It seemed that with each passing moment, clarity returned along with the growing knowledge that she loved James. Yes, it had only been a little over a month, but as she finally let go of her fears, she felt a sense of peace—of rightness—when she thought about a future with James.
Erin stared at Van as they stood in the waiting room at the Health Science Centre several hours later. “I don’t understand.”
Van frowned, his brows drawing together over his worried gaze. “I’m sorry. I’m just passing on the message from James.”
“He really doesn’t want to see me?” Erin asked, her chest tightening with emotion. She was trying her best to hold it together, but she knew her control wouldn’t last much longer.
When Van had called around one in the morning to let her know that James had been in an accident, she’d come right away, trying her best to keep her panic at bay. But now Van was telling her that James had asked her to not visit him. All the panic and fear from when she’d heard the news now combined with a sick feeling of heartache.
Van shrugged as he dragged a hand through his hair, his easygoing nature nowhere in sight. “Yes. He didn’t say why. Just asked me to tell you when he heard you were here.”
Erin crossed her arms and pulled them tight against her body. She just needed to hold herself together for a little while longer. “But he’s going to be okay?”
“So far they’ve determined he has no internal bleeding, just a concussion and of course, the broken arm and leg on his left side from where he was hit. He was very fortunate it wasn’t worse. Even the breaks look pretty clean, according to the x-rays.”
Though she wanted to see for herself that James was okay, Erin just nodded. “Thank you for letting me know.”
Emotions threatened to overwhelm her at that point, so Erin murmured goodbye and headed for the nearest bathroom. In the privacy of a stall in the empty room, Erin allowed her tears to fall. She didn’t understand why James didn’t want to see her after agreeing to talk with her. How could she make things right with him if he wouldn’t see her? Was this the end?
“What is your problem?”
James didn’t bother to turn his head to look at Van. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked the question since showing up shortly after James had been brought in by ambulance. Van had been listed as James’s emergency contact so he’d been the first to show up at the hospital followed shortly after that by Kaylee and then Erin.
With scans and then setting his broken bones, it had been several hours before they’d let Van and Kaylee visit him, though from what he’d heard, they’d been given regular updates. So while he’d seen Van and Kaylee, he was in no shape to entertain Erin.
Though he appreciated all their concern, James really wished that they’d all just go home and let him get some rest. Well, as much rest as was possible given that medical personnel were constantly in and out of his room. Pain was still an issue, and he was on edge because of it. As far as he was concerned, it would just be better for everyone if he had some time to get a handle on the pain and to also get some rest.
He didn’t want to see Erin until he had a chance to do both. His current mindset wasn’t conducive to the type of conversation she’d likely want to have. He was grateful to be alive but also angry at the state he found himself in. Not to mention how furious he was at the driver of the vehicle that had hit him. Even though he’d been drifting in and out, he’d heard enough conversation on his ambulance ride to the hospital to know that the man had reeked of alcohol.
So here he was, laying in a hospital bed with a concussion, a bunch of broken bones and his beautiful vehicle totaled all because some idiot decided it would be a wise move to get behind the wheel after having something to drink. James couldn’t figure out why this was happening to him now, just when he was getting his life straightened around. And now he could feel the temptation to react as he would have in the past: with threats and demands. This was definitely a setback.
“Why don’t you guys go on home?” James suggested…for the fifth or sixth time. “I’m beat, and I’m sure you guys are too. Go home, get some rest and come back later today.”
“Will you see Erin then? Or will you just let her sit around in the waiting room for another five hours while she waits to see if you’ll change your mind.”
James sighed and closed his eyes. “I’ll see her, just not right now. Tell her I’ll text her when I’m up for visitors besides you and Kaylee.”
Van let out a huff of exasperation. “It would serve you right if she just decided to wash her hands of you. She’s here for you. Don’t take that for granted.”
He heard the door to his room shut and then there was silence in the private room he’d been put in. It was just him and his thoughts. Suddenly he wished he hadn’t been so determined to chase Van away.
The door opened, but he knew it wasn’t Van since the sound of someone humming a Christmas carol preceded them into the room.
“Hello, Mr. Dawson,” the nurse greeted him. “How are you doing?”
James had an urge to ask her how she thought he was doing, but instead, he took a moment to compose himself and then answered her questions regarding pain levels. He knew she wasn’t at all responsible for his being there, so he tried to cooperate and thanked her when she got him something for the pain. But his patience levels had bottomed out, so he breathed a sigh of relief when she finally left him alone with his thoughts and his pain.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Erin climbed out of bed, grabbed her phone and headed for the kitchen for some coffee. She glanced at the clock on her phone, not too surprised to see that she’d slept most the day away. After getting home around seven in the morning, she’d fallen asleep more quickly than she’d thought she would, given the events of the past day.
As she stood watching the coffee stream into her mug, Erin wondered if James would see her if she went up to the hospital a little later. Van had passed on James’s message that he’d text her when he was ready for visitors, so she wasn’t sure what to do. They hadn’t been together or had even known each other for very long. Maybe he really didn’t want her around. At all. Maybe this was his way of letting her down easy.
