Blood Donor
Time flows differently inside these walls. I cannot tell night from day and I have no interest to know, either. My heart is still aching and there is the gnawing fire in my brain. At night I see nothing else but the hateful memory burnt into my being. It plays over and over; sometimes it changes just enough to make Jackie look at me with a victorious expression.
That which is my pain is, too, the highlight of Dimitri’s day - or night, as it were. I sleep when I want to, and Dimitri appears shortly before I’m dragged off into a heavy miasma filled with the man I love, loving the woman I have come to hate. He sits there silently, watching me sleep while the two girls stand guard. When either of the women feel I may hurt myself, they wake me up and, in their own strange way, they do try to comfort me.
As for my blood, Dimitri has not touched it again. He teases me, often saying that my blood is like a drug to his clientele and I have made him a criminal dealing in contraband. It is clear from the amount of blood that is meticulously extracted and the financial contributions I am able to bestow upon Lilly’s orphanage that Dimitri is making a fair deal at extortionist’s fees. On rare occasions, he allows a buyer to sit with me on the bed when Darya or Alina tap the blood. This is very rare, as Dimitri is not very trusting of his clients, even if their purses are bottomless. Other times he may invite a friend - with a bigger than average purse - to sit with him and take perverse pleasure in my torture and agony while I sleep.
All the mirrors have been removed and I may catch my own reflection in the glass at times. The images are distorted and I dismiss the thinning features that reflect back at me. Dimitri and his clientele insist that they have never witnessed a “human stitched together with pain, wearing torture so beautifully.”
In fact, that is the inscription Dimitri engraves personally, all around my display case in plated gold.
***
Searching
It has been seven weeks since Carmina vanished. The Moretti family is still not giving up and the Azzara family reach out far and wide to contacts they have. When Carmina left, Esmeriska took matters to the rulers of the Ancients houses. She was not going to let Jackie get away with this behavior without consequences and insists that she be dealt with for interference. Vampires, Originals, Ancients or half-breeds may not have many rules but one rule in particular is upheld to the last letter.
“You do not try to sever bonds between a pair.”
Of course, Esmeriska isn’t the type to insist on death or torture in the absence of the victim. She firmly believes in consequences and the opportunity to show remorse, too. Esmeriska may be an Ancient but she has a fondness for certain human values she was raised with before she became what she is. Instead, she suggests to Joseph and Maria that Jackie lives with her and execute tasks that will help in the search of Carmina.
Ironically, Jackie has been suffering at the absent Carmina’s hand for the past seven weeks. She shows no signs of remorse and fear nor reckoning; quite the opposite. Jackie’s hatred towards Carmina is only fueled. Jackie is a proud being and the humiliation of banishment, not only from her own family but that of the Ancient houses combined, seeps poison into her mind. Carmina being human adds to the anger. The fact that the man whose attention she’s monopolized for decades now refuses to acknowledge her existence other than to despise her contributes to the intense abhorrence Jackie feels towards Carmina. Jackie harbors only a festering loathing. Revenge is her driving force at this point in time.
Whenever Jackie objects or slacks on the instructions handed to her, Esmeriska is quick to remind her of the flawless reason she has to rip the Lynx girl apart. There is also no question that Esmeriska Moretti could execute this task efficiently should she need to. Jackie is alive at the mercy of Esmeriska alone and it is evident in her character that she is not thankful. The men of the Moretti house would much sooner see Jackie disposed of than interact with her, so they avoid contact.
Liam burnt his den to the ground. He moved into Carmina’s cottage, angry with his mother for letting that atrocious woman live. However, Liam understands his mother’s reasoning and he also knows his mother’s mind. Jackie is being kept alive because Carmina is the one who will be the judge of Jackie’s actions. With the ruling as it stands, it also means that Esmeriska can keep a close watch on Jackie.
Liam has searched everywhere in Carmina’s cottage for a clue of where she may have gone. He feels closest to her when he is sitting in the bay seat window, but she has left nothing at all to clue him in on her mind’s working. He reads her diary over and over and constantly edges against the link between them. It is no consolation, but at least he can feel her alive.
Sporadically, information comes forth where coven members of other clans have spotted a girl running – or most often reported blurring – through their territory. Carmina has become an enigma in some areas and even a pilot or two are not sure anymore if they had genuinely seen her. The most frustrating part about all of this is that there is no pattern to her movements and at times, if the reports are accurate, Carmina has passed back and forth in different directions several times. Liam can’t help but feel proud of the girl, considering she has passed through several highly populated clan territories unnoticed or hardly noticed. The ones who have seen her refuse to believe she’s human at all.
Jarrod and Lilly are with child. Lilly is not handling her sister’s leaving too well and when she discovers her pregnancy, it is a bittersweet moment. The pair are working on a baby room but the joy is blemished by the absence of the one person they want to share this with more than anything. Jarrod still passes by the hotel where Carmina booked herself in, just to be sure she’s not hiding out right under their noses.
