by Aristophanes
The action of Frogs, put simply, is as follows. Dionysus attempts a descent to Hades (the underworld) to fetch Euripides from the dead. His motives are twofold: first, he simply adores Euripidean tragedy; secondly, he means to save tragedy. There are, he complains, no good tragedians left. Later in the play Dionysus’ grounds for choosing a poet changes, as he declares that he needs a poet to save the city. It is on this basis that we are given some indication that Dionysus will choose Aeschylus. The play is divided into two halves. The second half is taken up entirely with the contest for the throne of tragedy in Hades. The first half loosely imitates a type of mythological story known as katabasis, in which a journey is taken by a hero down to the underworld to rescue, or steal, something or someone. The best-known examples are Orpheus’ unsuccessful rescue of Eurydice, Heracles’ descent to fetch Cerberus and the (failed) attempt by Theseus and Pirithous to abduct Persephone; Frogs contains allusions to both of these myths. Dionysus’ journey to Hades also incorporates a series of stock comic routines – these include the disguise as Heracles; the opening porter scene; the double act with dim-witted master and clever slave; the competitive scene between Dionysus and the Frog-Chorus; the costume swapping scene between Dionysus and Xanthias; the scene with Dionysus and Xanthias being beaten onstage – that collectively comprise a retrospective assessment of Old Comedy itself.
Frogs is the earliest sizeable work of ancient Greek literary criticism. It is, however, difficult to gauge its critical intent, partly because it is comedy first and foremost, and partly because, as a dramatic text, the author’s own voice remains elusive. But while Aeschylus and Euripides make numerous specific criticisms of one another’s work, these do not alter the fact that the fictional situation, with Aeschylus and Euripides competing for the throne of tragedy, implies a positive judgement, on Aristophanes’ part, upon both tragedians.
If we were to hypothesize some kind of overall artistic purpose behind Frogs, reductive as such an idea undoubtedly is, it might be twofold. First, the play seems to canonize Aeschylus, Euripides and Sophocles as the greatest exponents of tragedy. While Aeschylus wins the contest, it is Euripides whom Dionysus quotes with greater familiarity and relish; Sophocles, meanwhile, whenever he is mentioned, is also shown as eminently worthy of competing for the throne of tragedy. Secondly, Frogs both analyses and exemplifies what is best about Old Comedy (to Aristophanes’ mind, at any rate). And the fact that Aristophanes’ play is able to encompass within its own action a tragic contest between Aeschylus and Euripides seems to imply mischievously that Old Comedy is superior to its more ‘serious’ generic rival.
CHARACTERS
DIONYSUS, patron god of drama
XANTHIAS, his slave
HERACLES
A CORPSE
CHARON, aged ferryman of the dead
AEACUS, doorkeeper of Hades
MAID to Persephone (queen of the underworld)
TWO LANDLADIES
SLAVE, elderly servant to Pluto
EURIPIDES, the tragedian
AESCHYLUS, the tragedian
PLUTO, god of the underworld
MAIN CHORUS OF INITIATES
SUBSIDIARY CHORUS OF FROGS
Silent Characters
A CASTANET-GIRL
CORPSE BEARERS, SLAVES, DANCING-GIRLS, THE DISTINGUISHED DEAD, etc.
ACT ONE
Scene 1: The action begins at ground level before the house of HERACLES but then moves to the underworld (Hades), ending up before the palace of PLUTO.
[Enter DIONYSUS and his slave XANTHIAS. DIONYSUS, though a god, is presented as a paunchy middle-aged man. He wears a yellow robe, which is appropriate for the Dionysiac festival but feminine in appearance, and buskins.1 The overall look is effeminate but he also wears a lion-skin over the robe and carries a large club. All of this amounts to a readily recognizable attempt by DIONYSUS to disguise himself as HERACLES. He is on foot but his slave is riding a donkey. The slave is laden with various pieces of luggage, some of which are suspended from a pole across his shoulders.]
XANTHIAS How about one of the old gags, sir? I can always get a laugh with those.
DIONYSUS All right, only don’t say ‘God, what a heavy load!’ I’ve had enough of that sort of thing already.
XANTHIAS Something a bit wittier then?
DIONYSUS Yes, but don’t start off with ‘Oh, my poor neck!’
