But I could tell her how much I missed Sam. That much I could do. And so I did, two days later when we caught up for lunch again.
‘I know just how you feel. I miss Tom too. But, I’ve got a surprise for you.’
‘A surprise? What kind of surprise? What have you done?’ I asked, hoping it had something to do with Tom and Sam.
‘Well, Mum wants me to come back for Christmas, and she said she’d buy me a business class ticket. So, I said I’d come, and I’d even save her some money by flying economy, but only if she’d let you come with me.’
‘Really? You mean … take me back to Australia with you?’ I couldn’t believe I’d heard her right. Christmas wasn’t that far away; less than four months. And that would give me heaps of time to work on Mom.
‘Yep—really—Mum thought it was a brilliant idea.’
‘This is awesome, Claire. I don’t know how to thank you enough.’
~~***~~
It wasn’t the perfect outcome. In fact, I’d had no intention of taking so long to get myself sorted out when I’d agreed to come back. But on the bright side, it postponed the discussion I needed to have with Mom. And that was a good thing, wasn’t it?
When I texted Sam to tell him I wouldn’t be there until Christmas, I half expected him to call and try to talk me into coming back sooner. But instead, he just texted back saying that while he missed me, he understood, and he looked forward to seeing me in December. I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or disappointed by his reaction.
The next morning I rang the university and by the end of the day I had enrolled in five classes, switched my major to psychology, and discovered that most of the courses I’d already done would count toward that degree. Obviously, that was assuming I would ever finish it.
When I told Mom about it that evening she was more than just happy—she was ecstatic. Even when I said I’d switched my major to psychology, she didn’t lose her smile so I figured this would be a good time to tell her about going to Australia at Christmas.
‘It’ll be our first Christmas apart,’ she said, the smile fading from her face. But then she sighed and said, ‘Well, I suppose it’s a great opportunity. And it is awfully nice of Claire and her family. I liked her father. Is her mother as nice as he is?’
‘Yes—you’d like her,’ I said, not entirely sure it was true. Claire’s mother’s life was very different to Mom’s. They weren’t at all alike.
‘Well, I suppose you can always spend either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with Debs and Ian. It won’t be like you’re entirely without your family around you.’
I sighed with relief, knowing I’d made it over the first hurdle. Now I just had to figure out how to tell her I wouldn’t be coming home afterward.
‘Thanks, Mom, for taking it so well. I know it’s kind of a special time for us … but you know I missed most of summer this year. It’ll be summer there at Christmas, so that’ll make up for it.’
‘Yes, that’s true. Well then—your first Christmas away from us,’ she sighed again, and for a moment I thought she might change her mind, but then she smiled. ‘I’m just so happy that you’re going back to school. Trust me; one day you’ll be thankful you did.’
~~***~~
We’d finished dinner and had just sat down to watch a movie when the phone rang. Raye ran into the kitchen to get it like she always did. But surprisingly she came back within just a few moments, saying it was for me.
‘It’s David,’ she said, making a face.
‘Great,’ I said, my voice dripping sarcasm. ‘I suppose you told him I was home?’
‘Yes. But if you like, I can say you don’t want to speak to him, or that you snuck out when I went to answer the phone … or better yet, I can say that aliens abducted you. How does that sound?’
‘Thanks, but it’s too late now.’
I walked slowly into the kitchen, not sure why I felt I had to do this. I didn’t really want to speak to him, but I didn’t want Raye to say something stupid to him either.
‘Hi David,’ I said, keeping my voice as calm as possible.
‘Hi, yourself. How are you? When’d you get home?’
‘Oh, a couple of days ago I guess.’
‘Yeah? I thought you would have called. I ran into Susan in Burlingame Avenue and she mentioned you were home.’
‘Oh, well, I’ve been kinda busy I guess.’
Why had he called me? Hadn’t he heard me say it was over? And hadn’t the fact that I never replied to any of his emails been a further clue that I didn’t want anything to do with him? And why on Earth couldn’t I just be rude and tell him to get lost?