Erin gripped her mug and lifted it to her lips. Or maybe…just maybe…she needed to realize that James had more than enough on his plate at the moment, and it was time for her to step back and not pressure him into dealing with her when clearly he didn’t want to. It pained her heart to consider that he didn’t want her to be there when he was hurt, but she couldn’t be selfish right then.
Especially since it was because of her that James was in a hospital bed, hurting.
After picking up her phone in her other hand, Erin carried her mug into the living room. She sank into the comfy chair next to the unlit Christmas tree, not tempted in the least to plug in the lights. The sky outside was turning gray and getting darker as the sun began to set.
It was hard to start the year off with a painful lesson, but Erin knew that was the case for her. If she hadn’t overreacted to what she’d heard James say—particularly because she’d known it was an emotional response to something that was happening with his parents—they would have been together after the party. There would have been no need for James to have been on the slick roads on a night when there was a higher chance of drunk drivers being out and about.
She set her mug on the end table beside her and lifted her phone to send a text.
Erin: How is James doing?
After she’d pressed send, she put the phone in her lap and reached for her mug again. She’d barely taken a sip when her phone dinged. Surprised to have received a response so quickly, she grabbed the phone and stared at the display.
Van: He’s grouchy as a bear. I’m trying to give him leeway since he’s got two casts and a bump on his head to deal with… Still not up for visitors, though, sweetie. Sorry about that.
Erin: Thank you for letting me know. Praying he isn’t in much pain.
; Those texts were repeated in varying forms over the next few days. Erin went back to work but struggled to get through the day without wondering and worrying about James. She was thankful that Van kept her up-to-date, but she really, really wanted to hear something from James.
“Someone here to see you, Erin,” Betsy called from the doorway of the kitchen.
Erin looked up from the design she was working on for a sweet sixteen cake. She pushed back from the desk and headed out of the kitchen. A glance at the clock as she walked by it revealed that she still had three hours of work left before she could call it a day. Never before had time dragged so much at work—at the job she loved.
“Van?” Erin stared for a moment at the man standing on the other side of the counter. “Is everything okay?”
She moved closer to where he stood, feeling a bit of relief when he smiled at her.
“Everything is good. James is home from the hospital now. Still grouchy though. I thought maybe something from here would sweeten up his disposition.” Van looked up and down the case at the goodies that were available for the day.
“I would definitely recommend the cookie sandwiches we made today. I personally like the chocolate ones with the salted caramel filling.”
Van nodded. “Can you give me a couple of each? Also, those lemon bars look good.”
“They are delicious,” Erin agreed. “The s’mores bars are yummy too.”
Van lifted a brow at her. “I’m going to have to just take some of everything, right?”
“Sounds good to me,” Erin said with the first genuine smile in what felt like forever. “Are these all for James?”
“Well, maybe not all. If they don’t improve his disposition, I may need to drown myself in sweets and chocolate.” Van leaned a hip against the counter and crossed his arms.
She helped Megan put a selection in one of their boxes. “How’s he moving?”
“With difficulty,” Van said with a frown. “It’s going to be an adjustment for him. Using crutches is hard for him, but hopefully, he’ll get the hang of it soon.”
Erin could only imagine the challenge of using crutches while also having a cast on his arm. “Is he staying on his own?”
Van shook his head. “No. I’ll be staying with him for the time being. Hopefully too much togetherness doesn’t kill our friendship. Thankfully, we need to be working more closely together anyway as we revamp our practice.”
While Erin was glad to hear that James was going back home and that he’d have Van with him, she really wished that he’d let her back into his life. If for no other reason than to put an end to the limbo she found herself in. Were they in a relationship or not? Was he going to give them a second chance? She wanted to ask Van, but it wasn’t fair to put him in the middle.
“Is he doing…okay?” Erin hoped that Van would understand the question she really wanted to ask.
“Can you sit for a coffee?” Van asked.
Erin nodded and turned to get them each a cup of coffee. When she finished, she put the mugs on a tray and carried them to the table where Van waited for her. The Christmas decorations had all been taken down, and Erin wondered if that was part of the melancholy that had overtaken her. After setting their mugs on the table, Erin sat down across from him.
Van took a sip of his coffee and then held the mug close to his nose as he took a deep inhale. “You guys truly have the best coffee ever.”
“We do have some customers who stop in every morning on their way to work to grab a cup.” Erin took a sip of her own, hoping that Van wasn’t going to make her repeat the question.
“James is fighting some discouragement, I’ll be honest,” Van said as he settled back into his chair. “He was so happy over Christmas. The changes in him were significant, and I know it was a real change for him, not just with his outlook on love and marriage, but also in how he views the world. I think he’s struggling to figure out how to deal with those changes while also dealing with such a negative experience. You know how it is. Why does something bad happen when you’re trying to do something good?”
