by Marie Jem
Neither one of us uttered a word on the drive home from the hospital. I was overflowing with anger and he seemed to be feeling the same way. He parked his car outside my condo and I got out quickly, ran to the door, opened it and went inside, shutting it and locking it before Alex could get in. He tried to unlock it with his key, but discovered he couldn’t get in because I had locked the dead bolt on top. He pounded on the door. “Claire, what the hell? Let me in!” he yelled.
“Go home, Alex,” I replied.
“Claire, please open the door. I have an early surgery in the morning,” he pleaded.
“You should’ve thought about that before you questioned the father of my child,” I replied.
“I overreacted, baby. I was just as shocked as you were. Come on, Claire, please open the door,” he continued to plead. I took the ultrasound out of my purse, cracked the door open just enough to slide it through and threw it at Alex.
“Why don’t you take a look at the ultrasound, Alex. I wouldn’t be two months pregnant if this were Stefano’s baby, as I’ve only known him for less than six weeks. Today, you have really shown me your true colors, so why don’t you head on home and leave me the hell alone,” I said angrily.
“Claire, open the door, please!” he yelled. My phone rang just then. It was Joshua, “Hi Joshua, is everything all right,” I asked.
“I was going to ask you the same question. Who is outside your door trying to pound his way inside? Should I call security or pay him a visit?” he asked.
“No, no, I’m sorry, Joshua. That’s my boyfriend. We just had an argument, so I locked him out. I’m so sorry for all the noise. I will put an end to it,” I replied.
I had no choice but to open the door if I didn’t want all the neighbors to know my business. I opened the door and turned my back to Alex and headed inside, ignoring him. He wanted to talk about it, but I didn’t want to hear him. I was going to do all the talking and yelling and screaming this time. I began to pace back and forth in the living room.
“Every time I think you’re the perfect man, you fuck it up again. We can’t go for more than a week or two without arguing about something meaningless. You can’t be a part of this baby’s life if we continue this way. I’m always running from you or pushing you away because I just can’t take it anymore, Alex,” I began to pace faster with whatever energy I had left.
“I just wasn’t sure if it is my baby or his,” he clarified.
“It’s your fucking baby, Alex! Get it through your thick skull! How the hell would I be having Stefano’s baby when I never had sex with him?!” I startled myself with my yelling and screaming. My anger turned into rage and I grabbed the crystal vase, which Alex had gotten for me and threw it at him, missing him by just a few inches. The vase hit the wall next to him so hard that it shattered into millions of pieces. His eyes were wide with fear and shock, as he had never seen that side of me before. I suddenly felt so weak and afraid of what I had just done that I sat down on the floor, unable to move. Alex walked over to me and sat down on the floor next to me, holding me as I sobbed and sobbed longer than I could recall.
He carried me upstairs, undressed me as he undressed himself and took me into the shower with him. The water wasn’t hot this time, only warm. He lathered my body and shampooed my hair. He sat me down on the tile bench of the shower as he finished taking a shower. Afterward, he helped me into a warm pair of pajamas and dried my hair. Neither one of us had said a word after the vase incident. He tucked me into bed and said, “I’m going to go downstairs and clean up the broken glass. I will be up shortly, okay, baby?” he kissed my forehead and wiped away the tears from my cheeks. I just nodded without saying a word.
I could hear Alex cleaning up the broken pieces of the beautiful vase. I was so angry with myself for breaking the first sentimental item that he had given me. The more I thought about what I had done, the more I continued to sob. I heard him coming up the stairs and into the bedroom. I watched him take off his shirt and crawl into bed next to me. He held me close to his warm body and ran his fingers through my hair.
“Alex, I’m sorry I broke that vase. I don’t know what got into me. I think I was so angry that I couldn’t control myself,” I confessed.
“Shhh, it’s only glass. I will get you another one if it will make you feel better. Today, you faced your anger without running away. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Claire. Don’t run from me when you’re angry and don’t shut me out. We are going to have our share of disagreements and arguments until we work out our issues, or my issues I should say. It was so stupid of me to question the father of the baby. I overreacted as usual and jealousy got to me again. I don’t know what it is about you that causes me to act this way, Claire. I’ve never felt like this with any other woman. Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve ever really been in love or if I only thought I was in love with Angela because I never felt this jealous with her. It’s like I’m a lovesick teenager or something. This feeling is so new to me. Having a baby with you is going to be the best thing that will ever happen to me in my life. We have to make this relationship work, baby. I have to make this work, as I am the one with all the issues. You’re perfect, Claire. Everything about you is perfect. All I need from you is to stay with me, so we can work it out together. Will you help me, baby? Will you fix me?” he asked. I nodded and wrapped my arms around him as he rubbed my belly, “My baby. Our baby,” he corrected.
He kissed my tears away and kissed my belly as well. Alex and I had made a deal that no matter how angry we were with one another that we would not sleep apart. We kept that deal that night and I was happy we did. We had our problems, but if there was anyone in the world that I would carry a child for, it was Alex. I knew he would make a great father and would love that baby more than anything. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I didn’t want to keep Alex awake, since he had to wake up early for work. I somehow surrendered to sleep shortly after closing my eyes.
