by Abbi Glines
I had never been able to bring myself to touch him in any way other than with a friendly hug or pat. “I know,” I agreed.
“I want that. You’ve had it. I’ve seen it and I want it too. You’re amazing. Finding someone who can compare to you will be hard, but I want that heat. I want that desire. Someone told me once that I needed to find the girl who makes me feel complete. . . in every way.”
I wanted that for him too. “Yes, you do.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring I’d tried to put on all day and couldn’t bring myself to. “I’d sell this one and save my money for that girl. But whatever you do, don’t give her this ring. If she ever found out I had it first, she just might beat your ass,” I teased as I handed it back to him.
He laughed as he took it from me. “Yeah. Good idea. I’ll remember that.”
We stood there a moment and stared at each other, unsure of what to say next.
“I have cookie dough ice cream in the fridge. You want a bowl?” I asked. “We can walk down to the swing and eat it.” I wanted that friendship back. I wasn’t going to let an awkwardness settle between us.
“Bowl? Hell girl, get the carton and two spoons. We don’t need no stinking bowls.”
We were going to be okay. I smiled as a weight was lifted from my chest. This was right.
* * *
Jeremy had brought a quilt that I’d left folded on the sofa with him. We covered up on the swing, and I let him hold the carton because it was too cold on the outside for me. My hands couldn’t handle it.
“You thought about Christmas yet? If you want a tree, I’ll cut you one down. Just say the word.”
I hadn’t thought too much about Christmas. Last year Cage and I had come over and had lunch with Daddy. He hadn’t done much decorating. I always did the decorating. This year I’d be spending it without Daddy and Cage. My heart wasn’t really in the spirit. “I don’t know. I’ll get back to you on that.”
Jeremy took another spoonful of ice cream from the carton. “You always loved Christmas, Eva. Shame to stop loving it now.”
He was right. Next year I’d have Bliss. I wanted to make it special for her. But this year. . . I just wasn’t sure I could. It was just me. “I won’t stop loving it. I just may take a year break from it.”
Jeremy shot me an amused grin. “You can’t take a break from Christmas. It’s coming with or without you.”
He wanted to see me happy again and I understood that. I just wasn’t really ready for happy just yet. “Watch me,” I shot back, and put another bite in my mouth.
We sat there for a few moments without talking. My thoughts had gone to Cage and if he was headed home this weekend. I wondered if he would call and ask about Bliss.
“Do you think that they can see us?” Jeremy asked, and I looked around for someone who he might be referring to. “I mean, your parents and Josh. Do you think they can still see us? Would this make them happy, seeing us like this? Still living life.”
Jeremy didn’t normally get real deep. I was surprised he’d thought about that or even asked me. I had thought about it many times in the past. I had liked to think my momma was watching me when I grew up. Then Josh when I’d found Cage. I hoped he saw that I’d found happiness again. But now, I wasn’t sure I wanted them to see me. I wasn’t exactly doing anything for them to be proud of. I wasn’t in school. I wasn’t married nor was I getting married, and I was going to be a single mom. I had also used my best friend as a crutch.
“Right now, Jeremy, I really hope they can’t. I don’t think they’d be happy with my choices.”
Jeremy reached over and patted my knee. “I think you’re wrong. I think they’d be proud of the strong person you’ve become. I think they’d be proud that although you’ve been through more grief and loss than one person deserves, you’re still finding reasons to smile. I also think you’re gonna be the best damn momma the world has ever known. And they’ll be so proud of that.”
A tear rolled down my cheek and I wondered if he was right. I really hoped he was.
CAGE
I almost broke down and went to her house Saturday after Jeremy called to tell me he had talked to her and they’d ended things. But I didn’t. I was giving her time to adjust. Time to think about it before I showed back up on Monday morning. Jeremy also informed me that she wasn’t expecting me on Monday. She was sure I had headed back to school.
