If having a normal life meant a life without Jimmy, then I didn't want it. Normalcy had never been a part of my life, anyway. Sure, there was once a time when I craved it, ached for it. Now, however, I realized I was just fine being the oddity I was. Because that meant a life with Jimmy. And for him, I would love the weird and the wild and the supernatural. I would no longer fight it, I would embrace it. After all, it was what we were, him and I.
And I loved us.
Lowering my face to his, I gently outlined his lips, allowing my fingertip to gently stroke the slightly raised, soft edge of skin there.
“I will always fight for us,” I whispered, and placed my lips upon his. A soft sigh flowed from his partially opened mouth as I kissed him gently. “I love you Jimmy. I'm here, I'm with you.” I kissed him once more. It was my promise that I would never give up on him. On us.
I pushed myself up from the bed and looked to my friends.
“The next one that’s going to hit is anger,” I said, my voice strong and sure. They each turned to face me. “Were going to need a game plan.”
***
The next several hours passed like a nightmare.
Nicole and the girls had mixed herbs and oils into a potion that we all smeared across our foreheads. Its purpose was to act like a force field against any person who approached us in anger, namely, Jimmy. The potion made it so that he would not be able to touch us, not even lay a single finger on us, as long as he was fueled with anger.
When the next summoning came, Jimmy awoke red-faced and hostile. He could see us this time, unlike when he'd gone through the fear summoning, and I wasn't sure if it was better or worse that he could see us.
The anger he displayed scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t bad, at first. He began with small complaints, such as it was too hot, or it was too cold. He grumbled about the bed he sat in. About the way we looked at him. It went on and on like that for at least ten minutes, and I felt good and confident that this wasn't going to be so bad.
But then, he snapped.
“You want him, don't you?” He shouted suddenly at me, causing us all to jump. I looked at him in bewilderment, staying silent. The Pastels and Nicole had warned me to hold my tongue during the anger summoning, because any little thing I said could be taken badly by him.
But his question was so absurd, so out of left field, I couldn't help myself.
“I want who?” I asked.
From the corner of my eye I could see Erica raise her hands as if to say, ‘Really? You're not supposed to speak!’
I ignored her.
Jimmy stared at me, and snarled. “Parker. The real Parker. You're attracted to him, you always have been. Admit it!”
My eyes bulged. “What?”
He stood slowly from the bed, untangling his long legs and standing before me, where I had seated myself in a chair. His face was dark, menacing, as he glared down at me. I cowered in my seat.
“You think I don't know why you come to my room at night?” He asked in a low, deadly voice. “You show up because you want Parker. Your body reacts to his more than it ever reacted to mine. Admit it, you whore. Admit it!”
I couldn't speak. I was so shocked by his outburst, and the hurtful things he said.
He called me a whore.
“It's not him talking,” Cindy said quietly, “Remember that. It's the anger.”
I whipped my head to look at her. “But the anger comes from somewhere inside him, doesn't it?”
She looked away, not answering.
I stood up from my seat and looked at him. “I know you don't mean that, Jimmy,” my voice wavered but I didn't stop. “And I'm going to forgive you because I love you.”
“You can keep your love!” He shouted, his face distorting into a stranger. “What is the love of a tramp? Do you forget what I told you? Parker’s body remembers how you responded to him. It remembers how pliable you became beneath his lips. You were NEVER like that when I was a ghost!”
My body shook in denial and fear. How could he even think such thoughts?
“I nearly died when you left me!” I shouted back at him. “I thought I was never going to be with you again!”
He advanced on me, raising his hand. I had trust in the potion that was spread across my brow. I knew, I believed, that he couldn't hurt me in his anger.
But I still ducked away from him.
“The way you respond to me now, when we kiss,” he said softly, stalking me around the room as I moved to stand behind Devon who was still seated in a chair similar to mine, her hands poised to attack,“It's proof that you want Parker. That you always wanted him.”
I shook my head.
“No,” I denied. “It's proof that I love you and only you. Jimmy,” I implored, “I’ve never wanted Parker. If I show you that I desire you now, it's because I love you and I thought I would never have another chance to be with you. You have to believe me!”
He sneered and his eyes glistened with intention. “Your body doesn't lie, slut!”
He lurched at me, taking a swing that was aimed low enough that it would've struck Devon and myself. But the potion did its job, his arm merely bounced away from the invisible shield.
He screamed in fury, placing his arms low at his sides and tightening his hands into fists. Then, closing his eyes, he began to chant.
“Convorto contrarium. Convorto contrarium. Convorto contrarium.”
“No!” Jess shouted.
“He's reversing the potion!” Belle exclaimed.
“Join hands!” Devon cried.
The group stood and formed a circle around him, clasping their hands tightly. I stood just outside of them and watched as the witches made an impenetrable circle around Jimmy and chanted their own spells.
“Induresco moenia. Induresco moenia.”
I didn't know what it meant but I prayed it worked. Jimmy would never forgive himself for hurting me. And I would do everything I could to make sure he didn't have to face that once the summoning spells had passed.
