I picked up my bags, stepped forward again to kiss her cheek, and then turned and walked out the door with my beautiful baby daughter in my arms. I could see the taxi waiting at the gate, but there was no need to hurry. No one would be trying to stop me.
When I got settled into the taxi, I turned and looked at the door. Crystal was standing there as still as a statue. Then she lifted her hand and waved a silent goodbye.
‘Airport,’ I said to the driver.
‘Right away, Miss,’ he said, as he pulled away.
I looked back, and watched for as long as I could see her, and then for a bit longer. The tears that ran down my face this time were of sadness; a deep overwhelming sadness that came from knowing that a very important part of my life was over.
~ Chapter Twenty ~
There is something quite special about walking along a deserted beach early in the morning; the pungent scent of seaweed on the morning breeze; the sound of waves breaking on the shore; the seemingly endless expanse of water stretching out as far as the eye can see. Together these things have a way of making even what seem to be the most insurmountable problems fade into insignificance.
I had fond memories of walking on beaches—both as a young child with my father, and later as a teenager when I’d ride my bike down to Coyote Point. And of course, there was that trip just last year to this very same beach. Could it really have been less than a year ago that I’d been here with Debs and Ian?
Here is Queensland’s Gold Coast, with its sub-tropical climate and miles of fabulous surf beaches that attract big crowds of tourists throughout the year. Even in winter people flock to the mild climate—just as I had done last year, in what felt like a previous lifetime.
But it wasn’t just the mild weather and the beaches that made me pick this place. What drew me here was the crowds—the endless sea of ever changing faces. I’d decided to make my way to the busiest part of the Gold Coast, Surfers Paradise; a place with literally thousands of holiday apartments and a constant churn of guests—a place where I would just be another face in the crowds.
As the taxi drove off, leaving me standing in front of the high-rise apartment building with Ceylona in my arms, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sam. My mind was racing. What would he be thinking, right now? How would he react to me running away like this? Would he even know yet? Would Crystal have phoned him straight away? Or would she wait to speak to him in person?
And then I started questioning my actions. Had I done the right thing by leaving? Or had I over-reacted? It had seemed like the only option, less than twenty-four hours ago. But now I wasn’t so sure. I walked into the building anyway.
The young man behind the reception desk looked at me blankly. I figured my face must have shown the signs that I’d been crying most of the morning, but he either didn’t notice, or didn’t care—probably the latter. He seemed completely uninterested in me or my circumstances. He looked younger than me, but perhaps he’d already seen it all too many times before.
The one-bedroom apartment I’d seen listed in the paper was still available, and after a quick phone call, presumably to his superior, he was more than happy to rent the apartment to someone without references given that I was prepared to pay for three months up front—in cash. Thank God for Crystal. What would I being doing right now if she hadn’t given me that envelope full of cash? I’d counted it on the plane; ten thousand dollars. I could make it last quite a while—giving me plenty of time to find a job.
The young man cleared his throat and gave me this look that said ‘hurry up’.
I mumbled an apology, and began to fill in the rental agreement, carefully writing my name and address as it appeared on my California driver’s licence—Lilith McIntyre. Then I stopped, realising that technically I was no longer Lili McIntyre, I was Lili Todd. But there was no point confusing the matter—not here, not now.
As the young man handed me the key to what would be my home for the foreseeable future, I had to fight back more tears. I could feel my throat closing up again, and I swallowed hard. I clutched Ceylona close to my chest and took in a deep breath, allowing her beautiful baby scent to comfort me. My heart was breaking, and I was scared, but I had to remember why I was here—I had to be strong for Ceylona.
~~***~~
One week after arriving, I was settled. I knew my way to the shops around the corner, had found an internet café where I could check my emails, and I knew the quickest route to the beach. And I’d seen the same young man at the reception desk almost every day, but if he recognised me he didn’t show it.
