“I want us to talk, but it’s probably not a good time.” She pointed to the doorway of the locker room. “You probably have to get back with your team.”
I almost laughed again since I couldn’t give a flying fuck about the game at the moment. I’d been waiting months to see her and talk to her again. I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity now that she was standing before me. “How are you?”
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I’m fine. I had a nice summer with my mom at the beach.”
I had found out about her beach retreat from her roommate months ago. I had tried to give Autumn the breathing room she needed, but I couldn’t completely let her go. Over the summer, I had reached out to Lexi to ask how Autumn was doing. An impossible ache had settled into my bones over the thought of never speaking to Autumn again and I had to know if she was going through the same thing. Hearing from Lexi that Autumn was okay had felt like a mixed blessing.
I don’t respond at first. It’s not like I wanted to talk about my summer. Until Delia snapped me out of it, I spent most of the time feeling sorry for myself. Autumn’s keys rattled in her hand and it gave me a start. “Are you leaving the game?”
She broke eye contact with me. “Yes. I wanted to come, but it got to be a little overwhelming when I thought your parents might be here, too.”
“They’re not here. Thomas will never be part of my life again.” Autumn needed to hear me say it. I didn’t know if she believed me, but I stood by my words. I wasn’t staying away from Thomas to appease her. I’d never be able to understand or forgive the appalling things he had done to her. “Things are still not the best between my mom and me. It’s complicated and I have a lot to tell you, but I don’t want to talk about them right now. Especially since it’s been four months since I last talked to you.”
She lifted her gaze once again to mine. “Okay.”
“So why did you come today?”
“I came to see you,” she said softly. I felt my pulse thrum in my ears as she continued to speak. “I thought after the game we could talk.”
“I wish we could talk now.”
“Me too,” she said, making me smile. “We can talk after the game. You better go. Don’t you have to go over plays or something in the locker room?”
“Do you think I’ll be able to concentrate on the game after knowing you want to talk to me?” Football had always come first, but I wouldn’t put the game above her. “I wanted to call you, but I understood how badly I fucked up,” I said, my voice cracking. “I lied and got close to you without ever telling you the truth. I loved you, but I always knew what we had would be temporary. The truth would be out there, and I’d lose the only girl I ever loved.”
I was drawn to her and the connection I felt was unbreakable. I had known bringing her into my messed-up world was selfish, but wanting her for myself overrode any qualms I had.
She sounded upset and confused and I moved closer to comfort her. I refused to let her have any doubts about the depth of my feelings. “Love. Of course I still love you.”
She reached for me and pressed a hand against my chest. Christ, I loved the feel of her hands on me. I wanted her touching me everywhere—every day—for the rest of our lives.
“Do you know what a trust fall is?” Autumn asked suddenly.
She tilted her head as she waited for my answer. The question caught me off guard, and I wasn’t sure what direction the conversation was going in. “I think so.”
“It’s when you allow yourself to purposely fall and have to rely completely on another person to catch you.” She put her hand in mine, and I had a moment of true bliss. I had dreamt of being with her again, but I knew to hope for her to give me another chance was setting myself up to have my heart slaughtered all over again. For her to be standing in front me and holding my hand was telling me she had found something in me worth fighting for. “I want to try that with you. I want us to do a trust fall together.”
I grinned at her like the lovesick fool I was. She responded by kissing me lightly. The kiss landed on the side of my lips, and it felt like it was a promise of so much more for us to come. “Well, since you probably missed the coach’s pep talk, I’ll improvise. Go out there, get your head out of your ass, and score our team some points.”
I laughed and gathered her up in my arms. I was ecstatic, but I couldn’t let her think I took what she was willing to risk lightly. I held her possessively against my chest, and I knew, that if given the choice, I’d keep her plastered against me for always. “You’re giving me a second chance, and it was something I never thought would happen,” I said softly. I felt the comforting warmth of her body envelop me. “I won’t disappoint you, and I’ll never lie to you again. My promises may not mean anything to you yet, but I’m going to change that. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust.”
I had changed, and I hoped she would come to care for the man I’d become. I was finally my own person, and I prayed she would come to love the new version of myself.
“If you were inside my head, you would see how it felt to be apart and how much I hated myself for hurting you,” I said, my voice beaten down with regret. “I love you, Autumn, and I promise to do everything I can to make you as happy as you make me.”
It was easy to tell her how much I loved her, because loving her felt as natural as breathing. She had a tremendous amount of beauty in her, and I knew I was one lucky son of a bitch to have a piece of her heart.
“I love you, too.”
There was no hitch in her words. She told me she loved me with beautiful certainty, and it made me believe I was finally worth something. Because if a woman as incredible as Autumn loved me, I wasn’t a lost cause.
I kissed her fervently—letting go of all of the emotions I had fought against from the second we met. I would never again run from my feelings. For as long as she’d let me, I’d love her with all the pieces of me. There may be pieces fractured and imperfect, but being with her made me feel whole again.
Chapter Fifteen
Six months later…
Sundays had become my favorite day of the week. Autumn and I had absolutely no obligations and were able to spend the entire day together. She was constantly trying to plan “couple things” for us to do. I was constantly trying to keep her in my bed all day.
