“Really? What happened? Did you two…?”
“Oh, hell no, that’s in the agreement. No sexual contact with anyone in the group.”
“Right.” Maybe I should have read the agreement better.
“He fucked my friend out in the alley behind Patty’s Pub.”
“So does he still see her?”
“Nope, he’s a real fuck ‘em and leave ‘em, just like he says. That’s about all he says that’s true. He tries to act like he’s made so much progress, but I know better. He’s a liar and we aren’t supposed to lie.”
“We?”
“It’s in the contract.”
“Oh, well… what has Rick lied about?”
“Rick the dick is not because he is such an asshole, although he is… my friend says his dick is huge, so that’s one lie. And I don’t buy for one second he’s made any progress. He has a major intimacy problem before and after the suicide, his therapist says so.”
“You talk to his therapist?”
“We have the same one. Ms. Collins tells Dr. Fontine everything. He says I am really the most improved in the group, not Rick.”
Great, I just wanted information on Rick; I didn’t need to know that what we talk about in the group isn’t confidential. I should have known. I blew out my breath, “Well, we all slip up, I guess.”
“Not me. My life is more important.”
I squinted, I didn’t understand. “Your life is in danger?”
Diane looked at me as if I was nuts. “Autoerotique asphyxiation, I choke myself to get off. I have almost died three times.”
I spent the next hour listening to morbid stories of Diane hanging herself in her mother’s basement, all for sexual pleasure. When I left because I was late for the unemployment office, I didn’t think I’d ever go back to the group. Too bad, I still hadn’t heard from any of the real jobs I’d applied for, or I’d never go back to Table 21 either. My old boss Dex said I’d never work in publishing again. Since I’d applied for jobs all over the state, it looked like he was right.
“It’s all about timing. Don’t give up,” my unemployment worker said in his cool Jamaican accent. “How about an entry level position, it’s only a 30 minute drive.” I wasn’t collecting any unemployment but was still fighting for it. I had to prove I was looking for a job making as much as my last.
“I have a degree in marketing. I’ve had entry-level positions, lots of them. I was finally a project manager. Isn’t there some law against being fired for not having sex with the boss?”
He only smiled. We’d been over that my last few employers had similar complaints about me. It worked for drug addicts, they could leave work for rehab if they messed up but apparently, sexual addiction wasn’t taken serious. Also, there was the fact I’d denied ever having sex with anyone. In the end, I just looked like a crazy liar.
“I don’t want to sell my house, the market isn’t what it used to be,” I explained to my mother on the phone outside of the unemployment office. She was helping me out as long as I was getting help.
“Loraine, you can’t just sleep your way to the top.”
“I didn’t even have sex with him, Mom.”
She made a noise of disbelief. “The check’s in the mail honey, and my offer still stands. Come live with Fred and me in Florida. Get a tan and do some soul searching. Some surfing. Lots of hot guys here in the sunshine state.”
“I’m not looking for hot guys mom, I just want to pay my mortgage and get my life back.”
She scoffed, “What life?”
“Bye Mom!” I couldn’t hit “End” fast enough.
Mom’s check alone wouldn’t keep my bills paid. It looked like it was Table 21’s tips and proving I was trying to get over my sexual addiction and lead a normal life. I’d have to consider applying for a job outside of publishing if I didn’t have any offers soon.
~*~*~*~
It was the first nice day in spring, so the lunch shift was slower than usual. I kept my head down trying to avoid Stephan as best as I could. Veronica was dying to know what happened, so she even agreed to run my drinks from the bar for me.
Stephan soon cornered me in the break room, and we were alone. I waited for it, the look of disappointment on his face. For him to say that I led him on and left -but it never came. He smiled, “Sorry about last week. I didn’t want things to go so far so quick.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I began.
“No, Lorrie. Hear me out. I don’t want to scare you off. I think there could be something between us.”
