Shoving those grim thoughts aside, Declan addressed the reason they were here. “So I’m assuming you want to know if I saw Tyndall or any other prisoners?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk about your experience.”
Suspicion blared like a siren. “Why?”
“Because you need to talk to someone. Believe me, I know. Suppressing all that pain and anger isn’t a good thing. It’ll end up exploding one day when you least expect it. Talking it out helps.”
“And you know this how?”
“I went through something similar a few years back.”
“How so?”
In short, precise sentences, Mathison described his abduction and torture. “I was given a drug that made me forget I was even human. Was like a zombie, doing only what I was told to do. I killed people. Watched the abuse of a woman I cared about deeply and did nothing to stop it. When I was rescued, I had no memory. I only knew I was filled with an unending rage.”
Rage was a familiar emotion. That, plus the need for vengeance, had sustained Declan, kept him alive.
“Did you go after the people responsible for your abduction?” Declan asked.
“Yes. I managed to kill the main bastard the day I was rescued. Took months to hunt down the doctor who created the drug that almost destroyed me.”
“Did that help?”
“Not really. At least not in the way I had hoped. While I was pursuing my own personal vendetta, Keeley and my girls were in danger. The girls were abducted, and Keeley almost died.”
“And you rescued them?”
“With LCR’s help.”
“So you regret pursuing justice?”
“I regret putting my needs first.”
He might appreciate Mathison’s candor but could see no real relationship between their situations.
“So you think me going after the people responsible for my capture and torture is a selfish act?”
“Hell no. I don’t think it’s selfish. People need to pay for what happened, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help others while you’re at it.”
“You mean by helping LCR find this guy you’ve been looking for.”
“Finding him could lead you to the people responsible for your abduction.”
“Or it could send me on a wild-goose chase in the opposite direction.”
“I won’t deny it’s risky, but I will tell you that saving lives is a helluva lot more rewarding than gaining vengeance.” Mathison shrugged. “Putting someone else’s needs before your own might have been beaten out of you. Might not even be in you anymore. This might be a good chance for you to find out.”
After pacing for several minutes, her emotions all over the place, Sabrina dropped into her chair with a sigh. The look Declan had given her before he’d walked out the door had sent ice into her heart. How was she ever going to reach him? “I don’t know if Cole can talk him into helping.”
“Maybe not, but it’ll be good for him to hear Cole’s experience.”
Perhaps that was true. She’d attended some group counseling sessions to help her deal with the trauma she’d endured at the hands of her family and then later the mental-health workers. She hadn’t wanted to go. Had been of the opinion that talking about it did nothing more than keep it fresh in her mind. That was before she’d listened as others had described their own abuse. It hadn’t necessarily made her feel any less debased, but at least she had learned she wasn’t alone.
“There’s a man arriving in a few minutes who wants to see you,” Noah said.
“Albert?”
“Yes. I know you’re not sure about him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. It’s been my privilege to work for two of the most stubborn men ever born.”
Noah’s mouth stretched into a grin. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
She had meant it as one. Even though she wasn’t sure if she could trust Albert, she would concede he was one of the most hardheaded men she’d ever known. “Don’t get too cocky. When it comes to hardheadedness, Declan has both of you beaten by a mile.”
“No progress last night?”
Telling her boss that she’d had breakfast with Declan while he held a gun on her was probably not a good idea. “I can’t get him to listen to reason. Can barely get him to answer a question. He’s convinced I lied to him—trapped him in some way so he could be taken. He actually thinks I knew he was alive and being tortured. Yet he won’t tell me the reason he believes this. And, for the life of me, I cannot fathom why he would believe something so insane.”
“Torture can distort reality. He’s apparently a strong man to have withstood what was done to him, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t damaged. Did he tell you what the torture entailed?”
“No, but based on what Dr. Lamar said, he shouldn’t be alive—much less functioning.” She shook her head. “Having worked for EDJE for so long, I’m sure he has a wealth of knowledge inside his head. He wouldn’t share secrets with me, so I don’t have any real idea what he might know.”
“Perhaps I can help you with that.”
Sabrina stood at the sound of a dearly familiar voice from her past. She turned and faced Albert Marks, who stood at the door. She hadn’t seen him since he’d retired—which was not long after Declan’s supposed death.
“Hello, Albert.”
He nodded, his face solemn. He recognized the almost formal greeting. “Mr. McCall, might I have a moment alone with Sabrina?”
Noah stood. “Use this office.” He gave Sabrina a searching look before saying, “I’ll be in the gym if you need me.”
She smiled her appreciation, waited until the door closed and then said, “Okay, Albert. It’s time to come clean. Just how much do you know about Declan’s abduction and torture?”
“I know nothing about that, Sabrina. I’m as shocked as you are. However, if we put our heads together, perhaps we can come up with some answers.”
“How could you not know something about it? You were in charge when he was taken. You knew the op he was running.” She shook her head, refusing to believe that no one had a clue of who was responsible. “You know the DNA results were tampered with. Either that or the medical examiner you had on staff is part of the cover-up. Several people had to be involved.”