Margarith is withdrawn and quiet but she has not neglected any of her duties or responsibilities. Her brother Darious is very curious about the incident and constantly insists on updates. This annoys Margarith as she has known since day one that Darious has not been the model uncle. She feels suspicious of her brother’s motives but has no reason for it at this time. Margarith is an Elder, though, and she has a clan to run, encourage and support - thus she focuses on that task at hand. The news of Lilly’s baby is a welcome change and a joyous moment to Margarith; she insists that Lilly and Jarrod stay in the main house until the baby room is finished and the child is born.
John has not returned to the courtyard since he walked out the door 7 weeks ago. He is in touch with his family, but he is travelling and searching. John is convinced that he will find something to lead them to Carmina. He misses the Vixen and cannot help chasing after any bit of information on the off chance that he will find her. The Houses know Carmina is alive because they can feel the thread of her link woven with theirs - she’s just not answering the calls.
John has tried every approach to get through to his Vixen but she is adequately shut down. In his mind’s eye, John keeps seeing her body writhing and hurting in the rain and nobody able to do anything. He feels guilty for his own lack in ability to help but he carries a heavy accusation on his chest.
He loves his brother but he is angry at him for his hand in this affair with Jackie. He blames Liam for falling prey to Jackie’s tricks and not manning up to the woman he loves. He blames Liam for Carmina’s suffering, especially the unnecessary nightmares. John believes that if Liam made use of the opportunities presented, he could have avoided all of the heartache and pain. If there is one thing the whole family can feel without any dispute, it is the poisonous torture that strings together in the fiber of their minds where Carmina’s thread is woven. They know she’s suffering and there is nothing they can do about it. This is the torture John holds onto to drive him in his searches.
Liam never had the chance to teach Carmina how to sever the emotional link from that of the Ancients. They are thankful for this small connection to her, but they are also painfully aware of her agony. John blames Liam for making her worst nightmare a reality and, while he has not confronted Liam about it, he m
ade it clear to his brother. The last words passed verbally and privately between the two brothers were John’s: “Carmina is suffering life.”
***
Meetings
I hear Dimitri’s excited words drifting into the museum where I live and work in a glass box.
“You will not believe this Elizabeth, but she walked right in here on her own.”
Dimitri jokingly laments his regret for getting the better deal. I get a flicker of pride as he speaks to me, once he and the goddess at his arm reach me.
“Oh Carmen! I am such a terrible beast! I profit so greatly from your stay with me, a kept man. How can I ever repay you?”
I answer the same way as always. “As long as you pay my fee, we have no other debts to settle.”
The look on his face is no different from any other time; utter, unadulterated pride. Despite his sense for the dramatic, Dimitri has been good to me.
The goddess at Dimitri’s arm stirs marginally when he opens the glass panel for her. Instead of speaking, she waves him off. Her body snakes over mine, inhaling and exhaling with her mouth partially open. I keep expecting a purr from her, like Jackie’s. Like with Jackie, I don’t particularly care for this woman. Something about the air around her is stale and pretentious.
Elizabeth’s breasts heave against my stomach as she moves her face over my chest to rest her ear over my heart. I keep my own breathing stable but there is nothing I can do about the fear beating through my heart. Dimitri told me to be as calm as possible when he lets someone in. He jokes but the serious message behind the joke is clear. The slightest distraction, and these erratic creatures will lose control. Unlike he, who relies on donations from humans, these ones are hunters and the slightest challenge will thrill them.
“You know my guards. We’ve spoken about the etiquette, Elizabeth. Don’t make me regret it.” Dimitri is not joking in the slightest when he issues this exact and sincere warning to all his clientele.
With the tubing fitted under surgical conditions, my arm is lifted, the first drops of my untainted blood pours into Elizabeth’s mouth. The woman smacks her lips and moans in anticipation when a small cup is produced. My heart starts galloping when I smell the blood. I have to fight my own demons so I look away and feel the gentle nudge when the ration is tapped. I open my mouth and breathe in, catching Elizabeth’s fragrance. I focus on her aroma instead of the sweet vapor of my own blood. Her perfume smells like something Lilly may have concocted from natural blends and oils. The ache in my chest at the thought of my sister brusquely morphs into extreme tiredness. I wonder, briefly, how long I have been here, and if I have missed my sister and brother’s birthday - or my mother’s. It is with stubborn force that I remove those images from my mind.
Elizabeth’s melodic voice rings around me when she receives her quota and elegantly slides off the bed.
“Oh Dimitri, you have found deliverance!” She teases and walks outside on his arm, every bit the goddess again while clutching the treasure she came for in a delicate hand. Dimitri looks past her at me. His smile does not reach my eyes. I close and open my eyes, trying to focus on him.
“Worth every curse I may ever incur!” he exclaims, though I don’t miss the concerned look that crosses his face. I am too tired to analyze my life at this very moment so I lay back on my bed and let sleep get a hold of me.
