He’s clenching his jaw again. I can tell because his dimples just got deeper. “Why didn’t they want you to do what was best for you?”
“I don’t know. I guess they just don’t get me.”
“I understand that, believe me. Many people can be blind to things they don’t wish to see.”
“I know, right? But how did you manage to swing this conversation over to me? Just a minute ago, we were talking about your music career.”
“It just happened. Maybe because you’re much more fascinating.” A yellowish-green flicker of desire appears in his eyes. His gaze wanders toward my breasts and back to my face again.
Warmth spreads through my belly. Luca knows how to make me feel like a woman. That look of want in his eyes makes my body vibrate with need. And at the same time every word he says feels like a gentle caress. His words are such a comfort. Admiration isn’t something I hear too often when someone learns I’m a writer. Usually, they wrinkle their noses like they smell something bad. Or ask me if I’ve ever had a real job. “I don’t know about that. But there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about your work.”
“What’s that?”
“What moves you to create?”
He doesn’t speak right away. But a soft expression washes over his features, making him look almost boyish. “Many things move me. My love for my country moves me. The love for my mother moves me.” He studies me for a moment, his blue-green eyes shining with an intensity I haven’t seen before. “You move me.”
My whole body feels like it’s going to melt when he says those words. “Luca,” I whisper.
“It’s true, Jade. That first morning when I saw you swimming out there in the sea, I couldn’t look away. I watched the rhythm of your stroke. How the dolphins came near you. I’d only seen you from a distance when words to a song popped into my head.”
A song. About me? Cozy warmth envelopes me. I can hardly catch my breath. “You wrote a song about me?” This is so romantic. Like something straight from a dream. But it’s really happening. The famous Luca Espinoza is sitting beside me—looking incredibly gorgeous—and just told me that what I love most—swimming in the sea—moved him enough to write a song about me. It’s unbelievable. But he moved me, too. I felt like a tremor moved the earth when we met. My creativity has surged since then. Lines of dialogue spontaneously pop into my head. While I’m swimming. Even when I wake up at night. And I have to rush to the computer to type it all into my manuscript. I met Luca and the words just seemed to flow. I captured many of the universal feelings women experience when they fall for a guy—the sexual attraction, the obsession, the angst over waiting for a call, the wondering what is going on in his mind. And the writing helped me cope with the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on lately. I finished writing one book and published it and am already working on another one when I usually need two or three weeks to recharge first.
He fuels my creative fire. But there are other fires he’s stoked. Fires of attraction and desire.
“Yes, it’s called ‘Jade’s song.’”
“No way. You named it after me?”
“Of course. It’s about you. Don’t look so surprised. You’re a fascinating woman, Jade. I don’t know why you can’t see that.”
“I don’t know. I feel… ordinary. I’ve never thought of myself as the kind of person anyone would want to write songs about.”
“Maybe you need to see yourself the way I see you instead of the way your family saw you.”
I pause and study his face, wondering what he does see when he looks at me. When I look in the mirror, I see a woman barely getting by on a writer’s meager earnings. I see a woman men only want for short-term enjoyment. A woman eventually slated to be tossed away, the way Brandon discarded me. I see a woman who could never please her parents. Who looks plain and ordinary compared to her drop-dead gorgeous sister. I see a woman, unlike Kelsi, who couldn’t stick with most people’s idea of a suitable career.
My parents gushed all over the place when Kelsi told them she wanted to be a plastic surgeon. “Your sister has direction in life,” my mom said one day, when she found me in my room writing another novel. “You should stop wasting your time writing that gibberish and start researching remunerative careers.”
I feel talented and interesting and worthwhile while I’m out in the sea swimming. The sea reassures me. It says I’m fine right now, the way I already am. That I don’t have to change to please anyone. Sometimes, though, when I’m out of my element, it’s hard to believe.
Luca leans in closer. “You seem sad. What’s the matter?” I look up from the table to meet his gaze.