‘So, how was Australia? You know, you could have sent me a postcard … or an email. It seems like ages since I’ve seen you.’
It had been ages. Nearly three months in fact. But not long enough for me to feel like we could be friends. Not yet—maybe not ever.
‘Yeah, well, Australia was great … and I kept pretty busy the whole time I was there.’
‘I see. Well, that’s okay. You’re forgiven.’
Like as if I wanted or needed to be forgiven by him.
When I didn’t say anything, he continued, ‘So, do you want to catch up for dinner one night this week? How about I pick you up, say Friday night, maybe around seven?’
‘I, um, I’m pretty busy this week. My friend Claire from Australia is here so we’ll be busy doing things. But, hey, thanks for the offer.’
I don’t know why I felt I needed to make excuses, but I found it hard to just tell him to go away.
‘I see. No postcard. And you don’t want to have dinner with me. What’s the story, Lil? Why are you being so … difficult?’
‘Difficult? I’m being difficult, am I? Well, I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl who left here in June. And besides, I’ve met someone.’
‘Oh, so that’s it. You met someone … what, in Australia? So, you had a little fling, so what. It’s not like he’s going to take you out to dinner on Friday night now, is it?’
‘It wasn’t a fling.’
‘Okay, so it wasn’t just a fling, maybe. But hey, Australia isn’t like another suburb. Don’t you think it’s probably over, Lili? Have dinner with me. Let me tell you how much I’ve missed you. We’re good together, and you know it. Give me a chance to win you back.’
‘There’s no point, David—seriously. Hey, but thanks for calling. Take care.’
I hung up before he had a chance to ask again. I had no intention of seeing him. When I went back into the living room, Raye looked up and grinned.
‘You sure were on the phone a long time with him, considering you didn’t want to talk to him. Are you going to see him?’
‘No. I’m not going to see him. I was just being polite, that’s all.’
I could see Mom smiling but she didn’t lift her gaze from the television.
~~***~~
Raye’s birthday party was a huge success. Not that I had expected anything less. She’d started organising it before I’d even gone to Australia. Her friends were all really nice kids, and a few had even helped with the decorations in the back yard. She had lights strung everywhere and they’d cleared a dance floor on the grass. Even the weather was perfect. One of those balmy Indian summer evenings that stayed warm well into the night. Mom had even warned all the neighbours in advance, so that no one would complain about the noise—the party wasn’t expected to wind down until after midnight.
Claire came, of course, and she seemed to have fun flirting with some of the older looking boys, though none of them were much more than seventeen. They were all fascinated by her—her accent, her looks, and her well-developed flirtation skills.
As I watched her dancing with one of the young men, I was reminded of another party, in another world, with similar lights in trees. We’d come thousands of miles since that other party, but it still seemed so fresh in my mind. I closed my eyes and remembered Elizabeth dancing her carefree little dance, with her friend Henry
waltzing along beside her. And then of course I thought of Sam, and the way I’d felt when he put his arms around me that night. I desperately wanted to see him again—to be with him. I swallowed hard, and fought back tears. This was not a time to be sad.
Then it hit me that I could send him a message. Sure, it wasn’t the same thing as being with him, but it would make me feel closer. I ducked around the corner of the house and sent him a message saying how much I missed him. I wondered what he might be doing right now, and whether he might hear the message and respond right away.
Sure enough, less than a minute later my phone beeped and there it was.
Hey beautiful. Enjoy the party. Oh, and tell Claire that Tom misses her, the big sook. He talks about her all the time. Claire this Claire that. And remember how much I love you, Sam xoxox
After that, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I let Raye think it was all because she’d thrown such a wonderful party. And it was wonderful—now.
~~***~~
Two days later Claire left for LA, but she’d already booked her flight to come up again at the end of October. Raye had decided to throw a Halloween party and Claire was rapt as she’d never been to what she called ‘a proper Halloween party’ before.