Every day was a battle. Anyone might think that being a new mother could be a battle, but it wasn’t that. It wasn’t Ceylona; she was an angel. She was, quite simply, a perfect child. She smiled and cooed; never screamed or cried. And she slept so well. I had no complaints about her. I loved her unconditionally of course, but she made it just so easy. No, the battle was inside me.
Had I done the right thing? Was I being melodramatic? Should I go back to Sam, and let him figure out how to keep us safe? Would he be able to keep Ceylona safe? And if so, at what point would I tell her that her father is a vampire, and his best friends are dhampirs and other vampires? How could I subject her to that life, even if somehow Sam could find a way to protect us from all the darkness in his world?
Or should I take Ceylona to California, to my mother? That could be the right answer, but how? Given that my passport was at home, in my top drawer—in Sam’s bedroom. And I had no birth certificate or ID for Ceylona. Could I take her into another country? And could I take the risk, even if I did have my passport, and even if they did allow me to take my infant daughter with me? What if we were wrong? What if Crystal’s tears hadn’t actually removed the vampire contagion from Ceylona’s blood? What if Ceylona turned out to be a dhampira after all? If she started to grow quickly, how could I explain that to my mother? My mother, who knows nothing about the world I’d willingly embraced as my own. How was I ever going to explain it in a way that she would understand? No, as much as I wanted it to be, I knew going home to California wasn’t the answer.
Besides, I’d already told Mom we weren’t coming over. We should be there now, getting ready to watch the Fourth of July fireworks. It would be evening there now, and if we were there we’d probably have gone to the park or the beach. They should be getting to know Sam—falling for him as I had done. But instead, I’d lied to her, again. I’d told her that we had to cancel our visit because Sam got a job at a military base, and it was all top secret. And she’d believed me, I think. I felt sick about it.
But was being here on the Gold Coast the answer? Living so far from everyone I know and love; was I right to come here? It was still hard for me to believe that I’d left Sam; Sam, who I couldn’t put out of my mind for more than a few minutes at a time. But Ceylona was safe, and on some level I was sure that was all that mattered.
My father’s voice niggled in my mind—a memory from so many years ago. I was ten at the time. I was asking his advice about a decision I had to make: two friends—two birthday parties on the same day. How was I to decide? ‘There is no right or wrong here, Lili,’ he’d said. ‘It isn’t black and white. In fact, things are rarely ever black or white. You just have to do what is right for you; what feels right, deep down in your heart.’ It was a terrible dilemma for a ten year old; in the end I chose the quieter friend, the one who would miss me more if I wasn’t there. I’d felt good about the decision in the end.
Not that leaving my husband in order to protect my daughter, who brought a whole new dimension to my understanding of love, was exactly the same as choosing between birthday parties, but the principles were the same.
I jumped when my phone rang. It was set to vibrate and it made a hell of a racket as it bounced along the glass kitchen table. I ran over and picked it up. Claire. I wondered why she would be ringing.
‘Hello,’ I answered.
‘Lili?’ the voice on the other end nearly shouted my name.
‘Oh, hey Claire! How are you?’
‘I’m fine. But the real question is how are you? Or, should I ask, where are you?’
‘Oh, uh, I’m in Queensland.’
‘Queensland? What on earth are you doing in Queensland? I rang your Mum’s place this morning—you know you’re supposed to be there, right? So, what’s going on?’
‘Oh, didn’t Mom tell you? About Sam’s job, I mean?’
‘Yeah, she told me some lame story alright. Something about Sam getting a job at a military base in the middle of the outback or something like that. Oh, and it’s all meant to be hush-hush top-secret mumbo jumbo. Like, as if I’m going to believe that. You might have fooled your mother, but you haven’t fooled me. What’s going on, Lili?’
‘I was hoping you’d believe it too,’ I didn’t know what to tell her. I should have known she wouldn’t fall for it, even though Mom had seemed to. But I’d hoped she would, and I didn’t have a backup story ready.
