by Liana Key
"Leave Paola alone," Simon said, and I was grateful someone was coming to my rescue, "Twenty nine is hardly over the hill." I looked at Simon open mouthed. He saw my expression, and corrected, in a meek tone, "Twenty eight?" He patted my shoulder and whispered, "Sorry sweetheart."
Now Daddy laughed heartily as if it was the funniest thing ever said. "She's still my baby girl." Cassian had sidled up beside me. He purposely struggled to open the menu at the right page. His nearness overwhelmed me.
"It would just be nice if she met someone," my mother piped up. His fingers pointed at the dessert selections, and again his hand touched my arm as he moved on.
"Maybe I can help?" Marguerite offered, "I know plenty of young men." And the whole table laughed. I kept my head down in humiliation.
"Our Paola is beautiful," Caroline said, offering some redemption maybe, "I'm sure she'll have no trouble finding the perfect man. When she's ready."
"Thank you Caroline," I muttered, only allowing my eyes to lift because I'd known he'd left the table. "I really don't care to have my social life discussed," I said, trying to sound humorous.
"What social life?" my father roared, and the whole table erupted again as if it was Comedy Central.
He returned to take dessert orders. He always did Caroline first, like she was the matriarch, and I knew she lapped it up. She was like my aunt, and had been Mama's greatest support during her illness. I did love her and "Uncle" Simon dearly.
Again Caroline put her arm on his lower back and he leaned in close. "Now what are you recommending, my honey?" she said to him. My honey? I almost choked on my water. He looked over as I coughed. My mother patted my back sympathetically.
"I'm thinking the Torta Di Ciocolata for you today, " he said, the words rolling off his tongue as if he were Italian, "it's served with an Amaretto semifreddo and finished with almond toffee. A combination of chocolate, creaminess and stickiness. What's not to like?" I know his eyes turned to me as he described the last few words.
Caroline was almost bashful in her snigger. "Too right young man," she patted his ass, "what's not to like?" He went around the table with his recommendations, you would have thought he was on commission the way he pushed the menu. Eddie had told me that a staggering eighty percent of his tables ordered desserts, the norm was fifty. Carlos, my head pastry chef, both loved and loathed him. He approached me, his voice audible to at least Mama and Simon, "Can I tempt you?" He deliberately paused. "With a dessert?"
"I think I'm fine," I said, my voice low, my cheeks blushing. Damn him. But apparently not low enough.
Caroline said, too loudly, "What do you recommend for our Paola? She's much too thin."
"Hardly," I tried to protest.
"I think the Cannoli," he said, as if he'd already thought about it beforehand, "a crisp buttery pastry encasing a honey and Lemoncillo mascarpone. A hard exterior, but inside just the right mix of sweetness with a trace of sour."
"I think you've described my daughter to a tee," Daddy said and again his laughter boomed, with the rest of the table joining in. If I could have slid under the table I would have.
"Yes, she puts on a tough exterior, but she's a sweetheart underneath, aren't you pumpkin?" Daddy continued. Pumpkin? Why was he talking to me like I was seventeen?
Cassian hadn't moved. He held his pad in front of me, his pen poised, he had written 28, with a question mark. I nodded, completely undone, my voice feeble, "Okay." He thankfully moved on, and I felt like I could breathe again. I let out a sigh, now he had my age. I cringed to wonder what he made of it, whether he had thought I was that old, for god sake, eleven years his senior. It seemed preposterous, it was preposterous.
CASSIAN
I had arranged to go to the beach with Magdala in the afternoon. It was about time she got back on her board, and she was going to see if Jakey or Raff wanted to come with us. I texted her when I finished work, telling her I'd be ten minutes. She texted back that Jakey was at home waiting and we'd go in his car. I didn't get to say goodbye to Paola, I guess she'd got behind in her work because she had eaten lunch.
Jakey had Connor’s car and he had already put the boards on the roof rack, so they just waited for me to get changed. Jakey laughed at me, all dressed up in my waiter's gear, he hadn't seen it before.
"If that's not bad enough, I wear a vest as well," I said.
