“I love you, Daddy. I wish I’d been more understanding, that I’d believed you. I’m sorry for every horrible thing I ever said behind your back, and I’m so very grateful for everything you taught me. I’m going to take out as many zombies as I possibly can and one day, no one will ever have to live in fear again. I promise.”
I’d like to say a wave of peace swept over me, but, no, I felt the same as before. I turned to my mother’s grave. Identical silver glinted. This time, it was hard for me to see through my sudden well of tears. Beloved wife and mother.
“I love you, Mom. I never should have spoken to you the way I did, that day in the kitchen.” My birthday, I realized. I’d lost my family on my birthday. For some reason, that truth had never really hit me.
Now and for the rest of my life, the celebration of my birth would be tainted with the sorrow of my loss. That sucked in every way imaginable. But you know what? That was something else I deserved, and I’d take it as my due. I’d never again forget to treasure my family.
“You did the best you could with us and despite everything, I know that you loved me, too. And you were right. It’s far better to love than to hate.” I paused, thinking. “Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still see you smiling. Or trying not to scowl. I remember the times you helped me with my homework, but you were more clueless than I was. I remember how you’d turn away from the camera any time we’d try to snap your picture.” My thoughts weren’t very sequential. I was skipping from one memory to another, but I couldn’t help it.
“I still think about the day you wore that black dress to my school, just to meet with my teacher, because you wanted me to be proud of you rather than embarrassed. I was proud, I so was. And I’d swear the entire world slowed down and God played a little background music for your entrance. Even blew the wind just right, so your hair would dance around your shoulders. Mouths dropped that day, and every girl who saw you wanted to be you.”
There at the end, my words jumbled up and clogged my throat. A warm tear slid down my cheek. I inhaled deeply—held it…held—then slowly exhaled. Gradually I turned to the left, where the last grave rested.
Emmaline Lily Bell. Beloved daughter and sister.
My chin trembled uncontrollably, and the tears began to rain in earnest. Her headstone wasn’t as big as my parents’, but it, too, was made of that silver stone. They’d even etched her likeness into the center.
“Since your death, I’ve seen you on two separate occasions,” I whispered. “Outside Nana and Pop’s, and then again outside my new friend Reeve’s. The first time, you warned me to go inside. The second, you flickered in and out and said the same. Was that…really you?”
Why not? There was a whole world out there I’d known nothing about.
In the distance, a cricket chirped. Next a locust sang. Leaves rattled from shaking limbs. A beautiful chorus, but no sign of Emma. Disappointment became a clanging bell in my ears.
I bowed my head, crying silently. I’d hoped… Oh, well. “I am so sorry I failed to protect you, Em. I love you so much, and you will always be my favorite person in the entire world. I didn’t tell you that enough. You made everyone around you happier, and you deserved to have slumber parties every night of your life. And when you were older, I would have taught you how to drive. Hopefully I’d be skilled by then,” I added with a soft, watery laugh. “You would have gone on dates and I would have tailed you, making sure the boy behaved.”
“Aww. That’s so sweet.”
My head snapped up. A smiling Emma sat on top of her own headstone, her legs crossed and swinging, ballet slippers dangling from her feet. Her hair was in pigtails, those golden eyes sparkling with mischief I remembered so fondly.
“Sorry I kept quiet before,” she said, “but I really wanted to hear your speech.”
“I—I—”
“Let me help you out. You…you…are so glad I’m here and are wondering if this is really happening. Well, it is! Your prayers have been answered.”
“I—”
“Am so lucky, I know.”
Hope flooded me, the only light in a terrible darkness. “You’re a…ghost?”
She fluffed her hair. “There’s no such thing as ghosts. Besides, angel is probably a better description, though that’s not right, either. But it fits, don’t you think?”
That was such an Emma answer, and one I couldn’t have fabricated. She was here. She was real. “Why haven’t you shown yourself more often? Are Mom and Dad like you?”
