"He says you’re too pretty to look at. He says when he tries to talk to you he always gulps. He says he’s gonna beat up Doctor Riley when he gets bigger. I’ll probably help him."
"Good idea," Stacey said.
Maria stopped and turned to face Stacey on the path."What? Don’t tell them that."
"Well, someone should," Stacey said quickly.
Maria turned back and continued trudging up the path. "Todd’s not a bad man," she said as they walked. "In fact, Todd’s a sweetheart…. sometimes— people just… stop loving… people—"
Maria’s voice broke off. She walked in silence for a time, slowed to a stop and stood looking out into the night. Her shoulders slowly slumped and she began sobbing.
Stacey moved forward and pulled the baby from Maria’s arms. "Oh honey," she said, "I’m so sorry."
Chad and his older son had stopped in the path ahead and were now moving back to where Stacey stood holding Maria.
Maria saw them approaching, broke away and began stumbling aimlessly off the path into the snow away from the others.
"If she doesn’t want her husband to know where she is," Chad said as he approached, "we’d better keep moving."
The older boy left his father’s side and moved out to join Maria, still stumbling away into the snow. The younger boy quickly joined him.
"No-no guys," Stacey said, reaching out for them, "let’s leave her alone for a moment. She’ll be alright."
The two boys reluctantly stopped and returned.
"I’ve never seen anyone so sad," Stacey said, looking up at Chad Jensen. "I don’t know if she’ll ever be all right. If it weren’t for the baby, I’d worry—"
"Doctor Riley is a stupid idiot if you ask me," the older boy said, his face pulled up in a grimace. "I would never do that if she were my wife."
Stacey looked at the teenager and smiled softly. They all stood in silence for a time waiting.
Maria finally returned when the baby began fussing. "I’m sorry," she said, reaching for her child. "We should keep going."
"Have you talked to your man?" Chad Jensen said. "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?"
Maria bounced her baby in her arms a moment and looked up. "I… saw them together. What could he say?"
Chad Jensen looked up the path and adjusted his gloves. "Well— you know… sometimes things aren’t what they appear to be. Sometimes—"
"He lied," Maria said interrupting. "He said he was going to the Fasbender cabin. I caught him at the clinic alone with that woman. How could I ever trust him again?"
"Well, it’s none of my business anyway," Chad said returning his attention to the moon lit path. "Sounds like you know what you’re doin’."
Chad’s older son stepped toward Maria. "I can—" his voice trailed off.
Maria gazed back at him for a moment, "I’m sorry," she said finally. "What did you say?"
The boy gulped and looked away. He kicked at the snow and looked at his dad. "I could…" he stammered, "I could carry Maria’s baby if she wants me to."
"I told you he couldn’t talk to her," the younger boy said, grinning at Stacey.
"Shut up!" The older boy shouted. He turned and moved away up the path.
Chad grinned. "My boys have a thing for you, Maria. ‘Course, you probably know that."
Maria put on a tiny smile. "That’s sweet," she said softly.
"Tim wants to marry you," the younger boy said. "He says that all the time."
"Why would he want to marry an old lady like me?"
"No you’re not," the boy said confidently. "I’d marry you in a heartbeat."
"Okay," Chad said, putting his hand on the boy’s head. "You run along and join your brother." He watched the child run up the path, turned and smiled at Maria. "If those boys get to be too much for you, let me know. I’ll call them off."
"I think they’re cute," Maria said.
Stacey smiled. "Me too; those two are adorable."
"Thank you for helping Josh and me," Maria said. "I promise I won’t stop again."
"Honestly, Maria," Chad said, "if you wanted to wait a little while, give things a chance to cool off, we could go right back down that hill and—"
Maria held her hand up. "Mr. Jensen, It’s just too late for that."
Chad shrugged. "Well, there again, you know what you’re doing—"
Chad’s attention was pulled away by the sounds of his younger son running towards them. "Dad!" the boy called out. "Guess who’s up in the trees ahead… Doctor Riley! He’s up there waiting for us. Tim’s hiding. He has a tree limb and he’s gonna hit Doctor Riley in the head.