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I woke up to the sound of his alarm clock before five o’clock in the morning. My eyelids were very heavy and Alex tried to make as little noise as possible not to disturb me. He kissed me softly before leaving for work.
“Have me paged at the hospital if you need to get a hold of me urgently. I’m going to see if I can get coverage at the clinic, so I could come home early. Just rest all day and don’t get up to do anything. I love you and miss you already,” he said and left for the hospital.
I stayed in bed as much as I could that day, but it was very difficult. Alex had left a note in the kitchen letting me know he had made a sandwich for me that I would find in the refrigerator. I opened the refrigerator to find the sandwich on a plate with a side of fruit and a note reminding me to drink a glass of milk. I took the items out of the refrigerator and sat down to eat. I had left a message for Walter early in the morning and another one for Laura that I wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t return for a few days. I didn’t want to tell them about the pregnancy just yet. Walter returned my call to see how I was feeling. I told him I may have had the flu and was very dehydrated, which had caused me to pass out. He was very understanding and told to take as much time as I needed to stay home and rest. Laura called soon after Walter.
“Girl, I knew you were going to come down with something. It was all the fun you had over the weekend, wasn’t it?” Laura said, laughing. Stefano sent a text message, reminding me that he would come over with Mandy that night and bring my car. I hadn’t told my mother that I was sick, but I knew she would call me soon and I would let her know.
The dining room table looked empty again without the crystal vase. The guard at the gate called to tell me there was a delivery for me. When I asked him what it was he said he would like it to remain a surprise and asked if it was all right for the delivery person to bring it to me.
“That’s fine. Please let him through,” I said. When I opened the front door, I noticed it was a delivery from a florist. He parked the delivery van and took
out a large vase filled with long stem sterling roses. It was the same Tiffany vase Alex had gotten for me that I shattered into a million pieces. I thanked the kind man and put the flower filled vase on the dining table. Alex had included a note.
My dear Claire and future mother of my child,
Every item is replaceable, including this vase, but your love could never be replaced. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for the way I acted during one of the most important moments in our lives. I love you more than life itself.
Love, always,
Alex
The note brought tears to my eyes. I sent a text message to Alex thanking him for the new vase and flowers. I knew he was probably in the operating room and wouldn’t get back to me for a while. I didn’t hear from Alex for another two hours, so I began to worry. I was about to call him when he surprised me by coming home early. I was so happy to see him home early.
“Hi, baby,” he kissed me, “are you feeling better today?” he asked.
“I’m much better now that you’re here,” I confessed.
“What should I make for you to eat? Any cravings?” he asked.
“I’m not hungry, since I just ate the food you had made for me,” I said.
“You’re eating for two now, Claire. You have to eat more and more frequently. I’m just going to make a short stop at the grocery store. Call me if you are craving anything special and I will bring it for you,” he said.
I reminded Alex that Stefano and Mandy would bring my car that evening. He just nodded, “That’s cool,” he said and left for the grocery store. Alex returned with endless bags of groceries as if he was going to cook enough to feed an army. He went into the kitchen and probably cooked enough to last the entire week. I began to feel hungry and entered the kitchen and dabbled into a few delicious dishes. After I was done eating, Alex stopped what he was doing and leaned against my kitchen counter and looked at me.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing. Come here,” he said, pulling me close to his body and just holding me, my head resting against his firm chest. We stood there for minutes, his arms wrapped around me tightly as he inhaled my hair and kissed my forehead. I noticed Alex had dark circles under his eyes when I looked up at him.
“What’s wrong, Alex? You look tired. Did something happen at work?” I asked.
“No, baby. Everything was good at work, but I just couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking about what happened at the hospital and how I acted. Instead of supporting you during such shocking and surprising news, I interrogated you. What kind of a man does that, Claire?” he asked as he looked at me with his bright blue eyes and dark circles underneath.
“It’s okay, Alex. That was yesterday and we worked it out. Why don’t you go upstairs and take a warm shower and a nap,” I told him.
“Come with me,” he said, taking my hand and walking me upstairs with him. “You know I don’t sleep well without you next to me,” he added. I rested on my bed as Alex headed for the shower. He returned with only a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair very wet. He slipped into a pair of boxers and lay down next to me. I knew he had taken a boiling hot shower, as his body was very hot. His breathing became heavy as he began to kiss me.
“If you don’t want to it’s okay, baby,” he said.
“I want to and the doctor said it was okay,” I replied, giving him the green light. He was so gentle with me as if I was very fragile and may break. He undressed me slowly as he kissed me gently. He awakened all my senses when he entered me, still handling me as if I were made of glass.
“Let me know if you feel uncomfortable,” he offered.
“I’m fine, Alex. I’m not going to break,” I replied.
I responded to his every move, as my body craved him desperately. Every movement sent shivers down my spine and I begged him to quicken his pace, but he continued with slow and gentle thrusts. My heart felt as thought it was going to pound its’ way out of my chest. The more I begged for him to quicken his pace, the slower he continued.
