by Stacy Borel
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked quietly.
I shook my head. The driver’s door opened and closed. I lifted my head to see that Dodger had climbed in and was starting the car. His face was set in stone.
“What happened?” Macie asked him.
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get her home.” I saw him pick up his cell phone that he’d left in the cup holder, press a few buttons, and set it back down. I briefly wondered who he was texting but didn’t think much of it.
The drive home was short but quiet. Macie continued stroking her fingers through my hair, calming my nerves, and silently giving me strength. Neither of them asked any questions, but they knew Luke was the one who upset me. I’d tell them about it later, but right now I was thankful for their reticence. I had no doubt Macie was full of questions, but she knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t going to be talking anytime soon. The last time I was this upset was when Mom told me she was pregnant with Sarah. It turned my world upside down, and Macie came over to comfort me. We’d put N’Sync on repeat, and we ate chocolate ice cream well into the night. I didn’t really talk then either, I just drew from the strength and company of my best friend. I had needed to process how this was going to change things for me, how my life was going to be different. Right now was much the same. Luke’s little operation was hurtful. It had hit me to the core. Much of my life I never felt like I was special, like I deserved anything outstanding. Luke asking me out was the first time I really let my guard down and let myself think that I might actually be good enough for someone like him. Someone who was smart, handsome, charismatic, and fun: the fairy tale man. I was nowhere near falling in love with him. But opening up the box that even allowed that idea to penetrate my shell, the sheer thought that we could have had something special, made this hurt all that much worse. I erected walls up around me for a reason.
Pulling into the parking lot of the apartment complex, I sat up and wiped my eyes. Macie gave me a sad but knowing look. I was tired and ready to wash my face and go to sleep. Dodger opened my door and helped me out of the car. I’d slipped my heels off earlier so the ground was rough on my feet. Without even asking, Dodger came up and slid his arms under my knees and around my back, picking me up to carry me. It was a sweet gesture, and one I was grateful for. I rested my cheek on his chest as he climbed the steps and opened my front door. Macie was following behind us carrying my purse, jacket, and shoes. He stood to the side to let Macie in and kicked the door shut behind him. I looked up at him and gave him a tentative smile. It was all I could muster.
A deep scent of sweat and Camden approached from the other side. What on earth? Looking toward the living room, Camden was a few feet away from us and striding toward me. His jaw was set in stone, and I’d never seen him look so angry.
“Tell me everything,” he demanded.
I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND MY REACTION to seeing Camden barreling toward me. It was like I had tunnel vision, and he was all I could see. Everything else around me fell away, and I needed him. I needed to hear his voice and be in his presence. Squirming out of Dodger’s arms, I heard a quiet ‘ooof’ before my feet hit the ground. Oops, I must’ve accidentally elbowed him. I rushed the last few steps to Camden, never taking my eyes off of him. Throwing myself into his arms he caught me and a rush of air blew out of me. I inhaled deeply as I buried my nose in his neck and felt his arms come around me, holding me tightly. He must have just come back from the gym. The musk of his sweat mixed with the laundry detergent we both used permeated off of him. I felt his chest rumbling against my chest, but I blocked everything out. Everything but him. I assumed he was talking to Dodger, but I tuned it all out. I simply went still, letting the warmth of this man seep into my pores, making me feel safe. Why did I need him like this? We had fought only a few hours ago, and I had slapped him across the face. He should be pushing me away and committing me to the loony bin for how I was behaving right now. Except he wasn’t. The look of anger that he held when we walked in the door wasn’t directed at me, it was at the situation. It was meant for Dodger, demanding that he explain what happened. When I rushed to him, his brown eyes softened. In the few short beats before I hit him like a freight train, his look toward me was forgiveness.
“Hold on, Blue,” he murmured in my ear.
I nodded into the crook of his neck and squeezed my arms around him. He picked me up the same way that Dodger did and moved us through the house. I had no idea if Macie and Dodger were still here, and I didn’t really care. All that mattered to me was that, with every breath I took in, it was Camden who was surrounding me. Although I knew that Macie was going to have a load of questions to fire at me later. Not just about the party incident, but also with my whole Scarlett O’Hare I just pulled with Camden.
I felt the subtle jostling as though we were moving up the steps, and I admired the ease in which Camden carried me, as though I didn’t weigh more than a feather. He pushed through a door and walked inside, kicking it shut behind him. Thinking we were in my room, I lifted my head in anticipation that he was going to set me on my bed. But when my eyes adjusted to the dim light filtering through the windows from the street lamp, I noticed we were in Camden’s room instead. I’d never been in his room before. I’d never felt comfortable enough to step foot in here. Even before I signed my lease, I’d only given this room the briefest of glances. I stood there taking in my surroundings after he set me down, wanting nothing more than to walk around and look at every single thing that he obviously felt important enough to display. Camden had stepped away from me to get something from his dresser. When he came back, he held out his hand. He was giving me one of his t-shirts.
“Camden,” I said, my voice scratchy from crying. “My room is across the hall, I can get one of my own shirts to sleep in.”
