by Teasi Cannon
Search me, O God, and know my [wounded] heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23–24)
GETTING THE REAL STUFF
As healing occurs in our hearts, we will get more and more of our emotional needs met from the right source—God. After all, He's the one who created our emotions. Isn't He the most logical one to go to for their ongoing care?
Let's take a look at some proof from the Bible that our Father is taking care of us. The next time you doubt your worth, purpose, or God's love for you, consult His words to you:
Unconditional love
Jeremiah 31:3—My Father's love for me is everlasting. I have always been loved by Him.
John 3:16—My Father gave His only Son to die so I could know how much He loves me.
John 16:26–27—My Father loves me so much, He wants a personal relationship with me.
Ephesians 3:19—My Father wants me to be so full of His love that I'm overflowing.
Security
Romans 8:38–39—Nothing (not even my faults) can separate me from God's love.
Colossians 3:3—I am securely hidden in Christ in the Father.
2 Timothy 1:7—I am filled with power, love, and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18—The devil has no right to touch me.
Isaiah 66:12–13—My Father wants to comfort and hold me tenderly.
Affirmation
Psalm 149:4—My Father tells me that He takes pleasure in me.
Jeremiah 29:11—My Father's thoughts toward me are always good and filled with hope for me.
Song of Solomon 1:15–16—My Father tells me in poetry that I am beautiful and pleasant in His eyes.
John 14:23—My Father approves of me so much that He made His home within me.
Purpose
Matthew 5:13–14—I am the salt and light of the earth.
Acts 1:8—I am a witness of God's goodness to the world.
2 Corinthians 5:18—I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Philippians 4:13—I am a powerhouse in Christ.
Our heavenly Father definitely has all our needs covered. If we can see the truth of His heart in His Word, and receive His love into our hearts, it becomes easier and easier to trust Him. We can also trust that He will send tangible expressions of His love when we need it. We will get the healthy hugs we need. We will get an encouraging word. We will have the material items we need. But we won't be desperate for them. Any praise from man or any earthly achievement becomes the cherry on top—not the whole sundae.
A PLEA FOR CONTINUED HEALING
Oh, Abba Daddy,
I love You and thank You for Your amazing love for me. I choose today to receive Your love instead of resisting it, and I choose to trust my whole heart to You.
I ask You to continue to show me the dark places in my heart—places that have not yet seen the light of Your truth. I don't want to live my life believing lies anymore. I don't want to keep falling into the trap of ungodly thoughts and behaviors. I want to live the abundant life You've promised me. I need Your help to become whole, Father.
I hand over my complete heart to You. I lay down any pride that would keep me from being truly transparent before You.
And I ask You, Father, to forgive me for all the years my service for You was motivated by unmet emotional needs. I am so sorry. Please be quick to convict me each and every time my motivation slips off track again. I want to be like Jesus—loving others because all His needs were met in You.
And I ask You to forgive me, also, for going to counterfeits to get my need met instead of You. All You've ever wanted to do is provide for my heart. I am sorry I didn't believe that before, but I do now. Please help me to see more and more how much You love me. Change me completely, Father. I am Yours.
Amen
WHAT ABOUT YOU? WEIGHTY WOUNDS
Take a look at appendix B in the back of the book. Which of these personalities do you find most difficult to deal with in your life? _____
_________________________________________________________
Do you think your personality resembles any of those on the list? If so, which one(s)? _____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Are you hesitant to admit that you are emotionally wounded? _______
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Do you think it's possible for any human being to have his or her emotional needs met perfectly at all times (apart from getting them met by God)? Explain. __________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Look at the scale below. Where do you think your beliefs fall with regard to how God views your emotional wounds:
6. Jesus often asked people a question like this: “Do you want to be healed?” He didn't ask to get permission, He asked because being healed often requires a lot from people emotionally. It requires being willing to let go of our claim on our wounds—any identity we've been getting from our hurts. With that in mind, if Jesus were to ask you the question, what would you say? ______________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
PEP TALK: IT HURTS SO GOOD
There's no denying it. There's nothing fun about looking at a wound. And the deeper the injury, the harder to behold. But there's nothing sweeter than the feeling of healing that comes after that encounter. It's kind of like childbirth. There's nothing quite so painful as the experience of labor and delivery, but the beauty of the child nearly erases all the pain. That's why women all over the world continue to bear children—even multiple times. The pain is worth it.
