by Diana Palmer
She was shocked by the suggestion. Dane was in her past now and she was pregnant, but it was as if she’d been asked to commit adultery just by going out with a man.
“Thank you very much,” she said genuinely, “but I can’t, if you don’t mind. I’m…getting over someone.”
“Ah. I see.” He smiled. “Time does heal wounds, you know. I’ll ask again, one of these days.”
She nodded, but she didn’t encourage him. She had enough upheaval in her life at the moment.
Houston was a big city, and because she was confined to the office, she didn’t see much of it. That was good. There was very little chance of running into Dane. But as a month became two, and then three, Kit came home. And life became tedious.
Tess wanted so badly to call Dane and tell him about the baby. But he’d said, over and over, that he didn’t want to marry again, that he didn’t want commitment. She couldn’t tell him she was pregnant because he’d feel obliged to marry her. Even if he wanted the child, how could she put him in such a position? And what if, heaven forbid, he didn’t believe it was his? He’d told her he was sterile. He might accuse her of being with another man.
There was, as well, one really good reason why she shouldn’t say anything just yet. She was having some pain and a good deal of spotting. She knew those were bad symptoms, and so did her doctor, who promptly made an appointment for her with the obstetrician when she described them to him. She had to find out exactly what was wrong. If she was in danger of losing the child, telling Dane would be the worst thing she could do.
In the end, her muddled mind simply avoided thinking about the problem. But it didn’t go away. “Why can’t you come and have lunch with me today?” Kit moaned. “I’m just home from Italy! Mr. Deverell is giving me fits! I want to assassinate him. I’ve got to talk to you!”
She couldn’t go have lunch with Kit because Kit worked just down the street from the Lassiter Agency, and the restaurant where she ate was one that Dane frequented. But she couldn’t tell Kit that.
“You could drive over here….”
“I don’t understand any of this,” Kit said heavily. “If it wasn’t for Helen, I wouldn’t even have known how to get in touch with you. I come home from one little trip and you’ve changed jobs and moved across town.”
“It was necessary.”
“This isn’t like you, to desert your friends,” Kit muttered. “It’s something more, I know it is.”
“Look, you could come over tonight and I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Lunch would be quicker.”
There was a long pause. Tess tangled the telephone cord in her hands, wary of being overheard. “I can’t have lunch at the restaurant. I don’t want…to run into Dane.”
There was a longer pause on the other end. “I had a feeling that might be the case. There’s a restaurant that specializes in fish between your office and mine—know where it is?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll meet you there at noon. Fair enough? Neutral ground?”
“Fair enough.”
The restaurant Kit had chosen was busy, but big enough to serve a large lunch crowd. Even though it was miles from Dane’s office, Tess’s gray eyes slid around nervously until she saw tall, elegant Kit walking toward her. Kit had thick dark hair that curved toward her pixie face, with sparkling blue eyes under long, silky lashes. Tess was tall, but Kit was taller, and thinner at the moment.
The older girl stared at Tess and frowned. “You’ve gained weight, haven’t you?” she asked, indicating the loose, white knit sweater Tess was wearing. Her charcoal slacks were two sizes larger than she normally wore, to accommodate her expanding waistline. Her face was fuller, too; more radiant.
“I’ve gained a little,” Tess confessed. “There’s an Italian restaurant near the agency.”
“I hear you’re working as a skip tracer now,” Kit said, shaking her head. “It took you long enough to decide to fight Dane’s influence. He’d never have let you do anything like that while you worked for him. He’s hopelessly overprotective.”
Tess was stiff, unusually so, as they were seated and given menus.
Kit stared at her intently. “You might as well tell me. I’m not going to give up until you do.”
“I’m pregnant,” Tess blurted out, her lips trembling.
Kit became statue-still, as if she’d stopped breathing. “Dane’s?” she asked finally, letting out a slow breath.
“Yes.”
The older girl began to smile, her eyes quietly compassionate. “And he doesn’t know,” she said.
Tess nodded, dropping her eyes to the menu. She could hardly see it for the mist in front of her.
