by Abbi Glines
Eva walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist and for a moment I was okay. Then she opened her mouth. “I want you to go to Tennessee. Tomorrow. You’ve waited a week already. No more putting them off. You leave tomorrow. Without me.”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “Hell, no,” I repeated.
“Let me talk, Cage. I’m not done.”
“Don’t give a shit. Nothing you say is changing my mind. I’m not leaving you. Now? How can you even think that would be okay? I can’t leave you, Eva.”
“Listen to me! You have to. For us. You have to leave. If you don’t leave then we will never make it. We won’t. You have fought for this scholarship and you got it. Now it’s time you take it. You go live it. You make a future for us. I’ll be there with you... one day. But you have to go start this now or we lose it. You have to do it with me here. We can talk on the phone everyday. You can come visit me on weekends when you’re free. We can do this. It isn’t forever.”
I wanted to yell but I’d scare her. Instead, I held her tighter against me. I couldn’t make it a fucking day without her. How was I supposed to go a week? Two weeks? I couldn’t do that. “Eva, I can’t live without you.”
“You wont’ be without me. I’ll be here. I’ll still be yours. You will still own my heart. We will just have distance between us for awhile. We can make it work. But you have to do this for our future, Cage.”
She wanted this for us. Not just me. She was worried about our future after her father was gone. Dammit. How could I leave her? Even if she wanted me to. “I can’t leave you,” I repeated because it was all I could say.
“You have to leave me. It’s what is best for us. These chances don’t come around every day. If you lose this... we lose this. It will always be a question in your mind of “what if?” and I don’t think I can live with that.”
I shook my head. “No. No. I won’t leave you because you’re worried about me regretting you and my choice. I will never, and I mean fucking never regret choosing you. Nothing is more important than you, Eva Brooks. Nothing.”
She pressed a kiss to my chest. “ I know that. That’s why I’m out here talking to you about this. I know that if it were a choice between me and baseball that you’d choose me. I don’t doubt that for a minute. But I need you to see that this is a choice for me. A choice for us, Cage. You going to Tennessee is choosing our future. That’s all it is. I know when I was upset last week that I asked you to stay with me but I was falling apart that day. I have had time to think. My daddy. . . my daddy won’t always be here. I need to spend what time I have left with him. But after he’s. . . after. . . we will need plans. A future. It’s your job to go create that future for us while I stay here and do what I have to do.”
Dammit! I understood what she was saying. She was right and I hated it. I couldn’t leave her. How the hell would I be able to focus without her there with me? I wasn’t me without her. But when this time in her life was over she’d need a man who could protect her and give her a future. Staying here and working at a mediocre job wouldn’t be the future she deserved. I wouldn’t be worthy of her then. I had to be the man she needed. Why did that have to hurt like hell?
“I don’t wanna be without you,” I said pulling her against me and burying my face in her hair.
“I know. But right now it’s what we have to do,” she replied.
“ You need me,” I tried again arguing a reason why I should stay.
“Always. But I need you to secure our future more than I need you here right now. I can spend time with Daddy. You go get that college scholarship and I’ll be there with you one day.”
One day. I knew she wasn’t saying soon or before too long because that would mean her dad was gone. She couldn’t say that. I understood. But one day was haunting me. What if she changed her mind? What if that one day came and she didn’t want me anymore?
“I need you to tell me you’ll love me forever. I need to know you aren’t going to leave me.” I was desperate but I wanted to hear her tell me I was it for her. That the future was us.
“No one else for me ever. You’re it. You’re my always.”
Chapter Six
EVA
The single bed in the corner of Cage’s old room in the barn didn’t have sheets on it. No one was sleeping there now. Daddy hadn’t sent Cage back to the barn this week. He had let him sleep in the guest bedroom.
Cage closed the door and locked it as I turned on the small window unit to cool the room down. Turning back around I was mesmerized at his beautiful body as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the ground while he closed the distance between us. Cage wasn’t talking like he normally did. There was a desperate look in his eyes that broke my heart. I wanted to ease his fears. He didn’t trust our being apart. I would prove to him that we would be okay. In time.
I unbuttoned my shirt and let it fall to the floor with his. He reached around me and unsnapped my bra with ease that used to bother me. I was over his past experience now. I knew he was mine. I wasn’t insecure when it came to where I stood with Cage sexually. I was all he wanted. That was enough.
His hands moved to my waist and he unbuttoned my shorts then pushed them down along with my panties until I had to step out of them. “Lie down,” he said in a husky whisper.
I did as he said but kept my eyes on him as he took his jeans off. His wide chest and narrow waist and hips were perfectly sculpted. He was perfect. A man shouldn’t be so perfect. But mine was. I let my eyes roam over his muscular thighs and then the part of him that always brought me pleasure. Glancing up at his face I caught him smirking. He liked it when I looked at his body. I grinned back at him and he came over me.
“I need to love you tonight. I may need to love you all night,” he said as his hips moved between my legs.
Before I could respond his mouth was on mine. His tongue did those magical things that I could feel all over my body with just a simple flick. I held him close to me and kissed him back with every emotion I had in me. His lips moved down my neck as he whispered words against my skin. He loved me. He couldn’t live without me. I was his life.