Sex with Autumn was hot. I loved her, so I expected things to be good with her—but I was cautious. We had waited a few months, dating again, before having sex for the first time back in November. In the months prior to sleeping together, we’d become masters at doing everything and anything but actually having sex. Once we took that step, I was floored by what we were like together in bed. Being with the girl I loved without any secrets between us felt so incredibly right.
Six months had gone by since our reconciliation; and, by a long shot, it was the best half year of my entire life. I owned it on the field during my last season playing football for Cook. I ended up scoring more points and touchdowns than any previous year. However, my successes on the field were completely overshadowed by having Autumn. And I had her everywhere I could: my car, her dorm room, my bed, the deserted locker room. I led the Cook team to second place in the division, but it would’ve meant jack shit to me if she hadn’t been beside me to celebrate the victory.
On one particular Sunday in March, I was settled in my favorite place to be in the world: in bed with Autumn. My need for her was insatiable. Her tight little body was curled into my side as I kept my arms wrapped around her waist. The March wind rattled the windows of my bedroom and the bitter air left a thin layer of frost on the exterior glass, but my sole focus was on how good it would feel to have Autumn beneath me once again.
However, Autumn thought it would be the perfect day to go to the movies. Too bad, she had worn my jersey to bed with a pair of lace panties that kept riding up her ass every time she shifted in bed. Nope, we weren’t making it to the movies anytime soon.
She had been scrolling thro
ugh her phone, announcing the movie times. I hadn’t been listening as I focused on how velvety her thighs felt as I grazed my thumb higher and higher. I was at the hem of the jersey when she slapped my fingers away.
“Have you been listening to me at all?” She let out an exaggerated sigh, and I could tell she wasn’t really mad.
“Why do I want to watch fake people’s lives? Especially when I could be living it up all day long with you right here?”
“You’re impossible,” she said shaking her head.
Instead of replying, I grabbed hold of her left hand. I took the tip of my index finger and scrawled a message on her palm. The exasperation melted away and she grinned broadly. “I love you, too.”
Maybe I was needy, but it felt good to be told again and again how much she loved me. I would move fucking mountains for her, but it was incredible to know I didn’t have to in order to have her love. She accepted all of me, even the damaged parts, and the end result was I’d been changed for the better. My value was no longer tied to what my family thought of me, but to the way I was loved by Autumn.
“You love me enough to skip the movie and stay here and play?”
Her smile was cheeky. “Not too tired after last night?”
“Baby, Darien is away for the weekend—which means I finally got to hear you scream when you came.”
Playfully, she pushed my shoulder. “I was not a screamer!”
“Yup, you sure were, and it was hot. In fact, I’m getting hard again just thinking about it.” It was a fact that I spent a substantial amount of time each day thinking about the different sounds Autumn made the moment I slipped inside her.
“I may have been louder than usual, but not a screamer.” she countered.
“Okay, I’ll make you deal. Give me a chance to prove you wrong, and we’ll go to the movies later. You can even pick the movie.”
She stroked her fingernails up and down my forearm. “How can I pass that offer up? It’s win-win for me.”
“Win-win for me, too, sweetheart.”
Autumn sat up in bed, sadly hiding her sexy panties from view. My disappointment faded, though, when she straddled herself across my lap. She put her palm against my chest, and I smiled at the thought of her feeling my heart pick up speed. I fell backward onto the bed while she remained on top.
“Hmm… what should I do with you first?” She took her forefinger and ran a trail starting from my lips down to the waistband of my boxer shorts. “Let me think. Should we start with a hand job? Blow job?”
My cock came to life at her words. “Baby, you’re in luck because I’m hiring, and you can have any job you want.”
She giggled and the movement caused her to grind against my waist. I was getting too excited too fast and wouldn’t last more than a minute if I didn’t settle down. Nothing was sexier than when she took over in bed. I liked giving up control and letting her decide how far we’d go. After a few times together, we found our rhythm and I had the pleasure of discovering what turned her on. I was easy—Autumn only had to be nearby and I was overcome with lust.
“First of all, these boxers really need to come off.” She tugged at the elastic and I lifted up to help her remove them. She smiled at the sight of my nakedness and wrapped her delicate fingers around the base of my cock. She bent down and before I know what hit me, she was running her tongue down the length of me. Using the moisture from her mouth as lubricant, she took her hand and worked it up and down in a steady rhythm.
My balls felt tight as my arousal built. She continued to stroke me, but then took the head of my cock inside her mouth. Her mouth was warm, and I groaned as I felt her start to draw me in deeper. She moaned at the sound of my pleasure, and I glanced down at her. She had pushed her hair off to the side and I got a full view of what she looked like as she went down on me. Her eyes were closed and a look of pure pleasure had snuck into her features. I really didn’t want her to ever stop, but I had the strongest desire to come inside of her.
“Baby…” I murmured, and she took that as a cue to suck me harder and faster. Oh shit, I thought, I’m close to finishing inside her mouth. But I had told her I wanted her to scream for me, and I planned to make it happen.