When I pulled into her driveway at six Monday morning, I couldn’t keep from smiling. She was free. She had nothing to feel guilty about the next time I touched her. And she wasn’t expecting me. This was gonna be a good day.
My phone dinged in my lap and I looked down to see a text from Jeremy.
Not coming for the next three days. I’m headed to the hunting camp. See you Thursday.
Either he was giving us time alone, which I would need to thank him for, or he was testing me to see if I was really in this. I was still proving myself, but it had only been a week. I expected no less.
I walked by the porch and glanced at the door. Then I stopped. Eva was standing there behind the screen, staring at me. She was wearing a pair of my boxer shorts and a long-sleeved thermal shirt. Her hair was messy. She’d just woken up.
“Morning, sweetheart.”
She opened the door and stepped outside, and I saw the tube socks that she had on her feet. Damn, she looked cute. “You’re back,” she said, staring at me like she wasn’t sure yet if she was awake.
“Yeah. I am. Where else would I be?” I replied with a wink. “You got some coffee brewing yet?” I asked, making a move toward the steps.
“I can. . . I can make some real quick,” she said slowly while she still studied me carefully.
“That’d be nice, if you don’t mind. It’s cold out here, and although you look sexy as hell in my boxer shorts, your legs have got to be cold.”
“Oh,” she said, backing up as I walked past her nice and slow. When my legs brushed hers, she shivered a little and I fought reaching out and grabbing her. I had to take this slow. She needed to know I was there for the long haul.
I walked into the dark kitchen and tuned the light on. “Hope I didn’t wake you,” I said as I turned around to look at her. She was still staring at me, but she closed the door and hurried over to the coffeepot when I caught her.
“No, I was awake. Didn’t sleep good last night,” she explained.
“Why? You aren’t scared here alone, are you? I’ll sleep in the barn if it would make you feel better at night.” I didn’t like her not being able to sleep.
She blinked her eyes several times as if I was going to disappear if she kept blinking them. As much fun as it was to watch her try and figure this out, I was starting to feel sorry for her. I didn’t like playing with her head.
“I’m really here. I’m not leaving. I’ll be back the next day and the next. So stop waiting for me to vanish. You’re very awake.”
Her cheeks turned a bright pink, and she ducked her head and went back to fixing the coffee. “What do you mean you’ll be back? When do you leave for school?” she asked without looking at me. She kept her attention on making the coffee.
“I hate it there. I’m home to stay.” That was all she needed to know right now.
She turned around and crossed her arms over her chest, and I was silently thankful because she wasn’t wearing a bra and I could see her nipples real damn good through that white shirt. It was too snug fitting. “You hate it? That was your dream.”
“Yeah, it was once. But dreams change. Fate has a way of showing you paths you want more.”
Eva was still frowning. “But you had a scholarship.”
“And I’ll get a college loan now. I’d rather have a loan than fuck up my life.”
Eva reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I could see the moment she realized her hair was still a mess. I had been enjoying seeing her like this, but I could tell by the look in her eyes she wasn’t happy about it.
She didn’t reply. She spun around and got a thermos out of the cabinet and set it on the counter. “Are you gonna. . . Are you gonna work here then? I mean, did Jeremy hire you last week and not tell me? ’Cause he. . . I don’t know if he will still be working here long. I’m gonna be looking for more help soon. But then if you want a job and you want to work here, I don’t mind. It’s just, I don’t know what you’re thinking.” She stopped rambling. I had been enjoying it.
“I’d love a job. I need one, even. I was gonna work without pay, though. I just want to be close to you.”
She straightened her shoulders and dropped her hands, which was a real bad idea because her tits were right there again and, damn, had they gotten bigger? “Why?”
“Why?” I repeated, afraid I’d missed something else she said. I was having hard time concentrating. Her boobs were bigger. Holy hell. Was this a pregnancy thing?
“Yes, why do you want to be near me?” she asked.