“His marriage failed,” Kit said gently. “He’s running scared. Everybody knows. Not only that, he lost the job he loved, along with his mother, and he’s not as able physically as he used to be. It’s natural that he’d fight getting involved again, especially with someone as vulnerable as you.” She touched Tess’s cold hand. “You’re going to tell him, aren’t you, eventually?”
“Eventually. Not now.”
“Why?”
Tess hesitated. “I’ve been having some problems. I’ve got an appointment to see my obstetrician tomorrow morning.” She grimaced. “His nurse didn’t sound very encouraging when I gave her my symptoms.” She looked up worriedly. “I’ve got one of those all-purpose medical books. It could be early signs of a miscarriage,” she said nervously. “Kit, what will I do? I can’t lose it now, I just can’t! It’s all I’ve got…!”
Kit clasped the cold fingers firmly. “Get hold of yourself,” she said, her voice reassuring. “It’s all right, Tess. It’s all right. Take a deep breath. And another. That’s it. Listen to me—you’ve got to stop this. Don’t start thinking negatively. It’s dangerous.”
“But what will I do—” She stopped in midsentence and her face became drained of color as she saw who was coming in the door.
“Dane,” Kit guessed before she turned around. She winced. “He never comes here!”
Not only was he there, his eyes were searching the restaurant as if he were looking for someone. When his gaze found Tess, he started visibly. His face tautened and he made a beeline for her.
“No,” Tess whispered huskily. “He can’t…!”
But he did. He paused by the table, his dark eyes sliding with quiet desperation over Tess’s wan face, as if he couldn’t get enough of just looking at her. “We haven’t seen you in weeks,” he said curtly. “I thought you might at least stop by once in a while to say hello. Or don’t you care enough?”
That was a strange question from someone who’d as much as admitted that he couldn’t bear the sight of her.
“I work across town,” she said, schooling her voice to remain calm even though she was shaking inside. “It’s difficult for me to get away.”
“Yes. I understand that you’re doing a skip tracer’s job now.”
She lifted her chin. “Yes. It’s nice to do a little real detective work for a change.”
He searched her gray eyes slowly, and she saw shadows in his that she couldn’t define. She couldn’t know he’d been starving for her. The apartment was empty, his job was empty, his life was empty. He’d never thought he was capable of missing someone so much. The fact that she’d gone away and stayed away made him vicious. She’d sworn undying love, but she didn’t seem to be dying without him. She couldn’t be bothered to phone the office or visit, not even to see Helen or have lunch with her friend Kit.
“Detective work is dangerous,” he said shortly.
“Yes, I know. I got shot, didn’t I?”
He drew in a slow breath, ramming his lean hands into the pockets of his gray slacks. He looked worn. “You might at least call us once in a while, so we know you’re still alive.”
“I’ll try to do that,” Tess replied. She averted her eyes to the table. “I suppose Helen does miss me.”
His jaw clenched. His hands curled into fi
sts. Yes, Helen missed her. But not like he did. He wanted to tell her how much, but she acted as if she wouldn’t have believed him. Her whole attitude was one of indifference. How, Tess? he thought bitterly. How can you be like this, after what we shared that night?
It didn’t help him to remember that her departure had been his idea. He hadn’t wanted commitment, he’d told her. But that was before he’d tried to face life without her beside him. He hated going home at night, because Tess wouldn’t be in the apartment when he got there. He hated his very life, empty and cold and unsatisfying because she was no longer part of it. His dark eyes caressed her bent head and he sighed. He’d sent her away. Now he couldn’t get her back. He didn’t know what to do. Had he killed every shred of feeling she’d had for him?
“Don’t you want to join us, Dane?” Kit asked when the silence grew tense and prolonged.
“No,” he said absently. “I have to get back to work. Tess?”
She looked up, wounded by the false tenderness in his deep drawl. “Yes?”
He searched her drawn face quietly. “Are you all right?” he asked gently. “You look…” He wasn’t sure how she looked. Sick. Worried. “Have you been ill again?”