“I keep thinking about things people have said to me over the years. That I need to change, that I’m not good enough. It’s hard to sort it all out.”
“You need to let it all go. Don’t you see how wrong they were?”
“I want to.”
“They were blind. I have the same eyes that you do. The eyes of an artist. And I see you as the most amazing woman, Jade. A woman with so much talent and a gift that few people on earth have—not only that you are such a strong swimmer, but that you have nurtured that talent so that it brings you peace. You have done what many others could never do—earn the confidence of the dolphins. They connect with you. Most people would be afraid to get that close to them.”
I remember how Justin said I was stupid to swim with dolphins, how they would hurt me. People like him say things to me and I start to doubt myself. I’ve been doing this ever since I was little. Letting what other people think sink in too deep. I let their thoughts matter more than my own. But I don’t know how to not do it.
“I’m sorry, Jade. I can tell I’ve upset you.”
“No, it’s not that. You say the most wonderful things, Luca. I keep thinking about all the bad stuff people have said to me. I need to learn to shut it down instead of letting it affect me so much.”
“Yes, you do,” he agrees.
”But sometimes it’s hard to get all that out of my head.” Then I tell Luca what Justin said to me about the dolphins.
He shakes his head and runs a thumb over the prickly shadow on his jaw. “Nothing that guy says is worth listening to.”
I laugh. “I know. He’s a complete jerk.”
“Justin. Your sister. Your parents. Whatever-his-name-was, the ex-boyfriend who was not worthy of you. They all have one thing in common.”
“What’s that?”
“They only see what they think you should be, not who you really are. You can never be happy if you try to please people like that.”
“I know that’s true. Since I met you, not only have I been writing more, but I haven’t been thinking as much about Ja—” I cover my mouth with one hand. I’ve said too much. I shouldn’t open up so much. It makes me too vulnerable. Luca probably has a different girlfriend every month. He has to know what women want to hear. What if he doesn’t mean what he says? What if all this smooth talk is just to get me into bed?
“I see that look in your eyes. Jade? Please. Tell me.”
“I like you, Luca. More than you even know. But I’m afraid. I don’t want to get hurt again.”
Luca stands up and walks behind to my chair. He drapes his hands over my shoulders and leans in close to my ear. “I will be good to you, Jade, I promise. I want to do things for you. That’s all I’ve thought about since I left here a week ago.”
His words sound sincere. But I can’t wrap my brain around all this. Why would this gorgeous, famous, wealthy guy who can have anyone want to be with me? I’m attractive, sure, but no one would call me beautiful. I’m not exceptional. “There are thousands of women like me in the world. And you could have anyone. It doesn’t make sense.”
He reaches for my upper arms and lifts me from the chair. He turns me around to face him. “You write about love, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I see the Sea of Cortez and emotions I’ve always dreamed of seeing in a man’s eyes. I see comp
assion and understanding. His thoughts are here with me and not drifting off to whatever or whoever is next on his to-do list.
“Does love always make sense? Does a person just get up one morning and say I’m going to fall for someone today?” He skims a finger ever so slowly over my cheek.
“No, most of the time there’s no logic to it. It just happens.”
“Yes. And as for what you said about thousands of women. It’s not like that, Jade. I’ve met many women. None of them are like you. For some reason, you judge yourself too harshly, you allow the words of people who don’t understand you to burrow into your brain. How many people can swim like you? How many people have that confidence to go out in the sea—an alien environment—and try to find peace there? How many people would have been brave enough to swim out and save a drowning man the way you did today? How many, Jade?”
Tears flood my eyes and roll down my cheeks. “I don’t know. Not many, I guess.” My life feels perfect whenever I’m out in the sea. Then when I’m back on land, the negative thoughts worm their way back in. What if I stopped listening to those thoughts? That’s what I came here to do after all. To start over and be free. To truly begin living my life the way I want to. Until I can get my thoughts under control, I won’t truly be free.
