I said nothing as I followed her through the throng of people. We stopped every so often so she could introduce me to different people. I did not remember any of their names, except for Jonie’s, thanks to the image of Alice kissing her popping into my head every time I met someone knew.
We made our way to another room with two pool tables and another bar. Sofas and coffee tables were set up in small groups where people were leaning over and sniffing up lines of coke.
I pulled Alice toward an outside door and stepped out onto the balcony.
“Look, I appreciate the invite, but honestly, I can’t be around this stuff. If there’s a raid, and I’m pulled into jail, I could lose my teaching license. I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to head home.”
“Oh, come on. We’ve never been raided before, so it’s not going to happen now. Plus, we’ll just keep you in the other room. Johnnie relegates it to the one room.”
I shook my head. “That’s OK. I think I’ll just go. Thank you for inviting me. It was nice to meet your friends,” - I wanted to slap that Jonie, but I didn’t say that aloud even though I was still fuming over that - “but I have to go to work in the morning anyway.”
Alice harrumphed. “Well, you still look hot in that dress,” she said as she pulled me in for a kiss. Her lips were soft and her tongue probed. I felt my body tingle and I almost considered staying. But there was no way, in good conscience, that I could stay where there were illegal drugs.
I pulled away, however reluctantly. “Call or text me tomorrow,” I said. I leaned in and gave her a quick kiss before heading back into the house. I set the now empty glass on a side table and headed for the front door.
“Leaving already?” the man by the door asked.
“Yes,” I said laughing. “I have to work in the morning.”
He gave me a thumbs up and I closed the door behind me.
As I walked to the car, the door opened again.
“Carrie, wait,” Alice called from the porch.
I stopped and turned. She had a little trouble walking and removed her heels as she made her way down the steps. I held my breath waiting for her to fall over, but she made it safely to the sidewalk.
“I know this isn’t your style…” she said before I interrupted her.
“No, it looks like a lot of fun. But I have to be careful when it comes to this kind of thing. I can drink, but illegal drugs? I just can’t do it.”
“I get it. Look, I’ll still go to your teacher’s party. That was the deal.”
After seeing how she partied, I wondered what she would think of something as chaste as a teacher’s party.
“OK, it’s Friday at six.” Susan was hosting the party at her place, so I gave her the address.
She pulled me to her again. “I’m glad you came.”
I hesitated. “Yeah, I am too.” In a way I was, but in many ways I wished I had stayed home. Sure, the drug issue was definitely a problem, but to see her kissing someone else made me feel sick inside. How often did that happen? And what kind of relationship did she really have with that woman? No one seemed shocked or surprised they had kissed.
My hesitation went unnoticed as her shoes dropped to the ground with a crunch and she pressed me against the car. When she pulled away, I was breathless.
She smiled mischievously, her face still inches from mine, breath hot on my cheeks. “See you Friday,” she whispered. Then she picked up her shoes and ambled back to the house.
***
The drive back to Denver was smooth, and I was glad for that. I was not sure what to think about Alice’s lifestyle. She was certainly a free spirit, but perhaps a little too free.
I pulled into my parking space and turned off the motor. Sitting in the semi-silence with only the low hum of traffic in the background, I leaned my head back into the seat and closed my eyes. I really liked Alice. A lot. But I had to watch what I did as a teacher. There was nothing in my contract that dictated what I did on my own time, but I certainly had to be careful. One wrong move could get me canned, and I had worked too hard to get where I was now.
And that kiss. The scene repeated in my head over and over again, and try as I might, I couldn’t stop it. I wanted to just cry.
Once inside my apartment, I threw my purse into a chair and headed to the kitchen. My head was hurting and I had only had the one rum and Coke. I chugged down a glass of water and then headed to bed, realizing how lucky I was that I had not been pulled over. I did not feel drunk, but I was such a lightweight when it came to drinking, who knew what my blood-alcohol level was.
The next morning I was groggy, which put me in a foul mood. I knew I should have skipped the party, regardless of the fact I had only had the one drink.
“Wow, are you OK?” Susan asked.
“Yeah, I just had a late night. I must be getting old.”
Susan laughed. “Yeah, I can’t do that anymore either.”
“At least I didn’t get drunk. I can’t even imagine coming to work like I went to classes in college.”
“Did you at least have a good time?”
I shrugged. “I guess. It was a pretty wild party, much wilder than I am used to, that’s for sure. I don’t know. I’m really worried about whether or not I should be dating someone like Alice.” I left out the Jonie issue. Talking about it would just bring up the images and I had worked hard last night pushing them aside.
Susan gave me a sympathetic look. “Relationships can be tough. I’m sorry. Hopefully things will get better.”
“Thanks, it means a lot.”
I watched the students playing and leaned my head against the glass on the door. It felt cool on my forehead.
“Maybe you should go home.”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m not that bad, really. I just feel really confused right now. I like Alice a lot, but how in the world can I have a serious relationship with someone who parties so hard?”