I had no idea what to say. If it were anyone but Stephan, I would have shot him down right then knowing it would all end in disaster. If we did get close, I could never put out. What guy wants to deal with that? Nevertheless, Stephan was different. He was a reminder that I used to have a life, real friends even.
“What do you say? Do you want to be my girl?”
“What?” I laughed.
Stephan ran his hands up and down my arms. “You know, how we used to do things back in high school. Say we are going steady, go to movies and get to know each other. We’ll take things slow.”
Steel, who had willing girls lined up around the block, back then, even today, wanted to date me, and wanted to wait? I picked my jaw up off the floor. “You really want to work to get in my pants?”
“We’ll do this right. You deserve all that. I want us to be special, like we were meant to be.” He paused, his mouth held tight, as if he was having an internal struggle. “Being married to Ashley was a disaster, full of what ifs and jealousy. After all we’d been through, break ups and cheating, I couldn’t give her the fairytale. Now I realize she wasn’t the girl I wanted to give it to.”
My heart swelled at his words, and I hugged his waist as he tugged on my bottom lip with his beautiful ones. I let him give me a sweet kiss since I still didn’t know how to respond.
“So I take it that’s a yes.”
I nodded my head, fighting back tears. He said he had to get back to work. I was on cloud nine when I went back into the dining room. Nineteen or not, I might even tell Veronica that I am dating Stephan!
Before I could get a word out, she stopped me. “Look who’s here.” I followed her gaze to see Rick sitting in a corner booth with a woman. She had long black hair, expensive clothes, jewelry that lit up the dark corner -and a familiar face. Gorgeous, maybe she was a movie star. Then I heard it, Rick and her were laughing.
Shocked, I asked Veronica, “Who’s the woman rubbing dick the right way?”
“Molly Sanders wants to buy a franchise, and I suspect she wants more than that. She’s rich and single. Rick is the only man to turn her down, although they’ve seemed to hit it off. I think he’s playing hard to get and winning. Have you ever seen a woman propose?”
I took a seat as it hit me like a ton of bricks; she was my Molly, Stephan’s mom. Looking great for, I counted in my head, she’d be forty-one now since Stephan and I were twenty-five. Yes, she had twins at age sixteen, left the jerk who’d knocked her up and married very well. I’d heard she left her husband, took the house and everything. Now she looked better than me! She sparkled refined, sophisticated like Rick. Her arms had those tiny but defined muscles I could never achieve, the list just got longer. I wasn’t jealous of Stephan’s mom, I scolded myself. I had Stephan.
Chapter 4
By my next group section, Stephan and I had gone for coffee once and to the movies twice, making out in his car like teenagers afterward. And just like teenagers, he hadn’t gotten past second base. I wasn’t inviting him back to mine, and he said he’d hold off “a little” longer before asking me over too. What started as taking it slow now felt like his patience had a time limit? Not to mention, I hadn’t stopped looking for random pleasure, but my heart wasn’t in it. Only getting off a couple of times this week, I was jonesing for a man’s head between my thighs. The thought of it had occupied my whole morning. My old therapist’s answer rang through me, “buy a vibrator.” If on
ly it were that simple, a vibrator just wasn’t the same. I wanted to talk to the group about it, but Rick was back, so I debated opening my mouth at all to avoid having a big dick shoved in it.
Stephan said Rick and his mom were seeing more of each other now. Rick hadn’t accosted me at work or said a word to me in almost two weeks now. After all, he was the boss, and I was only a server. I didn’t look his way as I took my seat in the circle.
It was Crystal’s turn to share. “I did it, and I feel great. I don’t think I need to come here anymore.”
“You did what Crystal, exactly?” I looked at proper Ms. Collins in a completely new light since I found out she gossiped behind our backs. Bitch.
“My gang rape. I knew it was coming… so, you know, I could get excited about it. But I didn’t know when.”
“And what happened?” Diane filled in for Rick’s usual role, as he was unusually silent.
“Well, all the men checked out clean except one was really a woman. In the end, I decided that was okay, so we signed the papers, legal stuff. They couldn’t hurt me, knew my safe word and all.”