"Smooth man," he remarked. "You killing those tips?"
"Killing them," I replied. I grabbed some cold pizza from the fridge, a banana and an apple.
"I thought you get fed," Magdala said. She already had her wetsuit on.
"No time today," I said, "it was busy as. You think we need wetsuits?"
"Nah," Jakey said and he elbowed me, mouthing something which I couldn't interpret. I frowned, he frowned more. Only later when we were at the car and pretended to double check the boards were on securely, he whispered, "She's self conscious about her scars." Shit, another thing I didn't know. Hell, was I so out of it? So out of tune with her?
I rode in the back. My phone rang, it was Paola. I thought about answering it, but knew Jakey would then ask a tonne of questions.
I ended the call and texted her: am going to the beach with my sister. Will u call me later?
She texted back: have fun :( will call later. It made me feel bad, real bad.
I texted back: see you tonight?
She texted: yes please :)
Magdala had a blast being back in the waves. It had probably been over a month for her, and you could just see that she looked like her old self. I felt proud that she was doing it, I knew it took guts for her to be out and about, and I vowed right then I'd spend more time with her.
Jakey edged up to me as I paddled out. "Something up with you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said, "you seem different. Magdala thinks so too."
"It's just work and this moving thing. Did she tell you we might move?" I had to invent something. Surely no one can look at you and figure if you're having sex or not, right?
"Cash," he said, like he didn't believe a word I'd just said. We'd been together practically everyday of our lives. He knew me. I never called him my best friend, because he was my cousin, and he called Magdala his best friend, but he, up to now, knew pretty much everything there was to know about me. "Cash, don't fuck with me. What's going on?" Was I that transparent? Totally readable? An open book? I kept paddling, trying to get ahead of him, put some distance between us, but he caught me up. "Cassian?"
"I'll tell you about it later," I fobbed him off, and paddled with renewed vigor. Did I want Jakey to know? Why didn't I want Jakey to know? Jakey had told me about every girl he'd ever made out with. He'd lost his virginity at sixteen, to a high school senior. I heard every detail about it, though it had been a one night stand. Jakey had dated many girls, slept with a fair few, but his relationships ran their course after three or four weeks. I think four weeks was his record. He didn't really see himself as a player, but he liked to shop around, try out different girls, as if he was looking for the right pair of shoes or something. There was never a shortage of girls willing to date him. Jakey's not quite as tall as me, and he's leaner, not as bulky, more wiry. He's got brown hair, always well styled, and a lighter shade of the grey-green eyes that are in our genes, courtesy of Grandad Chris. His main sport use to be football, now he played soccer. He's a good swimmer and tennis player too, but he never had the discipline for tennis training. He's better on the board than me, but neither of us are as good as Magdala.
After the beach, we stopped for food. It was nearly six, and I feared not being able to get to Paola's. And I wanted to, so bad. But I couldn't palm off Magdala and I knew Jakey wanted me to talk.
Magdala had changed into a t-shirt and jeans. I sat across from her in the booth and noticed her sitting with her hands up to her neck, her chin leaning on her hands, covering her scar. Even when she ate, she kept her hand up. Why hadn't I noticed this before? And what ab
out her other scar, somewhere down there? I remember Dad saying how the knife had gone in close. Close to what, I'd wanted to know, the young, naive, virginal me wanted to know. Now, wiser and experienced I knew it went along her inner thigh, along her panty line, almost cutting her private areas. It had been a sickening revelation.
Neither of them were in a hurry. I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I phoned Paola. "Hey," I said.
"Hey," she sounded bright.
"Hey, I'm not gonna be able to make it tonight," I said it quickly, hoping that would make it easier.
"Oh no." Obvious disappointment in her voice.
"I'm sorry."
"Is everything all right?" She always sounded so worried.
"Yes." Except I'm going to spill my heart out to Jakey.
"Okay," she said. "You drove me crazy today," she added, and I detected a slight giggle.
"You have no idea of my powers of self control," I said and she laughed.
"Tomorrow?" Her voice was hopeful.
