by Luna, David
“That’s my job now, Asher. You let go, and I take care of you and your needs, whether they are physical, emotional, or material. That’s my job as your Daddy. Your job is to allow yourself the freedom of being your little self. You are always safe to be yourself. Your desire to play and color and let go of your adult self to allow yourself to be little—it’s not something to be embarrassed about. I don’t ever want you feeling ashamed to be who you truly are.”
“Just… can you be patient with me? It’s going to feel strange at first. I think a good strange, but it may not come easy for me.”
“I’m a very patient man, Asher. I won’t be rushing you into anything you feel uncomfortable with. That’s a promise. But I don’t think it’s going to be such a hard transition for you. I think there’s been a little inside of you since you were young. A little boy craving and needing approval, supervision, guidance, and love. I will give you all of those, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve needed those things too. I don’t think I’d have ever seen it on my own, though. I don’t think I’d have understood what I really craved until I read about them and saw for myself what it would feel like. I think I’ve needed them for a long time but didn’t know what it all meant or why I felt the way I did.”
“I think all you’re going to have to do is allow the instincts you’ve buried under perceived socially acceptable behavior to be free. It’s okay to get excited and to show that excitement about toys and games and such. I can’t wait to see you take to it with enthusiasm. If it comes slower than I think it will, like you’re worried about, that’s okay. But if it comes quickly because you lean into it and yearn for it, that’s okay too.”
Asher nodded and took another gulp of his juice, and then the sound of the straw drawing in air let Thornton know he was all done. He took the cup from Asher and set it down beside his water glass. Knowing it was a lot to process, he said no more and just enjoyed the feeling of Asher snuggled up next to him. They finally settled into the show, and eventually, Asher took a short nap.
His business brain took over at that point. He often couldn’t help himself, but this time around it wasn’t for his own business—it was for the potential of Asher’s and Madi’s joint purchase of The Glasshouse. When Jenn had spoken about it at the hospital, he could see the nervous looks on Madi and Asher’s faces, but he also hadn’t missed the spark of interest they’d both felt.
It had been obvious to him and, he assumed, Jenn as well. She was clearly a savvy businesswoman. He remembered the controversy years ago when she’d decided to grow cannabis. The local newspapers were all aflutter in both outrage and support. It was a business that could grow even more, if given the chance. He wondered how much land Jenn actually owned and if growth was physically possible in that single location. He’d need to look into the legalities of it all as well, if he was going to help Asher navigate the purchase.
He wouldn’t be pressuring his boy in any way, but he’d definitely be sharing his opinions on the subject before too long. He didn’t want Asher to put off thinking about it while he was recuperating. It was an enormous decision, and he’d need the time away from the daily grind to really work through how he felt about it and to understand all the angles before he could figure out if it was what he truly wanted.
As Asher’s Daddy, he wanted to jump in feet-first and navigate all the business decisions with him, but throwing his weight around so early on in their budding relationship wasn’t the best idea. So he’d have to put together some of his thoughts and ideas and see what Asher thought about it. With that in mind, he started making a list of questions, research needed, and possible ideas for his boy. It was just the type of thing that got his creative juices flowing.
Chapter Seventeen
Asher
It was Sunday, five days after the accident. In a lot of ways, he was feeling so much better. Physically, he had a long way to go, but taking deep breaths was getting a bit easier, and he could go longer without needing to sleep the day away. They’d taken a walk the day before and planned on another one before dinner. But it was nearly two in the afternoon, and Madi and Gigi were on their way over to visit them so Gigi could meet Beauty and Beast.
Asher was nervous for their visit, and he didn’t understand why. Or, rather, he was trying to deny understanding the reason why. He recognized the changes in himself, even just over the last couple of days. There had been a fundamental transformation in the way he saw himself, in the things he thought he knew about himself. That seismic shift couldn’t happen without ripple effects.
He’d somehow gained and lost confidence, which was quite a mindfuck. Gained in that he’d admitted the truth about his needs and wants now that he had a name for them. Lost in the way that change always left him reeling and feeling unbalanced. Madi would see the changes in him and call him out on them, or at the very least inquire about them, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to verbalize the swirling thoughts and emotions in his head yet.
At the same time, he knew he could trust Madi completely, so he knew he’d cave if she poked and prodded enough. And she would. It was one of her superpowers: seeing things people didn’t want to be seen and delving right into them with a strong desire to help. Asher loved her for it. He also hated her for it. Okay, perhaps hate was a strong word, but she had a way about her that made it nearly impossible not to tell her your innermost thoughts and feelings.
It was how she’d ended up driving him to work four out of the five days he worked each week and how she managed to know just when he’d been alone one too many days and would show up—sometimes with Gigi, sometimes without—at his place, forcing him to be sociable, if only with her.
She’d bring him his favorite takeout or bake him a lasagna; she’d stop by during the times he usually spent working out and use his home gym with him or tell him they were going to watch a movie she somehow knew he wanted to watch but would deny it until halfway through the movie when she’d poke him in the side and make him admit she’d been right.
