Shaking my head, I finally turned to him. He watched me intently, those green eyes of his locked onto me without fail. “What about him?” I glanced at Chris again. He watched us way too closely. “How did he feel about you finagling your way in?”
“He didn’t give a damn.” The smirk faded away. “Why are you asking so many questions about Chris?”
“Curiosity.”
His jaw flexed. “You lookin’ to move on from me already, darlin’?”
“Because I need another man like you bossing me around, thinking he owns me?” I asked, snorting. “Thanks, but no thanks. I was just curious. That’s all.”
“He’s not—” His phone buzzed, and he glanced down at it. His brows lowered, and he pushed off the stool, grabbing his glass. “Speaking of Chris, I gotta go talk to him.” He walked away without giving me another glance, his attention fixed on his phone.
I knew, then, in that moment, that he would do the same thing when this was all said and done. That he’d walk away from me . . .
And never look back.
CHAPTER 23
LUCAS
A few hours later, the bar was empty, minus me, Chris, and Heidi. She kept eyeing me up like she was planning on hauling me outside before ensuring I met a gruesome end. I’d annoyed her earlier, apparently.
Not a huge shocker.
I never had been good at understanding women, which was why I generally avoided them unless we were naked and not speaking at all. But there was no avoiding Heidi. I’d tried. It was like trying not to breathe or blink. If she was near me, it was inevitable I’d seek her out.
But I’d been trying my damn best not to.
I’d even tried to be a dick to her for a few hours, but the thing was—it wasn’t working. And I didn’t really want it to. I liked her. I didn’t want to be a dick. For some reason, it mattered to me that she liked me, too, and that only made me even more of a selfish prick than I already was. I should be pushing her away so she’d run.
Instead, I was too busy making sure she liked me.
Asshole.
Besides, I must have misjudged Heidi when I’d decided she’d run if I was a dick. She wouldn’t.
Chris came over to me. “I’m going to head out. You two good to make it across the street alive?”
“I think I can manage,” I said dryly. “Thanks for doing me a solid, man. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, I know. I rock.” He clapped me on the back harder than necessary. “I’ll see you tomorrow night for the ride to Tate’s.”
I glanced at the kitchen door. Heidi hadn’t come back out yet. “I didn’t tell Heidi about the party, or Tate’s request that she come, so don’t bring it up in front of her. If she knows he wants her there, she’ll insist on coming, and I don’t want her within ten miles of that house—or Scotty.”
“Uh . . . about that . . .” Chris rocked back on his heels. “I might have already mentioned the dinner. And that Tate wanted her to come. I told her I’d see her tomorrow night because I was planning on riding with both of you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I rubbed my temples and leaned against the wall. “I’m gonna punch you so hard in the nuts that you won’t be able to fuck for a week.” I growled and tightened my hands into fists.
Chris held his hands up and stepped back. “Okay, okay. Sorry. But how was I supposed to know you didn’t want her to come?”
“Why the hell would I want Heidi to come with me to Tate’s?”
Chris glanced over my shoulder, cleared his throat, and tugged on his collar. I knew without looking that Heidi stood behind me and had heard my last sentence. “Uh . . . and that’s my cue to leave. Nice seeing you again, Heidi.”
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. Looking over my shoulder, I said, “Hey, darlin’,” with a fake-ass grin on my face. “Have I mentioned how pretty you look tonight in those shorts?”
She didn’t answer me. Instead she walked Chris to the door. “Thanks for coming.”
I couldn’t hear Chris’s reply, but he glanced at me one more time before leaving. I didn’t move. Just watched Heidi as she locked the door behind him. We were alone. She leaned her hands on the door and took a deep breath. By the time she turned around, I knew I was in for a fight. The look in her eyes only confirmed it.
“What’s happening tomorrow night at Tate’s?” she asked softly. “And why don’t you want me there?”
