by Ella Col
Mark finally stops trying to mutilate my face. We’re both out of breath and sweating profusely. The bastard gazes at me with a smile. “How do you feel?”
“Like…ass. No thanks to you,” I puff.
Mark lets out a hearty laugh. “Wait until you wake up tomorrow. You’ll feel ten times worse.” Awesome.
“Explain to me why I’m fucking doing this again?” I ask.
“To get in shape. To respect your body. To fight the fight you have inside of you,” Mark lectures me.
“Right,” I say without an ounce of enthusiasm.
“Tell me what you’re feeling, Nash!” Mark yells at me.
I’m tired. “I’m fucking tired. I’m done.”
“No, tell me what you are feeling. You know what I mean.”
I can’t. “Don’t make me do this.”
“Now!” he screams.
“I hurt! Okay? I fucking hurt!” I yell back at him.
“Where do you hurt?” Mark’s face is in mine.
I bring my gloved hand to my chest and start pounding over and over where my heart is. “In here!”
“Why do you hurt? Who made you hurt?” Not letting up, Mark’s gloves wrap around my shoulders as I continue to strike my chest.
“She did,” I cry. “He did. They all did.”
There’s a steady flow of tears streaming down my face. All of the pent up emotions release all at once. Everything I’ve been holding in purges, trying to free me from the chains that bind me. I fall into Mark’s embrace as I tremble uncontrollably.
He drags me to the side of the ring and allows my body to slump down to the floor. “What have you been holding in, Nash?”
Mark wants to have a heart to heart. I didn’t sign up for that shit. “Look man, I appreciate the lessons. But don’t fucking try to be the big brother,” I sniffle.
His large body tumbles to the floor. He throws his head back and closes his eyes. He swallows a large gulp of air and lets it out. “I’m only trying to help you, Nash.”
“Why the hell do you want to help me?” Using the inside of my elbow, I wipe sweat from my face.
“Man, I’m just trying to reach down, back, and across to make you believe you’re worth more than this.”
Is this guy for real? I’m wealthy. Girls say I’m good looking. I’m guaranteed a job with my dad’s company once I graduate college. I sure as hell don’t need a washed-up townie to make my life better. “I’m not your charity case.”
“Never said you were. You’re mad at the world. I used to feel the same way. I can help.”
Do I want help? Do I want to be a different person? Yes. “Fine.”
“Okay,” Mark breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re gonna have to tell me what’s happening. I want to know what I’m dealing with. How about dinner?”
I nod in agreement and follow Mark out of the gym.
***
The bar is noisy yet calming. I blend in here. And that’s what I want to do. My eyes dart back and forth observing the people inside of the bar. I bet each one of them have a story that they are drowning out…just like me.
Mark orders a beer to complement our burgers. While we are waiting for our food, Mark fidgets with his hands.
I laugh at him because he’s uncomfortable in the “helper” position. “What? Are you afraid that I’m going to unload some heavy shit on you?”
“Well, are you?” he smirks.
“No,” I chuckle. “It’s all sort of embarrassing.”
“Try me.”
“There’s a girl…” I begin.
“There always is,” Mark cuts me off.
“Will you let me finish?” Mark raises his eyebrow with a nonverbal apology. “Anyway, we’ve been friends since we were kids. She lives across the street from me. And I love her. But she chose my best friend over me.”
“Ouch.” Mark cringes.
“Yeah. And the best part is…he doesn’t even like her,” I brood.
“He’s a dickhead.”
I fully agree with Mark at the moment. However, I need to be truthful. “Sure, it’s a dickhead move. But he’s trying to show me that she’s not worth my time.”
“Out of all of the guys in your school, she picks your best friend?” Mark has the same questions I do.
“Yep. So, what do I do?” I ask with hope.
“The answer is nothing.”
“Huh?” Some help he is.