The fact those movies were often animated, or kid-rated, maybe should have clued him into what he needed, but again, how could it have done so when he never even knew what he desired even existed? Jesus, it was all a jumbled mess in his mind. A jumbled mess she’d see when she looked in his eyes. She had an uncanny instinct about when he needed to unload his emotions. She was a true friend that way.
The doorbell rang, and his nerves must have been showing because Thornton leaned down and clasped his face, kissed his lips, and rubbed their noses together. “It’ll be all right. You guys have lots to talk about.”
“I know. I’m just… So much has changed.”
“Ash, who you are at your core hasn’t changed one bit. You are still the same caring, loveable, sweet, smart, beautiful boy you’ve always been. The only thing that’s different is that now you know yourself better than you did a week ago. I hope you can take comfort in that.”
Thornton was right. He was the same person; he’d just discovered some new things about himself that had opened his eyes to a whole new world. That wasn’t a bad thing, especially since he hoped the things he’d learned would lead to him being a happier version of himself. There was a certain amount of comfort in that, but also a certain amount of uncertainty as to the shift in his status quo. But he knew it was only a matter of time until those changes became his every day, his normal, and, he hoped, eventually brought him a level of happiness he’d never felt before.
They walked hand in hand to get the door, and when they opened it, Gigi was bouncing on her toes. “Where are the puppies? I want to—” She let out a gasp and a squeak as she started towards them. Madi caught her arm before she could launch herself at the dogs.
“Gigi, where are your manners?”
Gigi, looking a smidge chagrined, waved and smiled. “Um, hi, Asher and Mr. Hayes.”
Thornton chuckled. “Hi there, Gigi. Just call me Thornton.”
Madi ran her hand down her daughter’s intr
icate braids. “And you can’t just go running at a pair of huge dogs like that. You could get hurt if you’re not sure they’re safe.”
“But, Mama, they wouldn’t have invited us over to see them if they weren’t safe.”
Thornton crouched down to Gigi’s level. “They’re super safe,” he gazed up at Madi and added, “and fully trained. And I told them you’d be coming, so they’re excited to spend time with you. Beauty is the pretty girl in the purple collar, and Beast is the one in the blue collar. Beauty is blind, and Beast is basically her seeing eye dog. But she can pretty much do anything he can do, including play fetch, which I know they’d love to do with you.”
Gigi’s eyes continued to get bigger and bigger with every word Thornton said. When he was done, she was bouncing on her feet and clapping. “Fetch, Mama. Can I play with them now?”
Madi chuckled. “Yeah. Go for it.”
Gigi squealed and ran towards the dogs, falling to her knees in front of them and hugging them both. She giggled when both puppies licked her face, and then she proceeded to ask for dog toys so they could play. Thornton glanced at them and smiled. “That is a girl after my own heart. I think we’ll go outside and see how many times we can get the dogs to fetch. How’s that sound, Mom?”
Madi’s smile was huge as she nodded. The way to Madi’s heart was to treat her daughter well. Warmth filled Asher’s chest when he realized Thornton would be good for Madi and Gigi too. As Thornton headed with Gigi towards his mudroom to grab some toys from the dog bin there, Madi turned her shrewd gaze on him, and his face flamed under her scrutiny.
“Wow, do you have a lot to tell me.”
Asher’s mouth dropped open. That was fast, even for her. “How do you do that?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. “Your face is very expressive, and I know you. Come on, let’s dish.”
She put her arm through Asher’s, and he led them through the foyer and down the hall towards the family room, where they both sat on the sofa, facing one another. He winced when he turned his upper body a bit too much, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask. How are you feeling?”
Asher wiggled his palm back and forth. “Eh. So-so. I get tired easily, and I can’t do much of anything on my own, really. So that sucks.”
She raised her brows at him, a smile playing at her lips. “But does it? Does it really?”
Catching her meaning, he blushed and covered his face with his hands. “Oh my god, Madi. Yes, it sucks! Okay, not all of it, but it’s not fun having to ask for help for the simplest things or forgetting you can’t do them and the pain nearly taking you to your knees when you do things without thinking.”
She pouted and rubbed his thigh. “I’m sorry, boo. I know it’s painful, and it really does suck. I was just giving you shit. I know some of the attention and help he’s giving you is probably amazing, but some of it is probably embarrassing and frustrating.”
That pretty much summed it up, so he nodded. “Yeah, that’s it exactly.”
She leaned in then and brought her hand up as if to cover her mouth so no one else could hear—regardless of the fact no one else was in the room—and whispered, “I bet he’s really thorough when he’s giving you a sponge bath or a shower.”
Asher blushed from the top of his head to his waistline, the heat of it burning him up. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I am not talking about this with you.”
She let out an indelicate snort. “Yeah you are. You won’t be able to help yourself. That man is the first one you’ve ever let near you long enough to get to know you, and you’re practically shacked up with him as he takes care of you while you’re convalescing. You’ve been dying to tell me every sordid detail.”
Covering his face again, he whispered, “Not every detail, but I will admit he’s very, very thorough.”