I knew I needed to take it slow. I tore my eyes off her breasts and looked at her perplexed face. How could she not know? I loved her completely. “Being near you completes me. It makes me happy. I fucked up and I lost you. I don’t expect to ever get you back. I don’t deserve you. But I want to be near you. That’s why.”
She blinked several times and took a deep breath, which really didn’t help the fact she was braless in a snug-fitting white shirt. “Oh. I’m going to. . . I need to go. Help yourself to the coffee,” she said, and hurried past me and back to the stairs that led to her room. I stood there as I listened to her feet pad up the stairs before I moved toward the coffeepot.
I wasn’t sure I’d get that breakfast now, but that was okay. She needed time. I’d just said something she hadn’t been prepared for. I wanted her to think about it. I also wanted her to put on a bra.
Chapter Twenty
EVA
Jeremy had gone hunting. I hated him. He’d done this on purpose. He had known Cage was coming back. He knew it all weekend and didn’t tell me. I was punching him in the nose when I saw him next. I’d made an idiot out of myself downstairs. I’d thought my lack of sleep was causing me to hallucinate when I saw Cage drive up that morning. Then he’d come inside and he’d. . . I reached up and cupped my tender boobs. They ached all the time these days. They always felt swollen. Then when Cage had started staring at them, I swear they were tingling and causing the area between my legs to tingle too. I’d had to go up to my room and calm down.
I’d given in Saturday night and eased the ache that thinking about Cage always caused. I hadn’t let myself do it while I was engaged to Jeremy. It just felt wrong. But taking cold showers was painful in the winter. I much preferred an orgasm. Even one that I have to give myself. I had plenty Cage moments to replay in my mind to get me off. Sitting up in my room and watching him load the truck had given me more inspiration. He’d stared hard at my boobs. I’d seen the look in his eyes, and just remembering it made my body come alive. Just to have him touch me again.
My nipples were so tender now. Having him look at them helped produce a much better orgasm than the one I’d had on Saturday night. I wondered what would happen if he touched them. I squeezed my legs together and tried hard to push that thought away. It would only send me back to my bed with my hand down my panties. I had to get control of that. Cage was just more than my body could handle.
He wanted to stay. He wanted to be close to me. He wasn’t asking for anything else. I didn’t understand. Why would he stay here and work for free just to be near me if he didn’t think we could ever have what we once had? He had hurt me. He had done things that there was no excuse for, and I was terrified to trust him. But I wanted him here. I wanted to see his sexy smile. I wanted to see him look at me with need in his eyes. I also missed him. I enjoyed talking to him, however, brief our conversations might have been.
I stepped away from the window. He needed to eat something, and I wanted to talk to him again. Alone. Without Jeremy here. Maybe his going hunting wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Besides, Cage thought I was still engaged. He wouldn’t do anything he shouldn’t. Which was good because I wasn’t sure I could tell him no.
* * *
Once I had biscuits and eggs ready, I called his phone for the first time in six months.
“Hello,” he answered on the first ring.
“Breakfast is ready,” I replied.
“I’ll be there in a second,” he said before he ended the call.
I could have texted him. I knew that. I had just wanted to call him. To hear his voice. The pleased sound when he’d said he would be here in a minute had been worth it.
I had fried up sausage that morning instead of bacon, and the eggs were an added touch I didn’t normally take time to make. Yes, I was going overboard, but I wouldn’t think too hard about that. I didn’t have Jeremy there to notice, and so I did what I wanted without judgment.
Cage opened the door and stepped inside. I turned just in time to see him pull off his cap and hang it beside the door. He flashed me a grin. The kind that made my panties wet. Yes, that kind. I was pretty sure he knew it too.
“Damn, baby, I get eggs today too? And sausage? What’d I do right?” he asked with a teasing glint in his eyes as he pulled out his chair then looked at me. “You’re eating too,” he said. It wasn’t a question. He reached over and pulled out the chair beside him. I sat down and let him push me in. Then he sat down and went to fixing my plate.
