by Kate L. Mary
“Did you sleep?” I asked.
Tessa’s head rolled my way and she blinked twice before saying, “A little.”
“Me too.”
We said nothing else, and after a moment she pushed herself up and grabbed her bag. As she dug through it she said, “Someone mentioned breakfast and I’m starving.”
“I could eat.” I sat up as well even though the idea of food made my stomach flip upside down.
We got dressed and stashed our stuff under our cots before heading out. It seemed as if everyone in the building had the same thing in mind, and I was able to see just how small the group of survivors was for the first time. It was pathetic how few of us were left, but I had to hope that there were more people somewhere. That this was only a tiny portion of survivors in the area.
I was on the lookout for Logan when Tessa and I walked into the room. The few survivors who were staying at the refugee center had all crowded in, but since it couldn’t be more than a hundred people total, I knew it wouldn’t take long for me to find the person I was searching for. I spotted him in less than a minute, but stopped dead in my tracks when I did. Rick was with him. How the hell had that happened?
Tessa had kept walking, but she slowed and turned to face me when she realized I had stopped. “What’s wrong?”
“Remember how last night we agreed that we were lucky?”
Tessa’s face scrunched up. “Of course. What are you talking about?”
“Just keep that in mind, okay. Promise?”
“What is going on with you?” My sister asked impatiently.
Behind her, Logan had spotted us, as had Rick, and they were currently on their way over. Despite everything else happening in the world, I had no doubt in my mind that Tessa was about to make a big scene, and even though I wanted to prepare her for what was about to happen, I was so exhausted that a part of me wished I didn’t have to be the one to talk her down from this.
But since I did, I decided that I should handle it like a Band-Aid. “Rick is here.”
Tessa’s mouth dropped open but she said nothing. It wasn’t the reaction I had expected, and I wasn’t sure if her utter shock was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe the delayed rage would help her put things into perspective, although knowing Tessa, I had serious doubts about that.
By the time Rick and Logan stopped at our side, my sister had managed to shut her mouth, but she still hadn’t said a word. I held my breath when she turned her gaze on her ex-fiancé. There was very little malice in her gaze though, and Rick’s own eyes were filled with concern when he looked her over.
“You’re okay?” he asked.
Tessa nodded. “I am. You?”
“As good as can be expected.” Rick let out a deep breath and I was struck by how different he seemed. Softer. More vulnerable. “Logan said your parents are dead. Claire too.”
“They are,” Tessa whispered. “Yours?”
“Gone.” Rick’s gaze moved to the floor. “I thought I was a pretty strong person, but I wasn’t prepared for this.”
“No one was,” Logan said.
“No one could be,” I added.
Rick nodded, but his gaze was still on the floor. He seemed broken and unsure, nothing like the man my sister had been involved with only four months ago. That man had always been sure of himself, had been put together and immaculately groomed at all times. But the man standing in front of me right now had a couple days’ growth on his face, and his blond hair was tousled in a way that didn’t look practiced. His clothes were wrinkled too, and there was even a dark spot on the collar of his shirt. It seemed like proof that no one got to make it out of the apocalypse unscathed.
“How long have you been here?” I asked Rick.
He tore his gaze from the floor and focused on me. “Two days? Maybe three, I’m not sure. I took my dad to the hospital after Mom died. Not that it helped. He died in the waiting room, and while I was there I heard about the refugee center. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“This place is a good sign,” I said.
“Yes,” Rick mumbled, although I got the feeling he didn’t even realize he’d replied. He was once again looking at Tessa. “I was worried about you. I tried to call, but by then the cell towers were already down.”
For the first time since Rick had stopped in front of her, Tessa’s expression hardened. “Worried? Why? You made it pretty clear when you left me at the altar that you didn’t give a shit about me.
“Tessa—” I started.
She cut me off with a lift of her hand. “It’s true. He humiliated me.”
“It wasn’t because I didn’t care,” Rick said. “I just thought we might be rushing into things. You were the one who didn’t return my calls after.”
“You called?” I said just as Tessa shot out, “Why would I return your calls?”
“I still cared about you, Tess,” Rick said quietly. “I just needed more time. I didn’t want us to make a huge mistake.”
Tessa rolled her eyes as she reached back and twisted her hair around her hand until it was in a knot on the top of her head.
Logan’s gaze met mine, and despite everything, I found myself rolling my eyes. A tiny smile flipped up the corner of his mouth that reminded me of the first time I’d laid eyes on him. How I’d shown up late to Tessa’s wedding rehearsal and how annoyed we’d been with each other.
When I’d first spotted Rick, the idea of Tessa’s drama had been exhausting, but now it was almost a relief. It was something normal in the midst of so many new and terrifying things. I was used to Tessa making a scene and rolling her eyes and snapping at people, but I wasn’t used to everyone around me dying or having no clue what the future held.
“Let’s just get some food,” I said to my sister, using the same soothing tone I had dozens of times over the years.