He nodded at the sofa. “Let’s have a seat.”
As Sabrina sat across from him in a chair, she took the time to take in his appearance. He looked tired. Since his retirement, he’d lost a little more hair, a little more weight, added on several new wrinkles. His large nose that’d been broken too many times to set right looked even more crooked.
She fought a rush of affection. If she was to get to the truth, she couldn’t allow her feelings for this man to get in the way.
His expression sincere and serious, Albert leaned forward and laid out his investigation. “I’ve reviewed every piece of evidence we have on Declan’s supposed death. Whoever did this was thorough. The DNA results were signed off on by the coroner we have on retainer. I questioned him thoroughly and found no inconsistencies in his story. He swears the remains he was given were Declan’s.”
“How is that possible?”
“I believe someone, somehow, broke into his lab and skewed the findings.”
“That would require more than a passing knowledge of forensics.”
“Yes, but as elaborate as this hoax was, it’s obvious that there’s money behind it.”
“What about the man we buried in Scotland? The one we thought was Declan. Let’s exhume the body and find—”
“I’ve already had his grave checked.”
His expression said it all. “It was empty, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
She jumped to her feet and paced across the distance of Noah’s office. “The last mission Declan was on…he wouldn’t tell me about it. He said—” Comprehension came quickly, anger and betrayal soon followed. “That’s why he was so secretive. It wasn’t just paper
work to finish up some ops.”
“We knew we had at least one mole inside the Agency. Some ops had gone bad. A couple of our people had been killed. Declan had been charged with uncovering the traitor. He’d been on the case for almost two years with almost no results.”
Sabrina hadn’t known about any bad ops, but then she’d already been working for LCR and no longer privy to that kind of information. But Declan should have told her about his assignment. Why hadn’t he?
Her confusion mounted. “But Declan was leaving the Agency. Our last night together…he said he had some routine things to clear up and then he was out for good. How could he have ferreted out moles when—” She stopped abruptly and closed her eyes. How very stupid and naïve of her. “It was all a lie, wasn’t it? He wasn’t leaving.”
“That was my idea, not his. We hoped by making everyone believe he was leaving the Agency, the mole wouldn’t know we were on to him.
“I can see that you’re hurt, my dear, and I’m sorry. Declan wanted to tell you, but I convinced him no one could know. And we both believed you would be safer by not knowing.” He paused a moment and then said, “There were bugs.”
“That’s not possible. I checked the apartment every time I came home. I had a scanner, dammit. There’s no way the apartment was bugged.”
“The bugs were with Declan.”
He’d brought the bugs into their apartment? People had been listening to them? She and Declan had made love against the front door. She remembered being so hot for him…so needy. Then Declan had carried her to bed and had—
The thought came to a screeching halt. “This conversation is over.”
“Sabrina, stop. You may be furious with us, even crushed by what you perceive as a betrayal of your marriage. That’s something you and Declan will have to work out in your own time. For now, you need to—”
She whirled and for the first time saw real fear in Albert’s eyes. He, better than anyone, knew how dangerous she was. “Don’t you dare tell me what I need to do. I was not your pawn to play with. That was my marriage, my life, and you screwed with it for your own agenda.”
“For the good of the Agency, Sabrina. It was never personal.”
Her marriage not personal? Emotions she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in years were bubbling to the surface. If she stayed here, she wasn’t sure what would happen. She forced herself to walk away.
Declan expected to see Sabrina when he pushed open the door to Noah McCall’s office. Albert Marks sitting on the sofa was a distinctly jarring sight.
“What are you doing here?”
“Declan, my boy.” Albert stood. The expression on his former boss’s face was a curious mixture of both joy and grief.
“I asked you a question.”
Albert shook his head and plopped back onto the sofa with a heavy sigh. “You and Sabrina both believe I’m guilty.”
“You talked to Sabrina?”
“Yes. I’m afraid she’s quite angry with both of us right now.”
And Declan could guess why. Albert had no doubt told her about the lies. Damned if he would feel guilty for that. After what she’d done to him, his lies to her that night meant nothing. He’d done it for a good reason. Yeah, he’d felt like shit at the time and had been determined to find a way to make it up to her. Didn’t matter now.
“What is it you want, Albert?”
“I want to find out who did this to you.”
“You’re retired. Out of the game. Hell, for all I know, you and Sabrina cooked up the whole thing.”
Albert’s eyes narrowed with scorn. “That’s ridiculous. And though I can understand your doubts of me—after all, I was the one who assigned you to the mission—but why on earth are you blaming Sabrina, too? She wasn’t even involved with Agency business.”
“I’m not going to stand here and justify what I know to you or anyone else.” He turned toward the door.
“Declan, do you know what she went through?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come sit down first.”
Instead of sitting, Declan stayed where he was and crossed his arms in front of him. Albert gave a loud, abrupt guffaw.
“What’s so funny?”