Just as with childbirth, we all have different support needs when it comes to our journey to healing. Some of us will “go natural,” needing only quiet time with the Holy Spirit who will bring to light all we need to see. Others of us will take all the support we can get (“I know I just got here, but give me the epidural”). Either way, it's glorious to the Father. It's the end result He's looking forward to, and if we seek Him, He will be there every step of the way.
FORWARD FOCUS: HEALING
Psalm 41:4—I said, “LORD, be merciful to me; heal my soul, for I have sinned against You.”
Isaiah 61:1—The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.
Isaiah 58:8—Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Jeremiah 33:6—Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.
Malachi 4:2—But to you who fear My name the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings.
Matthew 4:23—And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people.
Luke 9:6—So they departed and went through the towns, preaching the gospel and healing everywhere.
Luke 9:11—But when the multitudes knew it, they followed Him; and He received them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who had need of healing.
/>
Act 10:38—How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.
EIGHT
FORGIVING AND FESSING UP
Forgiveness. It's just one of those words that doesn't always evoke warm fuzzies—unless, of course, we're talking about the forgiveness extended to ourselves. It's kind of like the word mortgage. While we all want to qualify for a loan so we can get our cute little house, we also know that we're gonna be writing a big fat check every month. Likewise, we all want to qualify for forgiveness, but on the other hand, it's quite costly. You see, when we receive forgiveness, we must also be willing to give it.
Whether we like the thought of forgiving people or not, it is something God absolutely requires. He requires forgiveness because it represents a total trust in Him. A trust that He will take complete and total care of the wrongs that have been done to us—including dealing with those who have hurt us. And trusting someone with all of that isn't always easy.
NO DENYING IT
It's important to take a look at what God has to say about forgiveness—just in case we're tempted to minimize its role in our lives.
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21–22)
Seventy times seven was Jesus’ way of saying “forgive forever.” And notice that Jesus doesn't put any disclaimers on it such as “unless someone has made a fool of you,” or “unless someone steals something extremely precious.” No. It's just “you must forgive, and you must forgive forever.”
And how about this one:
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:30–32)
We see here that God isn't asking us to do anything He hasn't done first. He's forgiven us, which gives Him the credibility to ask us to do the same. With kindness and love, He asks us to travel a road with which He's personally familiar. He knows the way is good.
We also see in those verses that our bitterness, anger, and ill will toward one another actually grieve the Holy Spirit. It distresses Him. It makes Him heavy hearted and sorrowful. Our lack of forgiveness thus works against us. We definitely don't want to hurt the heart of the very One whose help we need the most. No, we need as much of God as we can get since hope and healing come from Him.
WHAT IF I DON'T FORGIVE?
So, right now you might be thinking, “Okay, I get that I'm being asked to forgive, but what happens if I don't?” It's a good question, kind of like asking, “What happens if I don't pay my mortgage?” And the honest answer is, you will be able to enjoy your cute little house just long enough to decorate the rooms, but if you refuse to pay long enough, legal action will be taken against you.
It's the same with forgiveness. Once we've accepted the forgiveness God extends to us, He allows us to enjoy it—to thrill at the thought that we've been given such an amazing gift. And then He asks us to pay. No, He doesn't ask us to pay for our own forgiveness. It really is a free gift. But He asks us to forgive in return. It is costly, but if we choose not to do it, we will pay a much greater price.
FREEBIRD AND THE KING
There's a great example of this in the Bible. It's from Matthew 18.
In the story there was a king who had some servants who owed him lots of money (let's say tens of thousands of dollars). He was putting them all in jail for the debt, when one of the servants had the nerve to appeal to the mercy of the king. He begged, “Please don't do this. I will repay you.” He must have been really convincing, because the king not only lets him out of going to jail, but forgives the entire debt and sends him on his merry way.
