“Kendra, that’s not really fair. You hit me with a lot that night. I didn’t even know... you know… existed. And to be told they do, and you are, and then you bit me, and then the scene we had was pretty intense, and... I just needed to process all of it. Are you going to hit me with that much all in one night again? I really hope not.”
His words brought everything into focus, and Kendra suddenly realized why she was so emotional about this man. She couldn’t tell him here, though, where they’d be overheard.
“Follow me.”
When they were in Abbott’s office with the door closed, she turned to him, her hands on her hips as she said, “Did it occur to you that I haven’t submitted to anyone sexually in over a thousand years, and I made myself pretty emotionally vulnerable to you when I fucking gave myself to you? If the tables had been turned and you submitted to me, and then the next night as soon as you saw me I freaked and said I needed time to think and it was almost a week before you heard from me again, how the hell would you handle it? I just realized it, but I’ve distanced myself emotionally from you, and I’ve been avoiding anything that might close up that distance, because I’m pretty sure you’re going to freak again and then I’ll just have to do it all over again.”
Shit, and now she was getting emotional, again. She turned her back to him, crossed her arms, rubbed her left shoulder with her right hand. “I can’t do this here. I’m supposed to be working. The door at the end of the hall will bring you out at the side of the building. Turn left and the sidewalk will take you to the parking lot. Please leave, Eric.”
“I’ll go because I’ve hurt you and can’t fix it right this minute. It isn’t because I’m avoiding a discussion about it, though. I can’t believe I didn’t consider how you’d feel with me pulling away like that after... after...” He sighed. “I’m sorry, Kendra. I’ll go, but know that I don’t want to. I want to take away the pain I’ve caused, but I can’t do it right now. Not here. God, I’m sorry.”
And he walked out the door.
Chapter Eight
Kendra could tell something was up when she arrived home. No one would look at her, and there was an air of tension and uncertainty. Abbott was there, and he said, “There’s something you need to see.”
He took her downstairs to the playroom door, and pulled his key out to unlock it. It was only locked if someone were inside playing, and only five people had a key to the room. No one used their key unless it was an emergency, but he opened the door, motioned for her to enter, and then closed it behind her without following her in.
Eric was naked, kneeling on the floor, head up, eyes lowered, with his hands behind his head. Every muscle in his body was taught, strained, and she could smell his fear and trepidation, oozing from every poor.
Not the sweat scent of fear and anticipation, but the stench of true fear — and if his scent wasn’t enough to turn her off, his soft cock confirmed he wasn’t the least aroused.
Abbott, what the hell? Why is Eric in here naked?
He contacted me, told me of your fight, and asked me to help him with this. Said he didn’t know how to make it right. He begged me to let him in so he could submit to you. I have everyone upstairs right now, so no one is on the basement level but the two of you. I turned radios on in several rooms downstairs, plus one at the bottom of the steps. The dungeon is partially soundproof to muffle loud screams anyway, so the two of you should be able to talk quietly without being overheard. Give him a chance, Kendra. I think he really cares for you.
Fucking stupid mortal man. And fucking stupid vampire, too. Why the hell would you think this was a good idea? Yeah, she had to speak to him with politics in mind for some things, but for personal matters like this, he rarely expected her to hold her tongue.
Talk to him, Kendra.
Dammit, what the hell was she supposed to do with this?
“Eric, what are you doing?” Her voice came out sharper than she’d intended.
“I don’t know any other way to... fix things. I screwed up, Kendra. I was all wrapped up in myself, in what you being a vampire meant to our relationship. What I did was unforgivable, and I won’t blame you for never submitting to me again. You offered me something so... so... special, and I blew it. The only thing I can think of is to make myself vulnerable to you, too. Not because I want you to submit to me again, but because I want you in my life and I need to do something to try to make things right. Not that this will do it, but maybe it will be a start? Please, Kendra, just saying I’m sorry isn’t good enough. I need to do something to show you.”
She made an attempt to soften her voice. He was trying, and even though she couldn’t do this now, she had to give him credit for offering. “You can’t submit to me like this. If you ever submit to me then it’ll be under different circumstances, but...” She sighed and looked away a few seconds before meeting his gaze to say, “I appreciate the sentiment.”
“You’re turning me down?” His voice sounded surprised and disappointed, but his scent told her he was simultaneously relieved and disappointed.
“Please get up and put your clothes on Eric. Yes, I’m turning you down, but I will talk to you. Like I said, I appreciate the sentiment.”
The playroom had a little seating area with a loveseat and a few chairs. Kendra walked over to one of the chairs and sat, her back to him so perhaps his getting dressed wouldn’t be quite as awkward. The dueling smells of relief and dismay grew stronger as he stood and retrieved his pants.
“We’ve only spent two nights together, Eric. The first night we rappelled, and the second night I told you about me, and then we went on the boat ride, and then... well... you know. But still, two nights. It’s ridiculous that things are this heavy already.”
He zipped his pants and walked to her as he said, “And yet, here we are.”
“We’re going to slow things down, Eric. We are going to slow things way, the fuck, down.”
