“Jackie?” Momma nearly chokes. “Hardly, my girl. Esmeriska banned her from Moretti grounds.”
“What?! Can she do that?”
“Carmina, you will find that Esmeriska Moretti can and will do what is best for her family regardless of the consequences. I have no mother but that woman is a very good surrogate.”
“It still doesn’t matter, Momma. If Liam is not with Jackie, he obviously doesn’t want to be with me either.”
Momma’s tutting sounds concern me. When she does that, it is usually an indication that you have just said the dumbest thing she’s ever heard.
“Carmina! Do you know he slept outside your window every night for a month before you met officially?”
For the second time today, I gape at my mother who shakes her head. “Ask him about it.”
With those words, the conversation is at an end. Momma walks around the table and gives me a hug, leaving the room to supervise the chores around the estate.
On the way back to my cottage, Lilly and Jarrod wave me over. I look up at the sky, surprised that it is not raining yet.
“The plates for your car,” Lilly says, “Open it!”
Why on earth would she make such a bother over car plates? When I open the plates I knew whose input won the war.
‘RckFlr’
“Do you like it?” Lilly asks. Jarrod looks as if he’s hiding behind his wife.
“It is nice.”
Lilly claps happily, as is her particular way and bounces a few more times. “Jarrod and I got you something for the car, too.”
I hate spoiling my baby-sister’s mood, so I smile and hold my hand out.
Jarrod places the cutest, happiest looking dancing sunglass-fitted sunflower gadget in my palm.
“It wouldn’t be yours if it didn’t have that flower somewhere,” Lilly says and I can’t suppress the bubbling titter.
“It was my idea to get that one. It is happy. We want you to be happy too.”
I catch the slight serious undertone in Jarrod’s words. Ignoring it, I walk away tossing the plates in Jarrod’s direction.
“Fit it please, that would make me super happy!”
“Witch!”
Lilly waves at me and they walk hand in hand across the courtyard.
When I get home, I know John is inside. I head straight to the kitchen, as he never goes past the fridge into the rest of my home. As expected, John is sitting with his feet on the table, leaning back in the chair.
“Jeesh, where have you been, stranger?”
“Not that it is your concern, I’ve been with my mother.”
“Oh. Well, I brought you some fresh meat. You’re looking pale again.”
“I’m not sleeping well,” I confess.
“Liam can solve that problem.” John snips at me, rocking himself on the chair. For a moment, I thought to kick the chair out from under him.
“John, why is everybody pushing me at Liam? What if… I don’t want to be with him?”
“I’ll know if you don’t, then I’ll claim you for myself.”
I glare at him and the idea of shoving the chair is settling spitefully in my mind.
“John, is it true your mother banned Jackie from your grounds?”
“Yeah, you will not believe what my mother did after that!” He snorts hard.
“Why?”
“Because you are too stupid to see what you’re doing to my brother.” Johns words are not mean or accusing, nor are they teasing and playful. They are firm.
“It is precisely why—”
John flies off the chair and puts his hand over my mouth. “No, you left because you were scared, don’t use my brother as an excuse. If we are pushing you, then ask yourself what do we see that you don’t?” John lets go of my mouth and taps me on the nose.
“Look at that rain!”
Getting Lost
I went to bed early last night. Emotionally, I am drained and while I hate the nightmares, they do offer a masochistic relief from reality, which I currently find just as unbearable. When I wake up, I am in a terrible mood. I look at the rain and decide I need to clear my head. Changing into the hockey outfit Lady E bought me, I tie my hair back and head outside; I don’t care which way I’m going, I just need to run.
I start at a steady pace, drinking in the beautiful surroundings. Lush, long green patches seeding the clearings, small wild flowers sprinkled against drenched thickets. I feel my body craving more and more from me. I give in to the sensation and circle around the volcano, through the musky smelling wet canyon and into unknown territory. I don’t stop when I notice the unfamiliar area but continue until I reach a part of the river that is under thick cover. The rain is still pouring down and I allow myself the luxury of crying, merging my tears with the purity of rainwater. I feel guilty for allowing my soul’s stains to taint nature’s lavishness.
I hear the movement and when I look up, Jackie is standing right behind me. She seems surprised to see me, and I suddenly know without doubt where I am.
“I’m sorry Jackie - I didn’t realize I crossed the boundaries.”
“Oh that is alright, Petal. How are you these days?”
I don’t like her tone and her catty friendliness. I know she does not like me much and, admittedly, the feeling is mutual.
“Ahw, welcome Carmina. I am sure Maria and Joseph will be happy to see you. After all, you have an invite to our grounds.”
I forgot about that; Joseph did invite me after the game. Of course I would like to see Maria and Joseph. Jackie holds her hand out to me and I hesitate before taking it. She pulls me up and motions me to follow behind her. Jackie is fast but I can keep up, and it is not long before we reach a thick canopy allowing small trickles of rain through. I can smell Joseph and Maria close by but my suspicion of Jackie does not dissipate.