“Enjoy it, baby,” he said as his tongue made its’ way into my ear. My heart rate quickened even more and I could no longer take it. My body began to convulse as I surrendered to an intense orgasm. Alex came at the same time as he groaned.
He pulled himself out of me and held me close to him as he lay on his back with my head on his chest. I could hear his loudly beating heart as I could hear my own pounding in my ears.
“Alex, as crazy as it can be living with you, I can’t imagine myself living without you,” I confessed. “I guess I’m addicted to all your crazy ways,” I added.
“My craziness only means that I’m insanely in love with you. You’re the only woman that could ever drive me crazy,” he replied. I waited for Alex to fall asleep, so I could slip away downstairs. I had too much sleep the night before and got out of bed late, so sleep was the last thing on my mind. I went downstairs and warmed up some chicken noodle soup that he had made for me and enjoyed every ounce of it. I was so bored at home and knew I wanted to go back to work as soon as possible. I decided that I would stay home one more day and if I felt the same or better then I would return to work on Thursday.
<><><>
After a long nap, Alex came downstairs, dressed in sweatpants and his favorite university sweatshirt. He helped himself to a bowl of the soup that he had made. Stefano and Mandy called to let us know that they would be arriving shortly. I stood next to the dining table and admired the beautiful sterling roses in the Tiffany crystal vase. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me and kissed the nape of my neck as he rubbed his hand on my flat belly, which I knew wouldn’t be flat for too long. He turned me around and lifted my shirt, kissing my abdomen, smiling as he looked up at me.
“Alex, are you going to do that every day?” I asked.
“Of course. Many times a day,” he said, smiling.
The guard called to let me know Stefano had arrived. Alex offered to go outside and open the garage, so they could park my car inside. I greeted Stefano and Mandy warmly and thanked them both for driving my car all the way to my place on a weeknight.
“It’s really not a big deal, Claire,” said Mandy. “So tell me, how are you feeling? Congratulations on the upcoming bundle of joy. I’m so happy for the two of you,” she said, with a warm smile.
“Hey, Stefano, why don’t I pour us a few glasses of scotch to enjoy on the verandah while the girls hang out inside together and talk about whatever it is girls talk about,” Alex offered.
“Uh, sure,” replied Stefano. Alex poured the two glasses of scotch and stepped out on the verandah with Stefano. I was in a friendly conversation with Mandy, but my mind was on the boys. I wondered what Alex and Stefano were talking about. Would they argue? Would Alex say something to Stefano about the baby and how he thought it could have been Stefano’s before he found out how far along I was? My mind was all over the place. Mandy noticed that I was a bit distracted and I blamed it on the pregnancy. Thirty minutes later, the boys came back inside and I tried to read their faces. They both looked happy and I couldn’t read anything bad written on their faces. After Stefano and Mandy left, I questioned Alex about what they talked about outside.
“Oh, baby, we were just hanging out and getting to know each other. Look, I don’t want to be enemies with Stefano just because I assumed that something happened between the two of you after we broke up. Everything is fine between Stefano and I, don’t worry,” he explained.
I narrowed my eyes at him, “I will take your word for it,” I said. Alex cleaned up and loaded the dishwasher while I kept him company. “Alex, if I feel the same or better tomorrow, I’m going back to work on Thursday. It’s so depressing and boring to stay home. I don’t know how women do it,” I confessed.
“Ok, baby, just promise you won’t push yourself at work,” he said.
“It’s hard to do that since I’m sitting on my butt, answering phones and working on reports most of the day,” I smiled
.
“Just looking out for you,” he said as he kissed me with his warm lips. “Let’s go to bed. I have to wake up at four tomorrow morning,” he said and took my hand, leading me upstairs. Alex turned on the fireplace in my bedroom to make it nice and cozy. We didn’t make love that night. We just fell asleep in each other’s arms until morning. Alex awakened very early as he had said he needed to. I could hardly open my eyes when he kissed me goodbye.
When I awakened, the sun was shining brightly in the sky and it was already nine o’clock in the morning. I felt so hungry the minute I awakened. I went downstairs and began devouring some of the food Alex had cooked for me the night before. After I ate, I decided to give Stefano a call to ask him about his conversation with Alex on my verandah the night before.
“Alex was really nice and apologized for the way he acted at the hospital the other night. He told me exactly how he feels about you and how he thought you and I had, uh, you know. Long story short, he really loves you, Claire. He’s really crazy about you,” he said. It was ironic that he used the term “crazy”. “So now he knows that absolutely nothing happened between you and I, so that should put some clarity in your relationship,” he said.
It was good to hear that Alex was nice to Stefano and hadn’t done or said anything to hurt his feelings like I had feared. My mother had left me a message the night before, so I decided to give her a call. I told her about my dehydration and fainting experience, but I didn’t tell her about Alex or the pregnancy. I would visit her in person one day soon and tell her everything. She was concerned about my health, but I assured her that I was only dehydrated and was feeling one hundred percent better.
Alex called me later in the afternoon to ask how I was doing and to let me know he was headed to the clinic for the rest of the day. I told him I had plenty of food and asked him not to worry about me. I really was feeling better and almost as good as new.
