by Alora Kate
I started rocking myself in the middle of the bed.
Depending on Mike all the time had to be hard on his life, and I knew I had to get my shit together. I briefly thought about going back on the pills I used to take after I was rescued, but they made me feel like I was nothing. They dragged me down even worse than I already was and feeling like a zombie wasn’t something I wanted to feel like again.
Lincoln came out of surgery just fine, and they said he’d barely be awake for the rest of the day so Natalie took Mike and me home. It was for the best. Even though I had the mask and we were in a room with the door shut, I was barely able to keep it together. If Mike hadn’t of been there, I would have lost it after a few minutes. Natalie was going to text me, keep me updated, and then come back tomorrow and pick me up. I told her I wanted to go and I meant it but now, I wasn’t so sure.
Flashes of the Devil’s face were stronger than my happy thoughts, so I decided to turn the lights on and watch a movie. I had to get rid of the darkness, and maybe some of the pain would go away.
I turned every light switch on as I made my way to the living room.
What the Devil did to me during the three years I was chained to that bed wasn’t something I wanted to remember so I found the darkness as much as I could. I embraced it. Every time he came, I found my way out through the darkness. I went so I couldn’t feel what he was doing to me. However, the darkness betrayed me on more than one occasion. Sometimes he would slap me while he raped me and sometimes he choked me, so I wasn’t always able to seek the comfort of the darkness.
The day he took my baby, I’d never forget. I felt the pain, I saw what he was doing and when my body couldn’t take it anymore, I blacked out.
I was so powerless.
Occasionally, I still hear his voice echoing the word ángel, and it freaks me out. I was told they killed him when they rescued me along with all the other females at the compound. He helped run a human trafficking ring out of Mexico, and I wasn’t the only female locked in a room. He had so many that they needed three large white vans to transport us to the hospital. We were all lost in the darkness and no one spoke to anyone.
I never saw his dead body.
I never got justice.
He never felt pain or suffered for his crimes.
He was alive one minute and dead the next.
What kind of justice is that?!
My muscles started to tense up, my heart beat just a little bit heavier.
I saw the post-it-notes along the back wall of the living room and went to stand in front of them.
I hated him for what he did, hated him for how he’s still fucking controlling me.
My jaw clenched as I pulled one off and crumbled it up in my hands before letting it hit the floor.
I’m still letting that sick son of a bitch control me.
I hate it!
I snatched another off the wall, not even looking at the words and crumpled it in my hand, the paper biting into my skin. I screamed through my clenched jaw as I grabbed a fistful of paper and tears filled my eyes. I grabbed more, destroying them quickly and reaching up for more. There were so many as my hands and arms scrambled over the wall making sure I got them all.
He stole everything from me. My childhood. My body. My life.
He ruined our family.
He ruined me.
Every single post-it-note was destroyed and the tan colored wall was bare when I realized I was now hitting the wall with the side of my fists. I slowly stopped, dropped my arms to my sides, and looked at the scattered black pieces of paper on the floor.
What would I do without my post-it notes?
My anger subsided and sadness slowly took over.
I felt bad for crumpling up the stupid post-it notes!
Because you’re crazy.
I sat down and started gathering them and slowly pulled them apart so I could smooth them out. Tears hit my legs, but I did nothing about it. I made piles of the notes, making sure that the same activity written on them were in the same piles and then started pushing them against the back of the wall.
“Ashton.” I heard Mike’s voice and knew he was talking into the crack of the door.
I wiped my arm over my face, hating that I felt the scar, yet another reminder of him. “I’m coming,” I said standing.
He hugged me as soon as soon as he could and I reached over and pushed the door shut. “The neighbor called, said he heard noises. Like you were pounding nails in the wall or something.”
I sniffed, “I forgot the bedroom was on the other side of the wall.”
“I knew you weren’t putting nails in it, so why were you hitting it?”
“Lock the door,” I said pulling away.
He did and we went and sat on the couch.
“Why are all the lights on?”
“Nightmare.”
“That bad?” he asked sitting back on the couch.
I propped my elbow on the back of the couch so I could face him. “Yep.”
“About?”
“What else would it be about,” I snapped and he looked away.
I reached out touched his arm. “I’m sorry, Mike.”
He didn’t look at me but asked, “Why were you hitting the wall.”
“I got mad at the post-it-notes.”
He turned around and smiled at the bare wall. “That’s good.”
“You just think they’re stupid.”
“Yes, but they help you so I’m conflicted,” he joked and turned back around. “Anything I can do to help. Want a pill?”
“So I can sleep and have another nightmare?”
“Maybe you won’t?”
“I was going to watch a movie.”
“Sounds fun.” He stretched out his legs and put an arm across the back of the couch.
“Just make yourself at home.”
###
“Everyone put their masks on,” Natalie said after she turned the truck off. Mike offered to drive, but Natalie said Lincoln doesn’t like anyone driving his truck; therefore, she drove.
