Taking a deep breath, she dialed his number from memory, and she waited.
Ethan answered on the second ring.
“Elizabeth?”
“Ethan, can we talk?” she asked. “Are you too busy?”
He looked around the room full of people who answered to him. Instead of telling them to leave, he stood.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have to take this call from my wife. It’s important. Start the budgetary meeting without me. Ginny, take notes on anything that needs my attention. I’ll handle it later when I’m free.”
He was back.
“I’m clear. What’s up?”
She heard what he’d just said. “If you need to be there I can…”
He stopped her.
That wasn’t happening again.
Blackhawk wanted his wife to know what she meant to him.
She was all.
“I need to be with you. I’m just biding my time until I can get the hell out of here.”
“I got your present.”
His heart skipped. “Did you read it?”
“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first. What is it?” she asked.
“It’s a progression of my therapy with Doctor Gaines. She wanted me to write down everything I was feeling from the start of my therapy. I wanted you to have it. I wanted you to see that I’m trying to be the man you deserve. I’m fighting harder than I ever have in all of my life.”
She thought about the story Callen had just told her.
She ran her fingers over it.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much that I’m broken inside over all of this. I need you to know that my love for you is still there. I didn’t stop feeling anything, Ethan.”
Ethan’s heart skipped as he took a seat behind the desk in his private office.
He needed to hear those words.
For the last four weeks, he could see her slipping through his fingers.
Goodbye love.
Goodbye marriage.
Goodbye family.
It had terrorized him.
It shook him out of that mindless state and made him realize what was on the line. He was so damn close to losing everything he cared about.
Everything he’d found.
Everything he’d fought so hard to find.
“Baby, I love you more than I can tell you. Being away from you…”
She stopped him.
While she wanted to hear him profess his love, she needed something entirely different. She was beyond that.
“You’re going to get better, right?”
He paused for a brief second.
“I need you to see me. Is there a tablet there?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Pull it out and ping me. I want you to ask me that as you see my eyes. I want you to see that I’m not lying and to see how serious I am about this.”
She pulled it out and waited.
His handsome face appeared on the tablet, and it stole her breath. It made her want to weep at the exotic mix of Native and Caucasian bloodlines. There were the sharp angular cheekbones, the prominent nose and brow, punctuated with the blue-black eyes.
“Ask again.”
“You’re going to get better, right?” she inquired a second time, as she focused on his face.
He didn’t bat an eyelash.
“Yes. I am going to be the man I once was, and I’m going to find my way back to you.”
Elizabeth knew he was being honest. She could read him like a book.
“You’re going to get your temper under control, right?”
“Yes.”
Again, he didn’t lie.
She was struck once more by his appearance. His hair was loose, and it was growing out. It was already past his shoulders, and it was shocking that he’d not pulled it back. That was so unlike him.
“Anything else?” he asked.
“You haven’t had an affair, have you?”
There was no hesitation.
“Never. I don’t want anyone but you. I don’t know how to make you see that. Please don’t buy into the media, Elizabeth. I wouldn’t cheat on you.”
His eyes filled with tears.
Hers did too.
“But you thought I did cheat on you?” she asked. Then she watched as he ran his hands roughly over his face in frustration. She got it.
She was feeling it too.
“Ethan?”
He sighed.
“Yes?”
“That’s broken my heart the most,” she admitted when he didn’t answer her question.
Ethan could see that.
“I know what they are saying, Elizabeth. I know how they’re painting this picture of me being some womanizing maniac, but it’s not true. I haven’t touched a single woman. There’s no one in my bed but the dogs. Me and your dogs are all that’s left in our home.”
She hurt for him, but he’d told her to leave.
She couldn’t stay and be verbally abused by his anger.
“Then why do you think I could cheat on you?” she asked again. “I think I deserve that answer.”
She did.
Ethan watched as she wiped her eyes. He hated that he’d made her cry. It killed a piece of him.
Doctor Gaines told him he had to be honest with her even when his first instinct was to back down and hide it all away. There was no way their marriage would stand on a crumbling foundation of lies and anger.
“I assumed you did because you’re too good for me.”
That wasn’t what she was expecting. In fact, it caught her off guard.
“What? Why do you think that?” she asked, watching his eyes. They were the windows to his soul, and they could tell you everything you needed to know about a person.
He continued, “You’re beautiful, you’re smart, and I’m only Deputy Director because I have the right plumbing. If you had a dick, Elizabeth, you’d be doing this job. If you were a man…this would be your office.”
Yeah, no, it wouldn’t be.
Hell would freeze over first.
“Except I wouldn’t want that job if my life depended on it. The job swallows you whole. I just want my husband back. I’d never cheat on you. You’re the first man I was genuinely and madly in love with in my life. I never wanted to marry anyone before you. We both know I was asked. I turned him down.”
