by Sara York
Tanner tried to swallow but he was laughing too much and ended up spitting the soup onto the table. He wiped it up as he laughed.
“What does that even mean?” Tanner asked.
“No clue, but you’re the one who said it.”
Tanner shook his head and took another bite of soup. They were silent for a while. He wanted to ask Mike what was up, but he guessed he should just allow what happened to die a natural death. Before they’d had sex, there’d been no talks of relationships or what the other person wanted out of life. He’d waltzed in knowing Mike may reject him.
He glanced up, watching as Mike ate. It’d been worth it. Having Mike in his arms had rocked his world. His first kiss with Mike would be memorable. If Mike decided he wanted nothing more to do with him, he’d figure it out somehow. Mike was an adult and knew what he wanted, and if he wanted more, he knew how to ask.
Chapter Ten
Grant hung up the phone and dropped his head to his hands. Roger came up behind him and wrapped him in his arms. Facing Duff’s health issues was tough. He wasn’t ready for this. None of them were.
The breath he exhaled was filled with steely determination. Duff wouldn’t want him to wallow.
“How is he?” Roger asked as he let go and stepped back.
“The doctor can’t operate yet. The injury to his head, it’s not good. There’s too much wrong and he’s unstable. This isn’t like the stents he had put in, this is going to be tough. If he recovers, he may have to move to Colorado Springs for a while.”
“Dang.”
“Yeah, Davis is upset.”
“The stents, what happened?”
Grant shrugged. “The stent is fine. He’s got some blockages and they need to wait to see if he gets better before they operate. Davis said the doctor said something about a defect and it wasn’t detectible earlier. I don’t know. He’s got a rough road ahead.”
Roger opened his arms and Grant moved to him, holding onto his man as fear bloomed.
“Let’s go tell everyone,” Roger said.
“Yeah. We’ll need to do what we did last time. Take care of Davis and Ryan in shifts so they can get some rest.”
Roger kissed the side of his head and he relaxed in his arms, wishing life was easy as how he felt with Roger. “I’ll help you figure it out. With both ops we have going, it’s going to be difficult. How about you run backup for Matthew and I’ll take on the Duff op? Zander and Tucker will go light on ranch duties and I’ll have some of the other guys and Suz step in to help where needed. If the French operation can be put on hold, we’ll hang back.”
Grant stepped away from Roger and scrubbed at his face with his hand, feeling the stubble which needed to go. His bones were tired, his muscles achy. He wasn’t sick, but times like this drained him.
“Okay, I’ll let you handle the ranch operations and Duff. I’m going to have a meeting with Matthew this morning, see if we can’t figure out exactly where Tanner and Mike are, or at least close to where they are. Jazz and Marshal will have to take on more and really drill down, figuring everything out on the France op.”
“Hey.” Roger reached out and grabbed his arm. “Our team is strong. We’re going to make it through this.”
“As long as I have you, I can make it through anything.”
He sent a text to everyone but Tanner and Mike. There was no cell service out where they were, so he didn’t think they would get the text, but he couldn’t risk them hacking into some random Wi-Fi and finding out Duff was back in the hospital.
The ranch was buzzing with guys awake wanting information. When he stepped into the den, Suz met his gaze and gave him a quick nod. She turned and headed to the coffee pot, pouring up a cup. He was surprised to have the cup placed in his hands.
“I have breakfast in the warmer,” Suz said.
“Thank you.” He set down his cup and pulled her into a hug. “You’re a good person, Suz.”
“Thank you. But it’s what needed to be done.”
“Are you worried about Tanner?”
She shrugged and stepped back. “He’s not in danger, so no. But he’s out there and we don’t know exactly where, so yes. I know he can take care of himself, but still, I’m worried.”
“Your brother is smart.”
Suz’s lips curved up then her attention was over his shoulder. “Roger, would you like some coffee?”
“Thanks, I can grab it.”