She lost the smile, the mischief. “I’m a witness and I don’t have much time. Alice, you need to listen to me, okay?”
Witness? “Always.” I reached for her hand to comfort her, but my fingers misted through her, the cold stone suddenly pressed against my skin. “I wish I could touch you.”
“And one day you will. Now listen. There’s good and there’s evil, and there’s no middle ground, no matter what anyone thinks. What you’re doing is dangerous and will not end well—which sucks, because the end is near!”
“How do you—”
“Shh. Emma’s talking. I’ve tried to warn you to stay inside. I remembered the rabbit cloud you showed me that night and I’ve shaped him every time I’ve known the monsters were coming for you, but lately you have been ignoring him and going out.”
“That was you?”
“Yes. A nice little skill I picked up,” she said, again fluffing her hair. “Anyway, I want you safe, Alice. I love you.”
“As much as I love you,” I whispered.
“I don’t want you to fight the zombies. I want you to stay away from them.”
“Em—”
“No. Listen to me.” She stilled, sunlight hitting her, making her flicker. “If you do, you’ll get hurt. More than you realize.”
“If I die fighting the zombies, I die.” I’d already decided this was a cause worth anything and everything, and I wouldn’t change my mind.
She shook her head, her pigtails slapping against her cheeks. “I’m not talking about death. I’m talking about hurting.”
“I can deal with pain.” As I’d already proved.
“You don’t understand,” she cried. She hopped from the stone, her pink tutu so close I had only to lift my hand to trace my fingers along the edge. So I did it. I lifted my hand. Once again my fingers slipped through the air, leaving me with a spark of sadness.
Her image did that flickering thing, as if she were mist thinning in the breeze. “The zombies…they want you and they’ll do anything to have you.”
“Why?” I asked. “And how do you know that?”
Her features contorted with the strength of her upset. “Alice, please. It’s almost too late. You’re running out of time. Please. They’re hunting you, and I don’t want them to have you.”
“You’re talking about them as if they’re smart, organized. Focused.” As if you know them.
“They are,” she whispered with a tinge of horror. “More and more, they are.”
“How do you know that? Are you following them?” The very idea sickened me. “Emma, do not follow them. I don’t care if you’re a witness, whatever that means, and that they can’t touch you. Or can they?”
“They can’t.”
The bud of panic withered. “Good. But I still don’t want you near them.”
“Alice, I couldn’t bear it if you suffered like…” Her eyes widened, and she pressed her lips together. “Never mind.”
I jumped to my feet. “Finish that sentence right now, Emmaline Lily!”
Flicker, flicker. She glanced over her shoulder and groaned. “Great! I’ve been spotted. Just…take my magnificent advice,” she said when she faced me. “One day you’ll thank me.” And with that, she really was gone.
* * *
As promised, Cole picked me up at seven-fifteen Monday morning. I’d opted to humor him in this (jump jump), but only because of our visions. I did not want to have another one at school. So, when he eased into my driveway and re
alized I was standing on the porch, looking anywhere but at him, he parked, got out and approached me.
The sky was a clear, wide expanse of baby blue, with no clouds in sight. Emma’s way of telling me there would be no zombies out tonight.
Emma. All night I’d tried to talk to her, but she’d never made another appearance.
Whether she’d listened or not, I’d told her that I couldn’t leave the zombies alone. I just couldn’t. I was finally on the right track. I could help make this town safer so that no one else would have to watch a loved one die because some evil undead thing wanted a midnight snack. I hoped she understood.
“You okay?” Cole asked. Today he wore a black cap, the rim bathing his face in shadows. “You look tired.”
“Thanks a lot,” I replied. As always, he smelled mouthwateringly delicious. “That’s what every girl wants to hear first thing in the morning.”
But really, he’d nailed it. I was beyond tired.
“I didn’t say you looked bad, just tired.” He handed me a syringe, tucked snugly in a small, black case. “That’s your EpiPen.”