He walked into her vision, sexier than he had a right to be, with no shirt, and jeans that hugged every scenic curve. “Okay,” he agreed as sat on the loveseat, his chiseled abs flexing with every move.
She forced her eyes up to his face, and said, “When we first met, you told me you were an adrenaline junkie, and you scared girls off when they got to know you. It seems to me the kind of girl you’d want to marry is always going to run from you. A girl who wants to do nothing but party and play would be fine with your dangerous adventures, but you aren’t looking for a party girl, you want substance. You want a family.”
He nodded in agreement, but didn’t say anything, so she added. “A woman who wants to settle down, have a mortgage, get pregnant and have those two point three kids, that kind of woman wants someone stable, safe — not a man who jumps off mountains and out of perfectly good airplanes. If she wants the family and kids thing, she’ll want a husband who doesn’t engage in death-defying adventures on a regular basis.”
He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “I know.”
“But jumping off mountains and out of perfectly good airplanes is part of what defines you, it’s who you are. If you cut back on your escapades to make a wife more secure someday, you’ll still be compromising who you are, in order to have the wife and kids you want.”
“I know, Kendra. I know.”
She was quiet a moment, and he didn’t offer anything else. She realized she didn’t have anything else to add to the conversation without his input, and said, “Okay, then. I’ll walk you upstairs so you can get home. You should put your shirt and shoes on.”
He looked up, pain written all over expressive face. “We’re through talking?”
“Is there anything else you want to say?”
“I don’t get the feeling everything’s okay.”
She threw her hands out in exasperation, “How can it be? You’re still conflicted, Eric. I get that you have feelings for me, and you’re sorry you made me regret submitting to you. But, you still have conflicted feelings — I can s
mell them on you, and I can hear them in your voice. We’ll go out on some dates, take it slow, see where that takes us.” She shook her head, looked away, and added, “Your conflicted feelings aren’t just about me, you’ve had to face the fact it’s going to be hard enough to find a woman who can deal with your adrenaline stuff, and then to find one who’s also submissive... the odds aren’t in your favor.”
She looked back at him, and when he didn’t say anything, she continued. “You’ve realized you may have to change part of who you are in order to get your ideal, and now there’s a different possibility in front of you. One you think could make you happy, and will allow you to continue your adventures… continue being who you are, because you know I’d never ask you not to do something just because it’s dangerous, but this other possible life means you give up on some of those ideals you thought you wanted in a marriage.” She sighed. “I understand this decision isn’t so much about me, it’s that no matter which path you choose, you have to give something up, but I think you’re over-analyzing things right now, given that we’ve had two nights together and a few conversations.” She stood, took a few steps toward the door, and added, “I’ve called Abbott and he’s walking down the stairs now. He’ll walk you upstairs and to your car, and I’ll see you Saturday night at sundown, assuming you still want to take me out on a date.”
Chapter Nine
Saturday morning Kendra showered and then pulled out the clothes she’d wear on her date with Eric, so all she’d have to do was arise and dress. One of the benefits of dying instead of sleeping was she didn’t move around, so her hair wouldn’t need much touching up.
She still wasn’t really sure what she was doing. Common sense told her to just write Eric off and go find someone who’d make a good human companion. However, she’d lived a long time, and learned the people who are truly special don’t come around very often, and Eric seemed to be one of those people. However, she also knew that just because someone was special, didn’t mean a relationship would work. If all parties didn’t have their shit together, the relationship was doomed. Was she willing to risk a broken heart on the chance he might figure things out? Not really, but the reverse was true as well — she wasn’t willing to walk away, since she thought there was still a chance he might figure it out. Which meant she was kind of stuck giving him a chance.
She was having a hard time investing her heart back into the possibilities, though.
* * * *
As always, it seemed she closed her eyes and then opened them a few seconds later — she never had a sense of any time lost during the day. Pulling open the mini-fridge by her bed, she reached for a bag of blood and poured it into a glass.
She took her time getting ready, and was climbing the steps in her heels as the sun dropped below the horizon. The doorbell rang as she walked towards the front of the house, and she opened the door and stepped out. “Hello, Eric. Perfect timing. How did you manage that?”
He grinned at her. “I know how to use the internet, and there are sites out there that let you put in longitude and latitude to find out exactly when the sun sets for any particular date. My watch automatically resets itself four times a day to the U.S. Atomic Clock in Colorado, so it’s pretty close to accurate. I know how long it should take to walk from downstairs to upstairs so I wai—”
She interrupted him with a smile. “You know, to be such an adrenaline junkie, you may be even more of a geek. I don’t think I’ve ever seen both in the same package before. Not to the two extremes you take them, anyway.”
He laughed and offered his hand as he turned to step off the porch. “Flattery will get you everywhere tonight, Kendra.”
His laughter soothed her, and she accepted his hand and walked down the stairs in step with him. “I’m not sure it was meant to be flattery, just an observation.”
As they walked to his Range Rover, she noted two bicycles on top, without the front wheels, so the frame seemed to be bolted to the roof. “What’s with the bicycles?”