"Oh my God!" Maria yelled. She pushed the baby into Stacey’s arms and began racing up the path.
Chad and Stacey quickly followed.
"Todd!" Maria screamed as she ran. She entered the tree line at a run, rounded a turn and pulled to a stop.
Todd was standing in the path holding the branch. Tim Jensen was sitting on the snow covered ground next to him.
Chad Jensen blasted past Maria. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded moving towards Todd.
"Relax," Todd said evenly. "I just took the branch away from him."
"Maria’s made it clear to all of us," Chad yelled, "the boys included; she doesn’t want to talk to you. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, that’s up to her!"
Todd raised his palms. "I agree. I’m not here to make trouble. I promise. I just… I just have some things to say. She doesn’t have to answer or anything. I just want to… just talk, for only a moment."
Maria stepped forward and stared at Todd. "Talk!" she shouted.
"Maria," Todd said softly. "Do we have to do this here, in front of everyone?"
"Say what you have to say so we can go. People are waiting!"
Todd looked at her a moment, tears glinting in the moonlight. "I love you… so much. What you saw was nothing. We were together at the clinic for a very good reason…. Maria, I swear it—"
"Debby told me the reason!" Maria yelled.
Todd stepped back and raised his brows. "Well, then you know."
"Yeah, I know!"Are you following me now?"
"No-no, Maria… I’m waiting… I’ve been waiting all night for you—"
"Do you think this is my first time?" Maria wailed through her teeth. "Do you think I don’t know what you men are all about? You… pigs! I gave you my heart, you bastard! You…bastard!"
Todd made no move to stop the slap across his face. Nor did he try to stop the next one. Chad Jensen caught the last one before it could land.
"Maria," Chad said softly, "let’s just go." He put his arm over her shoulders and they moved away from Todd.
Stacey stood staring for a time before stepping close to Todd. "Leave her be for now," she said softly. "Maybe… maybe you can talk another time, but not now. Let her deal with this."
She turned and joined the group as they walked away. Before disappearing into the aspen, Stacey turned and looked one more time down the path. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the shadowy figure of Todd Riley standing alone in the dark, his head down, staring blankly into the snow covered path in front of him.
~~~
Gladys sat listening to the sounds of Louis fumbling in the dark hallway. "Be quiet!" she hissed. "You’ll wake Lylya."
The ruckus in the hall stopped abruptly. "Why are you sitting out here without a light?" Louis said from the darkness.
"Well… no point in wasting candles, is there?"
"That’s all well and fine," Louis said, "but how am I supposed to find the living room?"
Gladys sighed and reached for a match pack on the coffee table. "Why are you looking for the living room?" She said as she lit a nearby candle. "Why don’t you just stay in bed?" She squinted and held the match at arm’s length trying to focus on the candlewick. The candle slowly kindled and washed the tiny living room in a soft dancing glow.
The amber light revealed Louis crouching in the hall holding
his foot. "I stepped on something," he said.
Gladys grunted."It’s a wonder we can navigate this cabin at all with this mess."
Louis dropped his foot to the carpet, made his way through the rubble to Gladys’s side and fell heavily into the couch next to her. "Clutter soothes me," he said, "always has."
Gladys glowered at him. "We have a child sleeping in the loft. What happens when she needs to use the restroom? Tell me that."
"She’ll reach for the flashlight on the nightstand next to her head just as we rehearsed."
"Hmm." Gladys sat for a time, drumming her fingers on the armrest. "Todd and Maria’s cabin is still dark," she said breaking the silence. "I just stepped out on the porch. No one is there."
"How do you know? Maybe they came down off the mountain and you didn’t see them."
"No," Gladys said thoughtfully. "I made Todd promise to let me know the moment they came down." She sighed deeply and shook her head, "I don’t think Maria’s going to give that boy a chance. She’s a stubborn one, I’ll say that."
"Maria has…." Louis stopped speaking, rolled his tongue over his teeth and continued, "turbulence."