Erin nodded as she cupped her mug in her hands and gazed down at the liquid. “We had a disagreement that night. Did he tell you?”
“Yes, but not the details.”
With a sigh, she lifted her gaze to meet Van’s. “I think we both had a moment where fears grounded in our pasts got in the way of what we were hoping to build.”
“I figured as much. Once I heard from Kaylee about how her mother was causing problems about the birthday party, I was pretty sure that James would struggle with his old perceptions of relationships again.” Van paused to take another sip of coffee. “If it’s any consolation, I know he wants to talk with you, but I think he doesn’t want you to see him like this. James has always been a very strong, put together person, so having to rely on others so heavily is something new for him. Just be patient.”
“I can do that.”
“Or not.” Van shrugged. “Seriously, I’m not sure what will work best for him.”
James groaned when there was a knock on the door of his apartment then frowned at it as he reached for his crutches. He’d made his way to the kitchen to get a drink so was already on his feet, thankfully, but it made no sense that someone was knocking without having first pressed the buzzer at the entrance to the building. Not that it wasn’t possible for someone to sneak in while someone else was leaving, but it was fairly rare. He was going to be very unimpressed if it wasn’t someone he knew.
Even though it took him longer than normal to get to the door, there wasn’t a repeat knock. After all the effort it took to get there, the person better still be waiting.
James reached out and grabbed the handle and jerked the door open. He froze when he spotted Erin in the hallway, a box with the Spoonful of Sugar logo in her arms. As he drank in the first sight of her he’d had in what felt like forever, James wondered why he’d tried to keep her away.
“Hey, c’mon in.” James managed to maneuver back in order to open the door enough so that Erin could come in. “I was just getting a drink. Would you like something?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
He glanced over his shoulder as he moved awkwardly back to the kitchen. “So what’s in the box?”
“This is a bunch of goodies that Van ordered for the two of you,” Erin said as she slid the box down onto the counter. “However, I’m thinking he may have overestimated the amount of sweets the two of you would eat.”
“No doubt. Though I have to say that Van has quite the sweet tooth. He’d probably eat more than you’d think.” James reached up into the cupboard with his good arm and pulled out a plate which he set on the counter. “Why don’t you put a small assortment on that and carry it into the living room?”
While waiting for the Keurig to fill up his travel mug with coffee, James watched Erin select some of the goodies and put them on the plate. Once his mug was filled, he slowly put the lid on it, again longing for the ease of his previous life. There were so many things that he had taken for granted.
Given the open layout of the apartment, James could see Erin make her way to the couch and set the plate on the coffee table. Now that he was over the surprise of seeing her in his apartment, he figured that Van had a hand in this. His friend had—in not so subtle ways—encouraged him to contact Erin since leaving the hospital. Apparently, Van felt that getting sprung meant that he was ready to deal with the mess he’d made of his relationship with Erin.
He slid the travel mug into the small bag he was using to carry stuff around and began to make his way slowly to the couch. Erin turned to watch him, a frown on her face.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as she lifted her gaze to meet his.
James angled himself into the recliner that seemed to be the most comfortable place for him to sit. He used the lever to pull the footrest up and then fished his travel mug out of the bag and set it on the table next to his chair. “None of this is your fault, so why are you sor
ry?”
Erin sat down on the couch not far from him, rubbing her palms up and down her jean clad thighs. “If you hadn’t been on your way to see me, you would never have gotten into the accident.”
It was James’s turn to frown. It had never crossed his mind to blame her for what had happened because she wasn’t responsible. “Erin, it wasn’t your fault. The only person to blame for that accident was the driver of the other car who chose to drive drunk. That wasn’t you, and that wasn’t me.”
She stared at him for a moment then started to blink rapidly. James hoped she didn’t start to cry because there was no way he’d be able to comfort her in his present state. She took a deep breath then said, “Maybe not the accident, but I shouldn’t have overreacted the way I did at your grandmother’s party. I’ve since come to realize that I also have some issues of my own.”
James lifted an eyebrow at her. She was just one surprise after another today. “What are you talking about?”
She gave him a nervous smile that didn’t stick around long. “I apparently have issues with trusting people’s feelings for me. In this case, yours. I didn’t realize before all that happened that I was just waiting for you to fail.”
“I think that makes two of us,” James said with a frown.
“But that doesn’t mean I was right to think that. I should have given you the opportunity to explain. Actually, I shouldn’t have needed an explanation. I knew that there was a possibility you’d slip up, but instead of cutting you some slack, I overreacted. If I hadn’t, there would have been no need for you to come over that night.” She paused. “I really am sorry, James.”
James wished that he was able to get out of the recliner and move around. Anger at the drunk driver flared within him again, but he tried to push it aside since it served no purpose at that moment.
“I’m sorry too. Sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to resist falling back on old thoughts and feelings the first time I was confronted with my past. My parents and their issues with each other apparently still trigger my own issues.”
The Sweetness of Her Love: A Christian Romance (Fostered by Love Book 2) Page 12