“No, you two do what you need to do to run this place. I’m going to take care of food and the house for the next few days.”
Grant narrowed his eyes, worried she was doing this because she was a woman. “You do know the guys can do the cooking.”
Suz poured Roger’s coffee and placed it in front of him. “I know, but I’m new here and didn’t really know Duff. The task Jazz has given me on the French operation isn’t going to take up all my time. We’ll have easy to put together meals which can be eaten at any time. It’s one thing I can do to help this place run more smoothly.”
“Thank you.” Grant knew Suz was going to make a great addition to their team, they just had to find a way to train her.
The rest of the guys came into the kitchen and grabbed food or coffee. Suz started a second run of the coffee machine and took a seat at the table with the rest of them. He met their gazes, hoping to convey strength even through this.
“Duff is too weak for surgery. When they went in last time and did the stents, they didn’t detect a new problem that cropped up. His diet will be even more restricted when he gets home. He’s alive at this point and will be in the hospital for a while. But it’s not his heart they are really worried about. When he fell, he hit his head. It’s not good.”
The room grew even more quiet. Grant hated delivering this news, but they weren’t into sugar coating things, and this needed to be talked about plainly.
“They can’t operate on his heart because of his head and they can’t do much with his head because of his heart. The doctors have restricted who can visit him for a few days to give him time to rest. No one today. We can’t all go anyway, not with the operations we have running. Duty always came first for Duff. He wouldn’t want us to abandon our men in the field to be at his side.”
Grunts went up around the room and a couple of the guys nodded. Duff was practical first, always had been. They would get their work completed before they went to see him.
“Matthew, when Mike and Tanner call in, not a word. They don’t need this stress added to whatever they are going through in Canada. I’ve checked, and James and Brody still haven’t sent any emails. If they don’t find the guys in Canada, have them come home.”
Matthew nodded his head once. “Got it. I’ll make sure they know to come home but won’t know anything about Duff until they arrive here.”
Grant turned to Jazz and wondered if having him run the French operation was the right decision. The man was wicked smart. Duff’s illness did highlight the need to have these younger men and women come up to speed. There was no Duff to fall back on. He was the fallback now. The thought hit him and he shuddered as realization dawned. He and Marshal were really in command. There was no one else to take the brunt of the stress if things went south.
His gaze landed on Marshal and the full weight of their position passed between them. Marshal drew in a slow breath before he started speaking.
“Right now, we’re going to focus on getting Tanner and Mike home after they complete their task. I believe Grant has a plan for the ranch.”
Grant took a sip of his coffee before speaking. “Suz will be in charge of the house. If she needs help on a task, she’ll get with you. Roger is going to coordinate ranch duties and visits to Duff to relieve Ryan and Davis. But be warned, the list of people who can travel to see Duff is going to be small. We’re running an op and then there is the French thing.” The men nodded their agreement then Jazz lifted a hand. “Go ahead, Jazz.”
“I stayed up late. The French operation could probably b
e put on hold for a few weeks.”
Grant shook his head. “We need to keep an eye on the situation. Duff wouldn’t want us to abandon our post on this.”
Jazz’s lips thinned. “Okay, I’ll focus on France and keep you up to date.”
“We’re all worried about Duff. We still have a job to do. Mike and Tanner are good men. They can handle whatever is happening in Canada. Matthew will post updates when he hears anything. Jazz will keep us updated on what is going on in France. This is when our training and background comes into play. I trust you all with my life and I trust you with this.”
“We’ll keep the place running smoothly,” Tucker said.
“Don’t worry about us,” Zander added. “We’ll handle everything. When Duff comes home, he won’t have to worry about anything.”
Grant knew his guys could handle this. Their lives were knit together with blood, sweat, and a lot of hard work. They’d gone through difficult times and come out intact though bruised. The good they’d done had changed the world. He was proud of what they’d accomplished. His faith in their current crew was growing each day.
