A shiver of unease traveled up Cressa’s spine. “Steal from her. I know she’s gotten irritated with me when she thinks we’re doing all this work to sell the house out from underneath her, but she’s never talked about theft. What’s she worried about you taking?”
Andrew shrugged. “She never says. She just tells me she’s sure I’m going to take her stuff. Maybe she’s thinking of the house. I don’t know. It’s happened a couple of times since I’ve been sitting with them. Uncle Chris always tells her to stop talking like that, and she does, but she’s pretty sullen for a few minutes afterward. She cheers up, though.”
Cressa nodded while studying Andrew covertly. Nothing in his demeanor showed any sign of guilt or concern. If he were truly stealing from her parents, she doubted he would tell her this story. She pushed her worries aside.
“This is good for me, too,” Andrew continued. “I’ve really been at loose ends for a while, and now that Josh is gone …” His voice trailed off.
“Now that Josh is gone, you can start to find your own way.”
Andrew’s shoulders dropped as the tension left his body. “Yes. That’s it exactly. Mom and Dad are in Mexico, and I want to find something useful. I don’t think I’m cut out for college, but if I could learn a trade or two, then I could move forward after…” He paused, looking down at his boots. “It’s over.”
Cressa hesitated, unsure of how much she wanted to know about Andrew’s brush with the law. But she forged ahead. She at least needed to have some idea about what his future held in the next few weeks. “When are you going to court?”
“Next month. I’ll be tried separately from Joshua. The prosecutor wanted to try us together for the attempted cattle rustling charge. We won that round, and we’ll have separate trials. We have different attorneys and everything.”
“And what do you think will happen?”
Tension and anxiety filled Andrew’s expression. “I don’t know yet. My attorney wants me to take a plea and testify against my brother. If I’m willing to do that, I may just get probation since this is my first offense, but it would mean throwing Joshua under the bus.”
Cressa bit her first response. Andrew wasn’t throwing Joshua anywhere if he was guilty of the crimes for which he was charged, but she knew better than to get between brothers. “Well, I know you’ll make the right decision,” she said. “It sounds as if you’ve got good guidance.”
Andrew gave her a pained smile. “Thanks,” he said. “Well, I’d better go and let you get to your folks. I’ll take care of the cows and be on my way.”
Cressa overrode her desire to pull Andrew into a cousinly embrace; instead, she nodded while stepping back and picking her way through the melting slush toward the house, where she found her mother in the kitchen, starting a salad for dinner.
She went to the refrigerator and pulled out the enchiladas left over from the weekend. “So, how did things go today?” Cressa asked.
“Oh, fine,” her mother replied as she stared at the carrots. “What do I do with these?” she asked.
All earlier worries around Andrew disappeared as Cressa studied her mom. “We chop them for the salad.”
“Oh.”
Maybe it would be better if her mother didn’t use a knife tonight. “Mom, why don’t you go sit down with Dad, and I’ll finish up.”
“Okay, whatever you say, dear.” Janean shuffled out of the kitchen and sat on the couch to watch the news.
Cressa took a slow breath as she closed her eyes and pushed back the sudden desire to sob. Her lungs burned with her pent-up weeping. This was how dementia worked. Memories and tasks and eventually people would blink on and off. Tomorrow, her mother may remember how to slice carrots, but eventually, the electrical current in her head would quit running, and that part of her brain would go dark.
Gritting her teeth against the sorrow of her mother’s dimming recollections, Cressa pushed out air between her lips as tears pressed against her eyes, giving her a headache. She refused to cry. It would not help her parents if they saw her wailing in the kitchen. If she waited long enough, the need to bawl would pass.
Turning her attention back to the dinner plates, Cressa placed everything on the table before calling her parents. After saying grace, they began to eat while Cressa studied both her mother and father.
Ever since the remodel started, her mother wasn’t the same. Hopeless anxiety laced her thoughts as the meal came to a close.
“I’ll help clean up,” her mother said as she began clearing the table.
