by Alora Kate
“Jesus Nat, I love you but not something I want to look at.” I waved a hand towards her and kept my head and eyes focused on the curtains across the room.
“I’d look all day long.” I heard Nick murmur.
No shit.
I reached over and smacked in his direction. “Shut up.”
“It was nice to see you, Nick.”
“Pleasures mine,” he murmured.
After her bedroom door had shut, I spoke, “What the fuck, dude?”
“What? Your sister’s fucking hot, man. Not sure how many times I have to tell you.”
“You’re right, I don’t want to hear it.”
“A towel, a short fucking towel at that. Her thighs, the wet hair-”
I hit him and glared at him. He laughed, stood up, and adjusted himself.
“Get the fuck away from me when you do that shit.”
“Can’t help it.” He started walking down the hallway and I jumped off the couch.
“Where you going?”
He shook his head and yelled over his shoulder, “Taking a piss Linc, fuck off.”
I watch him go into the bathroom and shut the door.
I needed a beer.
With my beer in hand, I shut the fridge and drank it until it was gone.
I grabbed another one and went back to the couch.
Ten fucking minutes later, Nick graces me with his presence. Flushed cheeks and he ran his hands through his hair as he dropped back onto the couch.
I immediately moved over.
Nat bounced down the hall a few minutes later and smirked at me as she passed then went into the kitchen.
This time, I smacked Nick upside the head and he hissed, “What the fuck, man!”
“I’m asking you the same thing. What the fuck?”
“She attacked me,” he pointed to himself, “again. Me being the gentleman I am, I let her.”
“We’re going out tonight,” he said before I could muster any kind of a rebuttal to his comment. I don’t like what’s going on with the two of them, but they’re adults. He already knows what will happen if he hurts her in any way.
“It’s Monday,” I remind him.
“No shit?” he replied sarcastically.
“Happens once a week.”
“Well shit, we have a reason to celebrate tonight,” he said as he got up and walked over to the other side of the couch. “We need to check out a new club. The three of us are going.” I turned the TV off and stood.
“Going where?” I heard Nat ask as she rounded the corner. She stood at the end of the couch next to me but kept her eyes on Nick. She had fixed her hair and her cheeks had returned to their normal color.
“Out. Wear a short skirt, doll.” He winked at her and I almost vomited in my mouth.
“You two already make me sick,” I said standing from the couch and headed to my room. “I can’t believe I’m going out with you guys.”
Going out on a Monday? Not my thing, but I’m restless. The distraction might help take my mind off Ash. I doubt it, but I’d try.
###
I’m drunk.
Beyond reason and reality.
Which was why I’d been begging Ashton to let me visit her.
In the middle of the night.
Me: Pleeeeeease,
Ash: I don’t know if I can.
Me: Why nnot, it’s me, Linc.
I smiled because I thought it was funny.
Ash: You don’t know what you’re asking…
Me: No thinking, just dod it.
“Sorry Ash, I spelled that wrong.” I shook my head. “She can’t hear you, dumbass.”
I was sitting in the hallway with my back to her door. Did I mention I was drunk?
Who knew going out on a Monday could be fun. The new club was nice, much nicer than Nick’s because the colors and uniforms were brighter and more hip. They felt more like a high-end nightclub, and I had to admit some changes needed to take place for Nick’s club to stay competitive with the new one. Nat agreed with me and was putting a plan together for us to discuss at another time. We left and went to a few other places and ended up taking a cab home. We were all drunk, and Nick was in Nat’s room so I felt the need to give them space.
So, my ass ended up in the hallway.
And if she doesn’t open the door soon, I might just go upstairs and knock on her brother’s door.
Ash: I can’t just ‘dod it.'
Me: You funny Ash, open door.
Ash: AHHHH!
Me: Can’t hear you unless open the door.
Me: I miss you.
Ash: It’s 3 a.m.
Me: It is?
I waited a few minutes and sent another one.
Me: I’ll sleep on the floor, by the front door, you won’t even know I’m there.
Me: Please don’t make me listen to my little sister having sex with my best friend!
That should work. I waited another few minutes.
It’s been a long time since I’ve drank that much.
Ash: Get off the floor so I can see you.
Done.
I did my best not to appear as drunk as I was and stood. I made sure she could see me through the peephole. I might have been too close with a stupid smile on my face but I was happy, wasn’t hiding that. I knew I pushed her boundaries, but I was also proud of her for letting me push those boundaries.
The door cracked open and she looked at me, but the chains prevented the door from opening all the way.
“How drunk are you, Linc?” She was wearing her sunglasses… at three a.m.!
“A little,” I said slowly and held myself up against the door jam.
“Should I call my brother?”
“I won’t,” I paused and thought about my words, so I didn’t slur them, “hurt you, Ash. Never.”
She shut the door.
Shit.
I looked down the hallway, the one that was spinning and blinked a few times.
“That’s not good.”
I heard the chains, then the deadbolt, before she cracked the door open.
