by Ali Parker
Beneath me, I felt Ryan stir.
I didn’t have to see him to know something was on his mind. Closing my eyes, I prayed it was the same thing that had been plaguing me for days.
“What are you thinking about?” I finally asked.
“Just tomorrow.”
“The sex?” I teased.
“Ha. Ha.”
He nudged me but quickly pulled me back to him. Silence fell over us once again, and I held my breath, waiting for him to speak again.
“Going back to New York is going to suck,” he finally said. “I’m so excited to see Paisley, but the idea of going back to work—”
There it was. The one topic I’d been hoping he would bring up. But even after he did, it took all my strength to keep the conversation going. I was so terrified that the second I brought up the Romeos, Ryan would shut down and shut me out in the process.
With my head resting gently on his chest, I ran my finger over his stomach. He shivered slightly at my touch, his lips searching for my hair. I felt him breathe me in, and I let my eyes flutter closed, enjoying the moment while it lasted.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it another second without at least broaching the subject of the Romeos. After all, hadn’t Ryan been the one to bring it up first? Was it possible that he, too, was considering the ramifications his job might have on our relationship?
Taking a deep breath, I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.
“I hope you don’t do that with your clients,” I told him.
Snickering, Ryan rolled me over onto my back and kissed me. My mind immediately went blank as the feel of his lips on mine overwhelmed my senses. I kissed him back, letting my fears drift away into nothing.
When he pulled away, his green eyes met mine, and I waited. So much of me wanted to hear the one thing that would rid me of my fears forever, that Ryan would quit his job. But I knew that was asking too much, so I kept my lips pressed tightly together.
“I love you,” he said.
It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Not then. But it was a close second.
I buried my face in his chest, feeling my cheeks flush with emotion that he could no longer see. Holding me, Ryan rolled us back over so that my head rested on his chest. I was grateful for the new position because there was no fear of Ryan seeing the pain behind my eyes.
“I love you too,” I said.
Lying in his arms, I meant those three words more than I ever had. Our trip was coming to an end. In the morning, we would pack up our things and head straight for the airport. Neither of us wanted to leave, but for Ryan, a return to New York meant a return to normalcy. For me, it meant something entirely different.
Ryan’s breathing evened out, and I knew he’d fallen asleep. I closed my own eyes and tried to drift off along with him, but I couldn’t. My head was too full.
Slowly, I pulled myself away from him. Dragging a sheet behind me, I tiptoed across the bedroom and slipped into the living room. The sheet was enough to keep me warm as I stepped out onto the balcony, wrapping it tightly over my naked body.
Soft rain fell on the glass above me, but I barely noticed. My eyes were too focused on the lights of the city and the shadow of Mount Rainier in the distance. At night, I could barely see a thing, but that didn’t matter. I knew the mountain was there, still standing as my beacon of hope.
Tomorrow, that would be gone. Or at least, I would.
I lowered myself onto a chair and held the sheet tighter around my body. Everything felt different in Seattle, and the last thing I wanted to do was go home to New York.
But as I stared out over the city, I thought of Leslie who was waiting for me back home. And of my company, which couldn’t survive without me. But mostly, I thought of Paisley.
Her little face swam in my mind, and I smiled. If there was anything worth going back to New York for, it was her.
Chapter 75
Ryan
The plane landed with a bump on the New York City tarmac, and Candice dropped my hand.
Our fingers had been laced together through the entire flight, but the closer we got to the city, the looser Candice’s grip became. I wasn’t at all surprised when she let my hand fall against the armrest without a word. She’d barely spoken to me as we checked out of the hotel that morning, and her lips remained pressed into a thin line as we boarded the plane.
Candice led the way off the plane, reaching up to grab her carry-on from the overhead compartment as she moved. I followed quickly behind, suddenly afraid she might move too quickly for me to keep up.
She didn’t.
When she reached the end of the aisle, she turned back to make sure I was there. Smiling, she led the way off the plane and into the airport. We wound a path through the crowd as we hurried to get our bags and head home.
“No bags yet,” Candice said with a groan.
“It’ll take a minute.” I shrugged. “But we aren’t in a hurry, are we?”
“Aren’t you?” She raised her eyebrows. “Paisley’s waiting for you.”
I nodded. “She is, but they aren’t expecting me for another hour. I have plenty of time.”
Candice nodded and turned her attention back to the conveyor belt. I stared at her, trying to read her unreadable mind. It wasn’t until the belt began to move, bags falling one by one from the overheard ramp, that I realized what she might have been upset about.
“Do you want to come over for dinner?” I asked.
She blinked, confused. “What?”
“Tonight,” I said. “Dinner?”
“Oh.” She shook her head quickly. “No. No, you need some time with Paisley.”
“And I’ll get hours of it,” I said simply. “She and I can hang out today.”
Candice paused. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course not.”
“Then, yes.” She smiled. “I really do want to see Paisley.”
“Well, come with me now.” I shrugged. “We can pick her up together.”