I let him do that every morning. It wasn’t something I wanted to think too hard about. At least I hadn’t. But was it right? Did it make me weak and needy?
“Why do you do that?” I asked as he set my plate in front of me.
“What? Fix your plate?”
I nodded
“Because I like taking care of you” was his simple reply before he went to fixing his plate. I wanted to ask him why again, but he had already told me how he felt this morning. I wasn’t going to keep making him say it. I had a hard time believing he loved me. I’d seen the pictures and the video. They were forever etched in my brain.
I took a bite of my sausage and waited a minute. Right on cue, Bliss started to move. I reached over for Cage’s hand. “When I eat, she moves,” I told him. He stopped eating and gave my stomach his complete attention. I took another bite and watched as Cage held my stomach as if he were holding something as fragile as an actual baby. He reached for the bottom of my shirt and his blue eyes lifted to mine. “Can I?” he asked. I had been prepared for that.
I nodded.
He slipped his hands under my shirt and, just like before, my body trembled from the contact. “Eat,” he said with a grin.
I did as I was told and watched as Bliss started moving under his hands. His fingers splayed out over my skin, and when she’d stop moving, he would start touching me in a way that sent my pregnancy hormones into overdrive. I forced food into my mouth to keep his hands still. The times when Bliss wasn’t moving was when his caresses started getting to me. Bliss moved and his hands moved with her. When she stopped, his thumbs were just under my breasts. If he moved them at all, they would brush the underside of my bra. I held my breath. I wasn’t sure I could keep from making a noise if he did.
“Eva?” he asked. His voice had dropped to a low husky whisper.
“Hmmm?” was all I could say.
“If I move my thumbs and you whimper one more time, I’m not real sure I can be good. I’m trying, sweetheart, but you’re making these noises and I am slowly losing it.”
Oh! I jolted back. I hadn’t known I was making noises. How had I been making noises? I pushed my chair back and I stood up. “I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry,” I managed to croak out before I escaped to my room again for the second time in one morning.
CAGE
My invisible fairy was back. A sandwich miraculously appeared on the tailgate with a bag of chips and a thermos full of sweet te
a around lunchtime. She was hiding. I probably shouldn’t have said anything about the little noises she was making, but damn if I was about to do something she wasn’t ready for. I was trying to save myself from screwing things up. Now she was hiding from me. I hated for her to hide from me.
I had decided I’d let her hide today. Give her a day to get over it. But tomorrow I wasn’t going to let it slide. I hated that she felt like she had to hide from me. I’d almost forgotten how skittish Eva could be. I glanced back one more time before heading to my car. Her door was closed, and I wondered if she would sleep okay tonight. She hadn’t taken me up on my offer to sleep in the barn.
I had the door to the car open when I heard the screen door slam shut. I turned around, and Eva was standing on the porch, watching me. What do I do with that? Hell, it was hard.
“I’m finished up. I’ll be back in the morning,” I called out to her.
“Okay. Thank you. I’ll see you then,” she replied. Then she started twisting a lock of hair around her finger and biting her lip. That meant something was bothering her and she didn’t know what to do about it. Or how to tell me.
I closed my car door and walked closer to the porch. “What’s wrong, Eva?”
“Where are you going?” she asked. That wasn’t what I’d been expecting.
“Home. Why? You need something?”
She looked back at the house and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to stay here by myself with Jeremy gone. I normally sleep with my phone beside my bed and his number pulled up so all I have to do is press call.”
Looked like I was staying there. I would not smile. I would not. But damn, I wanted to. “I got an extra pair of sweats and a T-shirt in my car. Let me grab them and then I’ll head out to the barn. Go on inside and relax. I’m not going anywhere.”
She didn’t move. I went back to the car and got my things. Eva was still standing on the porch when I walked back her way. And she was still biting her lip and twirling her hair.
“What’s wrong? You’re still doing that thing with your hair and your lip,” I said.
