Diary Of A Kudzu Salesman: Survival And Recovery After The Electrical Grid Collapse (Prepper Reconstruction Book 2)

by Ron Foster

  “Nothing much, just you be the same old sneaky old low life you always are but now you report your gossip and goings ons to me. Anything that will hurt us or help us you hear you tell us. You be sure tell me quickly too damn it, and for that I might let you become something more of a respectable citizen than current opinion offers about your sad sack self and as a bonus you will stay in good health. You know I trade, barter and make money. I can let some profits trickle down your way here and there or I can always unleash them two hell hounds sitting at the bar next to me on you. Your choice.” David said not really giving him any choice or wiggle room in the matter.

  “Ok, I do it. What do you want to know?” Purvis said dejectedly feeling the weight of David’s thumb on his livelihood and safety.

  “Just what I said, but first let me ask a question. Have you now, or have you ever been employed to spy on us?” David said as he reached for the disgusting hand of Purvis to make a point by a strong handshake gesture that all honesty weighed on his correct response.

  “I, I, I been approached David. I swear though I ain`t on nobodies payroll yet.” Purvis said and flinched as David involuntarily gripped him hard on the word payroll and didn’t release.

  “By who have you been approached by Purvis?” David said slightly releasing the pressure on the smaller mans hand.

  “Preacher and Blake both have talked to me” Purvis squealed acting like David was actually doing some damage rather than just keeping the old fish faces attention.

  “Why IN the hell would a FEMA manager want you to keep up with our doings? That man was, or is supposed to be my friend? Now the Preacher being a snake in the grass he is, that goes without saying but Blake or Jack ? You better come clean right now or you ain`t going to have to worry about the sun rising tomorrow” David said standing and towering over the smaller man.

  “Now sit down David, and please let go of my hand. I asked myself the same question and I will be damned if I know. He had that damn Sgt. Moody with DHS with him when he asked me in front of him did I know anything, so I don’t know if was all for show or no.” Purvis said exaggeratedly rubbing his hand and throwing fleeting glimpses at LowBuck and Boudreaux who were still menacing him.

  “This little talk needs to be carried on further. At the moment I am going back to my seat because Blake that Fema director is supposed to be hear in 15 minutes and I don’t want to be caught talking to the likes of you when he comes in. Ok, you are now on payroll officially and I am buying you two drinks on my tab, but remember your warnings!” David said and tried not to laugh at LowBucks soft growling sounds coming in their direction from the barstool in back of him.

  “We need us some music in this juke joint” Boudreaux exclaimed thinking about getting his fiddle.

  “I got us something out in the truck I need to trade and was just waiting for a good time to bring it in “LowBuck said rising from his bar stool.

  “What is it you got?” A puzzled bar owner said as all the patrons raised their eyebrows as to what LowBuck might possibly be dragging in to entertain them.

  With LowBuck you never knew what it was that he was in a hurry to show you, could be a howling dog chorus band he had put together. Or it was entirely possible that he had found some odd character he had just met and wanted to show them off and introduce to the bar. This person he had found might be talented themselves and had taught a possum to play the trombone or sing, there was just no telling.

  Every one was soon greatly relived to see him carrying a great big old wind up gramophone with its trumpet shaped speaker in the door. The RCA dog sticker on the corrugated funnel brought comments from David and Boudreaux about all the great hounds and parties we ever had.

  Still in all, there wasn’t anything better than doing the bunny hop with Boudreaux’s old blue tick hound while dancing the “Cotton Eye Joe” to his dogs masters fiddle music.

  “You got any other records for that thing?” David inquired noticing a green 78 speed gospel music record on it that he was not about to spoil his day listening to.

  “Oh yea! I sure do. Got a whole basket full, containing something called big band and swing music but I haven’t had a chance to listen to any of it much yet. Just got this thing yesterday in a trade with you knows WHO.” Lowbuck said smiling.

  “You didn’t? Did you? You traded with the preacher” David said astonished.

  “Seems that young son of his saved all this stuff from destruction. Can you believe that Man is burning books and music that he thinks is the devils dance? By the way you will be happy to know I gave that boy a sip out of his first jug of whiskey and put him square on the path to trepidation and sin for it.” LowBuck said laughing,

  “Then what’s up with the gospel music on this?” David asked trying to read the record label.

  “Seems the militia around here chooses “Will the circle be unbroken” as one of their theme songs, so now no one is playing it anymore in church. Hell Preacher got rid of Doris Day and others religious records as a: demeaning and damning influence” Lowbuck stated before going outside to retrieve a old hickory with woven laundry basket full of “golden” golden oldies.

  “Well shit fire and save the matches!” Boudreaux said jumping up excitedly to page through the albums that probably only he could remember anything about “who was who” from an era he remembered.