And I was putty under his hands. I whimpered as he took a nipple into his mouth and sucked then bit down gently before lapping at it to ease the sharp pain. I ran my hands down his back to cup his bottom in my hands. The taunt muscles flexed under my touch and he groaned.
Then with one swift move he was inside me. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist as he filled me.
“I love you so damn much,” he whispered as he pulled back and slid back inside of me. All I could do was cry out from the pleasure. “This is home. You’re my home,” he said before pumping into me harder. I reached up and grabbed his face and kissed him hard. I was sending him away but I was going to miss him. I was going to need him and he wasn’t going to be here. I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t let him know that I was dying inside thinking of dealing with this without him. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive without his arms around me. But if I said that just once he wouldn’t go. So all I could do was love him. I would love him as hard and long as he would let me.
* * *
The dawn was coming through the window as I lay wrapped up in Cage’s arms on the small mattress. I hadn’t slept. He had fallen asleep after we had made love in the shower for the third time. That had been two hours ago. All I could do was watch him sleep. He would be leaving today. I wanted to enjoy having him hold me. Letting him walk away today was going to be hard. I couldn’t cry. If I did he would stay. I couldn’t say it was going to be hard or he would stay. I had to be strong. I had to pretend until he was gone. Then I could go to my room and fall apart.
His dark hair was getting long. It had been a few months since he’d cut it. The natural curl that showed up when he let it get too long was sexy. He hated it but I loved it. His long dark eyelashes curled up against his cheeks. I smiled to myself thinking about the first day I laid eyes on him. I’
d thought he was gorgeous. I’d also thought he was a loser. How wrong I’d been.
Cage York had proved to be everything I wanted in life. I just hoped letting him go was the right thing to do. I was positive it was but there was that small fear that I could lose him. He was perfect. Women flocked to him. I wouldn’t be there on his arm. They’d come after him. I knew he loved me and I knew he’d never hurt me but still I worried. What if he accidentally met someone else and fell in love? What if missing me became too much?
No. I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t. I had to trust us. Trust him. My focus had to be on Daddy. I wanted to make as many memories with my daddy as I could.
“Mine,” Cage mumbled in his sleep pulling me closer to him. Even in his sleep he knew what I needed. I kissed his chin and smiled. “Yes, I’m yours.”
CAGE
Eva walked out to my car with me. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Leaving her. Fuck this felt wrong. But she’d woken me up and made love to me one more time this morning promising me that we’d be okay. That this was what she wanted what we needed.
I’d packed up the few things I had here and I was going to go back to the apartment and get my other things before I headed north. How was I gonna sleep tonight without her?
“Don’t make me do this,” I begged when we got to the car.
“We have to. Remember, this is for us,” she said squeezing my hand.
“Call Low if you need something. She’ll be here. She promised me she’d be by to check on you often. Marcus too. He said anything you need to call them.” I had called Low this morning while Eva took her shower. She’d talked me off a ledge because I was really close to breaking down. Low had heard the anxiety in my voice and walked me through why this was what we had to do. She’d agreed with Eva.
“I know. I’ll call them. I promise,” she assured me. I knew she had Jeremy but I needed to know she had Low too. I trusted Marcus and Low to protect her. To take care of her if she needed something. Jeremy I wasn’t so sure about. He’d wanted to ditch her before.
“You call me too. I’ll be back. I’ll jump on a plane. I swear I will. It’s a forty minute flight.”
“I know,” she said, hugging me to her. “I love you so much. Please drive careful. Call me when you get there. I will want to hear all about it. Everything.”
We were gonna do all this together. The idea of doing it without her was fucking with my head. “I’ll call you so damn much you’re gonna think you were there.”
She laughed and looked up at me. “Good.”
I gazed down into her blue eyes and drank her in. Those pretty blue eyes had sunk me the first time I looked into them. We’d made it through so much already. We were stronger than we had been ten months ago. Our relationship was secure. We were secure in each other. My fears were pointless. We would be okay.
“I could leave tomorrow,” I said hoping she’d give me one more night in her arms.
“We’d only think about your leaving all day today. It would make things even harder. You have to get in that car and drive.”
I cupped her face in both my hands then bent down to kiss her sweet mouth one more time. She grabbed my arms and held on tight while our tongues tangled desperately. Pulling back I pressed a kiss to each of her cheek bones then her nose. “I’ll be back a week from Saturday.” Because I couldn’t stay gone longer than two weeks.
“You can’t come back that soon. You need more time to get things settled there.”
“Don’t push it beautiful. You want me to go, I’m going. But I’ll be damned if I stay away longer than necessary.”
She laughed and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in thirteen days then.”
That helped some. Thirteen days. I could do thirteen days.
“Go, Cage,” Eva said backing away and pushing me gently toward the card door. I took a deep breath and got into the car before I could grab her again.
“I love you! Be careful!” she called out as I started to close the door.
“I love you more. And you be careful,” I replied.
She backed away and I closed the door. This was it. I was leaving her.
