’t know the cause, she suspected the news would not shock her mother-in-law as much as she’d expected.
“What’s better than best friends?” Gemma sounded more curious than sulky.
“How about sisters?” Amy smiled.
Alicia waited, breathless, for Gemma’s reaction. She’d worried about her daughter not being able to grasp the complexity of the adult relationships that had produced two sisters who didn’t know each other. Gemma looked thoughtful. “You’re my sister?”
Amy nodded. “And you’re mine.”
Millie drew in a sharp breath, covering her mouth with her hand, tears in her eyes. When Alicia and Amy looked at her, she nodded. “I always thought…you were so like Ty when you were a child. And Penny was always bringing you over here. It was really the only thing that made sense.” She hesitated. “I wasn’t even sure she knew, though. I know she never said anything to Ty.” She met Alicia’s gaze. “Did she?”
“No.” Alicia shook her head. “Ty didn’t know.”
“It doesn’t even matter now.” Amy stood and came over to Millie. “Mom had her reasons. I’m just so thankful that she made sure you were a part of my life all along. I guess now I know why it was so easy to think of you as my grandmother.”
Millie touched her face. “There’s always been a bond between us.” She put her arms around Amy. “And I’m grateful for all the time we’ve had too.”
Gemma still sat in her chair. She seemed to be thinking about things. She looked at Amy. “So my daddy was your daddy too.”
Amy shot Alicia a look, but Alicia nodded. It was better that Gemma know everything. Before Amy could say anything, though, Gemma looked at Alicia. “But you’re not her mommy. You’re me and Jason’s mommy.”
“Yes, sweetie. That’s true. Amy and I are good friends, though.” Alicia bit her lip.
“Oh.” Gemma nodded. “Then that’s okay. I guess being sisters is better than being best friends.”
Amy appeared amused. “You mean it’s okay that we’re sisters because you don’t have to share your mom with me?”
“Yeah!” Gemma grinned. “This is the best way to get a sister!”
Alicia, Amy and Millie all laughed, but at the same time, Alicia couldn’t help but think that Gemma might be the only one of them to think that.
* * *
Alicia shoved the hard hat further back on her head, searching for a more comfortable position as she looked around at all that still needed to be done in the store. The contractors had finished most of the interior work, but the foreman still insisted on protective headgear because of the scaffolding and hoists set up around the walls.
She’d come to okay the shelving that had arrived that afternoon. Something about the empty shelves laid out on the floor for her perusal made her sad. They should be full of books. She sighed. Everything made her sad now that Amy had gone to college.
Just before Amy left the night before, Alicia had pulled her aside and asked about how things were with her mom. “We’re working on it,” was Amy’s only reply, but she’d smiled when she said it.
“And Liam?” Alicia tried to sound as if she didn’t have a personal stake in how Liam fared.
“We’ll be okay.” Amy sounded more certain about her relationship with Liam. “He came by and we talked for a long time the other day before he left. I’m going to be his student assistant.” She hesitated. “How about you guys?”
Alicia didn’t know how to answer. He’d called her twice before leaving, but she’d been cold to him the first time and hadn’t answered the second. He hadn’t left a message or called again, and she regretted her hasty anger now.
“So what do you think?” John’s voice broke into her ruminations and she turned quickly to her manager, raising her eyebrows. He gave her an incredulous look. “The shelves you’ve been staring at for the last half hour.”
She shrugged. “They’ll hold books.” The books she had purchased over the past couple of months were still boxed up in the storeroom. They wouldn’t fill even a quarter of the new shelves.
John nodded, a look of concern in his eyes. “You’re going to, right? I mean, you want to reopen, don’t you?”
Alicia sighed, thinking how carefully she’d selected the previous inventory, most of which had been trashed. She glanced at the three boxes of water-and smoke-damaged books they’d managed to salvage. She noticed the magic marker blacking out words and remembered how Lulu had brought the boxes over the morning the insurance adjustor had visited. The same morning she’d found Liam’s mother’s book of poetry in the rubble and ashes. She frowned, thinking.
“So what do you say, boss lady?” John still sounded concerned. “Are we a go or should I pull out the resumé?”
“You’re not going anywhere yet.” Alicia straightened her shoulders, feeling more determined than she had in weeks. “I’ve got plans for this place. But first things first. Let’s get this stuff organized for a fire sale.”
* * *
Alicia and John held the fire sale on the last Saturday of August. If she’d had any doubts about the goodwill in her adopted town, they were dispelled by the support she received from the community. As soon as word got out about the sale, people began arriving with stacks of books. Mostly paperbacks and outdated encyclopedias, but Alicia appreciated every gesture and took down every donor’s name with the intention of sending a personal thank you note after the sale.