She let out a squeak, much like her daughter’s, and bounced a bit on the sofa. “I knew it!” She rubbed her hands together, a maniacal gleam in her eyes. “Spill.”
So he did, sharing a lot of what had physically happened since they’d last seen each other. When he was done, she narrowed her eyes. “There’s a lot you’re not telling me. What secrets are you keeping?”
Asher groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them, the look in his eye must have let her know this was something he wasn’t going to treat as a joke. She reached forward and clasped his hand. “What’s wrong? Isn’t he treating you well? The look on your face is making me nervous, Ash.”
Not wanting her to get a bad impression of Thornton, he reassured her immediately. “God, Madi, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I’ve never been treated with more care, more affection, or more thoughtfulness. There isn’t a thing I need that he hasn’t thought of or tried to take care of before it even becomes bothersome. Thornton’s so attentive, and god knows I don’t understand it, but he’s interested in me. Like seriously interested.”
“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, Ash.” She paused and searched his face, her brow furrowing. “All of that sounds like great news. What are you worrying over?”
Asher sighed and shook his head. “You know me too well.” She waited calmly, not responding, just watching him too closely for comfort. “It’s complicated.”
She didn’t even need to roll her eyes at him; her exasperated expression said it all. “Then uncomplicate it for me.”
He knew she’d eventually get it out of him, and he didn’t know how long they had before the dogs got tired out. “Do you remember when we talked on the phone the first night I came here?”
“When you were waiting for that gorgeous male specimen to bring you dinner in bed, you mean?”
Asher’s cheeks heated, and he looked down at his lap, picking nonexistent lint from his sweats. “Yeah. Do you remember what you said about him?”
“What, that he wanted to take care of you and didn’t want you to get hurt again?”
His gaze slid away as he shook his head. “Um, no. The other thing.”
She got a far-off look in her eyes as she tried to remember before she shook her head.
He leaned in closer and whispered, “You said I’d landed myself—”
She gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes big as saucers. Pulling her hands away, she exclaimed, “No way!”
Asher’s eyes, feeling as wide as hers were, stayed on her face as he nodded without saying another word. She covered up her mouth again, her words a bit muffled when she spoke. “Oh. My. God! He’s a Daddy?” He nodded again. “Holy shit, Asher, he’s a Daddy!”
“He is.” It was a whisper, and he didn’t quite know what else to say about it.
“I mean, obviously I said it for a reason. He acted like one, but sometimes guys are just that type. But like, a real lifestyle Daddy?” He apparently couldn’t stop nodding. “Wow. That’s…” Her tone gentled. “… kind of perfect for you.”
That surprised him. He hadn’t known what to expect, but the fact she saw it right away baffled him. “Why do you say that? Am I that broken?”
“Ash, we’re all a little broken. You’ve been through more than most, but that’s not what this is about. You need someone in your life that will make you his top priority. Someone who will care for you like no one ever has. Someone who will give you attention and affection, both of which are things you’ve been starving for, even if you didn’t know it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before now.”
“I didn’t even know it was a thing.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes, laughing. “You said you didn’t think he had any kids.”
Asher covered his face. “Oh my god. How can I be that clueless?”
They both dissolved into laughter, and though his ribs hurt like hell, it was the best feeling. When they stopped, her eyes popped wide again. “Wait. What kind of Daddy is he? He’s into age play, isn’t he?”
“Thornton doesn’t like to call it age play because he said
it makes it seem like it’s all a game. He calls it age regression.”
Her smile was full of emotion, and her eyes got a little misty when she said, “You’re a little. It makes so much sense, Asher. I never would have thought of it as a possibility, but now that it’s right in front of me, I’m like… duh.”
“At least you knew it was a thing that existed. I had no clue. But he’s helped me see the things I already have and do in my life that are part of my regression—the coloring, straw cups—”
“With the stickers,” she interrupted.
He nodded. “The easy little kids games I have on my phone, the plates I decorated…”
“The one you made at my place with Gigi?”
“Yeah, but I got my own set of four and decorated those for myself. And I have a stuffy I sleep with, and I still have my dad’s train set.”
“Wow. I didn’t know all that. But it all makes a lot of sense. I think it’s pretty remarkable he found you.”
Asher smiled. “Ran over me, you mean?”
She snickered. “It was serendipity.”
Asher thought about that for a few moments. “Yeah. Maybe it was.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. It’s kind of scary and fast, but it feels good. I haven’t had a lot of that in my life.”
“You haven’t. But you deserve it more than anyone I know.”
“Thanks.” Asher looked down at his hands and then realized he needed to talk to her about the elephant in the hospital room. “Speaking of scary.” He looked at her, and she must have sensed his change of mood because she sat up straight and met his gaze head on, a serious expression on her face.
Understanding hit her, and at the same time, they both said, “The Glasshouse.”
She sighed and deflated, and he could feel her overwhelm because it mirrored his own. But they needed to talk about it, no matter what, and Thornton was right—they needed to make use of the time they had while he was on leave. It was a huge decision and not one that should be made without thinking it through and understanding all the ins and outs.