She was referring to Dakota Rakin.
He was aware but there would always be that fear. His wife was a prize, and he knew it. Take away the outer package, and she was still stunning on the inside. She was smart, feisty, and compassionate.
They were hard traits to find in other women.
“I look at you, and I don’t understand why you’re with me, Elizabeth. That’s always been a secret worry of mine. I wake up wondering when you’re going to get sick of the Indian and cut your losses.”
“Never, because my children are half-Native, Ethan. I don’t run, and I certainly don’t look at your ethnicity as anything other than a gift. Your genetics gave me one hell of a package. You’re handsome, smart, and you made me happy until you got mad.”
“You left.”
“You told me to leave.”
“I know what I said, but normally, you fight. You dig your heels in. I figured you’d toss some angry words back at me, tell me to kiss your ass, and then we’d work on it. I didn’t think you’d ever leave me, and now I’m scared shitless because I can’t figure out how to get you back. I miss my family,” Ethan admitted. “When I come, I’ll leave my badge. I’m quitting. I want to be with you.”
She wouldn’t stop him.
She couldn’t carry Ethan’s choices. Hers were heavy enough.
“If that’s what you want, so be it. I do want to tell you that I’m thinking of coming back to work.”
“Then I’ll sit home and build doll houses for a living. If my job hurts us, I’d rather not do it.”
She didn’t believe that for a second. Their issue was the sam
e one. The FBI silenced the demons. He had to use his brain or he’d go nuts too.
“There are three weeks’ worth of entries in that journal. All I want is for you to read them. Maybe you’ll see inside me. You’ll understand what battle is raging in my head.”
“Okay, Ethan.”
“I love you so much, Elizabeth. I’ll cut my heart out for you. I’ll die if you ask. I can’t be me without my wife. I don’t care about the power anymore. I only care about you.”
She believed him.
For the first time in a long time, some of the pressure alleviated from her heart.
“Remember that first day you came to my home?” she asked, thinking back.
He laughed. “Yeah, how could I forget. I was scared shitless you were in a relationship and would laugh at me if I hit on you.”
She remembered seeing him on her porch. He’d been so damn handsome.
He still was.
“I want to start over, Ethan. I want a new life.”
He stared at her.
It took a second to compose himself.
“Am I in it?” he asked.
“Can you stop the anger? I don’t want to live on eggshells anymore. I don’t want our family to explode. Chris is here, Ethan.”
“I know.”
“He’s not leaving.”
“I don’t want him to leave.”
“You want me to accept you as you are, Ethan, but you never accepted me for who I am.”
Was that true?
Had he done the opposite of what he thought he’d done? If so, she deserved to be angry.
“Baby.”
“It’s true. I accepted your past. When you told me you’d been arrested, that you’d stolen cars, been in the system, and had a troubled youth, I didn’t push you away. I loved you even more because you fought it and won. You beat those demons back.”
He listened.
“I was proud of how hard you’d worked, but I know that you don’t accept my past.”
“I’m sorry.”
“My past was just as bad as yours. I didn’t steal cars, but I’ve crossed a few lines too.”
She meant ‘The Butcher’.
“You’re right. I didn’t, and I’m paying for that being away from you.”
“If you come back in three weeks, I want a fresh start. Unless you can change and meet me half way, don’t come back.”
His heart thumped.
“Elizabeth.”
“I mean it. I have to stand my ground. We have children who look up to you and mimic your actions. Your temper is scary, and if you want me, us, in your life, then you have to change you.”
“And?”
“That’s all I ask of you.”
“I am going to change. I’m already moving in that direction,” he vowed.
Then she’d have to wait for him to get there. It was on his time now.
Not hers.
“I’m going to go read.”
He wiped his eyes.
He’d never felt so helpless in his life.
“Give me a chance.”
Elizabeth couldn’t go easy on him. What he did had hurt, and it had ramifications in their life. The family was fractured, and they were scattered.
“Come home when you’re better, Ethan.”
“Are you coming back to the FBI?” he asked.
“It depends on my husband. Can we work together and not be married? Can you see me and know you’re not part of my life? Are you up to being a single parent?”
All of those questions made him sick.
“No. I can’t do any of that. You’ll always be my wife, Elizabeth. I won’t sign papers. I won’t give you up easily.”
Her heart skipped.
“You’re mine. I have very little in my life, but you’re at the top of the list. I fought tooth and nail to find you, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you go.”
There was no anger there.
She stared at him.
“That was a test, wasn’t it?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I hated that.”
“Me too.”
“Are you divorcing me?” he asked. “I need an answer so I can figure out what to do next.”
“I don’t know, Ethan. I can’t work there with you, and we both know it. I can’t come back. I don’t want to hurt you if you don’t change.”