By the day of the sale, they had enough books to cover six long tables with more in boxes underneath. And a new sign gracing the front door read: Welcome to Phoenix Books. The community turned out in force, filling the store for hours. Millie came and wandered the tables, speaking to friends and neighbors and tourists alike, accepting belated condolences on Jim’s passing and catching up on the lives of those she’d missed. Amy came home for the weekend and trailed Millie as devotedly as Gemma.
Between helping customers, Alicia did her best not to scan the faces in her store. She wanted Liam to show up, but as far as she knew, he hadn’t been back to Hillsborough. A for-sale sign now decorated the deserted front yard of his house. Amy had started to mention him when she first got home, perhaps to pass along a message from him, but Alicia had interrupted her, changing the subject. When Amy opened her mouth to persist, Penny put a hand on her arm and shook her head. And Amy let it go.
“Hey, girl.” Lulu’s voice broke into her thoughts. “You’ve been kind of scarce lately.”
Alicia l
ooked up. “Oh. Hey, Lulu.” She sighed. “I think it’s been sort of on purpose.”
Lulu’s brow crinkled. “What has?”
Alicia smiled apologetically. “Being unavailable. Sorry. I know I owe you a call. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my life.”
“That sounds ominous.” Lulu leaned on the recently rebuilt counter. “Things are looking good here. I hope it’s going to help.”
“Me too.” Alicia felt her mouth settle into a grim line. “The insurance was great. I cut some corners and managed to buy more books. The rare book collection is the problem. I had a pretty good one, but the insurance wouldn’t replace it. I’m hoping the money from this sale will help, but who knows?”
“I know you don’t want to sell the store.” Lulu shrugged. “But nobody would blame you. It’s great real estate.”
“I might blame myself.” Alicia looked around at the bustling activity in the store. “I don’t know anymore, Lu. When Ty suggested we move here to help his parents, it seemed like the right thing to do. And then when he died, it still felt right. I owe Jim and Millie so much—” Her voice broke and she stopped to take a deep breath. “But it’s like I’m stifling here. You know?”
“God knows, I know what you’re talking about.” Lulu shook her head. “Everybody in your business, right?”
“Since the day I got here!” She expelled a breath of frustrated air, then laughed. Lowering her voice, she added, “Stupid, huh? Would you believe I had one old lady stop me the other day to tell me she was Ty’s preschool teacher and used to change his diapers?”
Lulu raised her eyebrows. “Did you tell her that was too much information?”
“Yeah. I ran away yelling, ‘TMI! TMI!’” The two women burst out laughing, drawing curious looks from others in the store. Alicia sobered and rubbed her forehead wearily. “What it really comes down to is whether or not I want to spend my life doing what Ty wanted or if I’ve got enough courage to figure out what it is I want.”
“Maybe they’re the same thing.” Lulu wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and looked at their daughters playing under one of the tables while Amy kept a watchful eye on them.
“Maybe.” Alicia nodded. “When Ty was alive and before he went to Afghanistan, there was never any doubt. I wanted what he wanted. In fact it wasn’t a question of what he or I wanted. We wanted kids and we wanted to move here to help his parents. Now there’s no we. There’s just me.”
Lulu nodded. “Yeah. It’s hard to adjust your focus, isn’t it? I remember after my divorce. It was like shifting from binoculars to a telescope. Took some adjustment.” She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. “But you did have a ‘we’ to think about, though. Or have you not forgiven Liam?”
The directness of the question pierced Alicia’s heart with a stab of loneliness. “I did forgive him.” She shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. “Almost as soon as he left.”
“Umm-hmm.” Lulu tented her fingers and looked wise. “And why isn’t he around, then?”
Alicia shook her head. “I didn’t tell him. It’s better this way. It’s too soon. I can’t be getting involved with another man so soon after my husband died. Especially his best friend.”
“Actually, I would think his best friend would be a logical choice. But they were best friends in high school, right?”
“What difference does that make?” Alicia glared at Lulu as she tried to figure out what her friend was trying to say.
“Just that you’re talking like a native right now. Ty and Liam were best friends in high school, not when he died. By then Ty had a whole new set of friends and so did Liam. We change a lot after high school, no matter who we are.”
Alicia waved her comment away. “Fine. His best high school friend. Whatever.”
To her surprise, Lulu reached out and took her hand, holding it between both of hers until Alicia looked at her. Then she spoke quietly. “Do you know why I decided to be gay?”
Alicia blinked. “You didn’t. It’s who you are.”
“Exactly.” Lulu nodded. “I figured out what made me happy, and I decided the hell with what everybody else thought, I was going to be happy. It’s not always easy around here. You know my mother still thinks my ex ‘turned’ me gay? Now, if there’s a man who could do that, it’d be him, but that’s not what happened.”
