Lilly studied my reaction. I was grateful that she could not be in my head at the moment. While I was feeling empathy I was also dealing with my guilty conscience. I prided myself on not being prejudiced. Why else would I be here if I thought less of this unpretentious culture that had been so forgotten? Yet, when she told me about Floyd I reflected upon my own fear. I remembered how I chose to let him ‘freak me out’ rather than understand.
I thought about the night when I was frightened by the sounds in my room that were coming from my computer. It was my second day on the reservation. I thought that maybe he had entered my room and would harm me. I had not admitted that even to Jack. Now, I felt like a hypocrite for not having more compassion toward him rather than a quick judgment of what I did not understand and therefore feared.
Lilly was unaware of the conflict in my mind at the moment. Instead, she saw compassion and continued.
“When the Crow first signed a treaty with the government in 1851 we were ‘given’ thirty-eight million acres of our own land. A land we used to roam freely, without boundaries.” Lilly looked out into the night for a moment.
“Do you know what it is now?”
“I have heard that it is only about 2 million acres,” I replied.
“Hence, the term Indian giver?” I chided
Suddenly the adage I had heard all throughout my childhood took on a new connotation.
Lilly smiled. I knew she agreed.
“That is correct,” she continued. She was agreeing with me on the accuracy of both counts.
“A lot of the land is not Indian-owned due to the fact that many cattle farmers had to sell their land during the depression in order to provide for their families. Many Crow lease the land in order to work here and stay in their homeland. It has been a difficult life for those of us who have wanted to remain on the land that the government so kindly gave us,” she said with a bitter tone. “You cannot tell me that you have not seen the depression here?”
“I would have to be blind not to,” I replied.
“That is why Tiponi was so happy to see you. It gave him some hope for our people,” she sighed. “I know that life goes on, but it is so important to him that you came. He is counting on you to tell his story.”
I felt so humbled.
“I hope I can do it justice. I came here to find my roots and I seem to have stumbled upon something much more than I ever anticipated. I really feel quite honored and privileged.”
Lilly smiled and touched my arm.
“I will certainly look at Floyd in a different light,” I said.
Jack entered the porch to see where I gone. He could see that Lilly and I were in a deep discussion. She saw Jack approaching.
“There is so much more.”
“I would love to hear it sometime, if you would like to share it with me.” I wanted to know more.
Lilly excused herself and went back into the festivities. I told Jack what she had shared with me.
“I feel so bad.”
“I understand, Darcy,” he said as he looked around. He seemed to be reading my mind. “Maybe you have a new mission?”
He was right. I was wondering if he would be part of that undertaking.
“Do you think we could come back here again?” I asked. I was not sure how much of this he was doing to please me or if he had found the spiritual impact that I was feeling.
“Of course,” he said but not in a convincing tone. He had a hard time with all the poverty we had seen before the fair. I also saw the compassion he had for these people as well.
“I don’t know what it is about this place and the mountains but I have been so at peace since I arrived here, despite the uneasiness we have had.” I explained. “Yet, when I look around I feel so sad.”
“Are you thinking that you made a mistake?”
“No, never.” I had no idea of the adventure I would have,” I said. “I am grateful for all that has happened here.”
I thought about how much I had learned. I could relate to Rebecca in my lack of knowledge when it came to the Indians. I continued to explain this to Jack.
“I grew up in the late 50’s and early 60’s. When we watched movies about the Indians they were portrayed as ruthless savages. Somehow, even as a child I did not think it was right. I was kind of fascinated with their lifestyle. As I matured and was told that there may be a connection to the Indians in my family, I became even more interested in learning about the different tribes. As I did my research, a whole new world opened up to me. I found a rich and beautiful culture. Now, talking to Tiponi I am learning even more, but …”
He was having trouble following me.
“You lost me, Darcy; I am not sure what you are trying to say.”
I shook my head knowing I was talking in riddles.
“I had prided myself on being above judging others harshly. Yet when I was first here and you contacted my through the internet, my first thought was that Floyd was going to harm me. How shallow is that?”
Jack sat for a moment searching for the right words to comfort me.
“We all do that, Darcy. No matter how much we don’t like to admit it.”
“You didn’t. When you wanted to find me you just asked him to help and he did.”
“Darcy, you are taking yourself way too seriously right now. I am sure that he had his reservations about us as well. Here are two palefaces invading their peaceful village.” He said with a smile, making light of the situation.
I laughed and he put his arm around me. “We do kind of stand out, don’t we?”
Jack smiled. “I guess we will return here sometime. I will say this; if this is the place that brought you to your senses about us, then it would be nostalgic to return.”
He pulled me closer to him. “You know, we could become ‘one’ in those mountains of yours. You know the spot we have made our own? We would be like Running Wolf and The Mourning Dove.”
He had a playful tone. He was testing the waters to see my reaction.
“We will see.” I teased him back.
