Lyla stood and made her way back to the couch. The spell was broken, but it left the lingering scent of sweet recollections of when they were a family, and Lyla looked after him.
“I can make it better,” Kimber pronounced as she grabbed Spencer’s hand and gave it a big, wet kiss.
Spencer pulled his daughter close, grateful for her presence, which muted Lyla’s effect on him. Still, he could see her out of the corner of his eye.
She smiled from her position on the couch. “You could’ve called me, you know,” Lyla said. “I would’ve taken care of you.”
The comfortable familiarity of Lyla and their little family mingled with his general distrust.
Lyla continued, “We could’ve spent the night, Kimber and I, to make sure you were okay.”
“Oh, yes, Daddy. Can Mommy spend the night?”
Anger bloomed in Spencer. Wasn’t that just like Lyla to use Kimber in her efforts to find a way back to their marriage? Even though she had left him, she was angling for reconciliation. If he wasn’t careful, the undertow of Lyla would pull him into deep water.
He took a lungful of air and tried to keep the animosity from flowing through his body. He didn’t want Kimber to feel his reaction. “No, honey, Mommy can’t spend the night. This is our special time. Remember?”
Kimber’s mouth tugged downward into a sad frown. “I know, Daddy,” she said as she laid her head on his shoulder. Her voice held a hint of sadness.
Spencer shot Lyla a sharp look over Kimber’s head, but his ex-wife’s response was to give him an amorous look before turning away, leaving Spencer a little off-balance. He turned his attention to Kimber. “How would you like to build a snowman today?” he asked.
“Do you have a carrot for a nose and buttons for eyes and a mouth?” Kimber asked.
“I sure do,” Spencer responded. “Then, we’ll have some hot cocoa and maybe watch a movie. What would you like to see?”
Kimber thought for a moment. “How about Frozen?”
Spencer grinned and this time, he couldn’t resist sharing the moment with Lyla. He looked over Kimber’s head and caught her eye.
Lyla smiled back at him before offering a little laugh, shaking her head. “I swear, I’m going to kill some cartoon characters before this winter is finished.”
Spencer pinched his lips together to keep from laughing. When they were married, he’d appreciated their shared humor and playfulness.
Lyla winked at him.
“No, Mommy. You can’t kill Elsa!” Kimber shrieked in honest alarm. “I love her and Anna, too.”
“I know. You’ve got their pictures all over your room. You even sleep in Elsa and Anna sheets and a bedspread.” Lyla bobbed her head toward Spencer. “Thanks to Daddy, who spoiled you for Christmas.”
Spencer’s earlier anger toward Lyla evaporated and was replaced with a bud of appreciation in the wake of her generous reminder to Kimber and her gentle teasing.
“I know! Thanks, Daddy.” Kimber cuddled up against him.
Spencer’s heartbeat was warm. Lyla’s lavish gratitude was one of the things he cherished about her. She never failed to remind Kimber of his love and the many ways he showed it. Even when they were married, her thoughtful recognition and praise had been passed down as thankfulness to their daughter, who shared it with rich abundance.
Lyla stood. “Well, I’m off,” she said.
“Where to?” Spencer asked before thinking. He was immediately sorry. Lyla’s life was none of his business, and he didn’t want her to think it mattered.
Lyla practically danced toward Spencer, but her gaze was on Kimber. She caressed the child’s cheek when she neared. “Mommy has a hot date tonight,” she said, lightly touching Kimber’s nose.
A wave of emotions pounded through Spencer’s head. Lyla dated a lot, but the reality always caught him off guard, much like her cheating had shocked him to his bare bones when he’d learned of it. His earlier feelings of goodwill frittered away.
Lyla continued, “We’re heading to Missoula for dinner and a movie.”
Spencer nodded. That also meant a hotel room. He stopped himself from asking who she was dating, and instead focused on Kimber. “Give Mommy a kiss,” he said. Kimber leaned over and gave her mother a wet smooch on the cheek.
“Spencer, dear, will you walk me to the car?” Lyla asked, pulling on her winter gloves.