“Nothing. And because it’s nothing you would want to go to.” I rubbed the back of my neck and tried my best to look innocent of any possible wrongdoing. I had a strong poker face with everyone else, but with Heidi, I wasn’t any good at it. If she even suspected that her being there would help my case with Tate, it would be impossible to get her to stay home. “It’s just a stupid work party.”
She nodded as if she wasn’t pissed off at all. “And by work party, you mean . . . what? Champagne and lobster? Caviar and mousse? Only the best gourmet treats for the crème de la crème of Boston’s criminal elite?”
It sounded ridiculous when she said it like that, and that was probably the point, but Heidi didn’t know Tate considered himself something of a foodie. The mousse would probably be salmon. “Tate uses these parties to network and build alliances. Half the invitees are probably on some agency’s most-wanted list. You have to practically provide a DNA sample to get past the security, but once you’re inside the house, anything goes.” I cocked a brow. “Everything illicit that you could possibly conjure up. It’ll be there.”
Her cheeks flushed. “Drugs? Murder? Prostitution?”
“Drugs? Sure. Murder? Hopefully not. Girls? Yeah, there’ll be some.” I shrugged. “But not for us. Tate doesn’t mind if we party a little, but bottom line, it’s a business event. The women are for the clients.”
“Oh my God.” She crossed her arms. “Seriously?”
“Don’t worry—I’m not interested in them, or anyone else.” I skimmed my knuckles over her soft cheek. “I only want you.”
She licked her lips and stared up at me, her wide blue eyes locked on me. She looked so soft. So hesitant. As if unsure of her welcome, and that made me feel like even more of a dick, because I’d made her doubt herself by being a prick for a few hours. “Oh . . .”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
She blinked at me, clearly thrown off. “For?”
“Being an asshole.” I pulled her into my arms. “I thought . . . actually, it doesn’t matter why I did it. It was a stupid idea, and you deserve better.”
“I thought you were just in a bad mood.” She softened and rested her hands on my shoulders. “Tell me the truth. Why did you do it?”
“I wanted to scare you away. Send you running with my cash with a few callous remarks.” I rested my forehead on hers, gripping her hips, and breathed in her scent. “It didn’t work, though. It’s so fucking easy for me to be an ass to everyone. Everyone but you.”
A smile lit up her face. “Even if you managed to be the biggest jerk in the world, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. I told you I’m not going anywhere, and I meant it.” She skimmed her fingers over my jaw. I could barely feel her touch, but it soothed the beast inside me. “I’m not leaving till this thing is over.”
What she meant by this thing, I didn’t know. But I wasn’t about to ask. It wouldn’t be fair of me. Not when I was standing at the entrance of the Valley of Death. And something inside of me, deep, deep down, below all the anger and knowledge, believed her. That scared the shit out of me.
Not trusting myself to speak, I let go of her, walked to the door, unlocked it, and motioned her through it. She wore short denim shorts, a tight sweater, and a pair of knee-high boots, so like usual, she shivered as soon as she stepped outside, even though it was slightly warmer tonight.
Shrugging my jacket off, I tossed it over her shoulders without speaking.
We walked home in silence, and after I checked that the apartment was clear, I walked right back out. I wasn’t going to push her
away by being a dick anymore, but that didn’t mean we’d live happily ever after. Not with my life. She didn’t bother to ask me where I was going, either because she already knew, or because she just didn’t give a damn. Either way, it didn’t matter.
Switching the light on, I walked into the garage and eyed the cars waiting to be repaired. Rotating my aching shoulders and wincing at the pain in my arm, I walked over to the Camaro in the corner and read the file. All it needed was a routine oil change. Perfect. That’s about all I could handle with one lame arm.
Rolling my sleeves up, I tried to force everything that was upsetting me to the back of my mind. That’s why I did this. Working with my hands made my mind clear, and it soothed me. Like Heidi with her music—
Damn it, could I spend one fucking moment without thinking about her and her damn smile and bright blue eyes and fresh, clean peach scent? Part of me—a very, very small part that I’d deny till I was blue in the face if anyone ever asked me about it—wished I’d taken Heidi up on her offer the other night.