The color surged back into her cheeks. She averted her face. “Winter brings on plenty of colds, you know,” she replied evasively. It hurt her to look at him. She didn’t dare do it for long, or everything she felt would rush into her eyes and betray her. She was carrying his child under her heart, and she couldn’t tell him. It hurt…!
She gasped as a stab of pain went through her. It was a familiar pain—one she had every time she did a lot of walking just lately—and the reason she’d called the obstetrician’s office for an appointment.
“Tess!”
Dane was beside her, kneeling, his hand grasping hers, his dark eyes full of concern. “What is it, little one?” he asked quickly. “Are you all right?”
“I think I have an ulcer, that’s all,” she hedged. The touch of his hand was driving her mad, sending waves of helpless pleasure through her body. She lifted her eyes and met his, and the world stopped. Everything stopped. She looked at him and her heart broke in two inside her body.
His face contorted. His eyes were tormented. “Tess,” he groaned, his voice as haunted as his eyes.
She took a slow breath and shivered at the need for him that still consumed her. “I’m okay,” she whispered. “Really, Dane.”
His hand was clutching hers bruisingly. He realized it and loosened his grip. Neither of them noticed Kit, who was sipping coffee and trying to be invisible.
“See a doctor, will you?” he asked tightly. “Don’t take chances with your health.”
“I’ll do that,” she promised. Her eyes slid to his mouth and she forcefully levered them back up to his. “Are you all right?” she asked softly.
Her voice made him warm all over. His cheeks went ruddy as he looked at her, and his heart raced. “No,” he said huskily. He drew in a sharp breath, fighting down the need to beg her to come back. “Maybe I miss you, pretty girl,” he drawled, his smile faintly mocking.
“Maybe beans walk,” she returned, smiling back.
His broad shoulders rose and fell. “You could do skip tracing for me, I guess,” he murmured reluctantly.
“You’ve got three skip tracers already,” she reminded him, although the offer made her tingle. He had to miss her a little, even if he didn’t want to.
“I’ll fire one,” he offered.
She laughed. “No. I’m happy with Mr. Short, Dane,” she said after a minute. “It wouldn’t work out.”
“You could give it a chance,” he said slowly, with an expression in his eyes that she couldn’t understand.
“The job?” She faltered.
He hesitated. He wanted to say, No, not the job, me. He wanted to ask her to pack a suitcase and move in with him, live with him, sleep with him. Nothing could be as bad as life without her. Perhaps if she cared enough, they could build some kind of marriage even if children were impossible. God knew, he wanted her enough to risk it. She’d loved him once; he knew she had. There might still be time….
But she laughed suddenly again, hiding her own feelings. “I don’t want to come back, thanks all the same,” she said, sparing him the embarrassment of knowing she was still hopelessly in love with him. She didn’t want his pity. “I’m very happy, Dane. I like what I’m doing, and Mr. Short even asked me out. Who knows where it might lead?”
Dane’s eyes went black, glittery. “Short’s in his forties,” he said through his teeth. “Too old and too much of a philanderer…!”
“Is that the time?” Kit interrupted, seeing danger signals ahead. “Gosh, I’ve got to go, Tess!”
“Yes, I’ll be late, too,” Tess said, staring pointedly at Dane, who was blocking her exit.
He got to his feet slowly, vibrating with anger. Short, with his Tess! He felt like hitting something.
Tess got to her feet slowly and clasped her bag while Kit left the tip. “It was nice to see you,” she said hesitantly.
Dane didn’t speak. He looked at her blindly, anger in every line of his tall, fit body. All at once, he frowned. His eyes went over her like hands and the scowl grew worse.
“You’ve gained weight, haven’t you?” he asked suddenly.
“A little.” She avoided his piercing gaze. “Too many doughnuts.”
“No. No, it suits you,” he said hesitantly.
She bit her lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood. She wanted to tell him. It was killing her not to tell him. She had no idea how he’d react, and it would probably be a bad thing, with the problems she’d been having. But it was his right to know. Committed, she raised her eyes to his and opened her mouth to speak. But before she could form a word, a passerby recognized him and stepped forward, hand out, grinning.