  “Hey you reckon Purvis can dance?” Lowbuck said pulling out his old Ruger Blackhawk single action pistol like he was going to make him do a old Hollywood wild west saloon movie jig.

  “Leave that boy alone now, he is working for us.” David chuckled as LowBuck holstered his rig.

  ”Crank it up, lets hear a tune on that old wooden box.” Barmaid Flo said as she begrudgingly gave Purvis his much needed second drink David had added to his tab.

  Lowbuck cranked the old record players spring and got ready to lower the needle on to the old archaic record disc.

  “And a one,. Two, three, four.” Lowbuck said waving his finger straight up in the air as the scratchy but catchy old crooner voices from the past gave the bar inmates a rendition of “Buddy can you spare a dime” by the late great Al Jolson that had once became the anthem of the Great Depression.

  They used to tell me I was building a dream And so I followed the mob When there was earth to plow or guns to bear I was always there, right on the job

  They used to tell me I was building a dream With peace and glory ahead Why should I be standing in line Just waiting for bread?

  Once I built a railroad, I made it run Made it race against time Once I built a railroad, now it's done Brother, can you spare a dime?

  Once I built a tower up to the sun Brick and rivet and lime Once I built a tower, now it's done Brother, can you spare a dime?

  Once in khaki suits, gee, we looked swell Full of that Yankee Doodly Dum Half a million boots went slogging through Hell And I was the kid with the drum

  Say, don't you remember? They called me 'Al' It was 'Al' all the time Why don't you remember? I'm your pal Say buddy, can you spare a dime?

  Once in khaki suits, ah, gee, we looked swell Full of that Yankee Doodly Dum Half a million boots went slogging through Hell And I was the kid with the drum

  Oh, say, don't you remember? They called me 'Al' It was 'Al' all the time Say, don't you remember? I'm your pal Buddy, can you spare a dime?

  The bar patrons sat in silent reverence listening and no more were they going to laugh at these “old timey songs” but now they would instead remember how a soup line that hadn’t been done anywhere else except on their own end of the lake had saved a fellow man from starvation in another generation

  Old Friends

  Stewart and HeDo went to visit Melanie at the infirmary where she was being treated for sciatica and the two discussed strategies on which building seemed the most likely location in town to start a business in as they walked.

  The locals had pretty much taken over most of the best locations already with land reclamation grants. If there w
as a store or restaurant of some kind with no known still living owners, then it was up for grabs and everyone originally from the community started claiming dubious cousins and long lost uncles that somehow entitled them to claim it first as an inheritance. That’s what the recovery and planning committee was all about to investigate those claims and keep folks just a little bit honest even if it was run by staunch country locals with a jaded eye to what they considered outsiders if your great granddad wasn’t buried in the cemetery you didn’t have a chance if their was a dispute.

  “Well HeDo this town has got itself plans for more restaurants than it has people to support them already. I don’t know where in the world they think they are going to get the food, firewood or customer following from.’ Stewart said trying to discourage him from trying to open some kind Asian restaurant.

  “You forget Stewart that I and my family can make most likely make more types of Chinese noodles and dumplings than anyone with in probably a hundred miles from here. You see what was on that relief truck at that FEMA center? It was flour, somehow the government has gotten the heartlands wheat fields back up and running and I am going to find out how to get some surplus for me and the family and make everything from lo mein to spaghetti out of it.” HeDo said undeterred by Stewarts skepticism.

  “You got a good point there me bucko, but realize that flour you covet is slotted for the bread lines and soup kitchens. Folks don’t have the means at the moment to hardly feed themselves let alone find any kind of money to eat out with. Course that circumstance won’t last forever, thing about it is mate that even if you do find out who to buy some flour from the question arises, what are you going to use for money? Whatever blokes they got raising and milling that wheat and barley has got to be getting paid in that federal script stuff and they won’t be entertaining any notions of any barter agreements we dream up I am reasonably sure to say.” Stewart said as he was pondering the problem of obtaining goods and services now that cash was king over barter.

  “I am working on that aspect, but first we need to make a few inquiries and figure out how to get with and secure a contract with a regular supplier of some kind. What kind of business ideas have you come up with Stewart.” HeDo asked.

  “I have an appointment with David to talk about that warehouse down by the riverfront. I already put in a title search for the owner of record and have it scheduled for committee review. David was eying the marina but that’s city property. Someone already laid claim to the little restaurant and bar there but I noticed that warehouse on the far bank. We went across the bridge and checked it out. It is pretty old and was up for sale before the poo hit the fan but it has a serviceable dock and appears structurally sound. I fancy myself to become a ship chandler of sorts mate and make me some scratch from servicing some of the river trade.” Stewart stated and motioned HeDo towards a park bench to take a breather before they continued on their way.