"Yes. After training."
"I miss you already," she said, and a lump choked in my throat. She'd, we'd, never said anything quite so personal before.
"See you tomorrow." And I hung up quickly. I had to take a moment before going back out. I washed my hands and dried them thoroughly.
Jakey was watching me when I came back, he didn't take his eyes off me, it was like he was scrutinizing me. "What's up?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Nothing's up." Why did he think something was up. Paola had just told me she missed me, it struck way too deep in my heart, it affected me more than I figured it should have. Jakey was tapping his fingers on the table.
"You good for school tomorrow?" I asked Magdala, trying to get Jakey's stare off me.
"Yep," she said.
"Good. All caught up?"
"Pretty much. I think my legs are gonna be sore tomorrow," she laughed.
"Good," Jakey said, "that's good. You need to get back into it you know, three, four times a week."
She looked down at the table. "I don't want to go by myself."
"You don't have to," Jakey said without hesitation, "you have me, or him." He gestured towards me.
"You guys are busy enough," she said, "you don't have to babysit me."
"Fuck, Magdala, it's not babysitting," he said, "You just say when."
"I don't want to put you guys out," she said softly, and I felt so bad. Like I hadn't given her enough of my time, I'd been downright selfish, like Jakey was being a better brother than me.
"So you'd rather stay in your room?" Jakey growled, "rather than ask us to come with you?"
Magdala's eyes started to tear. My heart started to break. It dawned on me that she wasn't really coping, not at all. Yet it was Jakey who slid into the booth next to her, before I could even think about it. He had his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I'm such a loser," she said, and the tears started flowing.
"Don't you fucking say that. Ever," he snapped, and he stroked her hair, doing my job. I felt redundant, annoyed that my own brain was lusting after Paola, and not offering the empathy Magdala needed.
"Magdala?" I leaned forward, grabbed at her hands, "we want to help, we do." I almost felt I might cry, and I didn't do crying.
"Yeah, but we're dumbass guys, remember?" Jakey laughed, "and we don't know how, unless you tell us."
I laughed away the choked up feeling. Magdala smiled. Jakey kissed her cheek. "We love you so much, Maggy, it kills us to see you hurting." He was so tender, big, tough, arrogant Jakey really did have a soft spot, though he rarely showed it.
We headed off home. Dad and Antonia were eating dinner in the lounge. Magdala went to shower. Dad asked how she was. Jakey did all the talking. Dad kept shaking his head, he said they would find out for sure about the house this week, his fingers were crossed. I said I was heading to Jakey's for awhile, I followed him in my car, Jakey's place is like eight minutes away if traffic is good.
Aunt Kate, Connor and Ariana, Jakey and Raff's ten year old half sister were eating dinner. Kate offered us some, but we declined and went to his room. He kicked off his shoes and laid on his bed, I sat at his desk.
"Okay just spill it Cash," he said outright, "and don't fucking lie to me." I had to swallow, I didn't know how to start, how to phrase it. He was impatient. "Have you met someone?"
I nodded, wondering why it was so hard. What was making it hard? That I was I about to tell him I was screwing my boss, or that she was 28 years old?
"Fucking thought so," he said. "Magdala said you smelt of perfume."
I clenched my fists tight, digging my nails into my palms. Just tell him, just say it. "You won't say anything, will you?" I don't know why I needed secrecy, or why I needed him to confirm it.
"Come on Cash, you know me," he said with contempt.
"She's my boss," I said, my eyes locked on his.
His eyes widened, a look of disbelief on his face, as if this was the last thing he ever expected me to say. "Your boss?" His tone was incredulous, but he started to smile. "Fuck man. What? Like how fucking old is she?"
"Like twenties," I said. He didn't have to know exactly did he.
"Twenties?" he asked. "Fuck. Like what sort of boss? What's she in charge of?"
"Like the restaurant," I said, suddenly feeling proud, but uncertain whether it was because of her status or the fact that she was mine.
"The fucking restaurant manager?"
"Her father owns the place," I said matter of factly.