“Ash.”
“Linc.”
She slowly opened the door, revealing her outfit. Black shorts and tank top highlighted her pale skin and her toned legs.
I walked in slowly and went straight to the couch.
She sat down next to me, but there was a gap between us. Her leg started bouncing up and down so I reached out and set my hand on her knee.
She stilled so I removed my hand. “I’m your friend.”
But I shouldn’t be here.
I was fucking this up.
“My therapist would be proud.” She didn’t give me a chance to respond to her comment. “Can you brush your teeth before you come to bed? I put a new one on the counter for you.” She stood up and without looking at me walked down the hallway. “You sleep on top of the covers!” she yelled back.
She wanted me to sleep in her bed?
I smiled and went to go brush my teeth.
Ashton
What am I doing?
I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to my neck. Yes, technically we’ve been in the same bed before, but this was different.
My couch was comfortable but not large enough for his size. He’d be half on the floor, half on the couch, and that would just be mean of me. And his offer to sleep on the floor was even worse. I knew he’d probably reek of liquor and I couldn’t have him in my bed smelling like that.
I’d never be able to sleep.
Hell, I’ll be up all night at this rate.
He never asked about my glasses or looked at me funny because I was wearing them at three a.m. I was so worried about covering my face that I forgot I was wearing shorts and a tank top. My stomach was covered but not my thighs. I did my best to make sure he didn’t see those scars, but he didn’t look like he could see straight anyway.
He was pretty dru
nk.
But he looked happy.
Of course, I froze when he touched my leg; he was close to some of my scars. I couldn’t deal or begin to explain the reason they were there so he couldn’t know about those.
My poor heart was racing but it's mild right now. I’m not sure if it’s an actual panic attack or the fact that I told him he could be in my bed.
I’m not sure how I feel about any of this either. It’s kind of like I’m on autopilot right now.
Linc walked into the room and pulled his shirt off as he made his way to the bed. He dropped it on the floor and tugged his pants off next. The shirt on the floor was going to bother me, but that thought quickly washed away as I saw him reach for his boxers.
“What are you doing?” I asked mortified of what he was about to do.
He stopped, leaving his boxers on. “I usually sleep naked. Habit. Sorry.” He crawled on top of the covers and laid down on his stomach, facing me. “Thank you, Ash,” he whispered.
“Welcome,” I whispered back.
I rolled my head over and stared at the ceiling. I have to sleep with my glasses on. I couldn’t take the chance of him waking up before me in the morning. Maybe he’d get curious? What if my glasses fall off? Can I really sleep this way for the next few hours without moving?
“Linc, could you promise me something?”
“Anything,” he said settling into my bed.
“I have to take my sunglasses off to sleep and…”
“I won’t look.” He reached out and felt around for my hand, and linked our fingers. “Promise.” He squeezed my fingers slightly, and that was the assurance I needed.
I heard his breathing even out, and his hand relaxed into mine.
I went back to staring at the ceiling and woke when my alarm went off at nine. Linc was still out and I wasn’t about to wake him. He needed to sleep it off. Plus, I had things to do and I didn’t want him in the way or change my routine anymore then he already has.
For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself.
Shortly after eleven, and a few pages into my newest book, I heard footsteps in the hall and then the bathroom door shut. My breathing instantly picked up before I had a chance to talk myself out of it.
It wasn’t like I forgot he was here, but I also didn’t prepare for the time when he’d wake up. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed my glasses, then settled back on the couch. I crossed my legs to prevent them from bouncing and held my hands together on my lap.
“Focus.”
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I kept my eye on the hallway and listened for the door to open again.
“You let him sleep in your bed last night,” I reminded myself. “This will be much easier.”
Then the door creaked open and his bare feet were hitting the floor again. He rounded the end of the hallway, flashed me a mega smile, and said, “Good morning, beautiful,” then made his way to the kitchen without missing a step.
He acted like he owned the place. Like he belonged here.
I jumped from the couch and dashed to the kitchen. “You have to leave.”
“Do you have coffee?” he asked while opening my cupboards and looking through them.
This can’t be happening.
It just can’t.
“You have to leave,” I repeated myself slower and louder this time. My hands were tight into fists by now, and I was taking shorter breaths trying to keep the panic down.
“I will.” He wasn’t looking at me because he was still inspecting my kitchen but his light voice told me he was smiling.
Why was this funny to him? I could pass out at any moment!
“Why are you smiling? I heard people who get drunk usually feel like shit the next day. Why don’t you seem to feel like shit, Linc?”
He closed the cupboards, turned around, and leaned against my counter. He ran a hand through his hair and his eyes dropped. I wasn’t sure what they dropped to, but I felt him looking at me, like really looking at me, making me want to wrap myself in a blanket.
“Thanks, Ash.” Well, that wasn’t what I expected. I felt myself relax a little and he chuckled. I was stumped and said nothing. “You could have called your brother, and you didn’t. You let me in Ash, and I’ll be honest, I don’t want to leave.”