“Come here,” I said roughly. She looked up at me with her brown eyes wide and curious. She took her mouth off me, but continued to pump up and down on my erection with her hand.
I grabbed the hem of the jersey and lifted it over her head. I went for the panties, but paused for a second to appreciate the view. The lace was cut high and offered up a spectacular view of her toned legs. I gave her a light tap with my palm against her bare skin before massaging my hand across her ass. She gasped and before she could react any further, I swiped the fabric of her underwear aside and snuck two fingers between her folds.
She was wet—ready for me to start giving her the same pleasure she had given me. She tilted her hips forward and began to rock in time with my fingers. My cock was eager to join my fingers, but I didn’t want to rush anything. I ground my hips back into the mattress, trying to control my urges. I kept my focus on her—her moans and the way she shivered as I explored deeper inside of her. I rubbed my thumb over her clit as I fingered her, and I could see her pleasure intensifying. I watched her closely until I saw her eyes grow hooded and she bit down on her lip. I knew I found the spot that would drive her wild. Her hand on me stilled and she jerked against me. Her perfect breasts bounced as she threw her head back and called out. I placed my free hand against her back to keep her in place. I wanted to feel her as she clenched against my fingers. I continued to work inside her until she screamed out my name and fell in a heap on top of me.
I gave her my cockiest smile. “I got you to scream.”
She pushed her breasts hard against my chest. “You got me.” She paused and smiled slyly. “Why don’t you put yourself between my legs, and I’ll see if I could return the favor?”
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I slid down her panties and tossed them aside. I appreciated the fact, too, I didn’t have to fumble for a condom since she started taking birth control a couple of months ago. She laid back on the pillows, taking over my previous position. I climbed back in bed and set my hands next to her shoulders. While I hovered over her, I took a long minute to admire her nakedness. Her blonde hair had fanned out behind her, giving her a halo-like appearance. Her cheeks were glowing and she licked her lips as she watched my approach. She was beautiful and she was mine.
I slid a hand under her ass and lifted her up, spreading her legs wider. She was so ready for me and kept her hips tilted as I moved my hand away. My erection was pulsating, and I was primed to take her fast and hard. But I went into her slowly, wanting to be gentle with her.
I was all sensation inside of her. I could only feel Autumn, and I hoped she felt the same as I did. It was like the entire world could be burning around us and I still would only see her. I could tell her I love her over and over again, but my feelings for her manifested the most when we were in bed together. We could show each other with our bodies what we had come to mean to one another.
Her arms circled around my chest, and she ran her fingernails down my back. Urging me forward, she encouraged me to quicken my pace. I began to thrust into her, driving deeper and deeper with each push and pull. Her breathing picked up and began to match mine. I watched her naked body twist and turn under me. She covered her breasts with her hands and ran her thumbs over the tight buds. She knew that me watching her touch herself would drive me crazy, and I could feel myself on the verge of losing it.
She ran her hands over the front of her body before resting her right hand on top of her mound. I reached for her hips, and once I grabbed hold of them, I went into her deeper and harder. I finished in an exhilarating rush and called out her name as I came. She reached for me and we stayed in each other’s arms as pleasure overtook me.
We remained motionless, and I was definitely in no rush to move out of her. I loved when our bodies were connecte
d. In fact, I wouldn’t have minded staying in the position until we were both ready for round two. I kissed her eyelids, then her nose, before finally landing a sweet kiss on her mouth.
I grinned down at her. “So, I guess we’re both screamers.”
“Yes, crazy, oversexed screamers.” She rubbed her hand over the rough skin on my cheek. “We must be made for each other.”
“You were definitely made just for me.” I gave her a mock scowl. “And don’t even think about testing that theory out with anyone else.”
“I’m not the one who may be on the road for six months out of the year. Maybe I should be the one worried,” she said, but there was no bitterness in her voice.
“Autumn, there will only be you for me. You own me—and you can have me for as long as you want. I’m not going anywhere.” I pulled a face. “But, please, don’t bring up the d-word.”
She pulled away from me. “Blake, we’re going to have to talk about the draft at some point—”
I’ve never been happier to have my phone ring than at that moment. She skewered me with her eyes, likely noticing my relieved expression. The NFL draft was two months away and in my mind, if we didn’t talk about it, we could hide from the realities of it.
Quickly, I cleaned myself off before picking up the phone. Instead of a greeting, Delia sobbed in my ear. It was a sobering sound.
“What’s the matter, Del?”
“I can’t take it here, Blake!” she cried out in a strangled voice. “Can I come stay with you for a couple of days?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Del, calm down and tell me what’s going on.”
“I hate her! She totally humiliated me in front of Brad. Called him trailer trash and said I couldn’t see him anymore.” Briefly, Delia had mentioned to me a boy from her school she had gone on several dates with. I assumed Brad hadn’t gotten the Cassie Bridges stamp of approval.
“That’s messed up. Why the hell did she do that?”
“I don’t know,” Delia whimpered. “He does live in a trailer, but who cares? Has she taken a close look at our family lately?”
#1.5 Finding Autumn Page 14