XANTHIAS What can I give them, then? Shall I say something really funny?
DIONYSUS By all means. Just don’t shift that pole about and say…
XANTHIAS What?
DIONYSUS… that you need a crap.
XANTHIAS
How about this then:
‘If nobody will take away my pack,
10 I’ll fart so hard it’ll blow off my back.’
DIONYSUS Save that one till I need to throw up.
XANTHIAS Do you mean to say that I’ve been lugging these props around but I’m not allowed to use them to get a laugh? That’s what usually happens. Phrynichus, Lycis, Ameipsias2 – all the popular playwrights do it. The comic porter scene. There’s one in every comedy.3
DIONYSUS Not in this one. Every time I go to a show and have to sit through one of those scintillating routines, I come away more than a year older.
20 XANTHIAS Oh, my poor neck! And all for nothing.
DIONYSUS Anyway, it’s an absolute outrage that I, Dionysus, son of Juice,4 have to struggle along on foot while this spoilt brat is allowed to ride so that he won’t tire himself out with the luggage.
XANTHIAS That’s rich. I am carrying the luggage, aren’t I?
DIONYSUS Of course you’re not, you’re riding.
XANTHIAS I’m carrying luggage all the same.
DIONYSUS I don’t get it.
XANTHIAS That’s because I’ve got it. And, believe me, it weighs a ton.
DIONYSUS But the donkey’s carrying everything.
30 XANTHIAS Oh, is he? You tell my shoulders that!
DIONYSUS If the donkey’s so little use to you, why don’t you change places with him?
XANTHIAS Oh, for god’s sake! If only I’d been in that sea-battle, I’d be a free man now.5 And if I got my hands on you…
DIONYSUS Come on, get down off that beast. Here we are, if I’m not mistaken. This is our first port of call. You see, I’ve walked the whole way.
[While XANTHIAS extricates himself and the luggage from the donkey, DIONYSUS approaches the front door and knocks tentatively. There is no response.]
Hullo there! Slave! Open up!
[Still no response, DIONYSUS strikes the door loudly with his club.]
HERACLES [within] Who strikes my door? Some centaur, no doubt!
[The door opens and HERACLES appears. He stares at DIONYSUS in amazement.]
What… who…?
[Laughing hysterically, he collapses to the floor.]
DIONYSUS Slave!
XANTHIAS What?
DIONYSUS Did you notice?
40 XANTHIAS Notice what?
DIONYSUS How I frightened him.
XANTHIAS Mistook you for a lunatic, I expect.
HERACLES Oh, by Demeter, I can’t stop laughing. [He struggles to his feet and starts to head back into the house.]
DIONYSUS Come back a minute, my good man, there’s something I want to ask you.
HERACLES [returning] Sorry, friend, I couldn’t help it. A lion-skin over a yellow negligee! What’s going on? Why the high-heel boots? Why the club? What’s your regiment?6
DIONYSUS Well, it’s like this. I climbed aboard Cleisthenes’7 vessel…
HERACLES Saw a bit of action, I expect, one way or another.
50 DIONYSUS We sank twelve enemy ships. Or was it thirteen?
HERACLES Just the two of you?
DIONYSUS Of course.
XANTHIAS Then I woke up.
DIONYSUS As I was saying, I was on the ship one day – I was reading the Andromeda8 at the time – when I felt this sudden urge, you wouldn’t believe how strong…
HERACLES A big urge?
DIONYSUS Yes, Molon’s size.9
HERACLES For a woman?
DIONYSUS No, no.
HERACLES A boy?
DIONYSUS Certainly not!
HERACLES A man, then?
DIONYSUS Please!10
HERACLES You did say Cleisthenes was a friend of yours.
DIONYSUS Don’t tease me, this is serious. I’m in a terrible way. I’m consumed with desire.
60 HERACLES What sort of desire, little brother?11
DIONYSUS You wouldn’t understand. Let me put it this way. Have you ever felt a sudden craving for… pea soup?
HERACLES Are you serious? When do I not have a craving for pea soup?
DIONYSUS Are you with me, or should I give another example?
HERACLES Pea soup will do nicely. I understand perfectly.
DIONYSUS Well, that’s the kind of desire I have for… Euripides.