He could tell by my smile that it was a definite possibility.
I laughed. There had been so much that had happened while we were here. I still did not know the ending to the story that Tiponi was telling me but it would be poignant I was sure. I still had a lot to learn. What would be my part?
Jack and I looked over to the mountains and I shared with him the latest episode in the life of Running Wolf and The Mourning Dove.
~
Running Wolf rode quickly into the camp. He had found it difficult to concentrate all day. He had left the Mourning Dove in labor in the early morning. He had many mixed feelings all day. While he was a man of strong faith he was still human and he worried. He wanted to hold a healthy child that night as much he wanted to have a wife who would deliver without any complications. He could not lose her. His spiritual side was strong while his human side was in fear. Had it not been for the fact that it was the fall and a need for storage for the winter he would not have left for the day’s hunt.
The Mourning Dove had remained fearful of this birth. Running Wolf’s wisdom was admirable but he was a man and it was so different for him. In addition, she put undue pressure on herself to give Running Wolf a healthy child. In the back of her mind she thought about how her own mother had died giving birth to her. She not only feared for her child but herself as well. She was not aware that her mother had been ill long before her conception. She had grown up thinking that her birth had killed her mother.
It was not until The Mourning Dove had shared this fear with her mother-in-law that she felt resolve. She had grown very close with Bright Star Over The Mountains and Bird Who Sings In The Night. Bright Star Over The Mountains in her infinite wisdom did what she could to reassure The Mourning Dove.
One day while planting tobacco The Mourning Dove shared her fears with her mother-in-law.
“You will do fine; I feel it in my heart. You are a strong woman of nature a
nd she will guide you through this and give you a healthy child.” She smiled at The Mourning Dove.
She loved her as her own daughter. She had seen her grow from being self- absorbed and thoughtless to a giving and strong-willed woman. She knew in her heart that The Mourning Dove had more spirit, strength of mind, and tenacity than her mother might have had. She continued to share her insight.
“Remember, The Mourning Dove you do not know the things that came before your birth, you only know the ending. There is a reason your mother left the earth when she gave birth to you.”
“I don’t want to disappoint Running Wolf. I was not able to give him a healthy child before.” The Mourning Dove told her of all her concerns.
Bright Star Over The Mountains took The Mourning Dove into her arms.
It was not proper to mention the names of the dead among the Crow. However, Bright Star Over The Mountains knew that The Mourning Dove did not know of this custom. There were words she needed to hear.
“My child, you so often live up to your name.” She put her hand to the face of The Mourning Dove. “I wish I could help you to understand some things. You need to let Fallen Sparrow rest. We have a mission here and when we serve that purpose we return to the Great Spirit. As painful as the short time Fallen Sparrow was with us, he did what he was meant to do.”
She looked intently at her son’s wife.
“Had things not gone the way they did you might not be here now. I know it still hurts your heart. In some ways he brought about the love that you and Running Wolf now share. Nothing is without purpose. It is us who make it difficult by trying to find answers when sometimes there are none.” She gave her a reassuring smile.
The wisdom of Bright Star Over The Mountains was a revelation to The Mourning Dove. She walked away with a calm reserve.
She went into labor the following morning just before the men left for the hunt. Bright Star Over The Mountains was at her side when she gave birth to a healthy infant who screamed in protest at having to leave the safe haven of the womb.
A short time later, her husband returned. He had left the hunt before the others.
The village was very still because most were partaking in the hunt. The woman and some children had accompanied the Braves to prepare the meat at the hunting grounds.
What he heard in the tranquility of the camp were the cries of his newborn. Without waiting for the invitation he burst into their home. The Mourning Dove was sitting with her infant at her breast. Bright Star Over The Mountains saw the look on her son’s face and left them to enjoy their new baby alone. The Mourning Dove was crying tears of joy as she presented their child to his father.
“It’s a boy!” she exclaimed.
Running Wolf took the suckling child and looked in wonderment. He gave The Mourning Dove a kiss and took the child out for presentation. She could hear the few who were in the village gathering to see the new member of the tribe. Strong Eagle would be his name. Running Wolf could see that this child was resilient and would grow to be a great warrior.
When he returned to the tipi he handed the child to his wife to feed. As she fed her baby they admired him together. She loved the head full of hair that was as black as midnight. It matched his father’s. It was adorable how it stuck out all over his head. The color of his skin was somewhere between the two of them, which she was grateful for. Running Wolf was much darker than she. The Mourning Dove had felt so out of place at times. She wanted her child to fit in and feel part of the tribe. In her heart she knew that had already happened when they welcomed her almost two years ago.
The Mourning Dove had childlike excitement as she and Running Wolf looked on with amazement. “Look at his hands, they are perfect! And look at these feet! I think that is the cutest part, no, all of him is beautiful!”
She could feel a love she did not know existed pouring over her. She looked at Running Wolf and saw the same in his eyes. She then felt very protective.