Spencer put Kimber down. He wasn’t sure if he was pleased to have this moment alone with Lyla, or if he should be watchful. “Sure. I’ll be just a minute, Kimber. You can start pulling stuff out of your bag if you want.” He opened the duffel bag before following Lyla outside.
As soon as he closed the door, Lyla placed her arm through his as they walked slowly back to her car. The familiar press of her body sent waves of long-known affection through his blood, along with alarms ringing in his head.
Reaching her car, she faced him, her back to the door of her Forerunner. “I don’t have to go tonight.” Her voice was low and sultry as she reached out and gently pulled at his belt buckle, drawing him near.
Lyla’s bold closeness chipped away at Spencer’s determination to keep her at arm’s length. He looked down into the fresh and lovesome face of his ex-wife and remembered why she captivated him. Lyla was not only beautiful, mischievous, and seductive; she possessed a generous spirit, a comfortable ease, and she loved Kimber beyond measure.
But she was also manipulative and thought nothing of using Kimber in her effort to reconcile.
“Lyla, I wouldn’t want you to disappoint this new man in your life like you disappointed me.”
The jab found its mark, and Lyla blinked. She nodded quietly. “You’re never going to forgive me for that, are you?”
Spencer stepped away from Lyla, willing himself to pull from the woman he once so deeply loved and desired. “I forgave you a long time ago, Lyla. But I’ll never trust you again.”
Lyla looked away and exhaled. “Yes, well … you know I regret that, Spencer.”
“And what about every action before that? C’mon, Lyla, we both know that Taylor wasn’t your first affair.”
“He was my last.”
“Only because I found out.”
Tears filled Lyla’s eyes. “Maybe that’s what it took to make me see what a wonderful man I had in you and the sweetness of our little family.”
Spencer wanted to take another step back, but he could not force himself away from the memory of what he and Lyla shared with Kimber. With Lyla’s affectionate closeness, recollections paraded themselves as if a box of pristine photos had been opened. He remembered the three of them spending time among the wildflowers during a desert spring hike. Recollections of soft winter nights by a fire as they bundled up together on the couch to watch Kimber’s favorite movies were so vivid, he could almost smell the popcorn. He loved coming home to his wife and daughter after work with the aroma of dinner in the air and Kimber giggling as she played with her dolls and the sound of music playing in the background. When Lyla’s favorite song came over the speakers, she would grab Kimber and the two of them would dance in the kitchen.
A sharp pain penetrated Spencer’s chest over the loss of his family and the cost Kimber was paying through his and Lyla’s divorce. Every stone of her foundation was overturned and torn apart. That reality still haunted him, but it didn’t change the truth of Lyla’s cheating. He looked into his ex-wife’s violet-blue eyes. “I think it’s time for you to go now.”
Lyla reached up and placed her gloved hand on Spencer’s cheek while kissing him on the other before climbing into the Forerunner.
Turning toward the house, he heard Lyla put the SUV into gear and pull out of the drive, but he didn’t watch her leave. Hurrying inside, he picked Kimber up from the window and snuggled her. The warmth of her little body settled Spencer’s angst.
“I saw Mommy kiss you,” Kimber smiled.
“Yes. Mommy and I are good friends, and it’s okay to kiss a good friend on the cheek.”
Kimber gave him a thoughtful look before asking, “Can you help me get my snowsuit on? I want to build a snowman.”
“Sure, sweetie.” Spencer got down on his knees and bundled Kimber up so they could play outside. His mind swerved back to his conversation with Lyla. He was sorry for the demise of their marriage, but he wasn’t responsible for it. Lyla’s habitual cheating had not only ruined their marriage; it had taken a burdensome personal toll on him, leaving him questioning everything from his masculinity and his ability to care for a family to his suitability for any kind of intimacy with a woman ever again.
He still wasn’t sure if he was even worthy of love, and if he was deserving, would he be able to ever trust another woman?
He stood and looked out the window to where he and Lyla had shared their last moment. Even though she caused him so much pain, he couldn’t deny the tenacious pull of her company. Her willingness to come back to him was a tempting offer, and she was right when she said it would create a whole family for Kimber.