I grabbed her elbow and pulled her away from the two men and toward the buffet style breakfast set up on the other side of the room. Rick and Logan trailed after us, talking in a whisper that made their words inaudible but had me totally aware of their presence. At my side, Tessa didn’t say a word, and even though she had a scowl on her face, her expression was unreadable.
I hadn’t realized Rick had tried to contact her after the wedding, and while I couldn’t blame Tessa for not taking his calls, the fact that he had made me like him just a little bit more. At least he’d tried to explain himself. The way he’d handled things had been all wrong, there was no doubt about it, but at least he’d made an attempt to talk to her afterward. He’d tried to make amends. That was something. Plus, the expression in his eyes when he’d looked at my sister just now told me that he hadn’t been lying when he said he cared. Maybe if they had been less impulsive, had decided to take their time and date a little longer before rushing into an engagement, things would have worked out. Not that we would ever know now.
The buffet line was short since everyone else in the refuge center had already grabbed their breakfast while the four of us were in the midst of a very awkward reunion, but the food was still steaming in the metal pans lined up along the table. Scrambled eggs, sausage links, and piles of untoasted bread. My stomach growled, and once again the normalcy of the sensation was a comfort. That’s all I wanted right now. Normalcy. Routine. Something that felt permanent and real and not like a nightmare.
Tessa and I piled food onto our plates before grabbing some coffee and heading to table. Despite the way she’d snapped at Rick only a few minutes earlier, my sister didn’t protest when he and Logan took a seat across from us. She didn’t look at her ex either, and even though I knew she wouldn’t get over what had happened any time soon, I was thankful that at least two more people I knew had survived the virus. It was the little things.
The room was silent other than the sound of chewing and the occasional whisper. I hated it. Hated that there were nearly a hundred people in this room and yet there was no conversation. It was the opposite of normal. Still, no matter how much I racked my brai
n for something to talk about, I couldn’t think of a single thing that wasn’t horribly depressing. That was the problem with conversation right now. There was nothing to talk about but the past and everything that had changed, the things you’d lost, or the uncertainty of the future. What had we talked about before all this? Movies, television, celebrities, or the current events in the world. All those things were gone, and what remained were the ashes of something that had seemed so permanent.
So we ate in silence. Tessa and I sitting next to one another while Rick and Logan sat across from us, the four of us looking as lost as everyone else in the room. It didn’t take long for me to start to squirm, to feel trapped and ready to explode, but I didn’t know what to do about it other than finish my food and leave the table. Then what? What would I do now? What would any of us do now?
Totally unannounced, Tessa shoved her chair back and stood. “It’s been fun, but have to get the hell out of this room before I scream.”
I started to stand as well, but Rick beat me to it when he jumped to his feet. “Tess, can we talk?” He shoved his hand through his blond hair and exhaled. “Please.”
My sister cringed, but said nothing in reply. Her eyes were on the table. I had never seen her stare so intently at something that wasn’t a hot guy or an article of designer clothing. Tessa wasn’t usually this focused.
Rick inhaled slowly while he waited for her to respond, and when she still said nothing, he swallowed and whispered, “Please, Tessie.”
Her head bobbed twice, but she still didn’t speak or look up at him. Even though I knew the conversation would be hard for her, I had to admit that their failed attempt at getting married would probably be the least depressing subject they could come up with these days.
“I’ll take care of your plates,” I said, focusing on my sister’s ex. “You guys go ahead.”
Rick nodded, and the relief in his gaze was hard to miss. I’d never liked him all that much. Not during their whirlwind romance and especially not after he had left her at the altar, but in light of everything that had happened, I understood his need to make things right. Something that had seemed so huge just a week ago—like this man stomping on my little sister’s heart—now felt silly. I also thought that Tessa might need this conversation. Almost like it would help her put things into perspective, which would help her down the road. Despite this refugee center, I had a strong suspicion that life was not going to get better for a very long while.
Rick and Tessa headed out of the room, walking side by side in utter silence, and I watched them go. Tessa looked so young as she moved, the way her shoulders were slumped and how her head remained dipped. It reminded me of when we were little, back when she was still the shy, youngest Smart girl, and how she had always stood back while Claire and I tested the waters of any new social setting. She had grown out of that when she hit puberty, realizing that all she had to do to bend a situation to her will was bat her eyelashes and the boys would fall at her feet. She had that kind of magnetism.
“He feels really bad,” Logan said, and I turned to find him staring at me, not Tessa and Rick.
“I can tell.”
His gray eyes took me back to the night we’d flirted, and something in my stomach fluttered. Despite the familiarity of the feeling, it felt so wrong and out of place in this new reality, and I couldn’t help feeling like I was betraying my dead family. I shouldn’t be attracted to the man in front of me right now. It didn’t matter how good-looking he was or how drawn I was to him. It didn’t matter that I needed a distraction from all the horrible things going on.
Logan tilted his head and studied me like he was trying to read my mind, but before he could say anything I scooped our paper plates up off the table and headed for the trashcan. He trailed behind me, and despite the certainty inside me that it was wrong, that tingle in my stomach remained. I couldn’t stop it no matter what I tried to do.