“I will always protect him, Running Wolf.” she secured the blanket around the child. “I don’t think I will ever sleep again.”
She was feeling the natural high after birth that nature provides. They admired their new infant for hours until the others had returned from the hunt.
The Mourning Dove rested comfortably. She put her child next to her, at her breast. Within seconds she was sound asleep. Running Wolf witnessed her elation of giving birth replaced within minutes with extreme exhaustion.
Running Wolf took his son from the side of his sleeping mother. He went out of the tipi into the night. It was still and quiet. The crickets were the only sound in his solitude. He held his son to the sky and prayed:
Into our being has entered this child
One who was brought here to serve a purpose for you the Great Spirit
He will lead our people and protect us from our enemies
He and the others to follow will fulfill the prophecy
that you have proclaimed sacred
I offer his soul for service to you
and I beg you to shelter
him in your safe keeping
He shed a tear of gratitude for the gift of his new son. He thought about his father before him. He hoped that he had made him proud.
He retuned to the tipi. He laid Strong Eagle next to his mother. He pulled the hair back from The Mourning Dove’s face. She never looked more beautiful to him. He did not think that he could love her more. Tonight that feeling had progressed to a much deeper level. He lay down beside them but could not sleep. The excitement had not worn off. His mind was filled with all the things he would share and teach his new son. He also felt a new need to protect them both from any harm.
~29~
Philip’s Revelation
Philip had been drinking heavily. He had not carried on the family business as he needed to and it was starting to fail. He would start the day visiting Molly’s grave and then begin to drown in his sorrows. The staff had grown tired of his wallowing in self-pity. Had it not been for their devotion to the family they would have left: that is except for the faithful Mrs. Walters. She doted on him. Her heart broke for him and she would do anything to see him mend. He had lost everything and everyone who was precious to him.
He had not been the study since he heard about Rebecca. He had stayed away from the room because of the sad memories. Today, something drew him into the room. There seemed to be a light coming from the window behind the desk. It looked to be an invitation. He wheeled himself into the room and sadness engulfed him. The grief almost made him leave. Somehow he felt beckoned to the desk.
He found his watch. It was lying there among the paperwork. He took the watch in his hand and he had a flashback of the day he had given it to Rebecca. He began to think about the resilience of Rebecca. She had left home. Indians abducted her. Philip could only imagine how she had been treated. Maybe if Fletcher Stone had arrived there earlier she would have returned? Yet, because of the time and circumstances that he did not have knowledge of, she had chosen to stay. She had found a love strong enough to make her live a life she could never have imagined possible while living on the estate known as Hidden Meadows.
Philip lived in a house that had luxuries that many would only dream about. He had servants to cater to his every whim. Rebecca slept at night on the ground with only the heat from the fire to keep her warm. Rebecca had to rely on the forces of nature to provide food. Rebecca had a life with a man she loved. Rebecca had so much more. Philip was lonely and depressed. He was grateful that she had found a peace: a peace he only knew in stolen moments of despair.
Something happened to Philip that day. It must have been the memory of his strong-willed sister that triggered his new mindset. He had been so weak and selfish. Yes, selfish, he had not thought about what he owed his son.
He had lost the love of his life. He did not want to go on. What would Rebecca have done? He knew. She would have pulled herself together and found her son. He still had the best part of Molly … their chil
d. He owed it to himself to find Andrew. He owed it to Molly, but most of all he owed it to Andrew. How could he have let another man raise him as his own?
“Mrs. Walters,” he called out.
She entered the room slowly. She had been with this family for some time and well past her prime. There was a loyalty between her and the family that age did not discriminate against.
“Yes sir,” she said hearing something new in his voice.
“I want you to stand there and watch me,” he ordered.
She was not sure what he would try to do but she was glad to see some signs of life in him.
Philip attempted to stand. His legs were numb so it was hard to tell when he had touched the floor.
Mrs. Walters became very anxious. “Philip, what on earth are you doing?” she ran to sit him down.
“I am going to walk again,” he stated to Mrs. Walters.
“But, sir the doctors said …”
He did not wait for her to finish. “I don’t care what they said,” he snapped. “I will walk again. I will find my son and I will see my sister again.”
She thought he had lost his mind. He did not have a son, or one that she knew. As far as Rebecca was concerned that would not happen. No one seemed to return from captivity with the Indians. Rebecca had also made it clear that she intended to stay with her husband.
He tried to stand but fell into the chair. It was more than he had done in months.
He sat for a moment in contemplation. He would rest and try again. In the meantime he would once again retain the services of Fletcher Stone. He was sure the Butlers had supplied a comfortable life style for him through the years. He would certainly be eager to be gainfully employed again.
Mrs. Walters made him some tea. She was not sure what had transpired in his mind but she was joyful for his new commitment to life. When she brought him the tea he confided in her about his son Andrew.
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