“Go on.” Ms. Collins was writing it all down.
“I was at work in the County Clerk’s office on Monday when I got a note my car was being towed. That really pissed me off since I park in the same spot every day. I raced outside and they kidnapped me, blind folded me and hog-tied me. Took me to a hotel room a county away and had their way with me.” She questioned Ms. Collins. “Do you want all the details or should we keep it to a minimum.”
Crystal was talking about a man in the group, Casey who would get off if our stories were too hot. It was quite sick and my patience for the group as a whole was running thin.
“I don’t think the details matter. How did it make you feel afterward?”
“Great.”
“And what are your goals, Crystal?”
“I don’t regret it, I feel great. And I’m over it, I did it.”
“Amen,” Charlie shouted.
Ms. Collins motioned with her hands. “Settle down. We are all here for a reason.”
“I don’t have a reason anymore, Ms. Collins. I used to want to stop focusing on wanting someone to be forceful with me. Now, I’ve stopped. Maybe if I’d gotten that out of my system long ago, Keith wouldn’t have left me for some prude that works in real estate. Maybe I would have been happy with just one man.”
~*~*~*~
After our session, Rick grabbed my arm as I was walking out the door. “Go to lunch with me.”
I yanked away from him. “I don’t think we should. I mean if I marry Stephan you could soon be my Father-in-Law.”
He smiled brightly, ignoring my jab. “My treat, I just want to talk.”
Damn his smile! I nodded my head and followed him to the nearby coffee shop.
I let him pay for my overpriced latte although his black coffee was only a dollar. Neither of us ordered lunch. Far away from the front windows and far away from the lone barista, we sat in the back at a tiny table only big enough for a couple of coffees. His knees grazed mine when he sat, and I had a moment to notice how nice Rick looked in jeans and a t-shirt. Smelling delicious, like he just showered in expensive products, he ran his hand through his hair. It had been still damn during our meeting and had dried unusually unruly. He obviously hadn’t shaved either. His face bore a gorgeous stubble -not at all like when he was at work. None of that changed the fact he still looked like he stepped off the cover of GQ. Wrapping my hands around my warm paper cup, I let my eyes travel to his lovely hands. I couldn’t help but think about them pushing me, pulling my hair, probing me in the most intimate of ways. They were shaking as he fumbled with the cream and sugar, adding way too much.
“What did you think about Crystal being cured?” he asked breaking my study.
“I don’t think she is.” I took a sip of my coffee, burning my tongue but tried not to react.
“For the last year she has not talked about anything but being… coerced. She would have all these fantasies about it. She asked her husband to act on them but he wouldn’t.” He shook his head. “Stupid bastard. He left her, as you’ve heard, and her obsession continued.”
“So, and now she is cured?” I didn’t believe it. How many times had I told myself I was cured because I made it through one night without my fix?
“You heard her, she’s satisfied.”
I shrugged. “Good for Crystal.”
“We could do that too. You and me.”
“Here’s to hoping.” I raised my cup because it was still too hot to drink.
Rick leaned into the table, closer to me. “Loraine, I am not going to deny that I haven’t thought of anything but working my cock into that tight little buttonhole of yours for weeks now. But… it would be for your own good.” His hand clenched and unclenched. “Stephan will be heartbroken when you leave him, and I see how you look at him. The only thing stopping you two is that you can’t fuck him. And I know you are too proud to tell him about your problem.”
“Awe… I’m touched that you care so much about my love life.”
“I have my own selfish reasons too, other than enjoying breaking in your sweet pussy.”
“Let me guess, Molly,” I surmised with my best smug look.
“I know people talk, and Molly wants to start dating me, seriously, but I’ve refused.”
“Why would you refuse? Sounds like your goal of falling in love is within reach.”
“Yes, Molly and I, well, we are made for each other. She makes me laugh and loves listening to me talk business. She’s gorgeous and filthy rich since she left her husband last year and took every dime. Plus, I hear she fucks like a wildcat.”