My zombie toxin antidote. “Thank you.” I carefully placed it in my back pocket.
“Any problems with zombies last night?”
“No.”
“Good. That means none of them escaped my traps.”
Surely he wasn’t saying he’d fought them. I hadn’t seen the rabbit. “You mean…”
“Yep. We tracked a nest headed toward your house.”
Emma was right. They were hunting me. But…why? And why hadn’t she formed the cloud?
“We managed to stop most of them before they could reach you,” he added. “The ones that made it past us must have gotten caught in the trees.”
I hadn’t seen them, hadn’t known anyone was out there. Either they were getting better at hiding, or I’d been too distracted. Neither boded well for me.
“When do you guys sleep?” I asked, reaching out before I could stop myself and playing with the button on his shirt. You shouldn’t touch him. It promotes a familiarity you do not share with him. Gritting my teeth, I dropped my hands to my sides.
“Haven’t you heard?” His warm breath trekked over my forehead, reminding me of just how wonderfully tall he was. “We sleep during class.”
I couldn’t detect a shred of sarcasm from him. “Great. That’s just great. Next you’ll tell me to set up camp in the principal’s office, since I’ll be spending so much time there.”
“You probably will.”
Peachy.
“Good news is, Dr. Wright is one of us so she’ll let you off the hook if at all possible.” There was a heavy pause. “So. Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “We actually sleep in shifts. You’ll get used to it. Last night we all stayed up because we suspected the zombies would head for wherever you were and we’d have to fight more than we were used to.”
“They did, and you did.”
“Yeah.”
“My grandparents…” My hand fluttered to my throat. I wanted to look at him, to judge his expression, but I still couldn’t allow myself.
“They will be in danger if they leave the house at night, yes. We’ll do what we can with the traps, but it’ll be better if you move in with someone else.”
I tried not to reveal my horror, but I’m pretty sure I failed. “With who?”
“Me,” he said simply.
No way. Not just because he’d dumped Mackenzie when she’d moved in with him, but because…well, just because! “How can you even suggest that?”
“Because I want you protected.”
“No.” I couldn’t hurt my grandparents like that. But then, I couldn’t let the zombies hurt them, either, now could I?
My plan to save others from this kind of situation was growing more complicated by the minute. I’d figure something out, though. I’d have to. Until then, I’d protect Nana and Pops with my own life.
“You can place a guard or two out here,” I said. “I’ll make sure Nana and Pops stay inside. I’m not leaving them.”
“That takes soldiers out of the line of duty, but okay,” he replied. “For now.”
“Thank you.”
“You look beautiful, by the way,” he said, stunning me.
Pretty words meant to soften his “for now,” I’m sure. “I thought I looked tired.”
“Beautifully tired.”
“In my plain white button-up meant for winter? Doubtful.”
“I don’t mean your clothes. It’s you.” He sifted strands of my hair through his fingers, tickling my scalp. “There’s something about you. Something that sets you apart from everyone else.”
I pulled the strands free, severing contact—and trying not to melt. “You don’t like me, you do. You don’t again, you do again. Make up your mind.”
A growl sprang from low in his throat. “Don’t be that way. I messed up, okay? I know you’re pi— I mean, ticked at me. I’m sorry for what I said at the party. The others had been riding me about your motives, and then you showed up with Justin and he shot off his mouth. I reacted.”
“And this is my reaction. I’ll be any way I choose.”
“Is that so?” he said quietly.
“Yeah.”
“Even though I was trying to protect you?”
“Even though.”
“Ali,” he barked.
“Cole.” He was the bear in the cage, and I was the little kid with the stick. He might be under lock and key, but in no way was he subdued. He was a warrior. Too young for the army, but leading his own anyway. He fought, and he killed. And here I was, purposely provoking him.