He stopped chanting abruptly. As he opened his eyes, he gasped as if became breathless. He looked around the circle of teenage girls in confusion, becoming more and more dazed. He peered at me standing behind the witches, and tilted his head.
“Roz?” He asked, his voice back to the gentle tone I was familiar with. “What's going on?”
I tried to be strong. I tried so hard. But in this small moment when his clarity had returned and he was himself, my emotions crumpled within me. Tears sprang from my eyes and I covered my face with my hands, trying to stifle the sobs that poured from my soul.
“Sweetheart?” He asked in concern, and took a step forward.
The Pastels wouldn't let him out of their circle, and it was just as well. In the next instant, he was passed out once again, lying in a heap on the carpeted floor.
Chapter 40
~Roz~
“That is why I asked you to leave,” Nicole said as softly as possible. Her voice still sounded gritty, raspy, and she moved to take a drink of water.
We stood around the form of my love, prone on the bedroom floor. I gazed down at him, unable to stem the flow of tears as they fell. Although I knew it hadn't been his normal self saying such terrible things to me, it hurt more than I could adequately describe.
So I won't even try.
Suffice it to say I died inside, at least a little bit. That's the only thing that comes close to the pain of wrongly being called a whore by the one you loved.
Everyone resumed their seats, while I went to the bed. I was so drained. I didn't know if I was going to be able to handle the rest of this night, if what I'd just experienced was any indication of how the remainder of summonings would go.
I laid down on the soft mattress and curled up on my side, so I could watch Jimmy on the floor. He looked so helpless. So at peace. When I looked at him now, I hardly ever saw Parker. He was just Jimmy to me. I was intensely attracted to him, yes. But it came from who he was on the inside. Park
er had always been handsome, but his evil ways and behavior had made him a monster. With Jimmy living in his body, it made him irresistible, because his character was even more beautiful than his shell.
Jimmy was going to be wrecked when he was back to himself again. Once this night had passed, and he realized all the horrible things he'd said and done, he was going to absolutely wrecked.
I agonized over how to make it better for him once this night was over, but I knew it was just going to be one of those things that we'd have to face together. I'd have to make sure he understood he was forgiven, all of us would, and we'd have to move forward from there.
Glancing at his abdomen, I saw the anger symbol had faded to pink.
“What's next?” I asked dejectedly.
Looking at Jimmy’s markings, Erica replied, “Loss.”
“This one's going to be rough,” Belle mumbled.
I looked at her sharply. “Oh but the last two have been a walk in the park?”
She shook her head. “Loss is all-consuming. It's the worst possible feeling. It's grief, death, and loneliness, and it's utterly devastating.”
I nodded and let my head sink into the pillow. “So, what do you think he'll do? Cry? Scream?”
She shrugged. “There's no telling. Loss affects everyone in different ways. Some people even lose the will to live.”
I stiffened. “Not my Jimmy,” I promised.
***
I was wrong.
I had briefly fallen asleep on the bed waiting for the summoning of loss to come, when the worst sounds of grief and misery awoke me with a startle.
Sitting up, I was shaken to my core to see Jimmy curled into the fetal position on the floor, his arms wrapped around his legs as he cried long, loud sobs of grief.
“All gone,” he moaned. “All gone. No more. Nothing. Gone. All gone.”
The Pastels were busy mixing potions and Nicole was directing them with what to do next.
She handed a violet vial to Erica. “Rub three drops of this on each of his wrists,” her raspy voice instructed. Erica hurried to Jimmy to do as told.
While Erica rubbed the oil into Jimmy’s wrists, Nicole mashed together something that looked like dried tea leaves and milk with a mortar and pestle. She turned to Jess.
“This goes across his throat,” she said gruffly.
Jess nodded and took the mortar, hurrying to Jimmy who still lay on the floor, sobbing pitifully and moaning “All gone.”
Nicole reached into another tote and withdrew a long cord of thin, silver rope. She dipped her fingers into an opened blue vial and coated the cord with the substance. She whispered a single, unknown word into the cord then handed it to Devon.
“You know what to do with this,” she said.
Devon nodded.
I watched, fascinated, as Devon knelt beside Jimmy’s head and gently positioned it in her lap. He was oblivious to everything the witches were doing to him, so lost in his mind was he.
Devon took the silver cord and with gentle, sure hands wrapped it once around his forehead and tied it in a series of knots.
“That will help steer his thoughts away from suicide,” Nicole said.
I looked up in horror. “Suicide? Really?”
She nodded. “I've seen it before,” she said sadly.
I didn't prompt her further.
I left the bed and knelt beside him, taking his hand in mine.
“Jimmy,” I said tenderly, “I'm here. It's me, Roz. I'm here with you.”
He turned his head, looking at me.
“Roz?” He asked, voice hopeful.
The sound of my name from his lips gave me a false sense of optimism.
“Yes,” I said smiling. “I'm here. We're going to get through this.”
He let out a sob. “Kill me, Roz,” he gasped. “Please, I beg you. Kill me!”
My heart stopped. I shook my head, no.
“She's here, Roz,” he whispered. “She won't stop until I'm Dark. You have to kill me.”
