by Marie Jem
“There’s a really good Cuban deli this way,” I said pointing in that direction, “or if you want falafel, there’s a good place down that way,” I added.
“Cuban deli sounds great. So, you’ll join me?” he asked.
“I promised my coworker, Laura that I would go with her. If you don’t mind her joining us, I can get her while I drop these off at my desk,” I said, holding up the bag of throat lozenges.
“Perfect. I will meet you outside the deli,” he said with a big smile. Stefano was adorable. There was something so sweet about him that was difficult to resist. I headed back and told Laura about Stefano possibly eating with us, but she had to cover a lunch meeting for another administrative assistant.
“Oh no, I don’t want to go alone, Laura,” I said.
“I know, but I have to cover that meeting. I promise we will do lunch tomorrow. Just enjoy it, Claire. He’s not going to ask you to marry him, he just wants to have lunch with a beautiful student,” she said, winking. “I want details when you come back, got it?” she demanded.
“Fine. I’ll see you later,” I replied and headed to the deli.
Stefano was standing outside the deli with his helmet in his hand. He smiled when I approached him.
“So glad you made it. I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up,” he said, grinning.
“If you were waiting for me to ride on your motorcycle, then yes, I probably would have stood you up because I’d be too chicken to do it, but when it comes to food, never,” I joked.
Stefano laughed, “I just love it when girls have a big appetite,” he said. We went inside, ordered our food and sat down to eat. Stefano made me laugh so much, I didn’t want to go back to work. He had the best sense of humor. I hadn’t had many male friends that I could just hang out with like I could with Stefano. We talked about the earthquake and how he had slept right through it because he was so tired. An hour passed like a minute with Stefano. I had to get back to work. I thanked him for the delicious lunch and declined another offer on the motorcycle.
“I promise, Stefano, one day I will definitely go for a ride, but not today. I’m just not feeling adventurous enough,” I said.
“It’s cool. Your adventurous day will come soon,” he assured.
I headed back to work to find the department quiet. Everyone else still seemed to be out for lunch and Laura had not yet returned from her meeting. I worked quietly for a while until she returned.
“Details, please,” she said as soon as she arrived.
“There are no details, Laura. I just had lunch with Stefano at the Cuban deli. I don’t have feelings for him in that way. I do adore him as a friend and dance instructor, though. He’s really a genuine person,” I replied.
Laura looked disappointed, “Not even a tiny bit?” she asked.
“Not in that way, Laura, not even a tiny bit in that way,” I assured her.
Not too long after lunch I received a text message from Alex.
Who’s the guy with the motorcycle helmet?
I couldn’t believe it. He was stalking me! How could he interfere in my life after what he had done to me? I decided to respond.
The guy with the motorcycle helmet is my friend and should be of no concern to you.
Alex really knew how to make my blood pressure rise. I wanted to find him and confront him in person, but I had to get a hold of myself. He replied to my text.
I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to get hurt.
Hurt? Did you say hurt? How could it be possible for anyone to hurt me in this lifetime after what you did to me? Anyone who comes into my life after you is an angel, Alex, because you are the devil. Leave me the hell alone.
My body began to tremble with anger. I wanted to walk across to the clinic, find him, and pull his hair out. Maybe it was working. Maybe I would finally be able to hate him, so I wouldn’t love him anymore. I began to cry and Laura tried to console me and calm me down. She advised that ignoring him was the best option.
“He’s going to keep stalking you because he loves you, whether or not he has a wife at home, he still loves you, Claire. Why else would he be interested in who you’re having lunch with and what you do in your spare time?” she asked. “He’s obviously not happy at home. It doesn’t seem like he loves Angela. He seems to still love you and can’t keep his mind off of you. The man doesn’t even shave much anymore, Claire. Doesn’t that say enough? He used to look so good, so well groomed like a celebrity. Now he looks pitiful. Just give him some time and he will leave you alone,” she advised.
Alex left me alone after my last text. I was able to work in peace for the remainder of the day. At five o’clock, I changed into my dance clothes and drove to the studio for ballet. Stefano was on his way out as I entered the studio.
“Hi again, thanks for having lunch with me today. How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Thanks for treating me to lunch. I’m feeling much better, thank you. The throat lozenges you recommended worked great,” I replied.
“Good to hear. I’ll see you in class tomorrow night. Don’t forget to practice at home,” he reminded and left the studio. The studio was decorated for Halloween. Julietta took pride in her decorations. I wasn’t sure I would be doing anything special for Halloween that year, since I wasn’t in the mood for dressing up or going to a party.
I put all my effort into the ballet class that evening until I didn’t have anything left in me. I thought about the text Alex had sent me after lunch and my anger returned. I almost wanted to drive to his house and tell him how I felt right in front of Angela. I wanted her to know that he still contacted me and was even stalking me like a weirdo. I put myself into her shoes and thought about how I would feel if my husband was doing those things to me. What an unlucky woman she was, I thought.
