“So help me…” he growls to himself.
***
Giving a Push
The hunt is a great success. I feel proud, like every hunt before, able to hold my own and bring down my target alone this time. With winter upon us, we had to move further out than usual to track and catch our meat. This made the trip more charged with anticipation and energy. As before, Jarrod presents the blessing of the hunter god and goddess and we share soft, warm meat from our catch. Roland decides it is time that I learn to drink blood from the animal myself.
“You never know when you are going to get stuck, and there is not always a cup. You need blood more than we do, Carmina.” Roland speaks practically, “And while it will not provide you hydration it will keep you healthier and fed.”
With that, he shows me where to make the incisions to gain access and easily massage enough blood into my system. John and Jarrod look proud as punch when I pull away from the animal.
“You do not want to get blood all over yourself, Carmina.” Jarrod continues my lesson. “In the woods, you are not the only hunter. If you must take food with you, find a way to seal it, or hunt small and eat what you can before moving on.”
With the lesson complete, I get my ‘Girl scout’ badge in the form of a line from each of the men with me. Roland carries my catch in one hand and his other is wrapped around my waist.
“I am so proud of you. John is right, you are a natural huntress.” He compliments me, the serious chords far removed from his voice.
I cannot help but wonder what is happening to me. I enjoy the taste of the blood; I enjoy the taste of the raw meat. I know it is healthier for me than the medication we once tried, but … am I becoming a monster too? I shake my hair out and put the memory in the ‘sort later’ file. Right now, I am happy and proud and amongst the best hunters I know.
When we get to the courtyard, John and Roland take me to the kitchen to show me how to skin, clean and prepare the meat. The process is harder than I imagined but after a few tries, I find my way around the sharp blades.
“And now you are a true wild woman; I like seeing you like this Carmina,” Roland speaks sincerely.
John shoves at me with his shoulder, “Good job Vixen. I am proud of you.”
I clean up in Momma’s house before breakfast starts and make my way to the hall joining the rest of the clan. The terrible trio is already in full assembly. Lilly is struggling hard with the laughter, and was rushed to the girl’s-room on more than one occasion. A baby in the belly, breakfast juice and laugh-a-minute comic relief does that to one’s bladder.
I see the snow through the window, drifting to the ground and for the first time it dawns on me: a year ago I met the Moretti family, Lilly got married and things changed so much. I am still me, but I know there are parts of me that have been altered to extend far beyond my own comprehension. After breakfast, I seek mother out in her kitchen. She was expecting me as my cup is already by the kettle with the honey and teabags, waiting.
I make us each a cup and sit down, eyeing all the ledgers and books Momma has spread out in front of her.
“You’re working already, Momma?”
Momma’s office has always been in the kitchen. She prefers to work here where she can be close to her family. The office for the company is not far away from the house, but Momma is a creature of comfort and this is where she’s most comfortable.
“Indeed, my child. How are you?”
“I feel great, Momma. I think I’m mended and ready to get back to life as a whole.”
Momma looks me up and down and then taps her chest with the pencil.
“And how are you?” she repeats her question. I know what Momma means by this and I take a moment to do a self-search and internal stock-take.
“I don’t know, Momma. I try not to think too much at the moment. I have a million questions but I am afraid of the answers I may get.”
Momma puts the back of the pencil against her chin, tapping it a few times then speaks earnestly.
“Do those questions include you and Liam?”
“Just about all of them do, Momma. I came to the conclusion that there is no ‘me and Liam’. There is me, and there is Liam. We are just sort of… ships passing in the night.”
“Roland?” Momma asks outright. I love this about my mother.
“There is nothing romantic going on with Roland, Momma. He’s a kindred spirit.”
“Hmm.”
“Momma! You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you, Carmina; you’re a terrible liar. I can’t help but think Roland has ideas, though.”
I laugh at my mother and wrinkle my nose. “Roland is what he is Momma. He’s just being himself.”
I point at one of the ledgers, showing Momma a mistake and fixing it. She asks, “Why don’t you take this task off my hands? You have a good eye and a good head for numbers.”
“I like the designs, Momma.”
My mother looks at me and makes that tutting sound again. Obviously I said something dumb again.
“Who said you had to stop? Besides, that last design of yours received a lot of attention. Just give it a try. I may have to leave for long periods at a time and I don’t trust anyone with this.”
I smile at my mother and pat her hand.
“Fine, I’ll take it over from you. It’s the least I can do to make up for the distress I caused you.” I pull an envelope from under one of the ledgers.
“Uncle Darious? How is he?”
My mother’s face darkens and I frown. “He’s a pain. Fitting of the job description for brothers, I suppose. But he’s too keen on knowing my clan’s business. I think he worries about you taking land or something.”
“Really? He knows I have no claim and I have no interest.”
Momma looks pensive when she speaks next. “A man cooking without meat in his pot, Carmina, is a hungry man.”
“Momma, I am sorry for the troubles I brought to our clan.”
“Carmina Rose Nightshade, don’t you dare – I should go see to lunch.” My mother says, leaving me with the books.
