by Nikki Moore
‘Yep, what is it?’ he turned back to the Mac screen.
‘Aimee and Jasper wanted to say good morning.’
‘Sorry. I’m busy.’ He tapped a few buttons and rubbed the back of his neck.
‘I’m sure you can spare a minute.’ She kept her tone light.
‘Not really.’ He replied vaguely, moving the wireless mouse around. ‘I’m in the middle of something.’
She gritted her teeth. What the heck was the matter with him? Where was the kind, light-hearted guy from earlier in the kitchen?
‘They’re not sure you’ll find them to say goodbye before you leave,’ she explained in a gentle voice for the children’s sakes, ‘which I understand happens sometimes?’
As she said it, Aimee dropped her gaze to study the floor and Jasper started jiggling up and down on the spot.
‘Hmmm?’ Matt tapped some keys again.
‘Matt? Matt!’
‘Yes?’ He looked at her over his shoulder, eyes distant.
Maybe he wasn’t being rude, he was just caught up in what he was doing. She chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. ‘I know you’re not saying you don’t have time to say good morning to Aimee and Jasper,’ she stared at him meaningfully, ‘and I’m sure that if you need uninterrupted work time you’ll go to the office.’ She let that giant hint sit there. ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to speak to me about that other thing now,’ she said softly, giving him a way to make this quick, ‘so this will only take a moment. Kids, go and say morning to your dad. Give him a big squeezy hug.’
Jasper stared uncertainly from his big sister to his dad and back to Zoe, who immediately saw the tension in both children’s shoulders. Looking across the room she saw an equal tension in the set of Matt’s arms, and the way his jaw was clenched.
What was going on here? They never hugged? Zoe was utterly shocked, looking at her boss’s closed expression. What kind of family was this, so shut off from one another? And why hadn’t Melody told her how bad things were? They were young children for God’s sakes. They needed warmth, love and affection to build their self-worth, to feel secure and happy. Self-esteem was crucial to their development and the people they would become.
‘No. I mean, we don’t usually…’ Matt started saying, trailing off as Zoe shook her head slightly then nodded at Aimee to show him how his daughter’s chin was tucked tight against her chest, fingers twisting nervously in the hem of her top. She gestured with a small wave at Jasper, bopping up and down, green eyes wide.
Don’t push your children away, can’t you see what you’re doing to them? Zoe tried to communicate what she was thinking to Matt, looking at him with begging but determined eyes. Her tone was firm. ‘We’ll be out of your hair as soon as it’s done. Just a minute, I promise.’
Staring from one child to another, he tapped his fingers on his knee, shoulders hunched over. Zoe could see the pained indecision on his face, but after a brief hesitation while he studied Aimee’s pose, he conceded with a curt nod, face twisting with something she couldn’t peg.
Full of relief, Zoe smiled brightly at Matt and his mouth swung open, looking surprised. Bending over she peered up into Aimee’s face. ‘Go on,’ she encouraged. ‘Your dad’s ready for his hug now.’
Aimee frowned.
‘He is. Come on, look at him. Get to it!’
The girl gave Zoe a look of pure disbelief but cocked her head around her to look at her dad. He crooked his fingers at her, jaw flexing again.
Aimee bit her lip and threw her a look. If this goes wrong, it’s on you.
Zoe smiled bravely. Fair enough.
Shrugging her thin shoulders, Aimee wandered towards her dad, throwing a quick glance at her little brother, who was watching the action with interest, still jiggling away. Matt flushed as his daughter approached him, face still rigid, but moved forward in his chair, normally graceful movements strangely uncoordinated.
They wrapped their arms around each other hesitantly, and it was one of the most awkward hugs Zoe had ever seen, but then something in Matt seemed to unravel and he relaxed, muscular arms tightening around Aimee, eyes closing. He rested his head against her auburn hair, swallowing hard, and then opened his eyes and arms, inviting his son into their little circle.
Jasper sprang across the room like he’d been waiting for years, hurling himself at his dad and sister, his small face full of innocent joy as he snuggled into them. Matt scooped them tighter against his broad chest, closing his eyes again and Zoe melted a little as she saw his love for his kids. Why he wasn’t usually affectionate with them she didn’t know. He was a natural once he loosened up. And why she found him so extraordinarily sexy holding his children, her knickers melting along with her heart, she couldn’t work out. She fanned herself. It was getting hotter inside and outside.
Maybe it was a biological thing programmed in by evolution, the sight of a big, capable tough man protecting his children triggering a need to make more. It might explain why the famous Athena poster of a bare-chested man holding a tiny baby had sold so many millions of copies. God only knew, but whatever it was, she didn’t like the tender feelings racing through her. It was totally and utterly wrong. She started backing toward the door, intent on escape and happy to leave them to their private family moment. Maybe she’d splash her face with cold water to cool down.
‘Kids,’ Matt said huskily as he opened his eyes and saw her exit attempt, ‘can you go into the kitchen and sit at the table? Zoe will be there in a minute.’ He released them, standing up. ‘Close the door on your way out please.’
Oh, crap.