This brought a chuckle from Susan. “You know, I wish I could tell you exactly what to do,” she said, “but unfortunately I can’t. What I can tell you is don’t rush it. You need to be sure before you make any rash decisions.”
I considered this. She was right. I needed to take some time to really think this through.
“Well, she’ll be at our party on Friday. Let’s see how it goes.”
Chapter Twelve
I waved at the buses as they pulled away. It was Friday and Thanksgiving break was next week. I was exhausted. Most of the students had been bouncing off the walls all day, and we were behind in our language arts curriculum.
“What time are you heading over to Paula’s?” Susan asked. The party was scheduled for four o’clock, but no one showed up at exactly that time.
“I’m going to wait for about half an hour. I always get there too early and then just sit there waiting for everyone else to show up. Georgia’s gone already so she can help get things set up.”
Susan chuckled. “I’m glad someone else likes being on the social committee.”
“Yeah, me too. I hate doing all the coordinating with everyone. Georgia’s really good at it.”
“OK, I’ll see you there.” She hugged me. “Hey, you survived so far. Now to make it to Christmas.”
I nodded and smiled. “Exactly.” I hated feeling that way, but it was the reality of the job.
Back in my classroom I gathered my pile of grading and everything I would need for planning and dropped them into a small pulling suitcase. It was the only way to get this much stuff home without killing my back. The teachers’ edition of the reading curriculum was heavy enough without having to haul student workbooks with me as well. My mother was going to be on me for bringing the work home, but the break was just the time to get caught up on everything. Ah, the life of a teacher.
Several staff members were already at Paula’s when I arrived. The fifth-grade teacher loved holding parties at her house. She was the resident Martha Stewart, and she could cook, bake, and sew, making her the perfect host
.
Georgia waved me over and I gave her a quick hug before taking a seat.
“Hi, Kelly,” I said to the young second-grade teacher next to me. “How are things going?”
“Oh, it’s going pretty well,” she replied with a smile. The first year teacher was wide-eyed, reminding me of my first year of teaching. Still full of enthusiasm and optimism, I had plans to conquer the world by working with the next generation of children. Then I became overwhelmed with everything and went home crying more than once.
The doorbell rang and someone went to answer it. I heard Alice’s voice and I walked over to her.
“Hi,” I said, giving her hug. She looked amazing in her purple blouse, black skinny jeans, and heels. “Come and meet some of my colleagues.”
I led her to the kitchen and introduced her to a few people. Everyone was very welcoming, and a couple even commented on her good looks.
Susan slid beside me and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Dang, girl, she’s really pretty.”
I smiled. “Told you.”
She laughed. “Well, I didn’t realize how hot she was.”
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked Alice as I led her to a chair.
She looked uncomfortable, as if not sure how she should act. “Sure, anything is fine.”
Paula came over and introduced herself. “We have everything, so feel free to go all out. We usually do.”
A few of the teachers laughed, and I smiled. If they only knew what Alice considered going ‘all out’.
I handed her a vodka and cranberry and took the chair next to her.
Her leg bounced up and down and I laid my hand on it. She gave me a quick glance and I was taken aback by her annoyed look. It was not that I thought she should not bounce her leg, but I wanted to help calm her. However, it was clear she thought it was the former as she guzzled her drink and then asked for another.
By the time she had downed her third drink, she had certainly loosened down. As a matter of fact, she was so loose, she started telling off-colored jokes. A few laughed, but most threw each other a few glances.
“Come on, Alice, let’s go sit out on the porch,” I said, about ready to die from embarrassment after the last joke she had told. “I could use some air.”
“Wow, your friendsh…friends… are so…quiet,” she said as she sipped on her now fifth drink.
“Well, they are teachers, just like me.”
She chuckled and put her arm around my shoulders. “There’sh no one like you, honey. No one. But why didn’t you wear your blue dresh?”
I gave a small forced laugh. “I’m not going to wear that to a teacher’s party,” I said in a low voice, hoping she would lower hers.
“But you look so damned sexy in it. I wanted you so bad on Wednesday, but you went and left me there at the party. We could have been up all night.” She pulled me to her hard and kissed me on the lips. Then her hand reached up and grabbed my breast, and I pushed it away, pulling away from her at the same time. “What?” Her face looked hurt.
“I can’t be doing that here,” I said in a forced whisper. I just knew everyone was probably watching us through the window, whispering about us. When I glanced through the window, however, no one seemed to even notice us.
Alice pulled away from me, anger radiating from her. “What? Are you embarrassed of me?”
“No, I’m not embarrassed by you. But we’re not at one of your crazy ring girl parties. These people are teachers.”
She blew out her breath. “Yeah, so they’re better than me. No, no, I get it. You can’t be seen with me. That’s fine. I think I’ll go home now.”
She stumbled as she tried to open the door.
I came up behind her and opened the door for her. We walked in together and a few heads turned, but most were absorbed in their conversations.
“Thank you for having me,” Alice said as an announcement. “I will be going now. It was nice meeting you all.”
She grabbed her purse and coat and headed to the front door, pulling her car keys out and dropping them on the floor.