“Don’t react to it. Sure, that’s a lot easier said then done. Especially since you feel like dying and the pain is unbearable. All you want in the world is to talk to her and express how much you love her…to prove to her your dedication and loyalty.” Mark inhales sharply. “That’s not going to work. She already believes that. She knows it, and it’s why she is leaving with your heart as a trophy.”
I want Hannah back more then anything I have ever wanted in my life.
“I want to focus on you right now and explain your relationship as it is. Nash, your little girlfriend has just declared war on your heart. There is only one emotion you need to have right now and that is anger. Revel in it. Harness it. Hold yourself together with it. I mean it, because if you don’t...” Mark lets out a sarcastic laugh. “If you allow one drop of sympathy for her or your friend, you will spiral into an abyss of depression. A place they call home. You are in no state to compromise your self-value by giving this sick person the satisfaction she is looking for. The only thing that will bring her back anyway, is your ability to care less than she does.”
“I can’t help it. I do care.” I can admit my weakness. “I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“Being that you really do care…you are going to have to summon your will to overcome this evil sneak attack on your soul. Anger is your best friend right now and motivational speaker.” This doesn’t sound like a pep talk. It sounds like revenge.
“I’m confused. If I’m not supposed to use my anger for revenge, what the hell am I using it for?”
“To make you a better person. Your road to recovery isn’t about the two assholes that hurt you. It’s about reinventing yourself.” Mark grabs the plate from the waitress then inhales a bite of his burger. He swallows quickly, then says, “Weak people will always fail. Strong people seize the opportunity to move on.”
I snort. “Move on…it sounds so simple.”
“It’s not simple at all. In fact, it’s going to be painful. It’s going to be hard work. You will fail occasionally while you are on this path. They are stepping stones.” Goddamn, Mark can preach it. The question is…can he bring it?
“And you can help me?” I don’t see how but right now I have nothing to lose.
“I’m going to try.” Mark doesn’t make a promise he can’t keep. It’s hard not to believe he is feeding me a load of shit.
Here it is…my leap of faith. “I’m ready. I want this.”
“Let’s do it.”
Chapter Seven
Six Months Later
Love is a funny thing. My emotional pain for Hannah felt like physical pain. My heart actually hurt – well, perhaps not my heart, but something in my body hurt, and badly.
There was nothing that I could do that made the pain go away. It wasn’t like physical pain where I could pop an aspirin and feel okay within an hour. With my emotional pain, I wondered if it would ever get better. More importantly, I wondered if I would survive it.
Surprisingly, I did survive. It wasn’t easy. I watched Caydon fall in love with Hannah. Day in and day out, she did everything that she could to trap him and cage his heart forever. Shit, I thought I’d die seeing that happen. With Mark’s help, I got through it. Trust me, I’m not over it. I just deal with it.
My body and my mind have changed. I don’t know whether or not I like the ‘new me’. Girls seem to like it, though. My well-shaped, muscular body has every girl in the world looking at me differently. Better yet, my degree in Asshole-ology has them kicking down my door. Nice Nash used to get Caydon’s leftovers. New Nas
h is giving Caydon a run for his money. I’m no longer Hannah’s bitch. He is.
Hannah hasn’t attempted to talk to me. Therefore, I haven’t looked in her direction. However, I do rub in my hook ups every chance I get. I make sure Hannah sees me at parties disappearing into bedrooms with random girls. It feels good…seeing Hannah cringe every time I snag Miss Random to fuck her and leave her.
I have to pat myself on the back for tonight’s performance. I took hook-up to a whole new level by nailing two girls at once. Before I got my threesome cherry popped, I made it a point trollop past Hannah and Caydon with both ladies on my arm. I think I heard Hannah hiss. It was fucking awesome…the sex…and the appearance of disgust on Hannah’s face.
As I walked by Caydon, I smirked knowing that he may have been in awe I snagged two chicks at once. “Wipe the envy off your chin, Caydon.” I can’t believe I fucking said it. Hannah held him back as he tried coming after me.
Man, I fucking wanted him to come after me. I wanted to use my newfound muscles. Instead, I fucked both girls like a champ. Ding. Ding. Ding.