Jakey was now sitting up, running his hands through his hair, smiling, "Oh my fucking lord, Cash. I don't fucking believe it!" He leaned forward. "You got a photo of her?"
I shook my head. Strange, but I didn't. When would ever seem like the right time to say, Pose, I'm just taking your picture. Then again, why hadn't I?
"So, like did she come onto you, or what?" He stood up, frustrated. "Don't make me ask so many fucking questions!"
So I told him, in a condensed version, of how our affair had started. Right up to, but excluding the fact that I should be with her now, not gossiping with him. He seemed impressed and perplexed both at the same time. That I, who had never been interested in any girl, was now screwing an older woman.
"You are such an anomaly, Cassian," he said. "Fuck!" It looked like he wanted to tear his hair out. "What is it with you and Trey always going for older women? Is it in your fucking genes?" Antonia is only five years older than Dad, not twelve, like my own mother, not eleven, like Paola. I shrugged, I had no idea, no answer. I felt shy confessing my sexual escapades with him, but this was Jakey, like my own brother and if I couldn't tell him, I couldn't tell anyone. It was almost as if I felt I owed him, and surprisingly it felt like a weight off my shoulders, and more, a devious part of me now thought that Jakey could be my cover. If I ever needed it.
It was past ten, and there was a tap at the door. Aunt Kate's head popped in. "School tomorrow," she said. "What are you two up to?"
"Nothing much," Jakey said.
"I better go," I said, standing up. "Catch you tomorrow." He knuckle bumped me, kind of with a look of pride, as if I'd now become his peer, his equal so to speak. I smiled. Kate smiled, looking bemused. "What's with that?" she said.
"Goodnight Mom," Jakey said loudly, rolling his eyes. Kate lead me down the stairs. We talked about Magdala. It seemed we were all stressing about her, all wanting to do more, but all virtually ineffective.
"Don't say anything yet," Kate confided, "but I'm going to plan a vacation for all of us. I think it will be good to go away, the whole family."
"Yes," I agreed, "that would be awesome. For how long?" Odd, my first thought was being away from Paola.
"Just a week or so, once school's out."
"Great," I said. That wouldn't be so bad, a week or so, I could handle that. I got in my car. It was twenty past ten, too late to go to Paola's. By time I got there, and then home, it would be midnight. Unacceptable
on a school night, unacceptable and unexplainable. I drove home, showered and went to bed.
I woke up early the next morning, like at five and my first thought was Should I go see Paola? Would she be awake? It's like my body was pining for her, missing her. I tried to drop back to sleep, but thirty minutes later I was now wide awake. What if I did ring her? I could be over there in half an hour, shower at her place and be at school at regular time.
But then I would miss seeing Magdala this morning, and hadn't I been lamenting the fact that I needed to do more with her? What was it to be, Paola or Magdala? I picked up my phone. It was crazy how much I was missing Paola, crazy. We were just lovers right, there wasn't anything more. Our bodies just wanted each other, she was way too old for me, way too old to have any emotional connection with me. I was just a boy to her, she'd said so herself. So why did I have this longing, this intense longing to be with her?
I phoned Magdala. "How are your legs?"
She laughed. "I haven't got out of bed yet."
"Wanna hit the waves? Or go to the gym?" It just popped out.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. Start moving."
"Okay," she said. There was a pause. "Yep, I can walk," she laughed. "Ten minutes?"
I went to the kitchen. Antonia was eating her breakfast, enjoying a cup of coffee. She always got up early, I think she liked some quiet time. I grabbed a pot of yogurt from the fridge.
"Where are you off to so early?" she asked.
"Going for a quick surf."
"With Magdala?" I nodded. She smiled, "Oh that's great." She looked up as Magdala came rushing in, already in her wetsuit. "Morning sweetheart, nothing like an early morning surf."
Magdala smiled and nodded. "Did you check conditions?" Magdala asked me.
I shook my head. "We're just going." The weather seemed fine, from what I could see of it, no different from yesterday. I grabbed a banana, offered her one, which she took and peeled, and we headed out.