He shook his head. “Not tonight, Blue. I want you in my clothes and lying in my bed.”
Tentatively I took the shirt from him, swallowing hard. “Could you turn around please?”
The sweet smile he gave melted my heart. It wasn’t his usual smirk or arrogant grin he showed me on a daily basis. This one was kind and compliant. “I’ll actually step out for a minute.”
He walked out, shutting the door behind him. I made quick work of getting the uncomfortable outfit off my body. I threw it on the floor, wishing I could take it downstairs and burn it in the sink or something. I made a promise to myself that I’d never be caught dead wearing something so provocative again. All I did was make a fool of myself. I didn’t belong in clothes like that. I didn’t belong in that frat house like a typical college girl groupie. And I certainly never belonged with a guy like Luke. I chastised myself for thinking that we could have had something. I hated that I made myself believe that he might actually like me. I couldn’t get my mind to wrap around the words that were playing over and over in my head. It was all just a game, a stupid competition that they had every year. But Luke was so believable. None of it made sense to me. It couldn’t have all just been a game for him. He was so tender, and his words were sincere. Or were they? Had I really been that stupid? I sat down on the edge of the bed, my arms resting by my sides, and my hair curtaining my face. My eyes were heavy from crying, and the swirling thoughts were making me dizzy. Every minute that ticked by, I felt more confused and more questions arose. The slight clicking of the door opening and closing alerted me that Camden had reentered the room. I wanted to look up at him, to give him a self-assured smile that reassured him I was okay, but I couldn’t muster one. I just sat there with my head down, wallowing in my thoughts. Camden kneeled down in front of me, and I opened my eyes. His fingers gently lifted my chin, and I noticed the washcloth in his hands.
“Let’s get some of this makeup off,” he said as he gingerly swiped the warm towel across my eyes. I probably looked like a raccoon with all the black.
I chewed on my lip, trying to keep the tears at bay while I let him clean me off. This was a side of Camden I’d never seen before. I was shoc
ked by his compassion. He was always so hard edged, never letting anyone receive this affection from him.
“Why are you being so sweet to me?” I whispered.
He paused and regarded me. His eyes burning into mine. After a few short beats he continued what he was doing. “A girl like you should never cry unless it’s tears of happiness.”
There was no stopping it. A single tear dripped out of my eye and cascaded down my cheek. Camden reached up and brushed it away. “What did I do to be treated this way?”
I knew he understood what I was referring to. “Some guys just don’t understand what they have. And then there’s some that never deserved to have what was standing right in front of them. Luke was never worth the ground you walked on.”
I sniffled and gave a slight smile. “Thank you.”
He tossed the rag into a hamper that was in the corner. “For what?”
“For not saying ‘I told you so.’”
He shook his head. Standing up he tipped his head at me. I scooted back and lay down. His bed was so cozy. The silkiness of his sheets and the soft down of his pillows, I could burrow in this spot and not move for days. He sat down next to me and brushed an errant hair away from my forehead.
“I told you so won’t fix the wrong that was done to you, Keegan.” His eyes were so soft I had to look away.
I nodded. The delicateness of Camden’s fingers grazed down my cheek and to my neck. I closed my eyes and let the feeling sink in. He was touching me as if I were breakable. When I opened them again, he was watching me with a deep regard.
“Tell me what happened.”
Sighing loudly I attempted to detach myself from the situation. I didn’t want to cry about it anymore. Starting from the beginning I told Camden everything. I told him about meeting the three guys, and how they made me feel. I told him about Veronica and how she cornered me outside the bathroom to divulge their little secret. When I’d finally gotten to the part where I stood on the deck and eavesdropped on the conversation about it all being one big competition, I could see every vein in Camden’s neck protruding. His nostrils were flaring, and I knew he was doing whatever he could to dial in the anger he seemed to be feeling. My lip started to quiver when I told him about me finding Dodger and begging him to take me home. Camden turned and situated himself on the bed and lifted the top half of my body to drape over his. He kissed the top of my hair and whispered, “I’ll fucking kill him,” to himself.
“That was pretty much the whole story. I feel pathetic! I should have known better than to believe that I belonged in a place like that and acting like I fit in. That’s not who I am.”
Camden grunted underneath me, and I lifted my head to look at him. “Who are you?” he asked.
With regret I admitted, “I’m the girl who’s always picked last. I’m overweight and act older than my age. I’ve never attempted to fit in with the popular crowd. Growing up with my mother has forced me to live a life beyond my years. Her actions required me to take on the role of mother with Sarah, and I think it prevented me from doing the normal things that kids my age were doing.” I lifted my shoulders and dropped them. “There’s nothing extraordinary about me. But I do care about people, and I love helping them. It’s pretty much why I choose the nursing field.”
He brushed his long fingers through my wavy hair. “You couldn’t be more wrong if it hit you between your beautiful blue eyes. You are extraordinary.”
“How did you know?”
“That you’re extraordinary?”
I shook my head. “No, how did you know about Luke? You warned me about him, so how did you know?”
