“Then you’ll have a long, lonely drive to retrieve it, won’t you?”
She drank again, needing to finish the bottle and get away from Mac.
“Already did,” he said, pulling it from his jeans and listening to his messages. “Yup, there’s one from my girlfriend.”
“I am not your girlfriend!”
“I meant Pixie. Seems she’s worried about you.”
“What else is new? She’s always finding an excuse to talk to you.”
“Are you jealous?” She could hear the smile in his voice.
“Not in the least. I know Pixie’s affections change as fast as the wind direction around here.”
He put his phone aside and said, “How long are you going to stay mad with me, Maggie?”
“Until the end of summer, when you leave town.”
“That’s quite some time away.”
When she didn’t make any further comment, he drained the last of his beer, got to his feet and said, “Nice talking to you, Maggie,” and walked away.
It took all Maggie’s strength not to call him back, to beg his forgiveness for being such a bitch. She loved him desperately, but there was no future for them. She shouldn’t have led Mac on, should never have gone to the shack with him last night.
Oh, to hell with morals! She needed Mac like she needed the air to breathe. She was about to get out of her chair, when Mac’s hands rested on her shoulders and he leaned over the back of her chair and kissed her thoroughly, upside down.
Given it was such an awkward position, it was a wonder he could do the things with his lips he did and, when he came up for air, Maggie grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back down for more.
Quicker than she knew what was happening, Mac had her out of her seat and onto his lap on his chair. “This is better,” he said, all full of masculine satisfaction that he’d subdued the little woman.
Maggie was considering protesting but he kissed her in a long, drugging kiss, one arm around her back, his other hand, cupping the back of her head.
You really are a pathetic creature, Maggie Hansen, was her last thought for quite some time.
When Maggie broke the kiss, Mac nuzzled her neck.
“I’m sorry I was such a bitch today,” she said and wanted to curse herself for admitting she was wrong. What was it with Mac? He had the power to make her lose complete control of her senses and her tongue.
“You’re forgiven,” he said and nuzzled her neck some more.
She squirmed. “You’re prickly!”
“You didn’t have a problem with that last night,” he pointed out.
Maggie stroked his jaw and looked into his dark eyes. “There’s no future for us, you know that, don’t you, Mac?”
“I disagree. I think we should give whatever’s happening between us a chance.”
“It will only make the parting harder when summer comes to an end.”
“You could always look on the bright side.”
“What’s that?”
“We could hate the sight of each other by then, so it won’t be a problem.”
She grinned at his effort at humor and playfully slapped his chest.
Mac caught her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissed it and said, “It will be no harder for me, if we go our separate ways at the end of summer, than it would be for me to walk away now.”
“Bu—”
He placed a finger over her lips. “I love you, Maggie.”
And I love you, Mac, Maggie wanted to say, but instead snuggled her head beneath his chin to hide her reaction, knowing that if she admitted to Mac that she loved him too, he’d be buying an engagement ring and walking her up the aisle. He was that sort of guy. But Mac deserved so much more than she could offer. He deserved children, for starters. And after that horse–riding accident in her youth, she’d been told she’d never be a mother. It was why she hadn’t been alarmed when Mac had told her the condom broke.
She was disgusted with herself for letting Mac use the condoms without telling him the truth; it was so low of her and she hated herself for it. Mac was too good a man to deceive. She needed to come clean, tell him the truth so he wouldn’t waste any more love on her. He could find a woman who was whole, who could give him those children he deserved.
Maggie had made an awkward peace with the reality of her situation. She adored her school kids; they were almost family to her. It was one of the reasons she was so determined to fight to save the school. If she didn’t have the kids and the school, then her life held no real purpose.
Maggie climbed out of Mac’s lap and went to stand by the river, drawing peace from it, knowing there’d be precious enough after she told him the truth.
“Hey, you two lovebirds!”
Maggie spun around to find Annie and her husband, Tony, approaching. She’d half–expected Gramps to interrupt them, since her family seemed to always be disturbing her peace, but Mac’s family were a welcome sight.
Forcing a smile to her lips, she said, “Hey, yourselves. Come pull up and chair. I’ll get us all another beer.”
Annie held up a bottle of champagne. “I was hoping you’d have glasses for this, we have something to celebrate.”
“You’re not pregnant again are you, Annie?” Mac asked getting to his feet to congratulate them on whatever they were celebrating. “Not that that would be a bad thing, because Maggie might twist your arm to settle in Coldwater and enroll the little munchkin in her school.”
Maggie returned with four long–stemmed glasses, Tony popped the champagne and poured it into the glasses. He placed the bottle on the side table, placed an arm around his wife and said, “We’ve decided to move to Coldwater.”
“What? ” Maggie and Mac exploded at the same time.
“We figure there’s nothing really keeping us in the Philly area.”
“There would be your jobs, for one,” Mac suggested. “College for the kids.”
Tony shook his head. “Annie and I had a long talk to Pixie. We’re very satisfied with what the colleges out here have to offer. And with Flynn off our hands and looking for a job, this is the ideal time for us to make a move.”