Lincoln’s best friend Nick was with us and I caught him staring at me several times. Every time he tried to talk, Natalie would hit him and take charge of the situation. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I was thankful she intervened because I didn’t want to talk to him. Even though he’s Lincoln’s best friend, and I should, it just wasn’t the right time. I was so tired from watching movies all night but I wanted to see Lincoln. She said he was doing good and wasn’t going to have his morning pain medication until after we left so he could be somewhat coherent when we visited.
We all walked in with the masks on and went straight to Lincoln’s room. Mike was the last one in, closing it quickly he nodded to me while he waited by the door.
I turned around and saw Natalie hugging another woman. “Mom, what are you doing here?”
“Don’t be silly,” she said pulling away.
“I was supposed to pick you up this afternoon.”
“I was able to get on an earlier flight. Why are you wearing that on your face? Are you sick?” She glanced at Nick who was standing behind Natalie and then started to turn her head towards us.
I spun back around and went to Mike, shaking my head quickly. I can’t meet his mom.
Mike grabbed my hand and mouthed, “It’s okay.”
“Ashton’s here,” Natalie said.
“Ashton?” his mom questioned, and I could feel them stare at the back of my head.
“Ashton?” Lincoln’s groggy voice broke through the tension in the room. “Ashton,” he called out.
I kept shaking my head no.
I desperately wanted to see Lincoln and his pretty blue eyes but not his mom. This wasn’t part of the plan.
I leaned my forehead against Mike’s chest. I had to keep it together.
“Mom,” Natalie said, “let’s go get some coffee.
“I just got he
re.”
“Breathe,” Mike whispered into my ear.
“Mom,” she stressed and I heard her huff while Mike held me tighter.
“Do you want to leave?” Mike asked, and I shook my head no. I did want to see Lincoln, I just needed their mom to leave. I needed to be alone with him. I had to see he was okay.
“You know I don’t drink coffee,” her mom said, irritated.
I heard noises and whispering and gripped Mike’s shirt.
“Are you passing out?” he asked, and I again shook my head no.
“Lincoln, sweetheart,” his mom said tight lipped, “I’ll be back…I guess I need some coffee.”
“I’ll be here when you get back,” Lincoln said and Mike pulled me to the side so they could walk out the room.
I couldn’t even look at them.
I was so embarrassed.
When I turned around I noticed Nick had gone with them, so it was just Mike and Lincoln in the room with me. It helped. It helped my poor heart which was still slamming against my chest.
There was a white sheet pulled half way across the room, so all I could see was the end of his leg being held up. I held Mike’s hand and we slowly walked around the curtain and Lincoln smiled immediately.
“There you are.” He reached out for my hand and I hesitated because all I pictured was myself, laying in a hospital bed, broken down and hurt.
Mike squeezed my hand telling me it was okay, and I just stood there staring at him.
“Do I look that bad?” Lincoln asked and Mike answered, “She hates hospitals. Like really fucking hates them.”
“But you’re here.”
I nodded.
“The mask?” he asked and again Mike answered, “You smell.”
“I probably do.” Lincoln chuckled. “Haven’t left this bed yet.”
They barely knew each other but they were friends and felt comfortable joking around.
I let go of Mike’s hand and walked over to the side of the bed. He pulled out a little remote and hit a button, making the bed come up more. “I won’t bite.”
I smiled under the mask.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there yesterday,” he said with a loopy smile and bruised eye.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“She talks,” he joked.
I watched as I slid my hand into his and then slowly raised my eyes up to him. “I might have freaked out but it wasn’t your fault.”
“Some asshole was texting and hit me when I was in the crosswalk. If I had been walking I think he would have missed me, but I was running, and we all know how that turned out.”
“Did they catch him?”
“Detective stopped by yesterday but I was sleeping; apparently, they’re coming back today.”
I tensed up and Lincoln brought our hands up to kiss mine. “They’ll be here after you leave.”
I had so many questions to ask but I stopped talking and we stared at each other for a few minutes and the whole time we both just smiled at each other.
We didn’t say anything for a few minutes, which was good because I was still on high alert. At any moment now, the door could open and if it’s not Natalie and her mom, it could be a nurse or doctor.
“So my mom’s here.”
I nodded.
“She’ll be staying with me.”
I nodded again.
“Are you going to visit me?”
I shrugged a shoulder.
“Do you know how long my recovery is going to be?”
I shook my head.
“I’ll probably be here a week or two. Then, I’ll need physical therapy to make sure I don’t walk funny but I just might this time, so it’ll be months. Several months.”
“I don’t care if you end up walking funny.”
“I knew you wouldn’t.”
I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
“Months, Ashton.”
I cocked my head to the side.
“Months of recovery and I’m not going months without seeing you.”
“Come to my place?”
“Maybe in a few weeks, with the wheelchair or crutches. But for now, I’d like you to come see me.”