  “Stewart that sounds like a fine idea but what in the world are you planning to put in that warehouse? David and the community don’t have the where with all or any extra trade goods for it and like you said we don’t have any hard money to spend.” HeDo said puzzled as to what the Englishman meant..

  “Passive income is where it’s at me boy! Trade and goods should be coming down this river eventually and its close enough to town for a bit of land business to come down the pike. I am hoping to rent some space to the government relief services to store supplies and equipment and pick up a little gilt here and there from the civilian river trade.” Stewart declared while stretching his weary legs.

  “Now that sounds like a brilliant idea to me, get paid for renting empty space. I might try to get me some kind of a job with the City or the Fed and make me some money to sponsor some of my own business ideas. I am still thinking though that running some kind of service business would earn me more script than taking some kind of recovery relief job. You got any ideas for something for me to do Stewart?” HeDo asked looking to the old trader for some sage advice.

  “Well I been studying on that notion ever since you said you wanted a restaurant possibly. I just may have me an idea that would fit you and that family of chefs you have very well. See back in the day people used to drive big truck size vans around that were converted to be self contained traveling kitchens. They drove those food trucks around to big construction sites and factories around lunch and break times and sold things like tacos and hamburgers to the workers. Ask David what a “roach coach” is from his living on a military base and he can better explain the notion of a vehicle that sells cold drinks, snacks etc. to you better. Anyway, I first thought of that old wild west custom of having a “Chuck Wagon” on those cattle drives back in that era and figured you could do something like that. You know, rig you up something with one of our horse drawn wagons?’ Stewart described to HeDo smiling as a realization came over him.

  “Yea, we could easily rig up something and add a tarp or two to bring a kitchen to the work camps or the administrative building and since those workers get paid in script we only take script for payment.” HeDo said excitedly.

  “Hang on Mate ! I am note done telling you a few other bloody angles I got figured out on this little business venture and I am thinking I may want in on it as maybe a partner of some type. Now then, I was out with LowBuck looking over that vineyard he is claiming and noticed a private old country settler’s museum up the road from it. It has a chuck wagon, stage coach, buggies etc. in it. You could put in your homestead claim on that and have you several types of businesses. Might even find some old/new technology we need to start other types of trades. Gas will be in short supply for sometime to come in my opinion and a taxi service or horse drawn carriage ride for all these government workers is a sure thing to make a buck on and your routes can go by your food trucks. Yea I did say food trucks!” Stewart said with a wink and a nod in HeDo`s direction.

  “David and I will put out an all points bulletin to the traders to be on the lookout for any of the old food trucks and we will either pull the engines out of the vehicles and horses draw them into place or try to fix the motors and scare up enough gas to drive them food wagons to a likely retail location. You get your daddy HopSing to open some kind of little culinary school to teach some operators to cook and run those little stands around the city and get Miguel to teach how to make authentic Mexican fish tacos or Sandra to make up some Barbeque and you could end up with a whole chain of different restaurants! “Stewart said proudly while even impressing himself with this resourceful solution.

  “Wow Stewart, you are one smart man! What do you want? The Fish and Chip concessions?” HeDo said joking before carrying on.

  “No, seriously, I just couldn’t resist saying that.. I would love to have you for whatever kind of business partner you want to be.” HeDo said grinning.

  “Well there is the matter of finding horses, supplying the food and many other things to be considered. I think it’s going to take more resources than even the community can put their hands on to fully make your business plan complete. A farmer’s co-op agreement would keep your restaurant supplied if the government is not taking too many shares or allocations of production. HA! Maybe I need to forget my ship chandlery and consider running a restaurant supply out of my warehouse.” Stewart said laughing with that little glint in his eyes he got when he foresaw an opportunity to make a profit.

  “How about Stewart you and I give the Marina restaurant a little competition by parking one of my chuck wagons over by you!” HeDo said joining in the fun and excitement of exercising their minds over all the intriguing possibilities of Stewart’s master plan.

  “Now I like the sound of that. We will discuss this some more on the way to the clinic. Meantime Melanie waiting on us so be better get a move on.’ Stewart said rising from the park bench and the two new business partners returned to their walk.

  Remnants

  “Well I will be damned. Look what the cat dragged in!” LowBuck said as Goat Man amble
d in the door.

  “Hey Buddy!” You finally made it off the lake and down to town?” David said as he rushed to shake hands and pat his old friend on the back.

  “Well I didn’t have to look far for you two, I just asked where the local bar was and followed the smell of alcohol and food. What’s that other damn smell anyway?” Goat man said as all fingers pointed to Purvis.

  “It ain`t dirt, its hard work.” Purvis managed to mumble before everybody busted out laughing at such a notion of Purvis actually doing something more than working at not taking a bath.