Cougar more like it, I thought. “So what’s the problem?”
“If I start seeing Molly, seriously, and can’t even kiss her, what will happen? Besides, I can’t keep my dick in my pants and know it. I thought I could keep it in you until Molly is ready to put out. Maybe we can cure each other by then.”
“Cure me,” I laughed too loud and then whispered harshly, “You think I can be cured? I have a real problem, not just an intimacy issue that seems to have corrected itself. If you can eat pussy now, surely you can deal with some smooches.” I made a kissy face at him.
Rick’s voice was level. “It didn’t correct itself. It was you; I was… comfortable.”
I didn’t know what to say so I looked away toward the couple walking past the glass door, holding hands – they looked comfortable.
Rick added, “We’re a lot alike, me and you.”
“We are nothing alike, you fuck everything that walks, and I can’t fuck a thing.”
“No, we are too much alike. Your fear of penetration is nothing but an intimacy issue on steroids. You go and fuck some man's mouth whenever you get the chance. Until you stop being an all you can eat buffet for the next unsuspecting stranger you will never be able to have a real relationship. Heaven forbid you meet the wrong bloke, and he doesn’t take no for an answer. I’m not going to let that happen to you.”
I wanted to scream and probably would’ve if we weren’t in public. As it was, I didn’t say anything for a long time, drinking my coffee and letting it burn my tongue. Damn it, I knew Rick was right. I was skating on thin ice every time I seduced some new guy into tonguing me off. I knew it but it never mattered. It never stopped me. The clock was ticking with Stephan too. We weren’t teenagers, as much as he wanted to pretend for fairytale’s sake. We were adults, and he’d get tired of waiting in a couple of weeks.
Rick grabbed my upper thigh under the table causing a jolt of longing to run through me. “You’ve not been with a real man, one who knows how to get what he wants from a woman. I can fix you.” He caressed my wrist softly with his other hand. “Besides the reason you search for a stranger every night is for the thrill of it. Take a risk with me. We will start after work tonight.”
Something about him being in charge of me set me on fire. Not knowing if I could go th
rough with his plan, I needed something from him now. “Why wait?”
He answered me by getting up and throwing out his coffee. I followed him to the adjacent parking garage to his black SUV. Blushing as he held opened the door for me, I slipped inside.
Rick turned the key, but we didn’t move. Gripping the wheel with both hands, he stressed. “We have to be careful. I don’t think we should be seen going to my house or yours.”
“The back is just fine.” Over my shoulder, I saw comfortable black leather seats I knew folded down. “Nice and roomy back there with illegally dark windows.” I raised my eyebrows. It was the perfect solution.
“No.”
Just that one word from his lips made my heart race. A man never told me no when I suggested something like that –secluded, quick, with no strings attached. Trying to fight my attraction, I reasoned that of course my usual charm wouldn’t work on him. He knew that nothing was in it for him. However, I needed to have him. Watching my hands fidget with my bag on my lap, I breathed, “Then where should we go?”
Rick began to fiddle with the controls on his GPS. “I have a cabin just out of the city. A thirty minute drive at night, but right now during lunch, it could take an hour.”
Cabin, out of the city was worse than going back to his place. I remembered I had on my work blouse with jeans. My skirt and heels were in my purse and my hair was up too where I’d planned to run a few more errands before going to Table 21. “And I need to be at work at three, so I guess this is a bad idea,” I disclosed but didn’t move to get out of the car.
“This is not a bad idea, besides you can miss work. Don’t go.”
Frozen by his demands again, I thought about my car being parked just a level below and how easy it would be to walk away, but stayed put and said nothing. Rick took in my silence for a minute, saying nothing himself before he pulled out of the spot. Resting his hand on my thigh, he instructed me, “You’ll call Brian, tell him you’re sick. I’ll make my excuses later; say I won't be in until tomorrow.” He drove away from the parking garage.
In Too Deep Page 4