I sucked in some air, still at a loss for words. My arms were now crossed against my chest hugging me tight. “If I only slept four hours like I normally do, then yes, I’d feel like shit right now. But I didn’t. I slept with you and just like last time I slept with you, I slept longer than four hours. I like that. I like you, and I like that you give that to me.”
“Oh.” That’s all that came out. That’s all that could come out. I needed time to process the information. What did it mean?
He needed to leave.
“I’ll go.” He pushed off the counter and came right at me. My feet didn’t move which allowed him to pull me into a hug. I liked his hugs, I liked being near him, but he held me so tight that I couldn’t move my arms to return the hug.
I was safe.
Please don’t let go.
He slowly pulled away as his lips brushed against my cheek. It was very light and smooth and I wasn’t sure if he even meant it.
But then he looked at me, and that smile told me he meant it.
Did he just kiss me?
God, I don’t even know. How messed up is that?
He let me go, went to my room, and came out with his socks and shoes. “I’ll see you at noon, beautiful.”
It took me what felt like forever before my feet made it to the door to redo the locks.
He was coming back at noon.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter 12 - Ashton
Lincoln knocked at my door every day at noon for the rest of the week. We cuddled, watched movies, and he left every day at four without question or bugging me to stay later. We didn’t talk too much, but he would tell me about work and fill me in on Natalie and Nick’s relationship. He thought it was a bad idea because his sister thinks it’s just a fuck-buddy type of relationship while she denies her feelings for Nick.
So far there were no more spending the night and definitely no brushing of his lips on my cheek. I was, for the most part, disappointed.
Mike texted me every day, and two of those days he came over for dinner. He praised me and I thought each time he was going to break down and cry.
All week Linc was in a carefree mood, giving me the impression that it would take a lot to bring him down. He was always happy and smiling. He laughed at me a few times even though I know I’m not funny, but I just smiled and let it go. He was a good person, inside and out, full of life and hope and positivity.
I’m using him in a way as a role model for my own personal gain; in a way, I want to be like him. I know I can’t be a hundred percent like him, but even ten or twenty percent would help. I could live with that.
It’s finally Monday, and I’m not sure I should have asked him to come. It didn’t faze him one bit that he was here. He knocked on my door when I told him to, and he walked with me to Suzanne’s office.
My glasses were still on when I sat at the end of the couch and pulled my legs to my chest.
I was nervous.
Very nervous.
And the small glance Suzanne shot my way confirmed she knew how nervous I was, but she smiled at me. She’s always smiling.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Lincoln,” Suzanne informs him as she sits in her chair. “Or do you prefer Linc? Ashton has called you by both names.”
“You talk about me?” Lincoln turned towards me, surprised. “Either one is fine with me,” he said settling into the couch on the opposite end.
“Okay.” She smiled. “Well, I’ll start. First off, this is a safe place. For us all. No judging, no criticizing, and no name calling. It’s a comfort zone for Ashton, and it will remain that way. For t
he most part, anything goes. Ashton and I are used to each other but feel free to interrupt or ask questions at any time.” I saw Lincoln nod his head in agreement and she continued, “I’m not sure what all she’s shared but for now, I’ll start like we always do.” She turned to me. “Recap?”
Suzanne wrote so much I thought she was going to get writer’s cramp. I told her everything except the almost kiss that I knew now wasn’t an almost kiss. It was an accident.
Suzanne stopped writing shortly after I stopped talking. “This is good, Ashton. We can talk more about it next week if that’s okay.” I agreed with a nod and she kept going. “I’d like to ask Lincoln a question.” Again, he gave her a nod. “If you could ask Ashton any question in the world that she was required to answer, what would it be?”
“Really, Suzanne,” I blurted out. I’m sure he has a million and one questions he wants to ask me. How he could narrow it down to one was beyond me. What would be worse is if she expected me to answer it.
My foot started to tremble, taking Lincoln’s attention away from Suzanne, but only for a few seconds.
He looked back at her, opened his mouth, but then closed it. He was having problems picking a question. One question would barely tell you anything about me.
He leaned his elbows on his knees and looked at me sideways. His forehead wrinkled as he thought harder. He looked at me for so long that I started to worry. I looked at Suzanne and gave her my ‘do something’ look. She acknowledged me with a smile then completely ignored me as she focused on Lincoln again.
Lincoln whipped his head to Suzanne and back to me. Then again. He was so confused; he was going to end up with whiplash if he kept at it. I had no idea what could possibly be going on in that head of his.
“Fuck Linc, it can’t be that hard!” I yelled at him. “You want me to have a panic attack? I will if you don’t hurry up! Just ask the question.”
My heart continued to beat hard against my ribs. Even though it was hard to breathe, it felt different than my normal panic attacks.
I was mad.
Frustrated.
I wasn’t sure why but anything goes in this room, and I wanted to be mad at this moment.