Luca’s voice is gentle, his breath tickling my ear. “You are special, Jade. Watching you swim made me want to know what it was like to be out in the sea surrounded by those dolphins. The way you swim looks so smoothed and relaxed, you looked like you belonged with them.” He squeezes my shoulder and then returns to his chair.
He’s spot on. The dolphins know I’m different, but they don’t have any problem with it. I feel more connected to them than I do with most people. I felt disconnected from everyone until I came down here. But now things are changing. For the first time, I know some of my neighbors. I met Gabriela and Martin and they treat me like family. And now there’s Luca. “You really wanted to be out there? I figured you just said that to start a conversation. That’s why I offered to teach you to swim. Because I wanted to see if you were serious.”
“Testing me, were you?” He leans in and nudges me with one shoulder and I laugh.
“Maybe.”
“Did I pass?”
“During the lessons, yes. Today, not so much.”
His face darkens. Even his eyes darken to a bluish shade of gray, like the sea when a cloud passes over it. “I wish I could forget about my terrible mistake. But I meant what I said about wanting to learn to swim and wanting to feel connected to nature. I have felt that connection a few times before when I’ve been here in San Carlos. I like to watch the sky burst with color after a sunset and the pelicans gliding over the waves and gulls squawking over a stolen meal. But when you took me out to meet the dolphins. Jade, I’ll never forget that. And your dolphin friends came to rescue me.”
Luca surprises me. What sounds like something a guy would say to get me to sleep with him ends up being the truth. There’s a bond between us that’s very special. It makes me realize more than ever that Brandon and I had nothing in common. We were like oil and water. Luca and I have everything—off-the-charts attraction, deep conversation, and a way of being with each other that’s easy, dare I say it, even cozy. I could get used to this—which both excites and scares me. So many nights I’ve eaten dinner here alone, then curled up in the living room chair to read a book. I always enjoyed it before. But this evening with Luca is even better. I enjoy the companionship. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, Luca. I’m glad I could teach you swim. I hope what happened today won’t keep you out of the water. If you’re wise, you can be safe.”
He frowns and drops his gaze for a moment before looking back up at me. “I’m anxious about it. But I want to get back in the water right away. I can’t let fear win.”
He looks so serious, I smile and joke with him to lift some of his worry. “If you don’t mind, we’ll wait until morning. I’m not much into night swimming.”
His laugh and the flash of his smile is a pleasant reward. “I know you’re joking, but I can tell you right now, you’ll never get me to swim in the dark.”
“You never know.” My words come out sounding more flirtatious than I intended. Perhaps because I’m envisioning our naked bodies entangled in the sighing sea under the starlight. “But we’ll go in the water in the morning. Just for a few minutes And I’ll be right there with you.” I long to comfort him the way he has been comforting me.
“Gracias, Jade. I would like that.” Just hearing his soothing voice and seeing his kind eyes and the soft tip of his brows makes me wish he would never leave. But he pushes his chair back and stands up. “I really must be going. I rise and prepare to walk him to the door. But he takes a step closer and leans in toward me. The dark hint of sex burns in his eyes.
My heart races faster. Every molecule in my body vibrates with excitement. His mouth is only inches away and closing. He’s going to kiss me. With those sexy, swollen lips. With those lips I’ve thought of constantly since our post-dinner-date kiss. That night, the meeting of our mouths ended much too quickly.
His lips come closer, and hover over mine. He smells like salty sea and sweat. His mouth brushes softly over mine. That first contact sends shivers cascading all the way down to my toes. He nibbles on my lower lip. I reciprocate before instinct takes over. I no longer have to think about what to do next. My mouth eagerly devours his. Our kiss feels right. I don’t want it to be over in an instant. I want it to last all night.