My classes started a few days later, and life became routine. Between the time it took to actually go to the classes and then the studying required afterwards, I didn’t have a great deal of spare time on my hands but I did find time for a run most days. Usually I’d just run in the local park down the street, but when I had more time I’d drive down to Coyote Point. I’d start my run along the short beach and then head up the track that bordered the cliffs. I loved Coyote Point because it was a much more challenging run, and the strong wind coming off the bay helped clear my head. Sometimes I found it even took my mind off Sam for a little while, although nothing could completely do this.
Since I had no classes on the weekends, I contacted the pie shop about my job. They were more than happy for me to come back, particularly when I said I only wanted to do the breakfast shifts on the weekends. It wasn’t much of a job, but it was close to home, and it gave me the chance to save a bit more money.
Perhaps going back there was a mistake, or at least it seemed that way when at the start of my second shift I walked up to a small table where a blond man sat with his back to me only to find myself face to face with David.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, in a less than welcoming voice.
‘Well, that’s no way to say hello to an old friend. It goes more like this: “Hello, how are you?’’ and then you smile like you mean it, and fill my coffee cup,’ he said, smirking as he pointed to his upturned coffee cup.
I could feel nervous energy bubbling up inside me, but I forced my voice to remain calm. ‘Right, well I’m busy. So unless you’re going to order breakfast, I suggest you leave.’
He flashed a smile, and picked up the menu. ‘I’m having breakfast—the special will do me just fine. And then I’ll have refills on my coffee until you finish work. I want to talk to you.’
I tried hard to control my voice, replying as calmly as I could. ‘Fine, I’ll get you breakfast. But there isn’t anything for us to talk about. I don’t see the point.’
‘I’ll wait anyway,’ he said as he closed the menu and handed it to me. When I took it, his hand brushed mine.
I pulled away quickly, and glared at him for a moment. ‘I’ll put your order in,’ I said, still trying to keep my tone even. Then I turned and went over to place his order with the kitchen. I hated the thought of having to go back to his table, but I didn’t want him creating a scene either, so when his order came up I just placed it on his table and walked away.
True to his word, he didn’t leave. He paid for his breakfast, but then just sat there reading a newspaper, calling me over to fill his coffee cup from time to time until the morning rush finished.
When my shift was over I stood near the register for a minute, watching him from behind. As I did, I started feeling glad that he’d come. I mean, wouldn’t it be just so easy to simply fall back into our old life? He had wanted me to marry him, and possibly still did. And I suppose, in some ways, he was a good catch. After all, he had a decent job; and he was good looking—even though his fair hair and pale blue eyes were like washed out versions of Sam. But at least he was here, not half way around the world. And most importantly, he wasn’t a vampire.
Yes, to answer my own question, it would be easy. But that wasn’t the reason I was glad. I was glad because seeing him made it absolutely clear why it would never happen, even if for some reason I didn’t go back to Australia. I knew, without even the slightest bit of doubt, that David wasn’t the one for me and never would be. I mean, when I looked at him, I felt nothing. Looking at him was like looking at a character from a television show—the character is familiar, but you don’t actually know the actor. That’s what it was like. There was no love; no hatred; no remorse; no feeling whatsoever. It really was like I simply didn’t know him.
I walked over to his table, and looked him directly in the eyes. ‘Okay, you win. We’ll talk, but let’s go outside.’
He stood, and followed me out to the parking lot. I could see his car in the corner of the lot so I walked over toward the main road instead.
‘You wanted to talk—so talk.’ I was pleased at how my voice sounded; flat, without any emotion.
‘Lili, come on, lighten up. You know we’re good together. We can pick up where we left off. I don’t blame you for being mad at me and I don’t blame you for running off to Australia either.’
‘Running off to Australia? I didn’t run off, I went to visit my Aunt and Uncle.’