Now, this forgiven servant (we'll call him Freebird for short) enjoys his freedom for a while and then decides he's gonna call in some debts that are owed to him. Freebird has this person who owes him something like a hundred bucks, and he demands to be paid immediately. Of course, the guy begs for time to pay (just as Freebird himself did from the king), but he is denied it. Freebird sends this guy to debtor's prison. No mercy.
Now, what do you think happens when the king hears about this? Well, he is furious. In fact, this is what he says to Freebird: “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” (verses 32–33). The king was so angry that the Bible says he delivered Freebird not to jail, but to the torturers until he would pay back his original debt in full. (Can you say clipped wings?)
Here's the real kicker. Right after Jesus gets done telling Peter this whole story, He says this in verse 35: “So my heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” Ouch!
ISN'T THAT KIND OF HARSH?
If you're like me, you read those words spoken by Jesus and wonder, “Does God really deliver us to torturers just because we won't forgive? I mean, come on. That doesn't seem fair.” I agree, it does seem tough…at first. But, let's take a closer look.
I think it's safe for me to assume that we're all okay with the beginning of the story, right? We'd all agree that we—like Freebird—have been forgiven much. I know I have. I was (and still am) in desperate need of mercy.
And I think we'd all agree that Freebird was being a huge jerk when he refused to forgive the guy who owed him so very little. What a creep, huh? (We would never do that…would we?) In fact, I think we probably all feel a little sense of justice when Freebird gets delivered to the torturers. After all, doesn't he deserve it? (Hey, pass me one of those sharp pokers.)
But then God turns the spotlight onto us, and this is where we stop liking the story. He compares us directly to Freebird—like we're being as big a jerk as he was when we don't forgive—and this is where confusion can set in if we don't remember the heart of our Father.
At this point we've got to pan out for a broader view. We've got to think of the full nature of God, and not just focus on a close-up of Jesus saying (in a cynical tone, of course) “You're going to the torturers!” (followed by evil chuckle). This is not what's going on here.
We've got to think this one through. First, remember, we believe that God is good, don't we? I hope you answered yes. And if God is good (in fact the epistle writer defines God as love in 1 John 4:8), would He ever ask us to do something that isn't good for us? Of course not.
When He asks us to forgive, He's got our best interest in mind. In fact, not forgiving is very harmful to us.
Think of it this way: If your child, or a child you love, was doing something that was bad for her—in fact could hurt her for the rest of her life—wouldn't you do anything to stop it? What if the only thing that would work was allowing circumstances to get a bit uncomfortable for her for a while? Maybe even painful? Would you do it? It takes an amazing amount of love for someone to make a decision like that because most often, allowing uncomfortable circumstances in a child's life means accepting them for ourselves too. (Nothing fun about watching a grounded child mope around the house.)
God loves us enough to let circumstances become as uncomfortable as it takes. He will even allow us to be delivered to torturers if that's how stubborn we insist on being. And though He does not want us to be there, because of His great love for us He will allow us to sit in debtor's jail a while.
THE TORTURERS
When you close your eyes and imagine the torturers, what do you see? I picture the monstrous evil characters from Middle Earth in The Lord of the Rings. I see massive bodies covered with calcified warts topped off with one-eyed heads that ooze pus and sweat. But that's not really what they are.
The torturers aren't that frightening, or else we would spend as little time with them as we possibly could. No, the torturers we deal with are far more subtle. In fact, it can take years to recognize them.
ENTITLEMENT
Let me tell you about some of my former torturers, so you can get an idea of how they work. The first one was Entitlement. I suffered under the hands of this taskmaster for many years, for it is so convincing in its approach. What Entitlement tells us is so easy to believe because it appeals to our selfish nature—any of our orphan thinking that might be hanging around. Here's what Entitlement told me:
ENTITLEMENT: You have a total right to be bitter…and angry.
FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: I do, don't I?
ENTITLEMENT: You're darn straight. No one should say things like that about you. Until she apologizes to you properly, she doesn't deserve anything from you.
FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: That's right! No one's going to treat me that way.
See, it looks so fair—so right—on the surface. But really, it's a trap. A trap to stay stuck in pride and selfish living. To stay stuck in an “all-about-me” mindset rather than an “all-about-Him” life of freedom.