“And your jobs?” Mac reminded him.
“I’ve been doing some searching online. Seems there are plenty of Colorado Division of Wildlife jobs going around this area. The pay is lower, but the cost of living and of buying a house around here is dirt cheap compared with back east. We’ve already engaged a realtor to sell our house.”
“Whoa! That’s both our sisters intending to move here,” Maggie pointed out to Mac.
Mac shook his head in wonder. If anyone could make living here work, it would be Annie and Tony. They were both resourceful people, hard–working and ready to pitch in and help with anything. They’d make fine additions to the community of Coldwater. He raised his glass and said, “Then I guess the only other thing to be said is, congratulations, you two!”
They all drank the toast then took seats by the river, arranging the chairs so they were in a circle. Both Mac and Maggie were keen to hear how they’d come to the decision to move across country to a state they’d never been to before.
“You’re all more than welcome to stay at the ranch with me until the end of the summer,” Mac offered.
“Thanks, little brother,” Annie said. “Once we find where Tony will be posted, we’ll make a firm decision on where to buy or rent at least until our house is sold.”
Maggie ventured, “You aren’t getting your hopes up too much on Tony getting a job here are you?”
Tony smiled and assured her, “I’m more than qualified to fill any of the half–dozen positions vacant. But thanks for your concerns, Maggie.”
“And what will you do for a crust, Annie?” Mac asked his sister.
“I’m not sure. First I need to get the barbeque weekend over with, then I’ll figure something out.”
“You’re both being remarkably laid back about this,” Mac said.
“It w
as so strange,” Tony said. “I was really stressed out when I left work on Thursday. But we turned in at your ranch and saw that big wide open sky with the mountains behind and we both turned to each other and said—”
“I could live here,” Annie finished for him.
“We’ve only been here a couple of days,” Tony continued. And yet I feel like a completely different person. I bear no relationship to that stressed–out executive who’s lost contact with what he really went into forestry for, and that was to be out in the field, in the open air.”
Maggie smiled. She loved it when people saw what she loved about living around the Coldwater area. It offered so much for families. And now she was doubly determined to make the barbecue work.
Gramps arrived back with the boys, who, he reported, did a great job on the horses. The boys glowed under their great–grandfather’s compliment. Maggie half–wondered if they were unholy terrors because they just didn’t get enough attention from a strong male role–model.
Well, there were plenty of men around here for now and they were all excellent role models. She hoped their mom would notice a huge difference in them when she returned.
Annie and Tony headed back to Mac’s and, with the boys and Gramps turned in for the night, leaving her alone with Mac, she decided now was the time she needed to talk to him.
“Want to take a walk in the moonlight?” she asked.
“Sure. Can we walk to the miner’s shack from here?”
“We could, but I need to talk to you about something personal.”
“And something tells me I’m not going to like what I hear,” Mac said helping Maggie from her chair and taking her hand. “Which way will we walk?”
“Back to your place.” She led the way around the side of the cabin and headed out along the driveway towards Mac’s.
They walked well past where he’d usually climb the fence. Finally, Maggie stopped and turned to him her back to the fence as she rested her elbows on the top rail.
“Mac, there’s something you need to know about me, and I think it will change everything.”
He clasped her hips gently and pulled her to him. “If it’s going to change everything, then I don’t want to hear it.”
She placed her hands against his chest and pressed him away a little. “You need to. It’s important.”
Unable to look into Mac’s dark eyes as he gazed down at her with such compassion, she turned away and rested her forearms on the fence and looked out across the dark paddocks of Mac’s ranch. He came and stood beside her, resting his forearms on the fence as well. She could still feel his eyes boring into her, wondering what she had to say.
“I know you have strong feelings for me, Mac. But there’s no future for us.”
He started to protest, but she held up her hand to stay him.
“Apart from our age difference, and the fact that your real life is in Nashville and mine is here…” she took a deep fortifying breath and said, “Before… before we get any more involved…you need to know, I can’t have children.”
There, she’d said it, the naked, horrible truth. She expelled a breath, relieved to get the admission that had been tying her in knots for so long over with.
Mac was silent for the longest time.
She’d expected a protest that it didn’t matter, expected they’d argue, expected him to walk away. What she didn’t expect was for him to reach out and cover her hand and say, his voice gravelly with emotion, “Why can’t you have children, sweetheart?”
Maggie swallowed the hard lump of emotion in her throat and stared out at the dark pastures. “I had a bad riding accident when I was fifteen. They said I had internal scarring, would never have children. My parents took my secret with them to their graves. Until now, I’m the only one who knows about it.”
He lifted her hand and kissed it and Maggie pulled her hand from his grasp. “I don’t want your pity,” she snapped, not meaning to sound so curt. “I should have told you that night at the miner’s shack—stopped you worrying the next morning when you said the condom failed. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you.”