‘Well, I don’t. So, where are you and what are you doing?’
‘Okay. Well, I really am in Queensland. That part of it’s true. Just not with Sam,’ I sort of mumbled that last bit, letting my voice trail off to a whisper.
‘Not with Sam? What do you mean, not with Sam? Where is he? Is something wrong?’
‘Wrong? Well, I guess you could say that. We’re separated. I mean … I’ve left him, and I’ve come up to Queensland to think about things.’
‘You’ve left Sam? What happened? Did he hit you or something? I’ll kill him if he hit you.’
‘No, no, really, it’s nothing like that. Sam hasn’t done anything wrong. And I do love him. It’s just,’ I really didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t exactly tell her the truth. At least, not over the phone—not like this.
‘Just what? What is it then? You were so happy, how could you leave him? What’s going on, Lili?’
I quickly did the math in my head. The timing was about right. When Sam and I got married, I could have been just over two months pregnant. It could have happened that way, couldn’t it? Claire had joked about it at the time—she’d even called it a shotgun-wedding at one stage. And Ceylona was born in May—perfect. That was nine months. I was just about to tell her about Ceylona, but thankfully something made me hesitate—a niggling memory. And just before I mentioned Ceylona I remembered that Claire had come over for spring break. I’d seen her in March. With a normal pregnancy, in March I’d have been seven months pregnant. If I’d been that pregnant, she’d have noticed.
‘Hello? Are you still there?’
‘Sorry Claire. Yeah, I’m here. I just can’t talk about this over the phone. It won’t make any sense to you.’
‘Fair enough, it sounds like you need a shoulder to cry on so I’ll come over. I’ll cancel my flight to San Francisco and get the first one to Brisbane that I can. I’ll send you my details as soon as I get a flight confirmed.’
‘Really? I mean, thank you, but it’s not necessary.’
‘No? Too bad, I’m coming anyway.’
‘Okay. Look, I’ll tell you everything when you get here. I promise. And please, don’t think badly of Sam. It’s not his fault, not at all. It’s me. It’s all my fault.’
When I got off the phone, I realised I was shaking. I hadn’t planned that very well, had I? I should have known she wouldn’t accept my story quite as easily as Mom had. After all, what sort of job could Sam have gotten that would put him on a military base? As far as Claire knew, he just worked in a fruit and vegetable market. I’d either have to come clean with Claire, or come up with some other story. But I didn’t have long to think about it—if I knew Claire, she’d probably be here within the week.
~~***~~
The following morning, while Ceylona was sleeping, I ventured out onto the tiny balcony and sat at the small table with a cup of tea. I couldn’t see the water from here—rent for apartments with water views was way more than I wanted to spend—but at least I could smell the sea on the cool breeze that drifted around the corner of the building.
I pulled Crystal’s crumpled letter out of my backpack and read it once again.
Dear Lili,
I understand what you’re doing, and to be honest, if our places were switched, I would probably do the same thing. Keep Ceylona safe. There is enough money here to get you set up. Once you’re settled, contact me and I’ll make arrangements to send you more on a regular basis, for as long as it takes.
Watch her carefully. Look for signs, like rapid growth or excessive strength. Or she may surprise you with other skills. Remember what you’ve been told about illusions and the ability to see through them. Watch for this as it may be subtle. The moment you see anything unusual, you are to contact me. If she doesn’t exhibit any signs within two or three years, then I’d say there is a good chance she never will. But then again, we really don’t know for sure.
I would advise you not to go to your family, even though I understand you probably want to. It could be very awkward for you to explain things. Make up a plausible story—perhaps you can say that Sam has accepted a job in outback Australia, at a top secret military base, where you aren’t allowed to have any visitors. I know it’s a terrible lie, but it’s all I can think of that sounds plausible. Keep communications with your family brief, but do keep in touch as disappearing will only raise more suspicions.