"Turbulence?"
"Turbulence— pain— conflict, just under the surface always… on guard."
"Hmm," Gladys said. "I’ve noticed. Almost as if she finds everything good in life suspect."
"Yes, um hm," Louis said nodding. "Strange thing, too. You’d think that girl would have grown up with all the best life has to offer. She’s shockingly beautiful, intelligent, engaging in conversation—"
"Beauty is not always a gift, Louis," Gladys said interrupting. "Maria never was her daddy’s little joy. She never had the doting protective mother or the ever-vigilant shotgun-cleaning father waiting up for her the night of the prom. She was a beautiful orphaned child, innocent and vulnerable; all alone, tossed into a world filled with men."
Louis turned and looked at Gladys. "What are you saying?"
"I’m saying, in Maria’s eyes, men were either stepfathers or sex maniacs… and maybe… both."
"My God," Louis said. "Are you saying she was an abused child?"
"Suspecting, Louis, I’m suspecting she was an abused child. I just think it fits."
"But, she sees Todd differently, doesn’t she? She’s obviously crazy about him."
"She did see him differently… but now, who knows what she sees."
They sat unspeaking for a time, the only sound the drumming of Gladys’s fingers on the armrest. Finally Louis spoke. "So what are you saying? Are you thinking it’s over for those two?"
"I think Maria’s made up her mind to forget Todd. I think it may be a learned response she’s gotten good at over the years."
"Well that isn’t fair, is it?" Louis said. "Todd hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, by my reckoning, he’s done everything right by her."
Gladys sat silent another moment. "And then there’s the other thing," she said finally.
Louis grunted. "Um hm, the child."
Gladys sighed again and stopped her drumming. "We shouldn’t," she said thoughtfully. "I love those kids. I don’t know how they’re gonna take it."
“We may have no choice."
"You’re right," Gladys said. "After all, we have the child to think of. If we’re going to do it, we should do it soon. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to track them."
They sat together in silence for a time until Gladys finally spoke.
"I’ll leave tomorrow, first light."
~~~
The full moon shining through the kitchen window barely exposed the shadowy outline of what was once Maria’s kitchen. Todd sat in the blackness of his cold cabin, listening to silence. He slumped motionless, staring at the faint silhouette of Maria’s dining table. Coffee cups, sugar dispenser and spoons were still lying about; remnants of the night before, so long ago.
Amazing, he thought, how fast it was gone. He wiped his wet cheek with the back of his hand, lifted one of Maria’s bottles of Merlot, took a great tug and dropped it back into the cradle of his lap.
"How am I supposed to survive this?" he asked Maria’s table. "Maria’s gone.”
The mind numbing finality of those words crushed his heart. Maria had been like a wide eyed child, discovering love for the very first time. He knew it had terrified her. Even in the best of times his hold on her was slippery. Now, even though Debby had told her the truth, she wasn’t listening… or simply didn’t care. Intuition told him she would never return to him. She could never return to vulnerability. She would make a stand against love, right or wrong, and leave him forever.
He slowly slipped off the lounge chair. The bottle of wine fell to the floor and rolled away spilling as it went. He went to his knees and clasped his hands in front of his face.
"God," he said softly, "I don’t know how to do this, whether I’m supposed to just start talking or— Leland once told me you always answered his prayers. I know he’s up there with you and maybe, if he’s listening in, he could put in a good word for me.
"God, you probably noticed that Maria has left me." He stopped praying, fumbled for his bottle in the darkness, laid it back and gulped down what little was left. Finally, he pulled back and sat leaning against the chair. He let the bottle drop to the floor, wiped his face with his hands and continued praying. "I’m not going to ask you to intervene, God. I doubt you do that sort of thing anyway. I’m just asking you to watch over her and Josh until they can find someplace to settle and… make ‘em happy."
~~~
Maria had only just reached for the knob when the cabin door suddenly opened.
"Maria," Todd said, surprised. He glanced back into the cabin and turned back. "Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick. Where’s Josh?"