Where did this sense of cockiness and confidence come from? I lie in bed thinking about how my life has changed. And I wonder if I’m truly happy with myself. The answer is yes and no. There are still parts of myself where I need to find balance. Maybe I can keep the confidence and ditch the cockiness. Truthfully, the cockiness is what keeps me going. It’s my defense mechanism. And it’s served me well the past few months.
In the long run, I strive to be better. I’m still learning. I’m nowhere near completion of my boxing training with Mark. Hopefully, in time, the anger will calm.
A knock on my window disturbs my self-loathing. “What the fuck?” I mumble to myself.
When I reach my bedroom window, I see strands of blond hair flowing in the breeze. One of the girls I fucked had blond hair. Shit. I hope she didn’t follow me home.
I open my window and see Hannah hanging onto the ledge. “What in the hell are you doing?” I help Hannah into my bedroom because I don’t want her falling to her death from my window. If she plunges to her death, I’d be the first suspect.
“I need to see you.” Her hands grasp the unfamiliar physique of my arms.
Dragging her in, we both fall to my carpet. My back hits the floor and braces the fall for Hannah. She lands between my legs. Her lips curve into a naughty smile. I push her off of me before I do something I regret.
We both scramble to sitting positions and stare.
“Now you see me,” I say.
“How are you doing?” Really?
“Hannah, did you really come here to see if I’m okay? I think it’s obvious I’m fine. Look…no slit wrists.” I hold my wrists up.
She crisscrosses her legs and her head drops. Suck it up, cupcake.
“I saw you with those girls tonight.”
“And?”
She twists her fingers together appearing to be nervous. “Did you sleep with them? I mean…both of them?”
I smirk knowing that it got to her…my dick in two girls. “It’s none of your business. But we weren’t in that room playing Monopoly if that’s what you want to know.”
She’s tearing up. Her lips curl over her teeth holding her breath in. Breathing out she says, “You’ve changed.”
“We all change, Hannah. Duh.” I know. I’m real mature.
Nodding her head, she asks, “You’ve been working out?”
“Boxing.”
“You look good.” So does she. Even so, I don’t tell her.
This is getting old. “No more small talk, Hannah. Did you come here to see if I fucked those girls? If so, I think you got the answer. You can leave now.”
She can’t hold the tears back anymore. “Nash, I miss you.”
“Yeah, I don’t care.” I do care. God, why do I fucking care?
“Why are you being so mean to me?” she yells.
I crawl to her and cover her mouth. “Be quiet. Do you want my dad to come in here?” It wouldn’t be the first time he caught a girl in my room. But this is Hannah. I can’t have his business partner’s daughter in my room.
“Sorry,” she whispers.
“Look...” I run my fingers through my dirty blond, cropped hair. “Hannah, our friendship is over. You made your decision to be with Caydon. He’s your boyfriend. I’m not. It’s that simple.”
Her head falls into her lap. She’s inconsolable. Damn, I wish I could be cold and find joy in watching her cry. I just can’t.
I rub her back. “What’s wrong, Hannah? Why are you here now?”
“He took my virginity.” She corrects herself quickly knowing I would flip if he forced himself on her. “It was consensual.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “The first time sucks.” I can’t believe I have sympathy for her.
She needs to talk to someone. I wish she would confide in her girlfriends. I know that most of her friendships are shallow. However, this is hard to hear considering our history. “He was really gentle. It’s not like I didn’t want to do it. It’s just something is missing.”
“Like what, Hannah?” My dick mode is switched on. “All you need is a pussy and a dick.”
“Is that how it is for you?” she asks.
“Pretty much,” I laugh. “I don’t have any feelings for the girls I fuck. So, I only need the basics…nothing more.”
She laughs quietly. “That easy, huh?”
I feel bad. Losing your virginity is a big deal when you’re a girl. “Look, it’s different for girls. It gets better,” I assure her.
“Yeah,” she utters quietly.