As for Sam, don’t worry about him—he’ll be fine. I’ll explain everything, and take the blame for what happened. I’ll have Michael keep a close eye on him for a while to make sure he’s coping. Things will soon go back to how they were before he met you.
Contact me once you are settled. I will help you in any way I can—and I will not betray your trust.
Love to you both,
Crystal
I wiped away a tear that threatened to run down my cheek. I was so out of my depth. Here I was, not yet twenty-one and now a single mother living in a one-bedroom apartment—thousands of miles from my family and separated from my husband. And I was watching for signs that my infant daughter might not be human. This was definitely not the way I’d seen my life turning out.
I sat there, staring at the phone in my lap, trying to keep my hands from fiddling with it—the indecision torturing me. I’d been here for over a week, and still hadn’t contacted Crystal. Mostly because I was afraid to hear how Sam was taking it. But also out of fear that Crystal might not be quite as understanding now that she’d had a week to think about what I’d done.
When the phone rang it startled me. ‘Mom’ popped up on the little screen.
‘Hey, Mom. How are you?’
‘Hey yourself. So, how are you?’
‘Good as gold, Mom. Really, it’s kinda neat here—but you know I’m not meant to be using my cell phone.’
‘Is that right? Well, I’m not so sure that I do know that.’
She knew something. Was my cover blown already? When I didn’t respond, she continued.
‘Claire rang here, looking for you. She sounded very suspicious when I told her about this job of Sam’s.’
‘Did she? Oh, well, I should have called her. It slipped my mind, what with all the moving and everything.’
‘She sounded very unconvinced. Lili, is there something you’re not telling me?’
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep lying to my mother like this.
‘Not telling you? Like what, Mom?’
‘You tell me. After I spoke with Claire I thought long and hard about what you’d said. And it simply doesn’t stack up. You could have come for a few days even if Sam was starting a new job. Lili, why aren’t you here? I’m your mother—if you’re in some sort of trouble, tell me.’
‘Trouble? Oh, Mom … I’ve left Sam. That’s why we didn’t come over. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?’ It just slipped out. I’d no intention of telling her anything, but I couldn’t keep it up—not with her questioning me. I was afraid I would start crying, but I didn’t. Instead, I felt e
mpty. Like a balloon with the air let out. I suppose I was relieved, not having to keep up the lie.
‘Oh, Lili, of course that’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted you to tell me everything was fine, and that I was just being silly, worrying about my adult daughter, even if I hadn’t seen her for over six months. I’m so sorry. What happened?’
‘It’s a long story, Mom, and not one that I can easily tell over the phone.’
‘Right, well that settles it then. You’re coming home, now.’
‘I can’t, Mom.’
‘What do you mean, you can’t? Of course you can. If you’ve left Sam, you need to be here, with your family.’
‘Yeah, well, no, I mean, well, I can’t travel overseas. My passport is still at Sam’s house.’
‘And what, are you so afraid of him that you can’t go back to his house and get it? Oh, Lili, what sort of man have you married? My God, and Debs said she’d liked him so much.’
‘It’s … complicated. Sam isn’t the problem. I’m the problem.’
‘Now you’re not making any sense. Please, if Sam isn’t threatening to hurt you, just go get your passport, and get yourself back here. Now. That’s an order.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Why?’
‘I told you, it’s complicated.’
There was nothing but silence on the line. I thought for a moment that the connection had dropped out. When she spoke, I hardly recognised her voice. It was deep, and soft, and full of determination.
‘Fine. If you won’t come here, I guess I’ll have to go to you. Where, exactly, are you?’
~ Chapter Twenty-one ~
When Mom made up her mind to do something she usually did it fast, before she had time to change her mind or lose her nerve. This was no exception. So even though she’d never been on a plane before, and the thought of flying absolutely terrified her, the morning after our phone conversation she sent me an email with her flight details. She would fly into Brisbane airport the following week, and take a bus down to the Gold Coast.
Sacrifice (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 2) Page 18