“Thanks, Mom,” Cressa said.
Her mother placed the dirty silverware back in the drawer with the clean utensils. Desperate sadness filled Cressa. What was she going to do? Her parents needed bathrooms that would cater to their future of ever-decreasing mobility. She would talk to Spencer and see if he had any suggestions, and it was time she talked to Janna.
After transferring the dirty silverware to the dishwasher, Cressa turned it on before picking her way down the hall to her bedroom. Closing the door, she still heard the buzz of the television in the family room as she dialed her sister’s number.
“Hello?” Janna’s voice was harried.
Cressa heard a child screaming in the background, and she sighed. This probably wasn’t the best time to try to get in touch with Janna, but was there ever a good time? “Hey, Janna.” Her fatigue came to the surface.
“Cressa. Is everything okay? How’s Mom and Dad?”
Cressa bit her lip. No friendly, warm greeting ever came from Janna. There was always the need to get right down to business. “I’m not sure,” Cressa said. “The remodel is on time, but Mom isn’t handling it well. Andrew is sitting with them during the day. That helps, but everything falls apart when I get home.” She sighed. “Maybe it’s just temporary. She may jump back to baseline once this is all over.”
“You sound unsure. Do we even know what baseline is anymore?” Janna asked.
Cressa rubbed her forehead. “Good question.”
The child in the background hit an octave higher in his screaming.
“Kirby!” Janna yelled away from the phone.
Cressa heard her brother-in-law’s voice rise above the screaming. “I’m on it. What more can I do?”
“It sounds like I caught you in the middle of a meltdown,” Cressa said.
Janna’s voice came through, tired and stretched. “Yeah. Three kids under the age of four makes for plenty of drama. Jeana has the flu, and I think the twins are getting sick. We’re all exhausted.” She changed the subject. “So, what are you going to do about Mom and Dad?”
Cressa heard Janna’s removal of responsibility. If Cressa was looking for any help, it wasn’t coming from her sister. Resentment simmered, but understanding cooled her exasperation. Janna’s life was nothing short of a juggling circus with work and kids. From her sister’s perspective, taking care of their parents probably looked like a vacation.
Cressa tucked back all of the concerns she hoped to share with her sister. “I haven’t decided yet. But Janna, I think you need to come for a visit as soon as possible. With Mom’s condition, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“Are things that bad?” Cressa heard the alarm in her sister’s voice as the child in the background settled into quiet whimpering.
“I don’t know. Tonight, Mom put the dirty silverware back into the drawer with the clean stuff. That’s a new wrinkle. But like I said, I’m hoping it’s temporary.” She paused. “Still, the longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get. The truth is, there isn’t any real rebound from this.”
Janna was silent for a long minute, and Cressa allowed the air between them to grow still as the child stopped crying.
Janna spoke next. “I’ll see if I can come out this summer,” she offered.
Cressa bit the first words that came to her throat and searched for something more kind. “Just let me know when you can make it,” she said. “Do you want to talk to Mo
m and Dad?”
Cressa felt the hesitation as another child began ramping up for a crying fest.
“Momma!” one of the twins screamed.
Janna sounded as if she was close to tears. “Maybe not tonight,” she said. “I’ll call in a day or two when things are better here.”
“Sure thing,” Cressa said. She said a quick goodbye as her sister hung up.
Cressa closed her eyes and tried to will away the bitterness that rose in her throat. Janna hadn’t banked on their parents getting ill when she’d married Kirby and moved to Boston, and she had a right to her live her life. But none of those truths helped assuage the loneliness that crept into Cressa’s soul.
She shook her head and shut the door on her feelings. Leaving the bedroom, she meandered down the hall until she came to her parents’ room. She rarely went in here without an invitation. This evening, she was drawn by her better memories of childhood and the recollection her mother had shared just a few nights ago as they’d talked about rugs and rings. Stepping inside the bathroom, it was nice to see order when chaos and destruction was just down the hall.