I pull them closer and finish a few of the orders, organize the filing and jot down notes in the margins of the marketing campaign Momma is contemplating. I decide to go home for lunch. I am tired.
When I get to the cottage, Liam is there and he has already put a plate out for me. He’s sitting in the glove seat with a book open in his lap.
“You done consorting with the enemy?” He asks too sharp.
“I wasn’t aware Roland was an enemy.”
Liam picks up the book and starts reading without saying another word. I take my plate to the bay window, along with a book of my own. The snow is densely settling and the landscape is becoming washed in white. For a moment, I am reminded of a snow-globe.
Moving around to get ready for dinner, I feel Liam’s eyes following me. His bad mood is starting to rub at my patience so I leave without a word.
When I get to the hall, Roland is standing in the same place as always. This time I walk inside with him but ask to join my sister instead. Roland makes a horrified face and shouts at Jarrod about being dumped by a human snack! John responds by saying it’s his own fault for choosing food that can run faster than him. I sit down next to Lilly and ask, “When are the ‘eat Carmina’ jokes going to end?”
“Never. You’re food, they’re always hungry.” She sides with the men.
I ask Lilly how she is and we speak about her trip to Dimitri’s. She informs me that they will be leaving the day after tomorrow and that Briaan and Sullen will ride out with them to the city limits. Dimitri was in his element and offered the jet service to get them there. As far as he is concerned, tin cans should not fly, and if you are going to fly in one, it better get you where you’re going fast and comfortably. I can vividly imagine the production.
“You are doing the right thing, Lilly,” I encourage my little sister while rubbing over her belly.
“I know. But
are you, Mina?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you honestly think you should stay behind? You are in danger too.”
“I will be fine. Or would you have me run off with Roland instead?” I tease and Lilly rolls her eyes. Shortly after I feel the baby kicks into my hand and Lilly yelps. This brings Jarrod out of thin air to appear at his wife’s side.
“Shoo, go find your own couch.”
I get up to make space for Jarrod who jumps over the back of the couch and slides in behind his wife, wrapping his hands over her round belly. They look a picture of happiness. My heart aches and I know I am envious.
Education Overdue
I look for my mother to check about the work I did for her; instead, I find Liam and Roland glaring at each other in a showdown. I don’t know what it is with those two, but I’m not in the mood to deal with either one of them right now. I turn and stand toe-to-toe with John.
“Jeeesh! I can’t turn myself around without one of you in my face!” I whine.
“You’ll live. Where are you heading?”
“To my mother.”
“Better prospect,” He grabs my hand and drags me off to Briaan and Sullen, where he triumphantly lifts it up and shouts, “I found her! I deserve a treat.”
Sullen laughs and tells John to wait with the rest of the family. He may be Ancient, but he has no special rights where she’s concerned.
John pouts and sits down like a well-chastised toddler.
Briaan holds a book out to me.
“We want to give you this. You have been reading and learning a lot about your family. You are our friend-family and so you should learn about us too. Everything in there is sacred to our families. And true.”
My mouth hangs open in awe. The book is wrapped and tied in sturdy dark leather with what looks like a burnt branded Celtic emblem on the outside.
I hug both of them to me and thank them emotionally.
“Do not forget who you are, Carmina, but do not forget where you are either.” Sullen speaks as she gets up and Briaan follows his wife out.
John leans over my shoulder and I feel the energy floating around him. “Trusted by the gypsies. That doesn’t happen often.”
I turn to speak to John but Roland, who had just jerked the former backwards, has replaced him.
I hold the book up to Roland; his eyes soften when he smiles.
“You are one of us, Carmina. You should not be kept in a box.”
I laugh and push him against the shoulder, protesting: “I am not in a box; you’re being a beast.”
“Then marry me!” He shouts loudly. “Let me show you what it is to live like a real woman. We can have many children… or practice for them often!”
I hear the teasing in his voice and the crude connotation of his joke flushes my skin. “Roland! You are incorrigible!”
Two things happen almost at once. Roland rubs the corner of his mouth, drops his head and chuckles. “Sometimes you just need to ask the right questions.”
The next thing that happens is Liam’s sudden appearance. He punches Roland in the jaw so hard I hear the bones shift. I shout at Liam but he points a finger at Roland who’s rubbing at his chin.
“We’ll talk later.”
Roland seems to be enjoying the exchange to no degree, waving at me when Liam picks me up and for the second time in two days marches me out of the dinner hall.
“I count on it.” Roland’s cocky answer floats behind us.
It takes a while for me to catch my breath and slow my heart. Choking with anger, I beat against Liam’s chest and furiously shout at him to put me down. Liam is ignoring me, which serves to make me more stubborn and angrier. What is his problem?!
When we get to the cottage, Liam does not put me down but locks both doors behind us. He then drops me in the living room, his eyes blazing in anger.
“Why are you being a jerk?”
“Carmina, I’ve not started being a jerk yet.” Liam warns me. I know I should listen, but I don’t. Liam’s voice is cold, calculated and immensely calm.