Duff’s illness may rock them, but he knew it would not destroy all they’d worked to build. These men were tough. Their resilience was one reason they’d been chosen to work at Wild Bluff. Suz had dropped in unexpectedly, but he had no doubt she was actually stronger than the rest of them. Their team was solid, and they would make it through this, no matter what happened.
Chapter Eleven
The day passed slowly. He used superglue and duct tape to seal the leather on his boot. Tanner poked around the cabin for a bit before he started dusting.
“What are you doing?” Mike asked.
“If we’re going to steal this guy’s stuff, the least we could do is clean his place. Also, I’m freaking bored just sitting here. I want to do something and we can’t leave yet. It’s still snowing and we don’t have access to the forecast. We have no idea when we can leave and complete our mission.”
Mike got what Tanner was saying. After checking his boot one more time, he pitched in and helped clean the cabin. They swept out the cobwebs and washed the rags they’d used thus far. He wanted to hug Tanner, but fear held him in check. Being in a relationship would be hard. It had been so long since he’d had to do more than fuck, pay, and leave, and he worried he would mess it up.
Close to two the snow stopped. He dressed and headed outside to call the ranch. It took a moment for the satellite phone to connect, then it rang four times before the line was picked up.
“Checking in. Any word from our target?” Mike asked.
“No,” Matthew answered. “Guess you’ve been playing in the white stuff. Sitrep, please.”
“All fine. We found an empty cabin.” He swore he heard Matthew sigh, but it was a satellite phone so it could have just been noise on the line.
“Glad to hear you’re safe and well.”
“What does the weather look like?”
“Clearing. The temps should rise. You’ll be good to go tomorrow.”
“We’ve got two feet on the ground. It will be slow travels. Expect us to add another forty-eight onto the length of this vacation.”
“Keep in contact. I’ll except a sitrep tomorrow. I wasn’t comfortable with how long you were silent. We were about ready to send in a party.”
“No need. Were all good.”
“Excellent. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning.”
“Sure deal. The battery may die on the phone though. We weren’t expecting to be gone this long.”
“Stay safe and check in when you can.”
“Will do.”
Mike hung up and turned to find Tanner standing behind him. The door was propped open about an inch. “Hey, you heard?”
“Your end. Everything okay at the ranch?”
“He didn’t say, which means it’s all good or at least nothing we can do anything about. We should head back in.”
“Yeah.” Tanner didn’t move though.
Mike stalled at the top of the steps and noticed Tanner had propped the door open with a frying pan. He would love to have some eggs. Maybe a steak, or a good smoked chicken. Something tasty and not from a can or an MRE pack. But they were stuck here for a little while longer. They could go hunting, but it was cold out and they would be forced to walk through the snow in the morning on their way to James’ place.
He stared at Tanner, wondering how he’d fucked up so much. His gaze slid from Tanner to the surrounding countryside. Maybe if his life were different, if he’d had a stable background, if he believed he was meant to have a relationship he would tell Tanner he wanted him, but he’d never thought he would end up with anyone.
“Tanner, I—”
Tanner held up his hand and shook his head. “It’s okay.” Tanner turned and headed inside.
Mike blew out a breath and stared up at the blue sky. The sun would be going down soon. They still had a few hours of daylight to endure. This was exactly why he hadn’t slept with any of the guys at the ranch, that, and he hadn’t really been attracted to any of them. It was difficult being in a relationship. Communication was hard for him. Sure, he could run an operation, talk about the best way to disarm an explosive device, find a unique way to hack into a system, but this stuff with feelings, it was too much.
He stepped into the cabin and found Tanner without his shirt or pants on, doing burpees, push-ups, sit-ups, and squats in his boots and underwear. He shucked his shirt and peeled off his pants, putting his boots back on before joining in.
They worked out beside each other for an hour, never once stopping as they huffed and struggled through hundreds of repetitions.
Tanner stopped suddenly and dropped to the floor. “I’m done. I can’t keep going.”