** The dreams are nightmares are dreams and nightmares**
Scissors in my hand, a grin on my face. I am still human, but not human anymore. The flowers are so pretty. I snip more and more flowers as I walk. Green, blue, golden, white, yellow; a rainbow of colors.
When I get to a ceremonial altar, I turn with a giggle to look at the pretty flowers behind me.
The giggle turn into a scream.
What have I done?
The eyes are looking at me. All of them, pleading. They’re hungry!
I look at them desperate to understand. They were flowers! No! What have I done!
The eyes flicker and then close, their last sight of me.
I did this! I am killing them!
I must feed them, they are hungry! I MUST!
I push the scissors straight into my chest.
The blood pours out, streaking down the path towards the flickering eyes.
Not fast enough! I’m not fast enough!
More eyes blink, dim, and then close.
NO! NO!! Please, I can feed you, stay with me. Don’t go!
My own eyes become dull. I must feed them! I am dying!
No, don’t let me die yet; I’m not done!
My eyes blur and I turn back to the altar to place the scissors on it before I cannot see.
A dark misty mass forms a hand and takes the scissors, lifting them up and stabs me in my eyes.
I scream, and scream, and scream.
I hear the soft laughter and when my eyes open; it is a passionately charged Dimitri I see.
“You are so desirable when you sleep Carmen,” His voice is raw with suppressed emotions. “I wish I never sealed this deal with you. I am tired of sharing you.”
His palms are on the glass, his face pushed up against it. I am too tired to answer him so I let him continue his theatrics for a while longer.
“I wish you will tell me about your dreams, Carmen. I want to share in them. I hear your heartbeat; I see your agony. Какáя краси́вая дéвушка! (What a beautiful girl!). I want you, Carmen, as my own.” he hisses into the glass with a tortured expression.
I gather my energy together and get off the bed. Putting my palm against his with the glass between us, I tease him moderately.
“Are you asking me to marry you, Dimitri? The shame it would bring to your coven, marrying a trophy! A human girl… it won’t do, my gracious host and savior!”
This lifts his mood as it would a child with a new playmate. He turns away from me to sit in his chair but his eyes do not shift for long before fixing back onto me.
“If I asked you, and offered you immortality, would you take it, Carmen?”
I stare at him and then purse my lips together, pouting like a young girl. “I am educated, Dimitri Thana, you would need the permission from the Ancients. Do you think they will allow it?”
Dimitri puts his finger on his chin while pondering. “You are educated, and you came with a book from an Ancient’s home. Perhaps if I invite them—”
I feel the fear of his words shiver through my body. I shouldn’t let this silly game go too far.
“Oh my Dimitri, I told you when we met I have no desire to be immortal. You will have to settle for being my hero.”
The good thing about Dimitri is the ease with which I can sway him in my favor. I have learned that he is always looking for a trade or a production. Hero over husband seems to be an acceptable trade and the stage cast for him at this moment is production enough to distract him.
“It is a good thing this devil doesn’t have a sweet tooth… you will make it ache, Carmen. So sweet. So beautiful.”
In the time that passes, I fight constantly against the tiredness. I am determined that every last drop of my blood will be sold and I will take the children’s fee for it. Dimitri has been careful not to place too much of a tax on me. For the monster that his nature makes him, he unquestionably takes care of his property. I have seen Dimitri handle some of the Goth-looking girls and it frightens me to think he is able to swing his mood in such a malicious way. He enjoys hurting them, hearing them plea for immortality just to shout at them for being insolent. However, he has never so much as raised his voice at me. Since his last confession and expressed jealousy, the glass box is not opened for guests again.
Dimitri comes to visit me several times a day to see what I am doing, how I am feeling, and, if I am sleeping, to watch me sleep. He does not actively get involved in my business but he will listen when I ask for information and his cunning mind is quick to hatch a plan or offer solid advice. Today, it is I who wants to speak with him about a matter I know he’s not
going to like.
“Dimitri, I want to ask for a favor. A promise from you.”
His eyes rest on me pensively and he waves his hand as if to hurry me along. Dimitri has a theory that if I am happy then I am less troublesome but I know he means that I am more open to play along in one of his dramas. He has no idea about my abilities and I have been careful to conceal a lot about myself along with my history. Dimitri has become a father figure of sorts. This princess is not in a tower, but in personal isolation. I regard the vampire in front of me, knowing I’ll have to word myself properly; he does not like to think of my mortality.
“Dimitri, I will not live forever,” I watch the disdain on his face grow, “…you know this. I don’t want to live forever. We have a deal, you remember that?”
“Yes, yes… why do you torture me by reminding me, Carmen?”
“I want you to make sure that when my heart stops, it is stopped properly. Destroy it. It must not stop only to revive me! I don’t want … accidents.”
Hidden Carmina Page 23