I shrugged again. “Your mom is there.”
“I’ll kick her out if it means you’ll come visit me.”
I chuckled. “Your mom will be mad.”
“She’ll understand.”
“So she knows about me?”
“She wasn’t supposed to be here until this afternoon, and I was going to tell her about you then.”
“She probably thinks I’m a freak.”
Lincoln pulled on my arm so I’d I move closer to him and I did. “Don’t say that, Ashton,” he said softly, putting his hand on my cheek. “You’re beautiful.”
“I’m wearing huge black sunglasses that cover half my face and the other half is hiding under a mask.”
“You could take the glasses off,” he suggested and I wrinkled my forehead at him. “I’m just happy you came to see me.”
“I was worried about you. Does it hurt?”
“Fuck yes,” he laughed. “I have control over the medicine right now, though, so I’ll be hitting the button as soon as you leave.”
“We can’t stay long. Mike’s technically working and I’m tired.”
“Will you come back later?”
Before I could answer Mike spoke up, “I’ll bring you, Ashton.”
I shrugged my shoulder. “Can you text?”
“Phone got crushed in the accident. I could see if Natalie can get me a loaner.”
I leaned up, slipped my mask down and kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry if I don’t come back.”
He reached up, putting his hand behind my neck. “I know how hard this is for you, and I can’t thank you enough for coming to see me. You’re braver than you think, Ashton.”
I put the mask back on and gave his hand one more squeeze before I left.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I walked out of the room.
Mike and I called a cab and went home. I slept for five hours, no nightmare, no dreams. My whole day was off. Nothing went right, nothing went wrong. It was just different. And I knew going forward that my entire life was going to change. My days were no longer going to be the same as they were prior to meeting Lincoln Walker.
Chapter 20 - Lincoln
“I’m going to Ashton’s apartment.”
“Why?” my mom asked standing from the couch.
“I’m sure you know why, Mom?” My crutches got me out of my room, and I was almost to the door. They were annoying but I couldn’t hobble on the leg just yet.
“But I just got here.”
“You’ve been living here, Mom.”
“But Natalie and I were gone all day.”
I opened the door. “You’ll be fine without me for an hour.”
“What about dinner?” she asked broken hearted. My mom was very easy going and laughed a lot, but when her kids were sick or injured, she worried more. She was a little over protective but in a good way. She truly was the best mom.
“Ashton made me dinner,” I answered as I swung my head around to meet her eyes. “Mom, I love you but I haven’t seen her in two days.”
She shook her head. “I’m still confused about your relationship with her,” she said taking a step towards me.
“It’s a work in progress, Mom.”
“When can I meet her?”
I shouldn’t get frustrated with my mom, she means well, but Ashton isn’t ready even though I’ve been home from the hospital for a week now. My mom wasn’t leaving anytime soon, so Ashton was slowly getting used to the idea of meeting her. I think it’s going well. I showed her pictures of us growing up, even the ones with my father in them and I think it helped.
“Soon Mom, I promise.”
She gave me a nice smile, knowing it wouldn’t happen today and sa
id, “I just want to meet the woman who stole your heart.”
She sure did.
“You will, soon.” I hustled out the door and texted Ashton that I was standing in front of her door. A few seconds later I heard the three chains, then the deadbolt, and finally saw her beautiful face, minus the stupid glasses.
“I’m moving in.” I wobbled in and went straight to the couch so I could prop my leg up so the throbbing could calm down. I had a plate and some screws holding my leg together this time because of the nasty break it suffered. I’m supposed to use the wheelchair, but it was on the small side and uncomfortable. Plus, I was a man. I didn’t need a stupid wheelchair.
“You can’t move in,” she protested as she slid each chain back into place.
“My mother and sister were gone all day but they’re still driving me nuts. Every time my best friend comes to visit, he always ends up with Natalie, in her room, with the door shut. Then comes out an hour later with a flushed face and apologizes to me, but leaves right away because he’s working double time covering my shifts.”
“But you can’t move in.” She stood still by the door, afraid to move because of what I told her.
“It was a joke,” I said with a smile.
Her shoulders dropped and she let out a breath. “You can’t joke like that.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
“Does it hurt?” she asked walking towards me until she was at my side.
“I’m fine.”
I reached my hand out, she took it and then lowered her lips to mine. It’s always closed mouth kisses but I don’t complain. I take what she’ll give me because I know she’s worth the wait.
“You’re be-“
“I don’t want to hear it today,” she muttered walking into the kitchen.
“Fine, then why have you ignored me the last two days?”
She spun around holding a metal spoon in her hand. “I didn’t ignore you.”
“I haven’t seen you in two days and we live four feet from each other.”
“We texted.”
“Not the same,” I shot back, but with a smile so she knew I wasn’t trying to be an ass. I wanted her to talk about what happened between us two days ago.
“I did call you.”
“Once Ash, but again it’s not the same.”