She waved and smiled at me. Damn I didn’t want to go.
I forced the car into reverse and blew her one last kiss before I drove away from that white farmhouse that held my world.
Chapter Seven
EVA
I had made it an entire week without Cage. Putting all my attention on my daddy had helped me not think about it too much. I convinced Daddy to go with me to see the new Superman movie that was playing. Then we’d drove up to his hunting camp for two nights and rode four-wheelers and gone fishing together.
Jeremy had been working long hours everyday and I was trying to step in and help. Give Daddy less to do and also I was able to keep an eye on him without him thinking that I’m hovering. Jeremy waited until Daddy went to bed each night and then we’d walk outside and sit on the swing and talk. It helped more than I think he realized. I needed to talk about it and although Cage called everyday I didn’t want to make our talks all about me and my issues. I wanted him to tell me all about his new apartment and his coach. He was spending time with his new teammates and he really seemed to like the school. I was happy for him and for those hours that we spent talking each night I was able to escape.
He always asked me about Daddy and things here but I was vague. I left those talks to Jeremy. He was here living it with me. He knew what was going on and I didn’t mind telling him my worries. Cage would hate that if he knew but I wanted him to enjoy his summer at Tennessee. I didn’t want to ruin this for him.
Tonight Jeremy wasn’t going to be around to talk to though. He’d said during dinner that he was going home to change then head out to Becca Lynn’s lake. Apparently she was having a party down there. I hadn’t been to one of those since last summer. I also hadn’t seen much of Becca Lynn since last summer. She hadn’t come around much. Jeremy said that he’d told Becca about my dad and he didn’t think she knew what to say to me. I wasn’t real surprised.
I put the last dish from dinner in the dishwasher and dried my hands off. I’d go down to the swing by myself tonight. It would give me time to cry. Daddy had thrown up again today. I’d seen him bent over down by the lake. Jeremy had seen him too and told me not to go. Daddy didn’t want me to see him like that. So, I’d stayed there helpless. I had wanted to cry but I hadn’t. Now I could.
The night breeze lifted my hair as I stepped out onto the porch. I loved the smell of the summertime on the farm. Except maybe with the breeze came from the North. Because then the smell of cow manure took over. Tonight the breeze was a south wind and I could almost smell the ocean.
Walking down to the swing my heart ached when I looked over at the barn. It reminded me of Cage. I missed him terribly. He would call tonight. He always did. We would talk for a couple of hours. Most of the time until I fell asleep on him.
The moonlight was bright tonight so sitting out here alone on the swing wasn’t that bad. The tears I’d fought all day didn’t come once I got out there alone and settled.
“Got room for one more?” I jumped startled by Jeremy’s voice. I hadn’t heard him walk up.
“Jeremy? What are you doing here?” I asked scooting over so he could sit down.
“I was headed to the lake but I couldn’t do it. I kept picturing you sitting out here on this swing alone and well my truck turned around all on its own and here I am.”
He was doing it again. He was giving up his life to hold my hand. It’s what he did when Josh died. He was starting early this time. “Go to that party. Go find a girl and skinny-dip. Don’t sit here with me. I’m fine.”
“I thought about it but well... I realized I’d really rather be here sitting with you.”
I wasn’t sure what to think about that comment. I knew Jeremy loved me. I knew he cared about me but as a friend. I wasn’t someone he held any deeper emotions for. So why did that sound so odd? Why would he want
to be here with me when he could be skinny dipping with someone else?
“I don’t want you giving up everything again for me. You did that once already. Not again,” I told him in a stern voice.
He chuckled and leaned back in the swing. “Not giving up anything. I just like your company over the crowd that will be at the lake. I think I outgrew them.”
Now that I understood. I’d outgrown them too.
“Is today the first time you’ve seen Daddy get sick like that since the last time it happened. The day of his doctor’s appointment?” I had to know. I wanted to be prepared.
Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, it is and I’ve been watching him close. Momma wants y’all to come over for dinner one day next week. If you’ve forgiven her about what she said about Cage. She admits she was upset about it and that she was wrong. She’s real sorry and wants to apologize to you in person.”
Jeremy’s momma, Mrs. Elaine, had said some ugly things about Cage. She’d stepped in when it wasn’t her business. But I believed in forgiveness. Life was too short.
“I love your mother, Jeremy. Of course I forgive her. I’d love to have dinner over at your house. I know Daddy would too.”
“Good. I’ll tell her and she can stop harping on it. She’s been asking for a week now and I keep lying to her about it.”
I glanced over at him and he grinned. “I was waiting until I felt like you were ready for that.”
I started to reply when my phone dinged. I glanced down to see a text message from Cage.
I’ll be out late tonight. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you.
That was weird. No call or explanation.
“What’s wrong?” Jeremy asked.
I didn’t want him to see this. I wanted to think about it alone. It bothered me but I wasn’t sure why or if it should. Cage didn’t have to call me every night. He probably was going to spend time with his new friends. That was okay. It was what he needed to do. I didn’t want him to feel alone there. He needed people to spend time with. It was selfish of me to think otherwise.