‘Yeah, okay, whatever you say.’ He stepped forward and tried to take my hand, but I stepped back away from him. He shook his head, and moved toward me again, but I took another step back. I held my head high and looked into his eyes when I spoke.
‘Stop it, David. There’s nothing left. I’m not even sure there was anything there to begin with. We were high school kids. But I’ve grown up—I’m not a kid anymore.’
He stared into my eyes, and I thought that maybe my words had finally hit home.
‘Look; I snapped—one time. And you’ve punished me for it, well and truly. And I suppose I deserved it. But how about dropping this superior than thou act, and let’s just move on with our lives,’ he said, all the amusement gone from his voice.
‘Bloody hell, are you deaf or what? You’re not listening to me. It’s over. I’m not the same person I was before I left, and I won’t ever be that person again.’
He threw his head back and laughed. It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected, and I felt my jaw clench in response. He was laughing at me—and yet I’d said nothing even remotely funny.
‘What’s with the Aussie talk, Lili? “Bloody hell”—when’d you start talking like that?’
‘Oh, shut up. I told you—I’m not the same girl I was before.’
‘Yes you are. You’re just mad at me. That’s all this is. You’re mad at me, and the crazy thing is, it wasn’t even my fault … I mean, you made me … I mean,’ he seemed to be struggling with his words, so I cut him off.
‘I made you? I made you what, hit me? So, what … it was my fault?’
‘Yeah, well, no, I mean yeah, you made me crazy—all your talk of going overseas, and not answering me when I asked you to marry me.’
‘I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I’m listening to this. And you wonder why it’s over? David, do you listen to yourself when you talk? Do you hear what you’re saying?’
‘What? Alright, you obviously need more time. I can see that. I’ll leave you alone for a while—let you get used to being back in “bloody” San Mateo. I’ve already been invited to Raye’s Halloween party. I’ll see you there, and maybe by then you’ll be ready to come back to me, assuming I still want you, that is.’
‘Argh! I can’t believe you,’ I said, shaking my head.
&n
bsp; He grinned, and I wondered if he’d heard a single word I’d said. But at least he seemed to accept that he wasn’t getting his way today. He walked to his car, got in, and waved as he pulled out of the parking lot.
~~***~~
I couldn’t fall asleep that night. Images of David flashed through my mind as I tossed and turned, and snippets of memories tried to make their way to the surface. I forced myself to replace them with memories of Sam—our last day at the beach together; the way it felt when he kissed me; the warmth in his eyes when he looked at me. But it was getting harder to see Sam’s face when I closed my eyes, and knowing he was thousands of miles away didn’t help.
I grabbed my phone and wrote a text, but stopped short of sending it. I’d already sent Sam a text earlier today. Then I thought about ringing him. I could say that I couldn’t sleep and needed to hear his voice. What time would it be there? Did that matter? I went round and round with it, wanting to speak to him but suspecting that if I rang now he’d be able to tell by my voice that something was wrong, and I didn’t want to explain.
So instead, I just tossed and turned and did my best to force David’s face out of my mind, until sometime just before dawn when I finally fell asleep.
~~***~~
The following days seemed to pass more slowly. I tried to keep myself busy, and between classes, homework, running and my job the days were pretty well filled. But as busy as I kept during the day, at night I always thought about Sam.
Each night was the same. I asked myself the same questions over and over. Was our love strong enough to overcome the challenges we faced? I mean, it was such a strange world he lived in, would I be able to make it my world too? Was waiting until Christmas the right thing to do? After all, that was still months away. Shouldn’t I just go back now, like I’d originally planned to do? Sure it was easier to go with Claire at Christmas, but wasn’t that just procrastinating, and feeding my insecurities? Wasn’t I best to just bite the bullet and tell Mom all about Sam … well, maybe not everything about Sam … but enough that she’d understand? If I sold my car, I’d have enough money for the ticket. Why did I agree to wait until Christmas anyway?
Sacrifice (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 2) Page 2