Or would it? Could Kimber be whole if she had a father who was not complete in the companionship of her mother?
Spencer sucked in his breath and shivered as the pain of his answer settled on him like a fresh blanket of new show. No matter what Lyla offered him, her presence would always leave him in pieces.
Seven
During a lull in patient activity on Tuesday afternoon, Cressa sat in the break room with her phone. She scrolled through social media, but she was really waiting for that familiar bell that informed her of a text from Owen. In spite of her best efforts at leaving him behind, she still listened for the sound of a message that signaled he was thinking of her.
Oh, Owen. Their breakup was just shy of three months old, and most days, it was still hard for Cressa to believe it was real. She missed his lopsided smile, his stunning blue eyes, and the way his five-o’clock shadow would show up early. And she admired him. Serious and intense, Owen was confident and clear about his work, but fun-loving and energetic once he stepped out of the hospital. It was also those very things that also caused the resentment between the two of them.
Cressa was not like Owen. She couldn’t leave her work behind the double doors of the ER. Instead, she took it with her and fretted over her patients until she became so morally injured that her only recourse was apathy.
That’s when Owen began encouraging her to look into another avenue of work. At first, he just suggested a change in assignment. With her experience, she could become an intensivist, but toward the end of their relationship and their conversations about her work, Owen was encouraging her to leave the hospital altogether.
“Not everybody is cut out for urban trauma, Cressa,” Owen said. “It’s hard and grueling. There’s no shame in needing a change.”
Cressa dug in her heels. “And you don’t think I can do hard and grueling?”
“I know you can do it, but if you keep at it for too much longer, I’m afraid you’re going to become so burned out that you’ll quit medicine all together. We will have lost a good doctor, and you will have lost your life’s work. It’s not worth the price.”
Owen’s words shocked her. “Whatever makes you think I’m going to quit medicine?”
They were sitting at the hospital’s cafeteria table. The bright overhead lights bounced off the beige surface of the fiberglass tables, making Cressa’s eyes hurt.
Owen covered her hand with his, and his face took on that kind look she had seen so often when he was about to give a patient bad news.
She withdrew her hand in irritation. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re going to tell me that my dog died, or that you need to send me in for more testing and you’re going to recommend a specialist.”
Owen’s voice became stern. “You’re going to lose more than your imaginary dog if you don’t listen to me. I’ve been doing ER medicine for ten years, Cressa. I know what burnout looks like, and you’ve got a bad case of it.”
Cressa sighed. It wouldn’t do any good to deny the truth of Owen’s words. “Maybe I just need a vacation.”
“You’re way beyond a vacation. You’re on your way to losing your heart.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Cressa’s reply was icy.
“You’ve gone from one extreme to the other. At first, you couldn’t stop thinking about your patients. Now, you hardly think of them at all.” Owen dropped his voice. “And what’s worse, I’m afraid you’ve quit feeling for them. You’re good at your job, but you’ve become a robot, Cressa.”
“Well, isn’t that what the job requires?” Cressa hissed back. She rubbed her forehead. “I’m so sick of seeing sick people who either won’t get help because I care more than they do, or they can’t get help because they can’t afford it and the system doesn’t care at all.” Cressa met Owen’s eyes for a moment before turning away.
“This is the work, Cressa,” Owen said gently.
Cressa raised her eyes to look at Owen. There was no smirk or sense of superiority in his remark or his gaze. He simply realized, as did she, the self-condemnation of her words.
She looked away from Owen and took in the cafeteria as if seeing her surroundings for the first time. She hated everything about it—the tasteless hospital food, the bad lighting, and the smell of antiseptic that mingled with the odor of trauma and unwashed bodies. The smell filled her nostrils even when she was at home.
“I’ll put in my notice today,” she murmured as tears rose in her eyes.
Owen nodded. “And then there’s the question of your folks.”
Cressa stared at Owen again, and her heart felt as if it was squeezed dry. The silence between them was pregnant with reality.
“You know you need to go home,” Owen said quietly.
“And you’re not coming with me, are you?”