While he would beat up anyone else for such a thing, I knew he wouldn’t harm me. He wouldn’t even let his friends yell at me. But pain wasn’t just physical, and I wasn’t sure he knew that. He’d wounded me with his rejection, whether it had been for my own good or not, when I’d only just begun to heal from other wounds.
“In my defense, I’ve lost a lot of friends doing this, and you look so fragile. So…breakable. Forgive me.” His voice dipped low, became a mere rasp. “Please. I love that you ask a thousand questions a day, and I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not around.”
Melting… “I—” Was a big-time sucker. But he’d said please, and I found I had no defenses against that. “Fine. You’re forgiven. We’re friends. But don’t ever try to push me away for my own good again.”
“I won’t,” he said. “But you have to promise to continue getting to know me.”
To date him? No, couldn’t be. After everything that had happened, we were meant to be friends, only friends. “Deal.”
“Good. Do you want to know what I’ve learned about you so far?”
I couldn’t stop my whispered “yes.” Stupid curiosity.
“I’ve learned that you are stubborn, willful, funny and—”
I pounded a fist into his chest. “Hey!”
“Well, you are.” He flattened his hand over mine, keeping me from delivering another blow. “And you’re vengeful.”
“Why would you want to know more about a person like that?” I practically snarled.
“Maybe because those are my favorite qualities.”
Hardly. “Then you should get back together with Mackenzie.” Whom he might still have feelings for, I reminded myself.
“Ouch. There’s that vengeful side again. But you’re also sweet. You don’t smile very often, but when you do…” He leaned down, his nose rubbing against mine. “I find myself thinking very naughty thoughts.”
I gulped. That wasn’t a very friend-like thing to say, now was it. “Wh-what kind of naughty thoughts?”
“Can’t repeat ’em without violating several laws.” He traced his fingers over the back of my hand. “Why had you never been kissed before? How is that possible?”
I studied his boots, the mud streaked on the sides, the brand-new laces. “My dad never allowed us to go out at night, which meant no dinner or movie dates. I didn’t wan
t anyone to pick me up at home for a day date because I didn’t want a potential boyfriend to meet my dad and see how crazy he was. How crazy I thought he was.”
“Well, I already know all about your crazy life, so that’s not an issue.”
“I know.” Wait. Was he trying to tell me that he was now ready to date me? “That doesn’t mean you’re good for me. I thought I could handle you, but I soon learned how wrong I was.”
“Please. I’d love to meet the guy you couldn’t handle, and give him an award,” he replied darkly. “Now, are you ready for the vision or not?”
The vision. Right. Nothing else mattered right now. I squared my shoulders, forced my mind away from my confused state, and said, “I’m ready.”
I raised my head. He pushed back his hat. Just like that, the shadows were gone. Our eyes met. Annnd…nothing happened.
I blinked, shook my head. Still nothing. Frowning, I cupped his cheeks with more force than necessary and shook his head. Again nothing.
“I don’t understand,” he said with a frown of his own. “Even when you were poisoned and drugged out, I saw something.”
Yeah. Us kissing, he’d said. “This is weird.” And I never would have guessed I would think not having a vision was weird. My arms fell to my sides, slapping at my thighs. “Unless…maybe we don’t have anything we need to avoid today.”
Scowling, he said, “You just had to go there, didn’t you? Throwing my words in my face.”
“I wasn’t—” Well, crap. I was, wasn’t I? “Well, you have only yourself to blame. I thought you liked my vengeful side.”
The front door opened, and Nana peeked out. She spotted Cole and eyed him up and down. “I thought I heard two voices out here.”
I jumped away from him as if someone had wrapped a rope around my waist and pulled. “Uh, hi, Nana. This is Cole.”
“Another friend?”
“Yes. He’s from school. He’s driving me.”
“Not without talking to me and your grandfather, he’s not.” Uh, oh. She had just used the same stern tone she’d used with Justin. “Inside, you two. Now.”
The door to the house shut, the ensuing bang echoing in my head. Cole tried to follow her, but I grabbed his wrist.
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