I drew a bath as soon as I walked inside, took off my clothes and soaked in the bathtub. I dressed and went downstairs to make myself a small sandwich for dinner. I received a text message from my brother Calvin reminding me of our dinner plans on Friday night. I confirmed the plans and we decided to meet at a restaurant near my workplace.
The weather had cooled down significantly. I went into my closet to look for my warm winter coats and noticed the dresses Alex had bought for me during our weekend getaway. It made me very sad to look at the dresses and shoes he had given me. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to wear them, ignoring the fact that they were given to me by Alex. I even thought about selling them online along with the vase. I wanted to get rid of everything that was given to me by Alex or reminded me of him.
I went to bed very early that night, since I was exhausted from the day. It was a dreamless night, which I was very grateful for. I would rather not dream at all than have the terrifying dreams I always had.
<><><>
The next morning, I awakened at five o’clock and could not go back to sleep. I gave up trying and just got out of bed. I peeked out the window and noticed how dense the fog was that morning. I made a smoothie and got myself ready for work and my duffle bag ready for dance class. The fog was just barely lifting on my way to work.
Laura greeted me with the latest on work related issues, “Walter is not in a good mood at all today. He was here until almost eleven o’clock last night trying to sort out regulatory issues or something,” she explained.
“Really? That’s terrible,” I replied. It was going to be a very busy day. The physician staffing office asked if I could help them catch up with their work after I was caught up with mine. It looked like one of those days I would be eating lunch while working. Laura and I decided we would just grab a quick bite to eat from the hospital cafeteria.
It was almost one o’clock when we realized we had to get our food from the cafeteria before they closed to prepare for dinner. We hurried down and to the cafeteria. There wasn’t anything special on the menu, so I decided to get a grilled cheese sandwich and Laura chose the same. The line at the cash register was very long.
It looked as though everyone had waited to have a late lunch. Laura was in line in front of me. I noticed someone in scrubs standing behind me, but didn’t look to see whom. I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and I turned slowly, hoping it wasn’t Mark. It was Alex.
“Oh God, Alex. Are you stalking me again?” I said.
“I’m not stalking you and I wasn’t stalking you yesterday either. I was just getting food, as I am today. I was just trying to say hello to you,” he said.
“Hello, Alex. I hope you have a great lunch,” I said, moving forward.
“Look, Claire. I just want to meet for lunch or coffee one of these days, so we can talk. Please. It won’t take long,” he pleaded.
“Absolutely not. ‘Hello’ and ‘goodbye’ is all it’s going to be, Alex, and only because I have no choice but to be employed by the same hospital in which you practice,” I replied, paid for my food and walked out with Laura.
“Wow, Claire. He really wants to talk about something. Maybe you should meet him and hear what he has to say,” she said.
“What? That’s not happening. There is nothing to talk about. I don’t want to hear his apologies for what he did. It’s just going to open the wound in my heart once again. I don’t want to hear him say how much he loves me although he’s married. I already feel daggers piercing through my heart every time I see his face,” I replied.
“All right, have it your way. Take all the time you need,” she said and we headed back to the department to eat and work.
<><><>
Stefano was in a really good mood that night in dance class. He could tell my mind was preoccupied and told me jokes to make me laugh, getting my mind off the afternoon. I hadn’t been practicing, but the routine came easy to me that night. I had gone over and over it in my head, which had helped a great deal. Kristen was feeling much better and was back to her usual self.
“Claire, Stefano is crazy about you. He admits that he really likes you, but mentioned that you are not interested. Why on earth wouldn’t you be interested in a hot guy like Stefano?” she asked.
“Kristen, I really like Stefano, but only as a friend. I just had a very difficult break up. I can get into the details of that another time. I have already told Stefano that we will only be friends,” I replied.
“Oh, Claire, what am I going to do with you? Girls pray for Stefano to looks twice at them and here you are, agreeing to only be his friend,” she sighed. “Sounds like we need a girls night out, just the two of us, so you can tell me about this bad break up,” she added. I agreed to plan a lunch or dinner with just Kristen, so we could catch up on our relationship gossip.
After class we hung around and talked for a while in the loft area on the second floor of the dance studio. Stefano joined us and offered sodas and snacks. It was very cozy up there, the sectional sofa was so comfortable that once I was on it, I did not want to get off of it. Kristen told Stefano funny stories about us at our old dance school when we were little girls. Stefano made us laugh by telling us stories of how his mother used to make him take the ballet classes because she believed that every good dancer must master ballet.
“She said she wanted to dress me up in a tutu, but my father forbid it,” he laughed. “She really wanted a little girl, I guess,” he added.
“So I guess that makes you a great ballet dancer?” I asked, grinning.
“I suppose you can say I’m an average ballet dude,” he laughed. “But I prefer to stick to hip hop,” he said.
“Yeah, it’s more you,” I replied, looking at my watch. “It’s getting late, you guys. I have to head out, so I can drive home while I’m still awake,” I explained. Kristen had to leave as well, since she didn’t live too far from me.
“I guess you’re not feeling adventurous yet, Claire,” Stefano said.
“No, I’m not brave enough yet, sorry,” I replied.
“Here’s my number just in case you have the urge to go for a ride,” he said, handing me a little paper with his number on it.