Mike dropped to the floor, thankful they’d swept earlier. “Good workout, though.”
“Yeah, same to you.” Tanner kicked off his boots and pulled on his pants. Mike watched, wishing he could say something to make this better. Tanner slipped on his boots and moved to the kitchen without even glancing at him. “I’ll get some snow for water.” He tugged on his jacket without his shirt on. It was sexy as fuck.
Mike felt bad being such a dick. He didn’t even know what to say or how to say it. When Tanner came in and set the pan full of snow on the cookstove, he moved close and didn’t get out of the way when Tanner turned. Tanner tried to step around him, but Mike reached out and held on to Tanner’s arm.
Tanner looked at the place where Mike’s fingers held onto his jacket, then his gaze lifted to Mike’s. Neither of them moved for a long moment before Mike dropped his hold. Tanner shucked his jacket and Mike leaned in, his lips close to Tanner’s. He half wanted Tanner to initiate the kiss, but it was obvious Tanner wasn’t going to initiate anything.
“I’m sorry. I suck at this stuff. That’s why I never found a wife when I was in the army. I could have, you know how it was near base. Girls wanting to get the hell out of Dodge so they’d hang out searching for some chump. It’s why I haven’t even tried to find anyone at the ranch. I’m not good at it.”
Tanner blew out a breath before speaking. “Tell me one thing.”
“Whatever you ask, I’ll answer honestly.”
Tanner pulled back and looked him in the eyes. His gaze was serious, and his lips thin. Mike wanted to lean in and kiss him, but he needed to hear what Tanner had to say.
“Do you regret it…you know, being with a guy?”
Tanner’s question made him draw in a quick breath. Then Mike shook his head. “No, not at all. And, um, I’ve been with guys before.”
“Oh, I thought…” Tanner’s cheeks turned pink and he glanced away.
“Hey, I don’t regret being with you at all.”
Tanner reached up and cupped Mike’s cheek. “What do you want?”
Mike bit his lower lip and slowly shook his head. “I don’t know. Like I said, I’ve never been into relationships. I see the guys on the ranch and they’re
so happy. God, Grant and Roger are thrilled with each other. Marshal and Zander, they were made for each other. Even Matthew and Jazz who are new to the place, but it’s so freaking obvious about them. Heck, all of them, they all belong together and I feel like I don’t belong.”
Tanner cocked his head to the side. “Don’t belong, or don’t belong with someone?”
Mike shook his head as he stared at Tanner. The guy was so freaking perfect. He’d shot too high and now it was going to be painful as he fell.
“Who’s gonna want me?” Mike asked.
Tanner grabbed him by the shoulders and tugged him close. Their chests were plastered together and fierceness radiated from Tanner. His lips descended on Mike’s in a savage kiss. He was propelled backwards against the door. Tanner held him there, his hands roving over Mike’s chest then lower. When Tanner reached into his underwear, he didn’t push him away.
Then Tanner broke the kiss and leaned back, but he still stroked Mike’s cock, sending pleasure through him.
“Who is going to want you? Are you freaking kidding me? You’re so fucking hot, and kind, and sexy. Who would want you? I do.”
Mike didn’t have time to speak before Tanner was kissing him again, their tongues tangled together as they ground against each other. Then Tanner slowed, his kisses no longer so desperate as he tugged at Mike’s underwear, shoving it low.
Tanner ended the kiss but kept his forehead against Mike’s. His fingers slowly traced patterns on Mike’s skin, making his desire rise.
“Do you think you could want me?” Tanner’s question was soft but the words were a shock to his system.
“God, yes. You’re so freaking sexy and smart.”
“Then don’t blow me off.” Tanner’s words were sharp, his anger evident.
Mike’s chest squeezed. He hadn’t meant to cause any problems or blow Tanner off. He’d fucked up again. Why did he keep making these stupid mistakes? “I’m sorry.”
“You’re going to have to do better than that.”