Candice thought about it before shaking her head. She smiled and leaned against me, letting me wrap my arm around her for the first time all day.
“Thank you,” she said. “But I want you two to have some time together. Besides, there are things I should probably take care of first anyway.”
“Heading into the office?” I asked.
She groaned. “Ugh, I don’t know. Maybe. We’ll see where the day takes me”
I pressed my lips close to her ear. “As long as you end up in my bed.”
Candice laughed and shoved me playfully away from her. Her movements were teasing, but the look in her eyes was not. My dinner invitation didn’t fix whatever was bothering her. Taking a step forward, I extended my arm, but she jumped away at the last second.
“Bags.” She pointed to two bags sliding side by side toward us.
I grabbed them each in one hand and tossed them onto the floor. Candice eyed my arms appreciatively, her eyebrows lifted.
“Well, that was sexy.”
“Oh, yeah?” I teased.
“Don’t get cocky, Winters.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Smart.”
Grinning, I carried our bags outside. Candice hadn’t taken luggage with her to Seattle, but she’d definitely procured a lot while we were away. Her bag was twice as heavy as mine.
We hopped in a cab and headed into the city. The driver dropped Candice off first. While he jumped out to get her bag from the trunk, she leaned over to kiss my lips.
I held her there for a few seconds longer than I normally would have, just trying to show her how much I loved her. I still didn’t know what was wrong or if she would tell me, but I knew it couldn’t be about us. Seattle had been perfect. We were perfect.
“I’ll see you tonight,” I said as she climbed onto the sidewalk.
“Six?” she asked.
“Yup.”
She smiled and waved. I watched her move slowly toward her building, pulling her sui
tcase behind her. The cab driver got back behind the wheel and zipped into traffic, carrying me away from Candice all too soon.
But my mind turned to Paisley, and my longing turned to excitement. I couldn’t wait to see my kid and tell her all about Seattle. I had three gifts for her in my bag and just thinking about her eyes lit up with excitement was enough.
The cab driver pulled up out front of Max’s house, and I hopped out of the car. I followed him quickly while he unloaded my bag and held his hand out for a tip. Yup, I was definitely back in New York.
Placing a twenty in his hand, I nodded a goodbye and turned to the door. I barely had a chance to take two steps when it flew open and Paisley darted outside. She ran straight into my arms, and I lifted her smoothly into the air, spinning her in a quick circle and hugging her tiny body to mine.
“I missed you, Pea.”
“I missed you, too, Daddy!”
While we hugged, Max stepped outside and shot me a grin. I put Paisley on her feet and held her hand while we walked back inside.
“How was your trip?” Max asked, slapping my back.
“Great.” I winked so Paisley wouldn’t see. Max rolled his eyes. “It was amazing. Seattle is pretty badass.”
“I liked it when I went,” Max said thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t want to live there, though.”
“Why not?”
He shrugged. “The rain. Too damn depressing.”
Paisley was tugging insistently on my arm. I looked down at her to see she was desperate for my attention. Laughing, I scooped her back into my arms and carried her into the living room. I set her on her feet and pulled my bag to me.
“Want to see what I brought you?” I asked.
“Presents!”
We spent the next hour playing with the different toys I bought Paisley in Seattle. She giggled and ran around Max’s living room, unable to contain her four-year-old excitement. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed her until I saw her face light up with joy again.
“Did you have fun with Uncle Max?” I asked while we played.
“Yes!” She nodded enthusiastically. “We went to the zoo, and we had Pop-Tarts for breakfast every morning.”
I turned on my brother. “Every morning?”
“Hey, it was vacation.”
“For me!” I laughed. “Not her.”
Max shrugged. “Whatever, little brother, you can’t stop the spoil train from running. Isn’t that right, Paisley?”
“Yup!”
The three of us played together until it was time for lunch. I told Paisley to go pack up her things while Max and I lounged on the couch to relax.
“I’m beat,” he said. “Taking care of her full-time is no picnic.”
“Who do you think you’re talking to?” I laughed. “Trust me, I know. And thank you. I really needed to get to Seattle. To see Candice.”
“You never told me how things went,” he said. “After your text about staying longer, I never heard from you.”
“Yeah.” I looked down. “We were a little busy.”
“Don’t need details, man.”
He punched my shoulder, and we snickered like teenagers, which was exactly how I felt. Being with Candice made me feel younger and more alive than anything ever had.
“It was great,” I said. “We needed that trip to sort things out, and now that we have, I don’t think her mother is going to come between us again. I don’t think anything will.”
Max nodded his approval. “You really love her.”
“Of course, I do.”
He smiled and punched my shoulder again, softer this time. We fell silent, both of us drifting off into our own heads.
“Hey.” Max called my attention back to him. “Have you thought any more about that job offer?”
I rolled my neck back and glared up at the ceiling. “Max.”
“Come on, I’m trying to help you.”
“And I said I would think about it.”
“But have you?”
Max and I were closer now. All the drama with Candice had made him lay off. His judgmental streak had seemed to end, but whenever he talked about the Romeos, it came back with a vengeance.