“Hannah, why are you here? I really don’t want to hear the gory details of your sex life. And I’m sure you don’t want to hear mine.” I peel myself from my floor and lie down on my bed.
Of course, Hannah follows me to my bed and sits down on the edge. “I already told you. I miss you.” She lies next to me and gazes into my eyes. I lie completely still, resisting her efforts. “Nash, do you miss me?”
“No.” Yes…every waking second of my life.
Hannah doesn’t take no for an answer and begins nibbling on my neck. I try telling her to stop. “Hannah, if you’re horny, you should call Caydon.”
“I’m not horny, Nash. I want to feel what it is like with you.”
The mind of a sixteen-year-old boy has a broader spectrum than just sex, though it may be the main component. Even though that’s true, right now, all I’m thinking about is sex with Hannah.
I have two options. Either I can walk out before I get hurt, or I can get tough and start using her back. Using her might salvage my pride, but it won’t make me any happier in the long run.
Yeah, I’m okay with that.
While I allow her to kiss my neck, I kiss her forehead. I don’t know what she was expecting, but I surprise her. Her lips leave my neck, leaving goosebumps in her trail. She lifts herself up putting pressure on her arms. Again, we stare at each other for a long time.
“Kiss me, Hannah,” I order her.
Her eyes widen, but she does what she’s told. Her lips meet mine, and I waste no time plunging my tongue in her mouth. I’m relentless and tenacious. I don’t let her take a breath. She offered herself to me. So, I’m going to take it.
I grasp the edge of her tank top and pull it over her head. She’s braless, which I’m thankful for. I’m still a little clumsy when removing girls’ bras from their bodies. I flatten my palm against her stomach and slowly move it up toward her breast. Palming her left tit, I devour her mouth and use my other hand to bring her head closer to mine.
I pull away wanting to look at the goddess sitting on top of me. “Goddamn, Hannah. They are so pretty.” I flub that compliment. Her breasts hypnotize me into saying stupid things. “I mean…you’re so pretty.”
Hannah giggles. “There you are.”
“Huh?” I’m dazed from overdosing on Hannah’s boobs. I don’t understand what she is talking about.
The smirk is st
ill upon her face. “I didn’t recognize you a few minutes ago. I like ‘tough guy’ Nash. But I love vulnerable Kevin. I love that Kevin gets flustered and clumsy when he looks at me.”
Clumsy? Hell no.
I cup her breast while leaning forward taking it in my mouth. Sucking her nipple hard, I end the action with a gentle lick making Hannah whimper. I gaze at Hannah enjoying the movement of my mouth. Switching from breast to breast, I pleasure Hannah to the point of no return.
Hannah grinds herself against my hard cock creating a frenzied friction. And I wonder if she feels what I’m feeling. I slide my hand up her bare thigh slipping my hands under her skirt. My fingers slowly reach the edge of her panties. Before I can glide my fingers between her thighs, I can feel the moist, scorching wetness seeping through the fabric.
I rip my mouth away from her tit and stare at her cocking my eyebrow. “Clumsy?”
Hannah grates her pussy against my hand and with a raspy purr she says, “Maybe you’re outgrowing your awkward stage.”
“I’d say so.” I stick my tongue in her mouth before my lips latch onto hers. We moan into each other’s mouths.
My fingers quickly slide her panties to the side, and I waste no time finding the slickness between her folds. My god, she’s fucking wet. And I’m the one who is making her feel this way…not Caydon.
I insert one finger inside of her, pumping it in and out. She’s riding my finger like she’s done this a million times. Maybe she has. At this moment, I couldn’t give a shit. All I want to do is get inside of her and mark Caydon’s territory as my own.
I thrust another finger into her. “Don’t stop,” she whines.
“I don’t plan on it.” I continue shoving my fingers inside of her as she scratches my shoulder blades through my shirt. In a swift motion, I lose the goddamn shirt so I can feel her nails clawing at my skin.
Hannah absorbs my new body with her eyes. “Oh my god, Nash. You’ve grown up.”