“Carmina! My dear girl! I wish you had let us know you were coming!” Joseph grabs me by the shoulders and kisses both my cheeks. “Come, come inside… this weather is appalling!”
Joseph takes my hand, leading me through a small opening and I marvel at the stately home behind it. It is beautifully carved into the volcanic wall. The courtyard is spacious and open with thickets literally growing over and around the home. I am reminded of a hobbit home like the ones from the movies. There are big glass windows facing outwards, looking like mirrors inviting you to look closer.
“It is beautiful, Joseph!” I compliment him sincerely. The man looks like he is about to explode with happiness.
“Such an honor you came to visit.”
“I-I went for a run, Joseph, and lost my direction.” I confess, blindly.
“Oh, even better that way, dear girl!” He pats me on my back. Jackie is slinking behind us and I am careful to keep my mind closely guarded. I relax somewhat when I see Maria’s kind smile. She immediately blurs her way towards me.
“Oh! Mina! You are so wet,” she visibly shivers at the notion and I am reminded that they are often times more cat than human… or vampire.
“Come inside, we have a good fire burning. You can dry. Are you hungry?”
I am a terrible liar so I don’t even try. “I am, thank you Maria!”
The home inside is spacious with luxurious couches stretched from wall to wall. It is clear that their main room is for lounging about, the fireplace is huge and the fire is casting a lazy heat around the whole room. There is not much else, but for modern pictures in colossal frames. On closer inspection, I blink several times noting that the pictures are of the Valley.
“What were you running from, bella?” Joseph asks. “Nobody runs so far and doesn’t notice unless they are trying to outrun a problem, eh?” The old charmer is very perceptive.
“You are right. I was trying to run away from stories Joseph, I’ve been reading too much and I think maybe my head will explode. So I ran to clear it out. Make space, you know?”
Maria’s laughter rings out as she approaches me.
“Oh, I know what you mean! T
he old stories can be so heavy. You would not be human if you didn’t try to run away from it,” she teases a little. I appreciate Maria’s gentleness, which is the direct opposite of Jackie’s vicious demeanor.
Memories Shared
Joseph proceeds to ask me about the family, how we are doing. He’s heard that I live with them in my own place now. He opens his home to me by way of invite to come and go as I please.
“Sometimes you need more quiet than the quiet you get.” Maria backs up the invite while Jackie remains stretched out over a couch.
“You have changed your scent, the pine is a lovely touch,” Maria notes and an ardent discussion about the family business and perfumes ensues. I truly enjoy the company. Joseph is a very funny man that reminds me of an Italian vendor taking absolute delight in charming and entertaining his clientele. Maria’s energy is slower but observant. She does not talk a lot but when she does there is a great deal of understanding and encouragement behind her words. I can see why this pair work together as well as they do.
Joseph takes two books from his personal library and tells me to take them. The one is a book used to teach children about cultures, morals and values in the form of legends and stories and the other is a breakdown of the clans and their grounds, hunting grounds and maps.
“It is good to know where you are when you get there,” he winks at me.
We talk a little longer and when I mention that I have learned to hunt, the trio together takes an interest. Even Jackie seems to be impressed.
“I cannot believe that! You have to show us, please Carmina; what a marvel you are!” Joseph asks. Worried about the link with Jackie, I ignore my instincts and allow the three of them to see the hunt, but censoring it to show John and Jarrod, not Liam.
Maria and Joseph were loud in their yowling cheers when the animal came down. I don’t know the protocol of closing the link with other Ancients, so I politely withdrew from them. I should have known Jackie would get her moment.
A quick flash of Liam’s half naked body leaning over Jackie’s sparsely covered features and a deep growl from him.
“I don’t want her like this,” The words come close to collapsing me on the spot. Joseph rises to my rescue by slamming the link shut.
“Jackie!” He growls at her, and I feel Jackie’s satisfaction at closing the link before I could. I look at her, the bitter taste pushing up in my throat. I force a smile and a calm I didn’t know I possess.
Jarrod told me when you hunt, you have to let the animal believe you are their friend for long enough to get close. I also recall Lady E’s warning to pick my battles. Joseph and Maria are a lot less subtle about their view on the intrusion. Their eyes are like daggers, directed at Jackie. I shove the books in under the jacket, knowing it is waterproof, and shake my hair out.
The look of confusion on Jackie’s face gives me unconditional pleasure and I let her feel that too. I let her think I enjoyed the picture she has shown me.
“Oh, it is nothing Joseph, leave her be.” I chime evenly. “I must get back anyway. It was wonderful to see all of you today. A wonderful way to get lost.”
Maria kisses both my cheeks and hugs me close. “I’m sorry. Your hunt was beautiful.”
“Will you get home alright, bella? It is getting dark?” Joseph asks concerned.
“I will find my way Joseph. I will go the way I came. Thank you for a warm welcome today. I am most honored.”
I head over to Jackie, and kiss both her cheeks too. She hisses in my direction and I can’t help but feel sorry for her. She is scratching at the wrong post, as Lady E put it.