Pulling out her mother’s jewelry box, Cressa felt like a little girl who was doing something naughty as she reached for the white velvet box that held her mother’s wedding ring.
With gentle motions, Cressa opened it to reveal the ocean-blue sapphire and star-like diamonds as she recalled the last time she had tiptoed into her mother’s bathroom and pulled out the stunning piece of jewelry. She’d been about twelve and had noticed her mother wasn’t wearing the sapphire-and-diamond ring.
Now, the beautiful stones winked at her with the same vibrancy as if sharing the secret of that memory.
The California sun angled through the frosted glass of the bath window, filling the room with diffused light as Cressa stepped inside the quiet, clean white bathroom and pulled out her mother’s jewelry case, gently removing the white velvet box. Opening it, she beheld a blue stone with fiery diamonds nestled against the white velvet. It took her breath away, sending shivers down her spine. Prisms of clear light sparkled as the diamonds caught the scattered beams of sun and threw them around the room like confetti.
Taking the ring out of the box, she put it on her middle finger. It was too large for her ring finger, but before too long, she’d be able to wear it. Wiggling her fingers in the light, she smiled at the beauty of the stones.
She didn’t even see her mother, until she heard her voice behind her. “What are you doing, honey?”
“Oh! Mom. I was—your ring. I just wanted to look at it.”
“And try it on, I see,” her mother replied.
“Well, yeah.” Cressa looked down at her hand that now rested on the countertop.
Her mother moved into the bathroom and gently removed the ring from Cressa’s hand, her warm, soft fingers rubbing her daughter’s skin when she was finished. “Did you know that a couple of the prongs are bent?”
Shock sent a wave of heat through Cressa. “No!”
Her mother nodded. “See here?” She brought the ring up close for examination. “One of the prongs holding the sapphire isn’t right.” She pointed to the errant prong. “And this one holding a diamond also needs some attention. I hooked it on my poncho the other day, and it needs to go to the jeweler for repair.”
Cressa peered close at the ring and could see the small change in the angle of the prong.
Her mother continued, “Gold is soft and easily bends. I love this ring, but it’s also a responsibility. Do you understand?”
Cressa nodded with her eyes down on the floor.
“You could’ve lost a stone,” her mother continued. “And you need to ask before coming in here. How would you like it if I went into your room and started trying on your things?”
Remorse pulsed through Cressa, making her skin prickly. “That wouldn’t be cool.”
“No. It’s not cool,” her mother replied. “But I believe I can trust you not to do it again. Am I right?”
Cressa raised her eyes to meet her mother’s and saw the reflection of her own eyes staring back at her. “I won’t do it again.”
Her mother pulled her close, and Cressa melted into her mother’s warm and comforting embrace.
The memory pulled at Cressa as she gazed at the ring before placing it on the vanity and looking around the bath. Soon, this would be in the same state of chaos as the hall bath, and her parents would be tucked away in the guest bedroom. It would only be for a little while, but Cressa hoped it wouldn’t have lasting effects on their mental or physical health.
Facing her reflection in the mirror, she still saw her mother’s eyes looking back at her, but they were missing the softness and hint of merriment her mother used to carry when she was the same age. Cressa sighed. There was precious little to be merry about, and life had shown her things that made a hard shell a necessity.
She looked away from the mirror to find her mother arriving at the door of the bathroom. “Cressa, dear. What are you doing?”
Cressa sucked in her breath as surprise and a twinge of guilt sent a quick shock wave through her. “Just looking over the bathroom before we demolish it in a few weeks. And I was checking your jewelry. I want to make sure everything is safe.” Cressa waited for her mother’s response. If she was worried about Andrew or Spencer stealing from her, her jewelry would be her biggest concern.
“Oh, it’s all fine,” her mother said. She picked up the ring and placed it on the ring finger of her left hand. It was too large for her now frail fingers. A soft smile coming to her lips, she shifted her body toward Cressa. “This will be yours someday.” She held her hand out for her daughter to see.