We said nothing as we dumped our plates into the trashcan, and nothing as we headed out of the room, passing the other survivors who were sitting silently at tables as if they had no idea what to do with themselves. I understood, but I also knew that I would never be able to just sit around and do nothing. Not only was that not the kind of person I was, but I also didn’t want that kind of time to think. That would only lead to one thing: the past and everything I had lost, as well as what the future held. I couldn’t do a damn thing about any of that, so keeping busy was the best thing I could do.
“Maybe we should see if there’s some way we can help out,” I said once we reached the lobby, breaking the silence between Logan and me.
He nodded and his dark hair flopped across his forehead in the process. He did the guy thing and jerked his head to get it out of his face, and something about the gesture made me smile.
“Good idea.”
He was scanning the lobby, not focused on me, and I took the opportunity to study him. Like Rick, Logan looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a couple days. The stubble on his chin added to his good looks, making him appear ruggedly handsome. He was tanner than he had been the last time we saw each other too, and his gray eyes were bright and alert despite the circles under them that told me he hadn’t been sleeping well lately—something I understood.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time outside?” I asked.
When Logan’s gaze moved to mine it was searching, and the air around us crackled. “Why?”
“You’re tanner than you were.” I nodded to the bicep that was straining against his tight t-shirt, and from there my gaze traveled up to his broad shoulders, and then his chest. It was seriously pathetic of me to be thinking about how hard his muscled body would feel against mine.
When my focus returned to his face, I found Logan smiling. Watching me.
“Rick and I have been golfing a lot.” The smile faded. “At least we were before all this started.”
My throat tightened and I exhaled, trying to blow out the tension. It didn’t work, and I went back to searching the lobby for someone in charge. Suddenly, I had a desperate need to focus on something other than my attraction to Logan and the fact that most of the human race was dead or dying.
I’d just spotted the less-than-friendly woman who had greeted us the day before when an agonizing scream broke out somewhere in the distance. It echoed through the halls, making it difficult to tell where it had originated from, and caused the hair on my arms to stand up. All around me people stopped and looked around as if trying to figure out where the sound had come from, and a couple people even took off running, but I didn’t move an inch. Why would someone be screaming? And where was my sister?
Another scream broke through the air to my right, this one more strangled. More terrifying.
“Tessa,” I murmured before taking off.
I wasn’t sure if I was headed in the right direction or if she was the one who had screamed. I just knew I had to get to find whoever had and make sure it wasn’t Tessa. The pounding of feet at my back told me that Logan was right behind me, but I didn’t look over my shoulder to verify it.
Other people ran in the same direction, some in front of me and some at my back, telling me that I was on the right track. We ran as a group, heading down a hallway that seemed to go on forever. The further we went, the more sounds became audible. Someone, a woman, was crying. Her sobs were labored and mixed with another noise I couldn’t identify. Groans? Moans? It was hard to say, but something about them made my heart beat faster. I’d never heard anyone make sounds like this, but they had to be coming from a person. There were no animals in the building as far as I knew.
We turned a corner and the woman was in front of us. I skittered to a stop, trying to take in the scene. Trying to make sense of it. I couldn’t. The woman—it wasn’t Tessa, thank God—was on the ground, and there was another woman on top of her. They were fighting, and the one on top seemed to be trying to bite her…
Yesterday’s thoughts about Rick Grimes and reanimated bodies came scream
ing back, and I found it impossible to move even as other people rushed forward. I saw Logan in the group, watched as he grabbed the crazy lady and ripped her off the other woman. The first one was mad, insane, and she wouldn’t stop fighting, wouldn’t stop gnashing her teeth. She chomped them together, coming dangerously close to taking a bite out of Logan’s arm.
On instinct I stepped forward, hand out as I yelled, “Don’t let her bite you!”
People looked at me like I was nuts, and I couldn’t help thinking that they were right because my thoughts were centered on zombies and that didn’t make even a little bit of sense. A few other survivors were on the floor next to the woman that had been attacked, trying to comfort her as she sobbed. There was blood on her shirt, and on the floor underneath her, and I instinctively knew that she had been bitten. A pit formed in my stomach that was deep enough to swallow this whole building, but I still couldn’t pinpoint why. Why did I think this situation was at all similar to a fictional television show? Yes, there had been a virus that had spread and killed most of the population, but those people had stayed dead. I’d seen it with my own eyes. This was nothing like the apocalypse of dead bodies that countless books, movies, and TV shows had conjured up. This was real life.
Logan and another man were still fighting with the woman, but they seemed to have taken my advice and were now holding her by the wrists, stretching her arms out on either side of her so they were a safe distance from her still chomping mouth. She thrashed, making it difficult for me to really study her, but I didn’t need to look at her for long to know that she wasn’t well. Her skin was pale, appearing almost gray in this light, and there were dark circles under her eyes that made them look sunken. The irises were milky too, unfocused even as she seemed to be concentrating on Logan.
“Calm down,” he said, gritting his teeth as he tried to control her.
“What the hell is wrong with this chick?” the other guy asked, grunting like he was having a difficult time holding onto her.