He stiffened. “Back when I was in school, that frat house was known for doing shit like that. I’d heard of stories of them bringing the most unattractive people they could find to those parties, and they would tease them for entertainment. It’s why I never went when I was invited.”
“But yet you let me go to one knowing full well that it might have been a set-up?” I sat up, my body was half turned toward him while I leaned on my arm.
“No, it wasn’t like that at all. You aren’t anything like what they used to bring in to those parties. You’re smart, funny, stubborn, and drop-dead gorgeous, Keegan. How would I have known that they changed the game?”
“How about the simple fact that they even played games like that? You should have told me. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near that house had I known.”
He clenched his teeth, his jaw was set in stone. “If you want to blame me for how tonight played out, then fine, I’ll take the brunt of it. But don’t think for one second that I think you deserved what happened to you. I would have fucking thrown you over my shoulder and hauled you out of there if I’d known you were a part of their game. Hell I would have tied you up and locked you in my closet and told everyone you were sick if I’d known beforehand. Like I said, I didn’t know that those assholes changed their tactics.” He leaned forward and slid his hand underneath my hair to my neck. “It’s going to stop.”
My pulse picked up at his touch, while confusion settled on my features. “What’s going to stop?”
His eyes became hard, and my tough exterior Camden was back. “I’m going to find every single one of the assholes that had the balls to do this to you, and they are going to wish they’d never joined a fraternity. They’ll be lucky if they are still walking when I’m done with them.”
My eyes widened. “Camden, you can’t go beating up everybody who hurts my feelings.”
“The fuck I can’t. This shit has been going on for years. Maybe someone needs to put the fear of God in them… or rearrange their pretty little faces.” The smile that spread across his lips was scary. “They messed with the wrong girl.”
“I wish you wouldn’t. Fighting doesn’t solve anything.”
“That’s cute, Keegan. You sound like a fucking school counselor.” He smirked. “Luke knows what’s coming for him. I bet he’s shaking in his prissy little boots, and I plan on delivering.”
“Seriously Camden. No. Just leave it alone. I want to forget this night ever happened. Okay? Let. It. Go.”
“Not gonna happen, Blue.”
I laid my head back down on him and shook my head in frustration. Yet another battle I didn’t feel like fighting with him. He chuckled at my resignation. I hated that he felt the need to fight for me. I wasn’t an advocate for using fists. He was right though, Luke better be shaking in his boots. Not only was Camden very capable of taking him on, I was pretty sure I was going to flip my shit if I saw him again. Sighing deep into Camden I buried myself into his side and inhaled his scent again. His need to stand up for me was sweet, but misguided. He’d eventually figure out that there wasn’t much to me but a plain girl who could offer a nice friendship. It pained my heart that I thought so little of myself, but it was what I felt was true. I wanted Camden. I wanted him more than my next breath, but at what expense? Sadness seeped back into me as my eyelids grew so heavy I could no longer keep them open. While I drifted off to sleep, I had the scary thought that I was becoming attached to this man. With all of the passionate fighting and sometimes gentler moments, he had become a source of comfort. The apartment didn’t just feel like home to me, Camden did.
Opening my eyes, I saw that it was still dark outside. Looking at the clock on the bedside table, it was two in the morning. I closed my eyes and stretched my still muscles. The feel of the bed was foreign. Where was I? It dawned on me that I wasn’t in my room. Grabbing the sheet I pulled it up to my chin. The scent of Camden washing over me, I moaned in contentment. I was in his bed, and I’d fallen asleep on him. Except, I glanced around and he wasn’t in the room. Where did he go? Maybe he moved to sleep in my room to give me space. I wouldn’t blame him. First I flung myself at him and bawled my eyes out, then he felt obligated to take care of me. I was the quintessential needy girl. I bet this was why Luke chose me. The events that happened only a few hours ago plowed into me like a Mack truck. The game, their words, Vero
nica, Luke… it was real. He must have sensed my loneliness and zeroed in on me. It was like I was a standing target who was flashing a bright red sign screaming ‘pick me, I’ll be your next victim.’ Tears welled in my eyes, and the sorrow I felt came down around me like a heavy weight. Why me? What did I do in this life to deserve this? I was a decent daughter growing up, and I took care of my little sister like she was my own. I showed up at my job on time and did what was required of me. And academically I was an overachiever. It was like the world was playing a cruel joke on me. Was I so desperate for attention that I missed any warning signs from Luke? At any point did he do anything to indicate that it was all pretend? I wracked my brain to the point of pain. A deep ache was settling in just over my eyes and made me feel queasy. I gave myself to him in every way that I could. I felt so stupid.
So where did Camden fit in to all of this? I was definitely frustrated with him for not telling me about the frat’s history. If he’d known about it, he should have said something, not just warn me away from Luke. I’d thought his only reason for doing that was because he was jealous. What a ridiculous thought. Camden couldn’t be jealous… could he? I knew we had something going on between us, but was it what I thought it was? Clearly my track record with figuring out men wasn’t very on point. But Camden had kissed me, he had pushed me to the brink of orgasm, and touched me like he wanted me just as bad. I couldn’t be that far off base.