HERACLES Euripides! But he’s… dead!
DIONYSUS Even so. No one on earth can stop me from going to find him.
HERACLES What, down to Hades?
70 DIONYSUS Deeper still, if need be.
HERACLES To what end?
DIONYSUS I need a poet who can really write. Nowadays it seems like ‘many are gone, and those that live are bad’.12
HERACLES What about Sophocles’ son, Iophon?13
DIONYSUS He’s the only decent one left, and I’m not even sure how good he is.
HERACLES Why not bring back Sophocles rather than Euripides, if you must fetch one of them?
DIONYSUS Not until I’ve seen how Iophon manages without
80 his father’s help. Besides, Euripides will be readier to sneak away with me; he’s a much more slippery customer.14 Sophocles, on the other hand – well, he always took life in his stride,15 and he’s probably taking death the same way.
HERACLES What about Agathon?16
DIONYSUS He’s gone! He too has left me! A good poet, much missed by all his friends.
HERACLES Gone where?
DIONYSUS To the banquets of the Blest – specially laid on by the king of Macedon.17
HERACLES Well, what about Xenocles?
DIONYSUS To hell with Xenocles!
HERACLES Pythangelus?18
XANTHIAS Never a word about me. Look at my poor shoulder, it’ll never be the same again.
HERACLES Surely there are dozens of young tragedians these
90 days churning out plays by the thousand. If it’s verbiage you’re after, they leave Euripides for dust.
DIONYSUS Small fry, I assure you – insignificant squeakers, twittering like a choir of swallows.19 A disgrace to their calling. If they’re ever actually granted a chorus, they piss all over the art of tragedy, and then you never hear of them again. I defy you to find a genuine poet among the whole lot of them: one who can coin a memorable line.
HERACLES What do you mean, genuine?
DIONYSUS One who can produce something truly original, like
100 Ether, bedsit of Zeus’,20 or ‘the tread of Time’,21 or that bit about the tongue being allowed to perjure itself when the heart is not committed.22
HERACLES You actually like that sort of thing?
DIONYSUS I love it!
HERACLES But that stuff’s all drivel, you must see that.
DIONYSUS ‘Seek not within my mind to dwell’, as the poet says, ‘you have your own.’23
HERACLES What’s more, it’s positively harmful.
DIONYSUS When I want advice about food, I’ll come to you. Meanwhile…
XANTHIAS Never a word about me.
DIONYSUS To get to the point – I see you’re looking at my
110 lion-skin. I took the liberty, seeing as you travelled in those parts when you went to fetch Cerberus – well, I was wondering if you could give me a few tips, you know, any useful contacts down there: where you get the boat, how to find the best restaurants, bakeries, boozers, knocking shops… and which places have the fewest creepy-crawlies.
XANTHIAS I might as well not exist.
HERACLES You’re not seriously planning to go down there, are you? You’re mad!
DIONYSUS Never mind that, just give me a simple answer: what’s the quickest way to Hades? I want a route that’s not too warm and not too cold.
120 HERACLES Let me see now. You could go via rope and scaffold, if you don’t mind hanging around for a bit.
DIONYSUS It would be a pain in the neck.
HERACLES Well, there’s the ‘executive route’ via pestle and mortar.
DIONYSUS You mean hemlock?
HERACLES That’s right.
DIONYSUS Now you’re giving me cold feet!24
HERACLES You want a way that just goes straight down?
DIONYSUS Exactly. I’m not much of a walker.
HERACLES A runner, eh? Well, you know the tower in the Potter’s Quarter?
DIONYSUS Yes.
130 HERACLES Just go and wait on top of that.
DIONYSUS Then what?
HERACLES Watch the start of the torch race,25 and when they shout ‘One, two, three, go!’ – well, off you go.
DIONYSUS Where to?
HERACLES The bottom.
DIONYSUS No, no! Just think – all that brain pudding. Not that way.
HERACLES Which way then?
DIONYSUS The way you went.
HERACLES That’s a long trip. First you come to a great bottomless lake.
DIONYSUS How do I get across?
HERACLES There’s an old ferryman who’ll take you across in
140 a tiny boat, about so big, for two obols.26
DIONYSUS Amazing what you can do with two obols! How did they make their way down there?