“Dane Lassiter! I thought it was you!” the man said enthusiastically.
While Dane was fielding his acquaintance’s greeting, Tess darted around him and followed Kit out of the restaurant. It had to be fate, she told herself, her heart racing as she realized how close she’d come to blowing her cover. She shouldn’t tell him yet. Not until she’d seen the doctor. After she found out what was wrong, she could make decisions.
“I’ll bet he followed me,” Kit mused as they went to their respective cars. “He isn’t a private detective for nothing. He misses you, Tess. A blind person could see it.”
“Missing and loving are two different things,” she sighed.
“He had to have cared a little bit. After all, it took two for you to be in that condition,” the other girl began.
“I seduced him,” Tess said, flushing. “I had some crazy idea that if I could convince him of how deeply I loved him, he might start believing in commitment again. But it didn’t work. He couldn’t shoot me out of the door fast enough.”
“He doesn’t look as if he likes having you out the door.”
Tess shrugged. “It still isn’t enough. I can’t go back to work for him. I’d eat my heart out. Especially now, I don’t need to be around him. He isn’t stupid. Eventually, my condition will become obvious.”
“Forgive me, but it’s already getting there. He’s bound to find out,” Kit said.
“I know. I’ll deal with that when I have to. Right now, I have to get back to work. Not a word to Helen,” she cautioned.
“Not a word to anybody. You know me better than that.” Kit frowned. “Tess, I’d do anything I could to help you. I hope you know you can depend on me.”
“I do. You’re the only friend I have.”
“That works both ways. Keep in close touch, okay? And let me know what the doctor says.”
“I will.” Tess got into her small foreign car and waved as she started it and drove back to work. She felt unnerved, and she wondered if it was only because she’d unexpectedly seen Dane. She was uneasy for the rest of the day, without knowing why.
Chapter Nine
TESS
WAS THIRTY MINUTES early for her appointment with Dr. Boswick. She hadn’t slept or eaten much since the day before. The unexpected pains she’d had in the restaurant had frightened her. Dane had been beside her, holding her hand, and the pain had dissipated much sooner than usual. Mystical, she thought, as if the child had heard its father’s voice and had felt compelled to survive. No doctor, she was sure, would subscribe to that theory.
Dr. Boswick was right on schedule, so she didn’t have to wait long. But the tests he performed told him something she didn’t want to hear. He called her into his office and sat down behind his desk, poring through test results, having had her come back after work to talk to him.
He laid down the open file folder and looked at her over his glasses. “How badly do you want this baby?” he asked abruptly. “I know you’re single, and not well-to-do, so think carefully before you answer.”
She didn’t understand what her financial situation had to do with it, but the question was easily answered. “I want him more than anything in the world,” she said simply.
He smiled gently. “I’m glad you put it that way, because you’ve got some hard times ahead and no guarantees even then.” He swung forward in the chair and leaned his hands on the desk, aware of her taut, worried expression. “You have a rather rare condition—one we sometimes see in the second or third trimester—where the placenta partially or completely covers the cervix. The placenta stretches, sometimes tears. There can be frequent bleeding and the danger of spontaneous abortion.”
“Oh, no!” she ground out.
“It happens to some degree in only about one out of every two hundred pregnancies,” he continued. “We found an abnormal placement of the placenta in the ultrasound we did earlier. It usually occurs in women who have had multiple pregnancies, and later than this. You’re not that far along. Your case is unusual, but this does happen.”
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked frantically. “Anything at all?”
“Yes. You can quit your job and stay home until your pregnancy advances sufficiently that we can ascertain whether or not the placenta is going to detach itself from the cervix. That will probably be until you deliver—a normal delivery, I hope, but sometimes a C-section is mandatory. In the meantime, you won’t be able to do a lot of walking, and working at a job isn’t advisable, either. For God’s sake,” he added, “don’t take aspirin during your pregnancy.”