“Oh, they’re just still up there from earlier. Do you know how to ride a bike?”
Hmm, she sensed partial truth, interesting. She answered his question without calling him on it, though. “In the eighteen sixties, or maybe eighteen seventies, I was living in England and was friends with a gentleman named William. William and his friend John owned a bicycle company, and John actually invented what is now the modern bicycle, with the chain. Or, if he didn’t actually come up with the idea, he finally made it work. Before John’s invention, which he called the ‘safety bicycle’ we had those bicycles with the huge wheels, which were anything but safe. Anyway, back then only men rode bicycles, and there were these adult sized tricycles women were expected to ride. I, of course, got my friend William to teach me to ride a bike. But I haven’t ridden one in, oh, I don’t know, maybe eighty years?”
They were pulling onto the street by this time, and Eric said, “You knew the person who invented the modern bicycle? Kendra, that just... I don’t know. Blows me away, I guess. You weren’t friends with Alexander Graham Bell, by chance, were you?”
Kendra laughed. “No, I wasn’t. Never met him, in fact.”
“Did the bicycle inventor know you were a vampire?”
“He did not, and neither did William, who liked to work at night, and would ride outside of town on occasion as he tested his friend’s latest inventions. I was curious, so I went outside to watch. As far as he knew, I was a widow and my husband had left me a house and enough money to live comfortably. He knew others lived there, and I told him I’d allowed some family members to come live with me, to help with expenses. Anyway, he never asked too many questions, and he was more than happy to teach me to ride a bicycle, as it helped him test the new designs. He marveled that I dared to wear pants — I told him they’d belonged to my late husband, and were much more practical for learning to ride a bicycle. In reality, I borrowed them from one of the male vampires who lived in the coterie at the time. I’m tall, so it worked out okay as long as I belted them tight enough they didn’t fall off. Anyway, it was night and no one saw me but the vampires and William, so society didn’t have a conniption over it, and I had fun.”
They talked of inventions for most of the rest of the way into town, the things she thought had made life easier, and the changes some of the inventions made that she didn’t like. Kendra worried this would freak him out again, but realized if it was going to scare him way then it was better to do it sooner than later.
When they arrived at the theater and went in, she was surprised to see he’d managed to get tickets on the third row in almost the center. She’d started to ask Abbott if they could use his box seats tonight, but had opted to let Eric handle everything since he was supposed to be taking her out. Since he appeared to like the theater, she’d have to invite him to a play later, and then they could use Abbott’s box. Assuming there would be a next time, of course.
They both enjoyed the play, and when it was over Eric commented, “My goal in life is, if I ever manage to have a family, it’ll at least be a functional one.”
Kendra realized she didn’t know anything about his childhood, and asked, “Where did you grow up, Eric? You don’t really have an accent.”
“That’s because I grew up all over the place. My dad was an Admiral in the Navy, and I was his oldest child and only son. My uncle was in the military too, spec ops. I think I learned my adrenaline habit from my uncle — he’s the one who arranged for my first parachute jump. But, my dad and uncle would take me rappelling and mountain climbing together, so I guess I learned it from them both. My uncle is only about ten years older than me, but my dad was pretty old when I was born, so he died a few years ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “I can’t imagine how much death you’ve had to deal with. I miss my dad, but that’s life. My mom remarried almost right away, and I still haven’t really come to terms with it. She’s come to visit me a few times, but I haven’t been to
see her. I’ve met her new husband once and,” he looked sheepish as he admitted, “I’m not dealing well with the idea she replaced my dad so quickly, I guess. But, I had a great childhood. I lived all over the world and I had two loving parents, as well as an uncle who kind of filled in as father when my dad was away. I sometimes went a long time without seeing my dad, but when he was home he spent a lot of time with me.”
“Your dad was an Admiral, so he was probably, ah, commanding? Do you think your parents had some sort of power exchange relationship?”
His chuckle filled the intimate space between them, and felt like a caress against her touch-starved skin.
“No, not at all. There’s no doubt my mom ran the house. She made it clear to my dad that she’d never enlisted in the Navy, and being Admiral didn’t give him authority over her. There were five of us kids, and she kept us all in line and got us all healthily into adulthood as constructive members of society. My dad didn’t let her push him around, either, they were partners, but he also acknowledged it was her job to make the house run smoothly, and he did what he could to help, which usually meant doing what she said. I know she didn’t like it when he took me rappelling and sailing and stuff, so it’s not like he did everything she said, but when it came to how the house was run, he pretty much did. I think it was more about respect — she ran the house on her own when he was away, and he didn’t want to undermine her when he came home from a long trip.”
“You were close to your dad?”
“Yes, though I was just as close to my uncle, to be honest. When he was on leave, he often spent most of it with us, so there were lots of times my uncle was around when my dad wasn’t. I’m not sure how, but they usually managed to get sent to the same areas of the world at about the same time. I mean, not exactly the same time, there might be a six month or even year long period when they were in different parts of the world, but eventually they’d usually end up close enough so my uncle could easily stay with us.”
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