She turned to Mac, needing him to see the sincerity in her eyes. She hadn’t been able to face him in the daylight, but in the moonlight she could pretend she couldn’t see the revulsion in his eyes that she expected, the disappointment.
“I wish you’d told me this a long time ago,” he said.
“There never seemed the right time. Was I reading too much into our relationship? Would I look a fool for telling you this, when you didn’t see a future with me? I—”
Maggie’s words were cut off by Mac grabbing her shoulders and kissing her.
Confused, her mind in turmoil, Maggie wasn’t sure how to respond when he finally released her. “I—”
Mac placed his index finger over her lips, silencing her. “My turn, okay?” he said and waited until she nodded.
“First of all, I want to assure you, you weren’t reading too much into our relationship.” He brushed a tendril of hair from her cheek. “Secondly, you have nothing to apologize for. I can’t begin to imagine what a burden it must have been to carry that knowledge on your young shoulders, in your heart, for so long. And alone.”
“Please—,” she said, before he silenced her again with another kiss. Please don’t make me love you anymore than I do, Mac MacKade, she wanted to say.
“Thirdly,” he said when he was sure she’d be silent. “What in tarnation does our age difference have to do with anything?”
“You’re a young man, Mac. You’ll want a family of your own. If you were ten years older, had kids of your own, maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much.”
“You’re presuming to know a lot about my thoughts on the subject of having children,” he said. “Tell me this, if the roles were reversed, how would that affect the way you feel about me?”
“But they aren’t.”
“Humor me, this is important. How would you feel if I told you I couldn’t give you children? Would you love me any less?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then why do you think it would be any different for me?”
“Because I’m older. Because I’ve come to the realization that even if I could have children, I’m getting to that borderline age when it can be riskier. And because you deserve to be a dad, Mac. You’re wonderful with your nieces and nephews. Lisa’s boys…Pixie.”
“And I thank you for the compliment. But if we can’t have kids together, then we can look at other options.”
“So you do want children.”
“They’re not a deal–breaker but, yes, I wouldn’t mind having a couple of little ankle–biters.”
When she started to point out that wouldn’t be happening, he silenced her with another kiss. When he finally came up for air, and brushed the bangs out of her eyes, he said, “We’ve got a crazy couple of weeks coming up, so can we take a rain–check on this conversation? I’d really like to neck instead.”
Chapter Sixteen
Maggie and Mac saw little of each other the following week. Maggie was busy caring for the boys and doing chores in town in preparation for the barbecue.
Mac was busy writing songs and helping Annie and making calls to friends to get more publicity. Since they never got a chance to see each other alone, the issues between them remained unresolved.
Lisa called to say she’d already sold her car, almost by the time she got home, and would wait till she got back to Colorado to pick up a bargain there. She and Pixie would drive back together in the U–Haul.
“We’ve finishing packing up what I want from the house and I’ve donated the rest to charity,” she told Maggie in a call on Thursday night. “I called Jeff asking what he wanted from the house, but he didn’t want anything. Suits me fine, so I called one of the women’s shelters to see what they would like. They came and earmarked what they want and will come back tomorrow to collect it.”
“That’s a great idea, Lise. Why didn’t th
ey take it today?”
“Hello? We need something to sit on and something to sleep on tonight.”
Maggie had been so distracted she hadn’t thought of that.
“I’ve already had an animal charity come and collect what we’ve boxed up and aren’t taking back to Colorado. So, the U–Haul is packed and we’ll be hitting to road in the morning.”
“Has it been…difficult for you, Lise?”
“Not with all the kids helping, no.”
“I meant, giving away all your memories.”
“I’ve kept the ones I want, and discarded the rest. I feel good about it. I wanted to make a clean break, and now I am. Anyway, I’d better go, we’ve ordered Chinese and it’s just arrived.”
She finished the conversation, telling Maggie the women’s shelter workers would come in the morning to clear the rest of the house and that she’d employed a cleaning firm to do a proper move–out clean before the realtor came by with her first clients to view it.
“I’m glad I had him come by and get professional photos taken while the house was still furnished. It looks really desolate now.”
Maggie nodded. Trust Lisa to think of that.
“We should be home Saturday,” she told Maggie. “Sunday at the latest. We’re taking Zach and Billy to Portland and then turning west. I can’t wait!”
“We all can’t wait to see you guys either,” Maggie said. “Drive carefully, okay?”
She handed the phone to Nicky and let him talk with his mom. The boys had been fed and were dressed in their pajamas ready for bed. They’d been little angels in their mom’s absence, spending a great part of their days over at Mac’s with his nephews and nieces and other times fishing with Gramps. It had been a wonderful bonding time for them all and Maggie was grateful for it.
Ruff alternated nights sleeping on one or the other of the boys’ beds. And during the day, he followed them everywhere. They’d always be safe with Ruff watching out for them.
She yawned, stretched and walked out back and down to the river. Her favorite chair beckoned and she curled up into it. She’d almost dropped off to sleep when Nicky and Justin came down to kiss her goodnight.
Colorado Woman (The Hansen Women) Page 13