His hands skim up my back, slowly, seductively, stoking my desire. I told myself I didn’t want to get involved. And I didn’t want another man like Brandon. But I want Luca. I ache for him. As we continue to kiss, breathless, desperate, hot, his hands grip the back of my head, pulling me closer so our lips—our bodies—are smashed together. His perfect mouth—this one I’ve dreamed of constantly since our first date—is once again mine. He nibbles my lower lip again and then slides his tongue over the seam of my mouth. I sigh with pleasure and open my lips to give him entrance. His tongue greedily penetrates my mouth in a hot and demanding way that sends a rush of aching heat between my thighs. Every cell in my body vibrates with need.
His hands skim down the length of my spine, igniting a trail of heat. He grips me tighter, compressing my breasts against his tightly muscled chest. The sudden, searing contact of our bodies sends hot blood rushing south. His firm thighs press against my pelvis. When his arousal swells against my inner thighs, the pulsing ache between my thighs intensifies. The closer we get, the more I want him. The more I need him. And I want and need Luca desperately. Urgently. I’ll lose my mind if I don’t give in to my desire.
I pull him in closer—digging my nails into his back as our mouths move against each other, wet, hot, exploring. A strap on my sundress slides down my shoulder. He pushes it down further until one of my breasts is exposed. I gasp when he palms my breast in his hand, massaging, teasing, until I pant with lust.
My fast-beating pulse and our heavy breathing slowly overrides the sounds of the waves and music at the beach coming through the open windows as I see, taste and experience Luca. Every part of me wants Luca naked and inside me.
He slides the other strap off my shoulder, exposing the second breast. A shiver of delight races through me. Most of my torso is now exposed. He kisses his way down my neck, searing a trail over my skin until his lips reach my breast. I shouldn’t let him do this, I think faintly. It’s too dangerous. I’ll end up getting hurt.
He brings the nipple to a peak with his tongue. My head falls back in a groan and my mind empties. Each flick of his tongue sends shockwaves of pleasure through my body. My panties feel drenched, I’m so turned on. My body trembles with need.
One of Luca’s hands strokes my cheek. “I don’t want to scare you.”
“You’re not,” I protest, but my words sound lame even to my own ears.
He studies me. His blue-green eyes miss nothing, see much more than the expression on my fac
e. They see deep inside me. “You’re not fine, Jade. I can tell. Let’s not do this. Not until you’re ready to trust me.”
I bury my face in his chest, feeling embarrassed. And let down. I wanted him to make love to me, even though I was afraid. Maybe he won’t want me anymore now that he knows how insecure I am.
“I can see by the look on your face that doubting thoughts are running through your mind. Please, just relax. Let’s sit down and get to know each other.” He slides my dress back up over my breasts, gently settling the straps where they belong on my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking down, unable to meet his gaze. “I didn’t mean to spoil everything.”
He lifts my chin gently and leans in closer. “Please don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. It wasn’t the right time, that’s all. There is no hurry. We have plenty of time.” His voice is so deep and controlled and gentle. As if the sudden end to that smoldering kiss didn’t faze him at all.
“You’re not upset with me?”
“No, of course not.” He takes my hand. “Come over to the couch and sit with me.” He tugs me toward it and I follow, dropping down beside him on the cushions.
I can’t look him in the eyes. “Before I met you, I had made up my mind to stay away from men.”
“Is it because of what happened with your boyfriend?”
“Yes, mostly. He made me feel insignificant and disposable.”
“That’s because he was a jerk. You deserve much better, Jade.”
I exhale. “Looking back on it, I think I settled for what I thought I deserved. Which wasn’t much. There were signs all along that our relationship wasn’t working, but I guess I ignored them. I thought he was going to ask me to marry him that night he took me out for a special dinner and ended up dumping me. The next thing I knew, he was telling me there was someone else and that it was over between us.”
Luca’s fists tighten and the dimples around his lips deepen. “The more you tell me about him, the more I hate this guy. How could he be so insensitive?”
Jade's Song (South of the Border Book 2) Page 12