Owen gave her a quiet smile. “I’m a city boy. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself in Little Town, Montana.”
Cressa swallowed hard. “Are you trying to get rid of me because our relationship is flagging?”
Owen set his jaw. “You know me better than that,” he replied. “We’ve been talking about the relationship for a while now. But I love you, Cressa. If I felt you were thriving in this environment, we’d figure out how to work together. People do it all the time.”
The truth of Owen’s words seeped into her heart. She hated that he was right. Unseeing, she turned toward the window, willing herself not to cry as some deep shadow of her soul gave a silent whisper of relief. She could quit fighting now. But that small wisp of truth and reprieve could not shout down the pain of loss that circled her like a demon waiting for the darker moments of doubt.
Everything she’d expected for her life was turning to ash in the middle of a badly lit and stale cafeteria; a successful ER doctor with a flourishing and satisfying personal relationship with a good-looking colleague was vanishing, even as she sat in the midst of both of those things.
Turning back to Owen, she studied him. He was ten years older than she, and it showed in the graying dark hair along his temples and the fine lines in his face that she had found so endearing. This would be the picture of him she would remember. His eyes filled with the same compassion she had somehow lost in her effort to save lives.
“Dr. Marshall?”
Cressa blinked, almost expecting to see Owen in front of her. Instead, Lindsey was looking at her with a worried expression.
Quickly, Cressa gave her phone one more look. No text from Owen. She fought the ever-constant hope that someday she would look at her phone to find his familiar number on her screen, or he would surprise her by showing up in Sunrise Creek. That thought was preposterous. Or was it? She and Owen had shared an understanding that only came from working together. He knew her better than anyone else, and she knew him the same. Each expression and every nuance of his athletic body was comfortable for her, inspiring the mainspring of hope in Cressa that Owen would mi
ss her as much as she missed him and come to the conclusion that he needed to get in touch. In her desire to stop feeling, this was the one thing that would not die.
She tried to dismiss the thought, but it landed in the small, fertile patch of her heart that still remained tender.
“Yeah. Am I running late?” She looked up at Lindsey, who was standing over her.
“No. Not at all.” Lindsey handed her Spencer’s chart. “Can I speak with you before you see Spencer?”
Cressa’s curiosity was piqued. “Sure.”
Cressa appreciated Lindsey’s desire to protect confidentiality as the receptionist closed the door to the break room before returning and smoothing her skirt.
“You know I’ve lived here my whole life, right?” Lindsey began.
“Yes?” Cressa replied. Where was this going?
“And I never speak to you about the lives of our patients, even though I usually know a lot about them.”
“Yes, and I appreciate your reservations about these things.”
“Well, I feel the need to tell you a couple things about Spencer Stewart.”
Cressa’s curiosity buzzed in her head and her heart. “Go on.”
Lindsey offered a small smile as she sat in the chair next to Cressa, narrowing the space between them. “He used to be married to my sister.”
The news helped fit some of the puzzle pieces Cressa had been working on when it came to Spencer. She kept her expression casual. “I don’t know why that would have anything to do with me.”
Lindsey bit her bottom lip and fidgeted with her hands. “It’s just that, well … Spencer can be quite the lady-killer, if you know what I mean. He’s charming, handsome as any man you’ll ever meet, but he’s also …”
Cressa couldn’t help herself. “What?”
“Well, he’s broke, for starters. And he’s not always responsible when it comes to relationships.”
A bud of impatience poked through Cressa’s professionalism. “I’m not following you, Lindsey. Why should any of this matter to me? I’m taking out the man’s stitches today.”
Lindsey flicked her tongue over her lips. “Okay. I’m just going to come out and say it. I noticed the chemistry between the two of you during his first visit, and I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. I’m just warning you. It might be best to stay away from him. Even though Lyla and Spencer divorced a couple of years ago, he still finds ways to cause her pain. He doesn’t always pay child support, and he’s constantly monitoring her behavior. He still asks after her dating habits, and Lyla thinks he may be stalking her.”
Sapphires And Sagebrush (Country Brides & Cowboy Boots) Page 5