I couldn't speak. The fear of his request for death paralyzed me.
“Who’s here?” Devon asked, her hands keeping the cord in place around his head.
“Prudence,” he replied brokenly. “Please kill me, Devon. I don't want to be Dark!”
He began sobbing in earnest, screaming for the release of death. Nicole stood and paced the floor, chanting and waving her hands throughout the air.
“If Prudence is really here,” Devon explained, “That will reveal her.”
“Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.” Jimmy began muttering in a repetitive loop. It was terrible, unnerving, the most heinous, heart-dropping thing I've ever heard from his lips.
It frightened me far more than being attacked by Derek, or being accosted by Parker. It was the single most terrifying thing I ever heard, and the sound of his voice in such agony made me suffer in ways I hadn't thought possible.
After several strenuous moments, Nicole said Prudence was not in the room. She believed Jimmy was seeing her either because of hallucinations, or because she was projecting her image into his mind.
“I don't know enough about this sort of Dark magic to tell how exactly she's affecting him,” Nicole said apologetically. “But one thing I do know. He's seeing her, and there is no telling what sort of things she's saying to him.”
I stared at my love, wrapped within the blackness of grief. The cries coming from him chilled me to the bone. His spirit was wounded, his soul was dying, and his loss was my own.
I laid down on the floor, and curled my body around his. Careful of the two remaining wounds on his stomach, I wrapped my arm around his middle.
Placing my mouth close to his ear, I sang softly to him as he cried.
“Earth angel, earth angel,
Will you be mine?
My darling dear,
Love you all the time.
I'm just a fool…
A fool in love
with you.”
His moans gradually quieted as I sang. He turned his head, leaning it into my own, pressing his forehead into mine.
With his voice broken and trembling, his words halting and stuttering, he sang the next verse.
“Earth an- angel…
Ear- earth angel…
Th-the one… I ad- adore.”
He swallowed and took a breath, fighting against the sorrow and melancholy.
“L- love you for...ever…
And ev- ever m-m-more.
I'm j-j-just a f-f-fool,
A f-fool in l-love
W-with… you.”
I clung to him as he tried to sing, my tears flowing freely.
“That's right,” I whispered in encouragement. “That's our song. I'm here, Jimmy. I love you.”
“Don't leave me Roz,” he pleaded. “I'll kill myself if you leave.”
“I'm not going anywhere,” I promised. I reached up, placing my hands lovingly on either side of his pale, drawn face, and looking deeply into his eyes.
“I'm always here,” I vowed.
He face broke with the next wave of sobs, and he wrapped himself around me.
“I'm want to die, I want to die, I want to die,” he moaned.
“I'm not going to let you!” I exclaimed. “This will pass. Say it with me: This will pass.”
He repeated the phrase. “This will pass.”
“Keep saying it,” I urged.
“This will pass, this will pass, this will pass,” he muttered into my hair.
For the next half hour, he said nothing else except those three words, over and over again.
Chapter 41
~Jimmy~
I woke up aching from head to toe, but my arms were wrapped around my girl. I smiled.
Just where I should be, I thought.
Then a small sound reached my ears and I looked up. I was back in that unknown bedroom with The Pastels and Nicole, with Roz curled into my side as we lay on the floor.
“Where am I?” I asked, grimacing at the dr
yness of my voice.
“He needs water,” Nicole rasped. She sounded terrible, worse than I did.
“Nicole, are you sick?” I asked worriedly. “You sound awful.”
She shook her head and waved her hand through the air. “It's nothing,” she dismissed it, as Erica handed me a glass of water.
I raised my head from the floor and drank greedily, sighing with pleasure as the cool water washed and soothed the heat from my throat.
I looked at Roz, who was watching me closely. She had dried tears across her cheeks, her nose was beet red, her eyes bloodshot. The look of her sent my heart racing with fear.
“Sweetheart,” I breathed, “What is it? What's wrong?”
She sniffed and sat up, pulling me up with her. I felt something weird in my hair and raised my hand.
A thin, silver rope. I could feel the enchantment of it in my fingers, little pricks of soft energy, positivity, and love.
“What is this?” I asked.
“It was to ward off suicidal thoughts,” Roz said brokenly. Her face suddenly filled with fear, and twisted in agony. “It didn’t exactly work.” She lowered her face to her hands and sobbed.
“Roz!” I exclaimed, and enveloped her in my arms. I pulled her into my lap, cradling her. “What is it? Please, talk to me.”
She shook her head. “I can't, not yet,” she said. “Not until it's over. And we still have one more left.”
Her words didn't make any sense. “One more left? I don't understand. And who was having suicidal thoughts?”
“You!” She sobbed. “I was so scared Jimmy,” she cried harder and buried her face into my neck. “I was so scared.”
“Shh,” I soothed. “I would never kill myself, darling,” I promised. “Not now, not when I’ve been given a second chance to live. Besides, we’re together,” I said earnestly, “That makes life worth living, no matter what misery comes for us.”
She nodded against me and I felt her wet tears across my shoulder and chest.
Rage in Pain Roz: The R.I.P. Series Book 2 Page 21