Alicia smiled a little and Lulu continued. “What I’m saying is, examine your motives. If it’s too soon for you or your kids, fine. I understand that. But if you’re saying it’s too soon because of Mama Joe Robinson down the street, you need to get a grip and think about what you’re letting these people do to you.”
“Mama Joe Robinson?” Alicia knew she was trying to sidetrack the conversation. “Who’s she?”
“She changed your husband’s diapers.” Lulu frowned and snapped her fingers. “Stay focused, girl. You and Liam are good for each other, and I don’t honestly think you’re going to be happy here or anywhere else without him.”
Lulu left a little later and Alicia wandered the tables aimlessly, placing books from the boxes onto the bare spots on the tables. She chatted with anyone who happened by, but didn’t take much notice of her surroundings until Millie and Amy came up, each holding one of Gemma’s hands while she swung between them.
“Sweetie, I’m taking my two gorgeous granddaughters out to lunch.” Millie held her free hand out to Alicia. “Don’t you want to join us?”
Alicia looked around. Except for a couple of stragglers, the store was mostly empty. “Oh, wow, when did that happen?” She laughed. “I’ve been sort of out of it, I guess. Where’s Penny?”
“She wasn’t feeling well, so she went home,” Amy said. “Just morning sickness stuff. Nothing to worry about.”
“Okay.” Alicia frowned. “I’ll check on her in a bit. Why don’t you guys go on and enjoy the afternoon? I’m going to mind the store while John has his lunch.” She hugged Gemma. “Have fun and be a good girl.”
“Okay, Mommy.” Gemma hugged her back, her arms a delightful combination of soft and steel.
Alicia watched them go, then found John by the few books remaining on the actual “fire sale” table. “Wow, those got cleaned out pretty quick, didn’t they?” She brushed a few ashy remnants away.
“Everybody wants a piece of history, even if it’s a trashy romance with a blackened cover.” John spread a few books out in a fan shape. “All the good ones are gone, but I’m betting these will sell too.”
“Probably so.” She gazed at the burnt covers absently for a minute, then blinked and turned back to him. “Why don’t you go grab some lunch? You’ve been here since daybreak.”
“So have you, boss lady.”
“I’ll go later. I’ve got some errands to run this afternoon, anyway. Go on, I’ll mind the store.”
She wandered back through the tables and checked out another lady who talked about the store when Jim had run it and wished her well, giving her hand a final squeeze. “Jim would be proud of you.”
Alicia watched her go. “I hope so.” She sighed and looked around the empty store. She sat in the folding metal chair John had brought her earlier and closed her eyes for a minute, thinking about Lulu’s warning: I don’t honestly think you’re going to be happy here or anywhere else without him. Was she right? “I’m not happy right now, that’s for sure.”
The bells on the door jangled and she opened her eyes, then stood so her patron could see her. “Hi!” She stopped when she recognized the woman standing uncertainly just inside. “Um, hello Sandra. How are you?”
Though dressed as smartly as ever, Sandra’s attitude was different, less confident. She drifted in, looking around. “Hi, Alicia. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“No.” Alicia wondered what else to say. “Can I help you find something?”
“Where’s the romance?”
“I have no idea.” Sandra turned a startled look to Alicia, and both women were silent for a second before sharing a genuine laugh. As they sobered, Alicia came around the counter. “Let’s go find it.”
They browsed the tables together for a while before Sandra spoke up. “I was sorry to hear about the store.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Alicia added a smile to let her know she meant it.
Sandra’s mouth quirked for a second, then she turned back to the books. “I like the new name, though, and I can tell you’ve been working hard to get it back together.”
“It’s been an adventure.” Alicia moved to the other side of the table and began sorting books into stacks by subject. “So you’ve been gone a long time, huh?”
“Yeah. Actually, my employer wants me to transfer to Raleigh full time.” Sandra’s mouth set in a grim line as she spoke. “My daughter wants to stay with her father if I do.”
“Oh.” Alicia cringed. “Ouch. I’m sorry.” She half reached toward the other woman but hesitated. “What are you going to do?”
“I dunno.” Sandra stopped searching the tables and sighed. “I guess I can look for another job, but a woman my age in this job market is a hard sell, no matter how much experience I have.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
They were silent for a minute, then Alicia held up a paperback. “On the bright side…”
“You found the romance.” Sandra accepted the book, flipping it over to examine the cover. “You know at one point, I sort of thought you really had—found romance, that is. You know, with Liam.”
“Yeah, well, I never really got the feeling you were thrilled with that.” Alicia hoisted a stack of books and took them to another table to distribute them.
Sandra stayed at the romance table, thumbing through faded covers with a thoughtful expression. “Liam’s a good guy and those are hard to find. We had fun. But eventually I had to face reality. We never had anything I could expect to last. So what did he do?”
Where the Heart Lies Page 27