I almost wished we could run away together.
Take the money, find the quaintest, smallest town in America, and start over. One with a zero point nine-nine percent crime ratio. She could open another bar, and I could open up a legit mechanic shop. Live life on the right side of the tracks for once, and see how it felt. With her by my side . . .
I had a feeling it would feel really nice.
Sweat rolled down, stinging my eyes, and I cranked the torque too hard. Straightening, I swiped my forearm across my forehead and let out a low curse. The image of Heidi’s blue eyes flashed in front of me, and I tossed the rag aside. Working on cars wasn’t quieting my mind tonight. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
I was still avoiding thinking about Scotty and his attempts to kill me, but Heidi hadn’t left my mind yet. I didn’t know what to do about that, damn it. Or what it meant. Shaking my head, I sat on the hood of the Benz behind me with a groan. I could still hear little Scotty’s laugh as I chased him around Ma’s house.
He’d always worn that damn Batman cape, and I’d always been delegated to don Robin’s tights. I’d hated Robin. But I’d worn them for him anyway.
And now he wanted to kill me.
Life was too short to mess with this shit, but it was also too short to ignore the one thing that was staring me in the face: Heidi was upstairs, waiting for me, and I was downstairs pretending I didn’t need to go up there because I didn’t want to want her.
Admitting I did made me weak. It’s what I’d been told my whole life. What I’d told myself. But now, with Heidi in my life, I found myself questioning those values.
Questioning everything.
Tossing the torque wrench aside, I walked away from an unfinished car for the first time ever. Someone else could fix it tomorrow, and that someone wouldn’t be me.
Shutting the lights off, I headed up the stairs and tossed the apartment door open, scanning the room for any signs of life. The living room was dark, and so was the kitchen, but the bedroom light was still on.
I could see it shining underneath the crack of the door.
Without breaking stride, I threw open the door. She lay in the bed, a book in her hand, and jumped when I came barging in. “Lucas? What the—?”
“I want you.” I took her book out of her hands and set it down, being careful not to lose her page. Then I threw the covers back and crawled on top of her, right where I belonged. All she had on was a baggy shirt and a pair of satin underwear, and she managed to make that sexy as hell. She immediately closed her legs around my waist. “But even more than that? I need you, sweetheart. I fucking need you.”
She didn’t hesitate. Didn’t shy away. Instead, she cradled my face and smiled up at me. “So take me. I’m all yours.”
Groaning, I melded my mouth to hers, taking what she offered me so freely. The second our lips met, it was as if everything else faded away. The worry. The pain. The betrayal. My whole life—it just went away until all I felt and knew was Heidi.
She was my life, in that moment.
And nothing had ever felt more right.
Her tongue slipped over mine, and she let out one of those sexy-ass moans I loved so much. And it felt like home. I’d found a home. It wasn’t a building or a town or even a room. It was her. And I didn’t want to leave it.
Rolling my hips against hers, I slipped my hands under her loose shirt and cupped her breasts, running my thumbs over her hard nipples. I could feel her wet heat pushing against my cock, demanding more without words. She writhed beneath me, making small noises, and dragged her hands down my back until she cupped my ass. Everything inside me answered to her cries and her movements.
Everything.
Breaking off the kiss, I buried my face in her neck, letting her peach scent wash over me, and tenderly kissed the spot where her pulse beat, fast and strong. At the same time, I thrust my hips against hers, cursing the clothes we hadn’t yet removed. I hadn’t lied or exaggerated. I needed her. But even as I did, I knew it wasn’t right, me needing her like this. It wasn’t fair. “I’m sorry, darlin’. So fucking sorry.”
“I know.” She locked her ankles behind my back, holding me still. “But I need you, too, Lucas. I need you so bad. I . . . I care about you, Lucas. A lot.”