A tumult of emotions ran through Cressa. She loved the ring, but Janna also prized it. And the last thing Cressa wanted to hear was her mother giving away her possessions. “Mom—”
“No arguments. I told Janna years ago that you would get the wedding ring and she would get the diamond earrings your father bought me for our tenth wedding anniversary. Janna was happy for you to have the ring and claim the diamond earrings.”
Relief pushed out the earlier concern around Janna, but Cressa still wasn’t ready to listen to her mother hand over her prized jewelry. After their conversation in the kitchen around carrots and watching her mother put dirty silverware back in the drawer, Cressa was just grateful her mother was assuredly lucid in this moment. “It’s not time to discuss these things,” Cressa whispered.
“Better now than to wait until I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
Cressa’s heart contracted. Did her mother remember what happened in the kitchen? “Mom …” Cressa gazed into her mother’s eyes and saw determined strength.
“Cressa, honey. I know what’s happening to me, and I hate it. But I’m not going to let that hate destroy what’s left of my good moments.” She smiled at her daughter. “Like this one.” Her mother came and placed her arm around her waist as they both gazed into the mirror. “Look at you. So accomplished and beautiful.”
Cressa warmed under the praise.
“Everyone used to call you a mini-me. Do you remember?”
“I do,” Cressa had forgotten that particular memory, but now it rushed back with the whisper of a sweet and youthful breeze that held the promise of spring. “I was so proud of that compliment,” she murmured.
“And I’ve always been proud of you,” her mother said.
Cressa pulled her mother close. Even wrapped in a large knitted sweater, Cressa felt the frailty of her mother’s body, although she couldn’t remember when these brittle bones and fragile skin had replaced her strength and vitality. Everything sped by so fast but also moved before her as if in slow motion. The day-by-day deterioration of her mother was punctuated with these wonderful moments of clarity, and no matter how precious they were, Cressa couldn’t hang on to them. They would slip through her fingers like wisps of incense, leaving her present moment without her permission to become a memory. The best she could hope
for was that her own clarity of mind would stay with her so she could remember the brightness of her mother’s green eyes and the strength of her soul in facing an uncertain future.
Cressa wrapped her mother in a careful embrace. There was no denying the warmth that still exuded from the cradle of her mother’s arms. It filled all the cold cracks and fissures in Cressa’s soul, stitching it back together with love as strong and delicate as a strand of silk.
Fifteen
Two evenings later, Cressa made her way home through the late snowstorm that began blanketing the roads. For the time being, spring had retreated from the front lines of the war with winter, and darkness was falling with the snow. Cressa was grateful she didn’t live too far from the clinic.
Pulling into her parents’ home, she noticed the lights from inside the house shining on the newly fallen snow. Before moving the car into the garage, she sat in the drive, taking in the scene of warm and welcoming home. The lights from the living room spilled over the glistening snow and coming dusk, the bright and cheery beam issuing an invitation for her to enter.
Cressa’s eyes wandered to Spencer’s truck, covered in a blanket of white. It looked as if it belonged in her parents’ drive, tucked out of the way of her garage. Everything was as it should be. Pulling into her parking space, she walked through the back door to find her parents sitting in the usual places in front of the television.
“Where’s Spencer?” she asked.
“Who?” her mother responded.
“He’s out taking care of the cows,” her father replied.
“Thanks. I’ll be in to start dinner in a minute.”
Anticipation sped Cressa’s pulse. She hadn’t seen him for several days, and she had grown to wish for his company and conversation. No matter how many times she replayed it, the memory of the lingering breath between them during last Saturday’s goodbye stayed fresh, while the recollection of Owen became as stale as the cafeteria food they had eaten together.
Working her way through the new snow, Cressa entered the barn and shook herself free of fat flakes that gathered on her shoulders.
Sapphires And Sagebrush (Country Brides & Cowboy Boots) Page 10