"He’s with Stace. He’s fine."
Todd nodded and smiled.
"Can I come in?" she said after an uncomfortable pause.
Todd glanced back into the cabin. "Oh, of course."
He moved into the cabin and Maria followed. He motioned towards the couch before taking a seat on one of the kitchen chairs.
"Why are you acting so strange?" Maria said. She stood staring at him tears filling her eyes.
"Well, Maria," Todd said softly, "you’re the one who left."
Maria sniffed, wiped her eyes and moved to the couch. "That’s what I wanted to talk about. Josh and I want to come back home. We want it to be like it was."
Todd glanced at the table and returned his attention to Maria. "Coffee?" he asked.
Maria stared at him. "Stop it!"
"It’s pretty good," Todd said. "I just made it."
Maria fumbled with her pant leg and shrugged. "I love you and I know you love me. I understand men need… sometimes men do things, but they… don’t really care about the people they are doing things with, and… I want it to be like it was… but you have to promise me you’ll never do it again."
Todd smiled. "Sure you wouldn't like some coffee? I just made it."
"Todd!" Maria shouted, "I don’t want coffee! Listen to me! Josh and I are coming home. It’s going to be just like it was. Just as if I hadn’t seen you two together. Do you understand?"
"But Maria," Todd said, frowning, "we finished."
"What do you mean, we finished?"
Todd snickered and looked away.
Maria stood and moved towards him. "What do you mean, we finished?"
"Well, Maria," Todd said. "Think about it. You were the prettiest girl on campus, It’s only natural everyone wanted to bed you. Next to football, bedding you was the school obsession. I won, that’s all. You know what’s funny? When you dropped that shirt, I nearly lost my lunch. You really should get some tips from Debby. Now, she knows how to love a man."
Maria’s breath caught in her throat. She took a step back and put her hand to her mouth. "Todd, please," she stammered. "Stop…just stop talking—"
"You didn’t really think Todd loved you?" a voice to Maria’s right sa
id.
Maria whirled. Debby stood in the hall wearing Maria’s old oversized shirt.
"What are you doing here?" Maria demanded.
"I live here," she said.
Maria turned back and glared at Todd. "Tell her to get out of here! Tell her to get out of my house!"
Todd smiled and motioned to the kitchen table. "Would you like some coffee? I just made it."
Maria turned back and glared at Debby. "Get out of my house or I swear to God I’ll kill you!"
Todd laughed, bringing Maria’s astonished face back to him. "She thinks she’s a real girl!"
Debby joined him in laughter.
"You’re not real," a voice said from over Maria’s shoulder. Gladys was standing next to Louis in the doorway.
"Oh-no," Louis said, "of course you’re not a real girl." He began chuckling.
"You’re so beautiful, Maria," Todd said. Everyone in the room erupted into laughter.
Maria put her hands to her ears and began backing to the door. "Why don’t you wake up?" Todd yelled, leering at her.
"Would you like some coffee?" Gladys said. "Todd just made it."
"Wake up!" Debby shouted over the laughter. Maria screamed and lunged at Debby, tearing at her face with her fingernails
"Wake up!"
Maria was screaming, yanking at Debbie’s long blonde hair.
"Wake up!"
Suddenly Maria was looking into the alarmed eyes of 14 year old Tim Jensen. She sat up and scanned the tiny loft above the Jensen cabin living room. She remembered. They had arrived at the Jensen cabin around 3 am and had filled the tiny rooms with sleepers in sleeping bags. The two Jensen boys had insisted on giving up their bunks in the loft to Maria, Stacey and the baby. The older boy, Tim, had positioned his sleeping bag at the top of the stairs in case Todd returned.
She remembered the complete sadness that enveloped her the night before as she pulled the sleeping bag up over her. She had awakened in the night, her heart so heavy she thought it might suffocate her. She drifted off to sleep only after pulling her pillow around her, filling the spot where Todd should have been.
"You were having a bad dream," Tim said quietly.
Johnson, C. W. Page 13