Knowing that they will feel my mood and energy for a while, I firmly hold on to the calm and serenity of the day. Confident that they can’t keep up with me, I focus my thoughts around the lovely Maria and her beautiful nature and Joseph’s fatherly warmth, until I know I am far beyond their reach, even if they did try to follow me.
When I reach the courtyard, my legs start giving way but I force myself towards the cottage. I discern John’s presence but there is nothing I wish to do about it. In the back of my garden, I fall to my knees.
***
John hears Carmina’s heartbeat and knows something’s wrong. He can also smell that hellcat’s family all over her. When she falls down on her knees, John is jolted into moving by the horrifying screams breaking from Carmina’s chest. He thought she had passed out and is dreaming. When he reaches her seconds later, she hits at him manically. John pushes hard to link with her but she has checked out.
“Mother… MOTHER!”
“What’s the matter, John?”
“Its Mina, I don’t know what’s wrong… she smell of cat and is … Look,”
Esmeriska feels nauseated by the strong emotional bubble all around Carmina.
“Get her Mother and Sister.”
When Margarith and Lilly arrive in the garden, they try to get close to Carmina to comfort her. She violently fights them off. The screams are increasing and getting wilder. The woman sits with her, silently watching and John rubs his hand through his hair, looking around in despair.
“Liam… bro…” John reaches for his brother but Liam is not answering him. Desperately, John walks towards the tree line and howls into the rain. His parents answer in return but not a sound from Liam.
“We’re almost there my boy, where’s Liam?”
“I don’t know… he is not answering me…”
“Nor us…”
***
I feel the Moretti family push to speak to me but my anger is burning holes in my head. It hurts so much! How could he? Why would he say that if he didn’t mean it? I know he doesn’t want me… but … but…
“I don’t want her like this,” I hear and see Liam while he is leaning over the half-naked Jackie.
I can’t speak the words in my mind; my body will not let me. I want to die - I want them to leave me alone! I scream again, putting every ounce of muscle, hurt and anger into the scream. It hurts my throat, it hurts my chest but the burning in my skull won’t go away. I feel the claws, the words clinging to my nerves, chewing through them and getting trapped like a rabbit in a snare.
The shared memory attacks my awareness by rolling through it over and over blanketing every other calming thought that may want to rise. She is so beautiful; she is one of them. Of course. Banned from their grounds but he not from hers. I feel myself getting sick, the food pushing into my throat. The rain rushes around me, however it does nothing for the fire that is spreading internally. The small mud splatters assault my clothing.
I want this to go away but the random bouts of mocking and taunting from my own mind refuse to let it. Please, please just let me die… just let me… Don’t touch me. Don’t rescue me. I’ve had enough.
I’ve had enough!
The silence inside was sudden. It was complete. I know what I have to do. I don’t look at the faces. My movement is automatic, mechanical. I know what I need to do. I take my keys, kiss my sister, my mother and my brother. I know what I need to do.
They try to stop me but I know I am faster. Dripping wet and determined, I start my car and drive into the direction of the town. Fast. Half of Lilly’s car cables are on the seat next to me.
When I get to town, I book a hotel, pay for a week, check in and leave my car in front of it. Cutting through the farmer’s fields, I run, and run, and run. When the sun comes up, I stop just long enough to catch a few birds and empty their nests of eggs, eating them raw.
At the next town, I use cash and buy a new outfit, buy supplement liver tablets and a backpack to carry food and water, setting off again. I come across a massive open field and choose to sleep there. I can see for miles around and the nearest person is on the far side of the sun. I pull out the book Joseph gave me and study the pages fast and intensely. I make up my mind where I will go and how I will get there.
I am done.
I cannot and will not be a puppet of my own circumstance. If I have to suffer life, it wil
l be on my terms.
Plan in place, I go to sleep.
***
Missed Opportunity
Liam lost Carmina a few minutes into her run. His own mind is frantic with worry and he cannot find her. He dreads the thought of her vanishing from him again. All day he’s been looking for her and at the point his family all reach for him, he ignores them. He cannot let them know he’s lost her again. He does not want to hunt with them or see them. He wants to know where Carmina is and they will get in the way of that. Liam regards their feverish emotion as an imagined mix of his own.
It was Maria’s effort that grabs his attention.
“William, you have to go to your Carmina.” She speaks to him.
“I can’t find her.” He confesses immediately.
“She will need you. The control she has shown… it is unnatural, William.”
“Maria, what do you mean?”
“Jackie… William, you must find our friend. Joseph followed her but he lost her, she is too fast; too clever.”
If Joseph cannot keep up with Carmina, who on this despicable planet can! Where would she go?!
“I am sorry, William, she is such a good woman. You chose right.”
With that, Maria withdraws and Liam sets off towards the Fire Clan’s home. What the hell did Jackie do to Carmina that would worry Maria and Joseph so much?! Dreading the worst, Liam ignores the second round of hits from his family. He morphs into his wolf on the run and speeds towards the cottage. He stops when he sees Carmina’s car pass him. He tries to follow it but she is driving too fast and he loses her for the second time that day.
Hidden Carmina Page 21