“You behave like a cave-man, Liam! You are rude and obnoxious to our guests! You have no right!” I scream at him.
Liam takes his shirt off and throws it in front of the door, using his foot to jam it in well and truly. My eyes stretch knowing that what he’s done is an easy way to stop someone from opening a door fast to escape. The shirt jams it and makes it stick. I look at him and frown.
“You like playing with the Devil’s tail, don’t you, Carmina?”
Liam is circling me and I turn to keep facing him, when my back is to the fireplace, he moves the glove seat to block the kitchen entrance. I feel anxious and push firmly at John’s awareness. When he does not answer, I try the Ancients one at a time, but nobody lets me connect with them.
Liam whirls towards me and grabs me by the shoulders, his fingers digging in hard.
“Answer me.”
“You’re not the devil, Liam – you won’t… you can’t hurt me.”
“Which is it, Carmina? Won’t? Or can’t?” His hands push harder into my skin; I feel the pressure against the bones.
“Liam, what are you doing?”
“Answer me!” Liam hisses at me and I stumble backwards a few steps.
“You can’t! You can’t hurt me!” I scream at him. My mind is racing to justify my own answer.
“You’re wrong, Carmina.” Liam’s deadly calm grips tight into my chest and squeezes fear into my bloodstream. He picks me up at the shoulders, spins me around and shoves me into the leather seat. I hear the scream pouring over my lips and it sounds distant. Adrenaline and shock spurs me into action and I find my feet, ignoring the burning in my shoulders where his hands held me moments ago. Liam is moving calmly, like a hunter stalking his prey. For a moment, I see the face of a big wolf snarling at me.
“Liam, don’t do this,” I beg, the tears streaming down my face.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. And you have a chicken bone. If all else fails, try feeding him.” A chill chases through me just as Liam mimics my voice, repeating the words I told Roland.
“Liam, it was—”
“A joke? Sure it was. I am nothing if not a joke, Carmina.”
I dash for the bedroom door, getting in behind it but not fast enough to close it. Liam’s palms lands against the door, tearing it down and sending me into the opposite wall with splinters travelling half the distance with me.
I don’t move again. Pulling my legs up into my chest, I sit with my head on my knees. I feel Liam’s firm push against my energy and refuse to accept the connection. He roars loudly, grabbing my wrist and picking me up.
“Carmina, don’t push me.”
This time the warning is tumbling around me along with the memory of a previous encounter with the same words.
“No Liam. You can’t—”
“You still don’t get it, Carmina, do you? I CAN!” This time, the force from the link was not a request. Liam barges into my mind like a bulldozer, the power of his energy creating a vibration through my nervous system; I start trembling violently.
Liam jerks my body against his naked chest and the cold pushes against my body. One arm snakes around my waist and his free arm moves up my back and into my hair. I feel the firm twist of my hair into his fist and him pulling my head back forcefully.
“I can Carmina.” He says, dipping his head and sinking his teeth into my exposed neck. I feel the sharp cold scrape; I feel the sucking motion of his mouth and tongue against my skin.
Convinced I am in a dream, I start screaming, and screaming. My head swims with panic, anxiety, fear. Liam lifts his head away from me and I feel myself flying onto the bed to be left alone in the room. My hand moves to my neck and upon not finding blood, relief washes over me.
***
Declarations
Liam feels the emotions pushing up into his chest. Carmina has a way to get into his head and what may be considered his soul without tryin
g. Every control mechanism he has ever formed has to stay in place today. The animal rises inside him with vengeance and Liam is fighting a battle within a battle. He listens for movement and monitoring Carmina’s heartbeat while standing in front of the window motionless. He hates what he’s done to her. He hates that she is hurting physically and emotionally. He wants to make it better but he dare not. The woman he loves will not understand unless she is made to. She is in danger. Not only from him, but from whatever is heading their way. He loves her with every aspect of what he is, and that is dangerous too. Only when he is sure of having contained his beast and his nature does he walk back into the bedroom.
***
“Carmina.”
I hear him approach and curl into myself as much as I can. I feel him move onto the bed.
“Look at me, please.”
I am frozen; I can’t obey the request because I am petrified of what I will see in the face of the man I love.
“Mina…” He speaks again and I feel myself being uncurled by big, strong and gentle hands. He moves the hair from my face and the gold in his eyes is sparking and reaching out to me. I want to speak, but even thinking seems to be an obstacle I cannot get over right now. Liam lifts me from the bed and cradles me against his chest.
“I love you.”
I know it is true. I feel it pouring into me from his mind. I hear it in his voice, soft and soothing. But I don’t trust it.
When lifting my head to him, Liam’s head moves closer.
“I need you.” He speaks and my body betrays me. I close my eyes and let him know how much I love him. His lips find mine and the more I defrost against him, the stronger the helix of fire and ice bind us together. Liam lifts me up against him and my body moves in order to wrap my legs around him.
Hidden Carmina Page 29