“I want the best for you,” Max said. “And for Paisley. And now, for Candice.”
“Candice is fine with what I do.”
But even as I said it, I remembered Candice’s face after our Romeo date last night. She hated to be treated like a fragile doll, but that didn’t mean she hated my job, did it? After all, she wasn’t a client. I would never treat her like one. The date had just been to show her what I did for a living. Nothing more.
“If you love her,” Max said simply. “Then, why would you want to go on dates with other women?”
“They aren’t real dates!”
“I know, I know.” He held his hands up. “I’m just saying that, eventually, it might grow tiresome. For both of you.”
“And how would you know?” I snapped. “You haven’t been in a relationship in years.”
Max’s face fell. He looked away from me, and I knew I’d screwed up.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “Max, really, I’m sorry, man. That was fucked up. I take it back.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
Max shrugged. Lifting his head, he shook it side to side and sighed. He met my eyes with that same older brother glare I knew too well.
“Just think about it, would you?” he asked. “Really this time. Don’t just ignore my offer because it’s coming from me.”
“I’m not—”
“Come by the office, then,” he challenged. “See the place for yourself and then make up your mind.”
I nodded, but fear gripped my stomach. Max’s job was way more intense than the Romeos. I could walk into B’s place without any nerves, but just the thought of heading to Wall Street made my palms sweat.
I wiped them on my pants and nodded again.
“Sure,” I said. “I’ll come by.”
“Good.” Max smiled. “Because Candice may say she’s fine with your job, but I promise you, she isn’t.”
“How would you know?”
“I’m smart.”
“And I’m not?”
Max sighed. “You’re an optimist, Ryan. You want to think everyone and everything is perfect all the time, but that’s not life.”
His words struck a chord that I wished would shut up. Hadn’t I just earlier told myself how perfect things were with Candice and me? How our trip had been perfect? How our relationship was now going to be perfect?
I ran my hands over my face and groaned. He was right, and I hated when Max was right.
“She was upset,” I said, more to myself than to Max. “When I dropped her by her place earlier, she was upset.”
“About what?”
“I don’t know.” My eyes closed. “I didn’t ask because I figured it couldn’t possibly be about us. We had such a great time in Seattle.”
“Maybe that’s what it was.” Max offered. “Maybe she didn’t want to come home.”
And he was right again. Candice made her feelings about our return to New York perfectly clear. She’d wanted to stay in Seattle. How serious she was, I didn’t know, but I did know one thing. Candice hadn’t been the same since our Romeo date last night.
When we’d fallen into bed together, I thought things were back to normal, but the sunlight brought a whole new wave of emotions to the table.
I’d found Candice on the balcony that morning, already dressed and packed for the airport. She was staring out at Mount Rainier with narrowed, emotional eyes. I pulled her attention to me so quickly that I barely noticed, but thinking back, I realized I’d missed something real.
Chapter 76
Candice
Everything in my apartment felt foreign. I’d only been gone a week, and already, it was like the place was no longer home.
I tossed my bag to the floor and lay back on my couch. Staring at my ceilin
g, I tried to pretend I was back on that balcony. The city beneath me was Seattle, not New York, and everything still existed in a bubble of blissful oblivion.
But I wasn’t in Seattle. I was in New York, and my bubble had been popped.
I couldn’t sit in my apartment for another second. I grabbed my purse and hurried back downstairs. Hailing the first cab I saw, I gave them my sister’s address and leaned back against the seat. While we drove through the city, I blinked out at the passing buildings and felt a familiar comfort wash over me.
For all its faults, I loved New York. It would always be the place I grew up, the place I started my adult life, the place that was eternally mine.
I loved and hated it so much, I didn’t know which emotion was stronger. By the time we pulled up outside Leslie’s, I hadn’t figured it out.
I paid the cab driver and hopped onto the sidewalk. Scurrying up to Leslie’s building, I darted inside and practically sprinted up the stairs. Leslie lived on the fourth floor, so I never bothered with the elevator. When I reached her door, I was panting from the run and excitement.
Knocking, I stepped back to wait.
“Oh my god!” Leslie screamed through the door and wrenched it open. “Holy shit, you’re back!”
She pulled me into her arms and dragged me inside. Kicking the door closed behind us, she kept her arms around my neck and squeezed.
“You’re going to kill me.” I laughed.
“Never.”
But she stepped away from me anyway. With a smile, she held my hand and led me over to the couch.
“Tell me everything.”
I didn’t know where to start, but slowly, I told Leslie all about my trip. We talked about the city and how amazing it was, even with the constant rain. I told her everything Ryan said about loving me and only wanting to be with me. I even told her about our Romeo date and how horrible it had been.
“God, that sounds like Kason.” Leslie nodded. “Only difference is, I liked it.”
“You did?”
“Oh, yeah.” Leslie laughed. “Being babied and doted over. That was the fucking best. It wasn’t until I found out it wasn’t real that things started to suck.”
“I thought you didn’t care about Kason.”