She wouldn’t kick a dog when it was down.
“I will change,” he stated. There was no doubt in his mind he’d do it.
This was for her.
For their kids.
For him.
“I’m rooting for you, Ethan. I won’t call again. We need this time to be ready for what’s coming.”
His heart skipped. “Please don’t shut me out.”
She had no choice.
If she read that journal, she’d cave. She’d let him get away with murder, and who would that benefit? This was about taking a stand. Ethan had started the battle, and he had to finish it.
“If after three weeks, you still love me and want to be with me, come home.”
He didn’t speak.
“And if I want to come home earlier?”
“You can always go home, Ethan. When you’re ready, I’ll be ready too.”
He only hoped that was true.
“I love you,” he stated.
“I love you, too, and I always will,” she vowed. “Fix you, so we can fix us.”
With that, she blew him a kiss into the tablet camera and disconnected the call.
Now it was about waiting.
Would he?
Won’t he?
She was tired of playing the game. The clock was ticking, and she needed to get her life back on track. She was still Elizabeth, even without him.
Opening the journal, she read the first page.
It was the letter she’d left him.
Verbatim.
He’d copied it into the journal.
Then she read the second letter.
‘Elizabeth,
I’m writing you today to have an honest conversation with you. It’s not one born in anger, jealousy, or frustration. I’m simply lost without you. I come home every night, and I’m forced to smell your perfume, hear the echoes of your laughter, and I’m broken.
Sending you away was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I was a fool. I gave up the best thing that ever happened to me. It was all because I got sucked into the power, the prestige, and the excitement.
Only, it wasn’t what I wanted.
You’re that one gift that I want to lock in my heart and cherish. Without you, I’m lost. I’m broken. I’m nothing. I have horrible nightmares of you falling out of my reach, lost to me forever, and I can’t shake them.
I screwed up. I pray you can forgive me because only then can I forgive myself.
I’ll think about you all night and pretend you still love me like I cherish you.
I love you.
Ethan.’
She wiped the tears from her eyes and closed the book. She was going to read one message a day. She was going to use his words, his therapy, and his emotions to heal her.
He’d come back.
After reading that, there was no doubt in her mind.
Now she had to get ready for his return. Elizabeth had faith, and she was going to get through this storm.
“CALLEN!” she called.
He came running.
“Are you okay?” he asked, noticing the tears.
“Yeah, I’m good. I just finished talking to Ethan, but I want something.”
“What?” he asked.
“I have a hankering for a country fair.”
He stared at her. “Really?”
“Get your boots on. Have you ever square-danced?” she asked.
“Um, no. Do I have to learn? An Indian wearing plaid is a horrible idea.”
She laughed, knowing what he was trying to do.
Her Callen.
Her laughter.
/>
“I think you’ll look sexy in it. Maybe you can wear a couple of braids. I love a man with braids.”
He didn’t hesitate to do that to his hair.
She laughed even more.
“You’re easy.”
He snorted. “Hell, yeah, I am.”
“I hope you’re easy while we’re dancing.”
“Are you serious?” he asked, finishing a braid.
She grinned.
“Yes. I’m going to teach you. Bring the camera. We have some memories to make, and to share with Ethan.”
Callen smiled.
For that, he’d wear plaid. To know she was going to help heal his brother from Salem, he’d do anything she asked.
He scooped her up and tossed her over his shoulder. The journal caught his eye, and he felt peace.
The end of this nightmare was coming.
He’d bet on it.
Chapter One
Three Weeks Later
H e’d done his job, and he’d done it well.
For the last six weeks, six days, and fifteen hours, he’d covered for Gabe and held the FBI in check. He’d weathered the professional storm, keeping his cool, running it like the Director of the FBI, and making it count.
Now, he was done.
Finished.
He was emotionally empty and physically drained.
Ethan had to sacrifice going after his wife in order to keep his promise to Gabriel Rothschild. When his wife walked away, leaving her rings, their marriage, and his mistakes behind, Ethan couldn’t follow.
He’d had to make a choice.
He’d chosen his integrity. Now that it was over, he could regroup.
It was time.
As Gabe returned to work that morning, Ethan would be on the first flight to Salem, and all he could hope was his wife would take him back.
That she still loved him.
That she hadn’t forgotten him.
After everything they’d been through in six beautiful years, he prayed she loved him even a little bit. At this point, he’d take the crumbs. He’d sent her a journal, trying to share the emotions locked inside him.
He was horrible at sharing, but this was his way of giving her a look inside his broken, shattered soul.
He hoped it would work.
Honestly, Ethan would take anything she handed him.
He’d suffered without them by his side. The anger, that once filled him, had been replaced by something so much worse.
Revenge has Come (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 19) Page 3