“That’s a look I’ve missed.”
“Get to the point, Albert.”
“Very well. When you died, Sabrina was a mess. Hell, we all were. But then the rumors started.”
“What kind of rumors?”
“All kinds…most were ridiculous, as rumors tend to be. The most prevalent was that you had been involved with another woman.”
Of all the things he’d thought Albert might say, this hadn’t been one of them. “Why the hell would anyone start that kind of rumor?”
“Why does any rumor start? To discredit a person. The things you had done, your service to the country…your reputation was impeccable. You died a hero. Someone didn’t like that.”
“And like most rumors,” Declan said grimly, “no one knew where they started.”
“Exactly.”
“Sabrina heard these rumors?”
“Yes. I tried to keep them from her. She didn’t exactly stay in touch with anyone at the Agency, so I hoped she hadn’t heard. She called me one day and asked if I knew about them. I told her I had heard rumors but didn’t believe them for a moment.”
“But she did?”
“No, she didn’t. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t hurt by the speculation.”
Declan started toward the door, the need to see Sabrina foremost on his mind.
“That’s not everything, Declan.”
“It’s enough.”
He ignored the sneering whisper inside him that asked why he even cared she’d been hurt. She was the one who’d lied and betrayed him. Why the hell did any of this bother him? He had no answer.
Chapter Twelve
Declan wasn’t surprised to find Sabrina in the LCR gym. Whenever she was angry, he could almost always find her pummeling a boxing bag or running hell-bent for leather on a treadmill.
He stood at the door and watched her pound the boxing bag with relentless and deadly force. She was dressed in a pair of brief navy shorts that showed off her long, well-toned legs. With each forceful punch of her fist, the white, cropped T-shirt she wore gave teasing glimpses of her firm, flat midriff and the occasional underside of a white sports bra. She had worked up a fine sheen of sweat, and her soft, smooth skin glowed with health and vitality. He knew every inch of that gloriously silken flesh, had tasted and teased that beautiful body into submission. And in return he had been conquered, surrendering body, heart, mind, and soul.
The rush of arousal was unsurprising. One certain body part didn’t give a damn about her betrayal. It wanted what it wanted. He leaned against the doorjamb and clenched his jaw until he’d gotten control of his entire body.
If she knew he was there, she gave no indication as she continued to pummel the bag. He wondered whose face she saw as she pounded. His or Albert’s? Or perhaps she saw her stepbrother and the family who’d almost destroyed her before she had been able to defend herself.
Not bothering to stop the slams of her fists into the bag, she asked, “You here to finish the job?”
“What job?”
“Albert’s already ripped open my heart. Are you here to tear it from my chest?”
“No, I’m here to set the record straight.”
That brought her to a sudden, abrupt stop. “So I’m supposed to listen to you, but I can barely get a word in before you shut me down. Too bad that time in captivity didn’t help with your arrogance.”
“You want the truth or not?”
Wariness and doubt glistened in her eyes. He didn’t like seeing that. He might not trust her, but having her distrust him was unacceptable. He refused to speculate why.
He threw her a towel from a stack at the door. “Grab some water and cool off. Then let’s go back to the apartment.”
“Why can’t we talk here?”
“Because I envision there will be shouting and cursing. I’m assuming you want some privacy.”
“Privacy? You mean you know the meaning of the word? After you allowed people to hear us in our home—having sex, doing the most intimate things a man and woman can do to each other—you’re concerned about privacy?”
He had walked right into that one but wouldn’t back down. “I was suggesting that for you, not me.”
“How sensitive, Declan.” The words dripped with bitter sarcasm. Nevertheless, she wiped her face and grabbed her clothes, which had been lying on a bench against the wall. “My car’s out front.”
There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but would wait until they were completely alone. Despite what she believed, having an audience for anything private with his wife had never appealed to him.
She knew what he had done and believed the worst. And why the hell shouldn’t she? From her perspective, his behavior looked staged. He didn’t know why he felt the need to clear up her misconceptions. He still believed she sold him out, but for some inexplicable reason, he needed her to understand the reasons for his lies.
And the rumors of his infidelity? Laughable. Since the moment he’d met her, he hadn’t wanted another woman. But just because she hadn’t believed the rumors didn’t mean they hadn’t hurt her.
Declan suppressed a harsh laugh as he followed her. Of all the scenarios he had envisioned when he finally saw her again, apologizing sure as hell hadn’t been one of them.
Sabrina pushed the apartment door open, several steps ahead of Declan. The thought of taking a hot shower to soothe her aching muscles was tempting, but she wanted answers more than she wanted to be soothed. Settling for a bottle of water from the fridge, she watched Declan pace around the living room. That was one of his tells—something he rarely did when he was on a job, but with her, if he had something on his mind, he had paced around until he formed the words he wanted to say. Where she could spontaneously combust in anger, Declan rarely lost his temper. He was methodical and usually measured his words, choosing them carefully.
Running On Empty: An LCR Elite Novel Page 12