Instead of the surge of satisfaction I’d expected to feel, it felt like she’d shot me and I was bleeding out. She cared about me. Actually cared. What the hell was I doing, making her care whether I lived or died? She didn’t deserve this.
She didn’t deserve any of this.
And I’d remembered that way too fucking late.
“Don’t,” I said, my voice hard and yet still somehow broken. I gripped her hips. “Don’t care.”
“Too late.” She gave me a sad smile. “But don’t worry. I know how this ends. It ends with you leaving, one way or another, and me staying in my bar, doing my thing. This thing we have, it’s not for the long haul, and we both know it. We’re not going to live happily ever after, and that’s just how it’s going to be.”
Everything she said was right. We wouldn’t ride off into the sunset in my car, holding hands and smiling at our bright, sunshiny future. More than likely, this would end with me dead and her crying while identifying me at the morgue . . .
This, right here, was everything I should have never let happen.
Just a few days ago on the Freedom Trail, I’d sworn to myself that I’d never fool myself into thinking that I could have a “normal” life. That I wouldn’t corrupt someone into caring about my dark, blackened soul—and just as important, that I’d never care back.
I was beyond hope in this world. She wasn’t. This was getting too real. Too fast. She didn’t need this shit in her life. Didn’t need me.
“Shit, darlin’,” I managed to say through my suddenly, oddly tight throat. “I’m not gonna be a dick, or try to scare you away, but this thing we have between us? It’s gonna hurt in the end. We both know it.”
Something flashed in her eyes. Pain? Maybe something deeper. Harder. Darker. Whatever it was, it made me want to cling to something that wasn’t meant for me.
My very own happy ending.
She nodded once, her gaze never wavering from mine. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t look away. “So what are you saying? That it should end now?” she asked.
“Yeah. It should.”
She swallowed hard. “What if I don’t want it to?”
“I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.” I kissed her shoulder, my lips lingering. “I don’t want to make you cry.”
“Then don’t.” She buried her hands in my hair and tugged till she had me where she wanted me—nose to nose. “Kiss me instead.”
Shaking my head, I tried to resist, but it was futile. With a groan, I did it. I kissed her again. And this time, I didn’t stop. Heart thumping hard, I yanked her panties off, tossing them over my shoulder, and slid down till my head was between her legs. The second my tongue t
ouched her, she fell apart in my arms. Her thighs trembled, then clamped down on either side of my head as she let out a long guttural moan.
She rocked her hips against my mouth desperately. “Lucas. God, harder. More. Yes.”
Moaning, I dug my fingers into her soft ass cheeks and deepened the intimate kiss, tasting her impending orgasm before it even hit her. Her whole body tensed, she lifted her hips, and she cried out unintelligible words.
She managed to make that hot as hell, too.
As soon as she crested, I dropped her to the mattress, let my pants hit the floor, took care of protection, and thrust into her before she even had time to come back down. She screamed and dug her heels into my lower back, thrashing beneath me, her hot pussy clamping down on me until I was sure I’d died and gone to heaven. And if I had, I never wanted to go back.
The harder I thrust my hips, the more she cried out beneath me, chasing the pleasure I could give her. My own orgasm crept up my balls and into my aching cock, and something unfamiliar, warm and strong, rolled through me, starting somewhere in my chest until it all centered and became something I recognized more . . .
The carnal needs of the flesh.
But even after that familiar need took over, there was still that warm, sinking feeling that after I finished making love to her I’d never be the same again.
And strangely enough?
I was okay with that.
CHAPTER 24
HEIDI
Friday night, I stood outside a huge brick mansion, wearing the fanciest dress I owned, clutching a purse that was so tiny, it was ridiculous to even bother carrying it. I knew that this was a big mistake. A colossal, life-ending, game-changing type of mistake . . . and yet I was going to go ahead and do it anyway.
Dare To Run (The Sons of Steel Row #1) Page 22