“I will definitely add you to my contacts,” I promised.
Kristen and I went down the steps to the first floor of the studio and headed to our cars. It was very chilly outside and a little bit of fog had settled in. I was very drowsy on the drive home. I couldn’t wait to soak in a warm bathtub and sip on hot chocolate and that was exactly what I did that night.
That night wasn’t a dreamless night as I had hoped it would be. I awakened screaming, sitting up in my bed, drenched in sweat. It was the nightmare again and Alex was the one who caught me from behind. I got up and changed into dry pajamas and sipped on some water. So many thoughts flooded my mind, making it difficult to fall asleep again. I kept reassuring myself that everything was going to be all right. I was headed in the right direction and was able to sleep in my own bed alone again. My next goal was to be able to go for a run. One day I would be brave enough to go for a run without fear of being attacked. I told myself if I could run again outside, that would indicate that I’m ready for a motorcycle ride with Stefano. With these thoughts, I somehow drifted away to the land of sleep.
<><><>
The following day was like any other day; busy morning at work, lunch with Laura, and running into Taryn and Alex walking together in the hallway.
“Good afternoon, Clara,” she said. I didn’t respond, just glared at her and didn’t even acknowledge Alex. I was not in a good mood that day and could not even pretend to be. The minutes passed by like hours and I could not wait until the day came to an end.
Finally five o’clock came around and I changed into my dance clothes and hurried to my car, only to find Alex standing next to it, waiting for me. Great, I thought, this just isn’t my day.
“What do you want from me, Alex?” I asked as I approached my car.
“Why did you ignore me like that today? I thought we were going to be civil with one another and at least say ‘hello’”, he reminded me.
My cell phone rang before I could respond. It was Julietta calling to let me know that the ballet class was cancelled because the instructor was out sick. I wasn’t too happy about that, since I really needed an outlet.
“Who was that?” Alex asked, nosily.
“That would be none of your business,” I replied.
“Are you going to the dance studio?” he asked.
“I was, however, class is cancelled for tonight. But it sure is a beautiful night to go for a run,” I said, thinking out loud, looking out into the dark and cold night.
“Run? Outside? Alone?” he asked, surprised that I would even think of doing such a thing.
“Yep. There’s going to be a lot of changes in my life, Alex. Hey, who knows, I may even take up sky diving soon,” I replied, knowing that would ruffle his feathers. As I walked toward the driver’s side door to leave, Alex grabbed a hold of my arm.
“Claire, what’s gotten into you?” he asked, with a worried look on his face. I pulled my arm out of his grip so abruptly he looked startled.
“Don’t. Touch. Me.” I warned and got into my car and sped off. A slight adventurous feeling had come over me. I was serious when I told Alex I would go for a run. As I drove home, I had it set in my mind that I would be running that night.
As soon as I got home, I put on my running shoes and layered on a few more items, since it was so cold outside. I stretched for a good ten minutes, hooked on my iPod and was ready to go. I ran for miles and miles. I didn’t care how dark it was or how cold it was. I didn’t care who was out there looking for a woman running in the dark by herself. At that moment, all I cared about was how much I had missed running and the sky was the limit. I must have run at least six miles. As I approached my community, I slowed down to a walk, so that I could cool down before heading back inside my condo. I felt great afterwards as if I had won a gold medal or something. Another step was made toward my recovery and I no longer feared to be out running in the dark all by myself.
I drew a nice warm bath and soaked in it for at least thirty
minutes. It was one of those nights that required a glass of wine. I dressed warm and headed downstairs for some wine, cheese and crackers. I checked my cell phone and noticed I had quite a few text messages, all from Alex.
Did you run? I’m worried about you running alone.
Are you back yet? Please respond to let me know you’re okay.
Claire, how long does it take to go for a run?
If I don’t hear from you in the next thirty minutes I’m coming over.
I checked the time of the last text message and it was sent only ten minutes before I checked the messages. Ugh! I had to respond, so he didn’t show up with the police.
I’m fine. Was taking a bath after run.
Glad you’re all right. You had me worried.
Don’t worry about me, Alex. I’m not your girlfriend and I’m certainly NOT your wife. I really need you to leave me alone. I understand you’re worried because of my past experience with danger, but please leave me alone. If you want me to beg, I will. That is how badly I need you out of my life. I want to move forward with my life and you do not belong in my future.
I understand. I’m sorry.
I planted myself on the couch, my glass of wine in one hand and the remote in the other. I recalled that I had dinner plans with Calvin the following night. At least I had something fun to look forward to. I missed my brothers and was glad I would be dining with at least one of them. After drowning myself in enough wine needed to numb my body, I headed up the stairs. I was so proud of myself for the progress I had made that day.
Chapter 14
I awakened with a headache the following morning and had great difficulty pulling myself out of bed. I recalled my dinner plans for that evening with Calvin and packed a pair of jeans and a top to change into after work. My legs felt sore from the run the night before, so I decided to stretch to prevent more pain later on in the day. I took a quick shower to shake off the headache and made a smoothie for the road.