HERACLES Theseus introduced the idea.27 Anyway, after that you come to the snakes and the wild beasts – thousands of them, all terrifying.
DIONYSUS It’s no good trying to scare me off.
HERACLES Then you come to the Great Mire of Filth and the Eternal Stream of Dung. You’ll find some pretty unsavoury characters wallowing in there: people who have wronged a guest, or had a pretty boy and failed to pay him, or knocked
150 their mothers about, or punched their fathers on the jaw, or committed perjury, or copied out a speech by Morsimus28 –
DIONYSUS Not to mention anyone who’s learnt that war-dance by Cinesias.29
HERACLES After that you’ll hear the sound of flute-playing and you’ll come out into brilliant daylight, just like up here. Further on you’ll see plantations of myrtle, and happy bands of revellers, men and women, dancing and clapping their hands and so on.
DIONYSUS And who are they?
HERACLES People initiated into the rites of the Mysteries30 –
XANTHIAS Well, I’m going to stand up for my mystic rights,
160 and have a sit down. [He starts to lay down his various burdens.]
HERACLES They’ll tell you anything you need to know; they’re right on the road to Pluto’s palace. Well, goodbye, brother, and the best of luck.
DIONYSUS And to you too.
[Exit HERACLES.]
[To XANTHIAS] Now, pick up that baggage, and let’s get going.
XANTHIAS But I haven’t even put it all down yet! [He looks for the donkey but it has gone.]
DIONYSUS Look sharp!
XANTHIAS Come on, have a heart! Why not hire a corpse on his way to the grave to take your things down with him.
DIONYSUS Supposing he won’t?
XANTHIAS Then I’ll do it.
DIONYSUS All right.
[A CORPSE appears being carried in slow procession across the stage.]
170 Look, here’s one now. I’ll ask him. Er – hello, excuse me!
Yes, you there! Corpse!
[The BEARERS come to a halt. The CORPSE sits up with a jerk.]
How would you like to take my baggage to hell?
CORPSE How many pieces?
DIONYSUS Just these.
CORPSE That’ll be two drachmas.31
; DIONYSUS What? That’s far too much!
CORPSE Bearers, proceed!
DIONYSUS Hey, wait a minute! Can’t we come to some arrangement?
CORPSE Two drachmas up front, or no deal.
DIONYSUS [counting his change] I’ve got… nine obols. What do you say?
CORPSE I’d sooner live again! [He lies down again with a jerk.]
XANTHIAS Well, of all the stuck-up people. I hope he comes to a bad end. All right, sir, load me up again.
[DIONYSUS helps him with his bags, and they move on.]
DIONYSUS You’re a good lad. Now, where’s this ferryboat?
180 CHARON [offstage] Heave, ho! Heave, ho!
[The stage grows darker and eerier.]
XANTHIAS Where are we?
DIONYSUS This must be the lake he was talking about, and – look, here comes the boat.
[CHARON comes into view propelling a small boat on wheels.]
XANTHIAS That must be Charon.
DIONYSUS Charon! [No response.] Charon! Charon!! [No response.] It seems that Charon couldn’t care less.32
CHARON Who wants respite from toil and trouble? Anyone for Lethe, Oblivion, Perdition or the Dogs?
DIONYSUS Yes, me.
CHARON Get aboard, quickly.
DIONYSUS Where do you stop? Can I really go to Hell?
CHARON You can as far as I’m concerned. Get in!
DIONYSUS [to XANTHIAS] Come on, then!
190 CHARON I don’t take slaves. Not unless they fought in the sea-battle.
XANTHIAS I was exempted on medical grounds: eye trouble.
CHARON You’ll have to walk round the marsh.
XANTHIAS Where will I find you?
CHARON There’s a resting place just past the Withering Stone.
DIONYSUS Got that?
XANTHIAS The creeps is what I’ve got. It’s not my lucky day. [He tiptoes nervously off into the dark.]
CHARON Sit at the oar. Any other passengers, get a move on. Here, what are you doing?
DIONYSUS Sitting on the oar, like you said.
200 CHARON I didn’t say on the oar, fatso! This is where you sit, on the cross-bench.
DIONYSUS Like this?
CHARON Yes. Now stretch your arms forward and take hold of the oar.