I reached down and grabbed them before she could. “You can’t drive like this. Let me call you a cab and then tomorrow I’ll pick you up and we’ll come over and get your car. It would be fine if she leaves her car here, wouldn’t it, Paula?”
The woman smiled. “Of course.”
“I’m fine,” Alice insisted as she swayed to one side. “OK, maybe not so much.”
I was relieved when she agreed to let me call her a cab, and fifteen minutes later I was helping her into the yellow taxi.
“I’m sorry, Carrie,” she slurred. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re fine.” I gave the driver her address and then leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “Go straight home and go to bed.”
“OK.” She answered like a child responding to a parent. Her head fell to the side. “Thanks,”
I told the driver before closing the door. Then I turned, took a deep breath, and headed back to the party.
I wondered what everyone else would say.
Chapter Thirteen
I needed to pack for my trip to my parents’ but I just was not feeling up to it. Depression hung around me like a fog, and I needed to get out of the house. The weather was warm enough to wear just a sweater, so I walked the block to a local park with a nice path to follow. The park was busy. Children played on the playground equipment while mothers and fathers watched on.
On one side of the park sat a couple under a tree holding hands, and all I could think of was how much I wanted that. I wanted someone to spend time with me, to hold my hand, to kiss me. This brought forth an image of Alice.
Beautiful Alice. She was so much like I wanted to be, outgoing with a propensity for taking risks. I leaned more toward organization, habit, and safety. Why was it so difficult for me to take the plunge?
Last night had been difficult for me. None of the other teachers made any comments about Alice’s condition when she left, as a matter of fact, a couple of them had to call a cab by the time everyone headed home. Yet, the entire episode had left me drained and uncomfortable.
Memories of the party I went to with Alice came to mind. If that was a regular occurrence for her, how could I expect to go parties with her? I wanted to support her in what she enjoyed. Those parties were probably just as much a professional benefit as they were fun for her. Would I be able to show my support by being there? Is that not what partners did, do things that they did not want to do simply to show their love and support for the other?
And what if she kissed Jonie again? Or another woman?
So the question that turned in my mind as I picked up my pace to a jog was would I be willing to put myself in that setting on a regular basis? I was not sure I could. Could anyone looking for a partner deal with it?
What did that mean for us and our relationship? Alice still had not called, but there was a good chance she was sleeping off last night’s escapades. I would have to talk to her before making a decision, but I felt myself leaning toward just ending it all. If I could not be there for her, or if I spent all the time we were apart wondering who she was kissing—or even worse, sleeping with—what kind of partner could I possibly be?
I looked around me, realizing that I had almost made an entire lap around the park without slowing back down to a walk. That was an amazing feat for me and I wanted to call Alice to let her know. However, when I pulled out my phone and saw it was only eight a.m., I put the phone back into my pocket and decided to run another lap. The pride I felt had me beaming, and my body felt good as I picked up the pace once again.
My brain worked overtime, weighing my situation. It all came down to one choice, and I did not look forward to it. I could not see myself as the best partner for Alice, and it broke my heart because I really liked her. However, she deserved someone who could be there for her, someone who could go to the crazy parties she loved and that were probably so important for her career. It broke my heart t
o make this decision.
I would have to break-up with Alice.
***
I walked up to Alice, who was sitting on a bench tapping on her cell phone. I stopped a few feet away before she saw me and just watched her. My heart hurt as I thought about what needed to be done. This was not something I wanted to do, but it was a necessary evil - for both of us. It was unfair to her to be stuck in a relationship that was doomed to failure, just as it was unfair to me. Breaking someone else’s heart was not an easy endeavor.
“Hi, Alice,” I said as came up to her.
She looked up at me and smiled. “Hey.” She patted the bench. “Have a seat. You sounded pretty serious on the phone. Is everything all right?”
I sat down, keeping my hands in the pocket of my coat, not because I was cold, but so she would not see me shaking. My chest hurt as my anxiety climbed. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Actually, I wanted to talk to you—about us.”
She pursed her lips and leaned against the back of the bench. “I see.”
“Look, I really like you, more than you can imagine, but I don’t see a future for us. We’re just so different.”
Her furrowed brows were so cute I almost took back my words. Yet, I knew this was the best for both of us.
“Do you think two people have to be exactly the same to have a lasting relationship? So, you’re the good girl and I’m the bad girl, is that it? Well, I don’t time for childish games.” She sniffed derisively.
“It’s not that…”
“Well, that’s what you’re saying. We’re ‘so different’, isn’t that how you put it?”
I shrugged. This was exactly what I had been afraid of. Confrontation. I took a deep breath and focused on my goal. We had to call it off. “But if we’re too different, it can’t work.”
“A lot you know about relationships,” Alice said, her voice crisp. “Well, if it’s what you want, then it’s what will happen. I don’t want to waste my time with who thinks she is better than me.”
That comment took me aback. Where did that come from? “I never said I was better than you…”
Perfect Match: A Lesbian Romance Page 7