Both children smiled widely at her as they left the room, and Zoe smiled back with pleasure for them but a sinking feeling in her stomach. As soon as the door shut she stepped forward, needing to take control of the situation. Waiting to be bawled out was awful. ‘I’m sorry if I ambushed you, but I had no idea that’s the way things were,’ she was aware her voice was both apologetic and defiant, ‘and really you can’t expect me to let you reject your children by not hugging them and they’re bound to want to see you in the mornings, they’re kids, they need to know you love them. Also how would you feel if you didn’t see them and then something happened to one of them, you’d regret it and—’
‘Whoa! Slow down, Zoe! Wait a minute.’ Matt held up his hands, walking toward her, forest green eyes searching her face. He shook his head and blew out a long, slow breath, gathering his thoughts. ‘Look, I wasn’t pleased at the interruption when you first came in, I’ll admit. When I’m disturbed I find it really hard to get back into whatever I’m working on and sometimes I have to start again, which seems to take twice as long. I guess it comes with being creative. I get so immersed I lose track of myself and what’s going on around me, and then when I’m yanked out of that place I find it jarring. I know that can be difficult for other people to understand,’ he stated. ‘I’ll also admit that I don’t like feeling slightly bullied by you and your steely, don’t mess with me eyes…I mean, at one point I was scared you were going to kill me if I didn’t hug the kids,’ he chuckled, ‘but I can see that you were in a tough position. You weren’t to know that we’re not really the hugging types,’ he trailed off, looking uncertain. ‘When you forced me look at Aimee and I saw…what I saw, well, you were right to insist. But you don’t get to tell me how to raise my children, and there will be some things I won’t give in to,’ he emphasised.
‘It was the right thing to do, and I don’t regret it,’ she defended, ‘but if you feel bullied, I’m sorry. I also accept that you’re their dad and should know what’s best for them.’ Except that for years he’d given them little physical affection and appeared to have kept them at the periphery of his attention. She also knew from Jasper’s chatter at bedtime the night before, that Matt had signed them up for hobbies they detested, like horse-riding, draughts and fencing. So at the moment, she needed convincing that he had their best interests at heart.
‘Why do I feel like there’s an u
nspoken criticism in there somewhere?’ he asked dryly, rubbing a hand through his messy dark hair.
She shrugged, letting him fill the silence. Sometimes you had to let other people do the talking, to realise things for themselves.
‘Look. I love my kids, and I spend a lot of time protecting them,’ he stated. ‘Not everyone shows their love in the same overt way. Everyone’s different. But believe me, I work hard to provide for them and be a positive role model,’ he sucked in his cheeks, ‘I just hadn’t realised how much the lack of affection has affected them. Melody, my last nanny, never said anything about it and she was with us for three years,’ he frowned.
No way was she going to criticise her sister, even if she was wondering the same as Matt. ‘Perhaps she shouldn’t have had to. In any case, as you said, everyone’s different. Maybe she didn’t feel able to bring it up with you. You can be a bit… erm, never mind,’ she raced on when he raised both eyebrows, ‘I’m just more confident than some people. So, when and why did you stop hugging them?’ She gazed at him, wanting to know the story despite the fact that she shouldn’t care.
‘I’m really intrigued as to what I’m a bit of, but won’t hold you to it,’ Matt’s stern mouth quirked up on one side, before his face turned grim. ‘I don’t want to talk about it though Zoe, if you don’t mind. However, I’ll make more of an effort going forward.’ His expression was written with guilt. ‘They both looked so happy.’
‘Well, that’s good, and as long as I’m not in trouble—’
‘Don’t speak too soon,’ he replied. ‘What exactly are you trying to prove with that?’ Pointing at her jacket.
‘Nothing,’ she hitched her chin up, doing her best to pretend she wasn’t incredibly hot and wanted nothing more than to rip the stupid suit off. ‘You said I wouldn’t fit in, that I needed to dress the part so as not to embarrass the children. So I got changed into something smarter, like you said.’
He shook his head, looking impatient. ‘Not a suit! And I told you it wasn’t about embarrassing us. Now go and change.’
She shook her head, even as sweat broke out on her face. He hadn’t even said please.
His mobile started ringing on the desk. Stalking across the office he grabbed it and pressed the end-call button. ‘Shit! I’ve got that meeting soon. Sadie, please come back, all is forgiven.’ He cast both eyes up at the ceiling and joined his hands together in mock prayer. ‘I’m not sure how much more of this I can cope with,’ he said to Zoe. ‘I’m so used to Sadie organising me. I don’t know whether I’m coming and going, and all I want to do is get back into the studio. I just hope she recovers soon and that the hamper I sent helps…But anyway,’ walking back over to Zoe, he threw her a hard look, ‘I’m sorry, but I haven’t got time for this. We both know you’re being a little ridiculous. Please go and change.’
‘I’m fine.’ He was right, but she’d look silly backing down just like that and she didn’t like being bossed around. It made her wonder if this is what he’d been like with Melody the day he threw her out. Her fingers curled into her palms. She couldn’t forget what a bastard he’d been to her sister, even if he did seem to have some redeeming qualities, like wanting to be a good person for his children, and being nice to sick staff and having a sense of humour. Stop it. ‘Really,’ she insisted, ‘I’m fine.’
‘But you won’t be, with the predicted temperature today. I can’t believe you’re serious. You’ll bake if you leave the house.’ He glanced down at his watch, swore and moved away from her to start grabbing things off his desk, throwing his iPad, notepad and a sheaf of paperwork into a messenger bag before looping it across his chest.
‘It’s not that hot,’ she answered.
‘It will be,’ he shot back, stalking back over to her. ‘Come on,’ he stepped closer, eyes narrowing. ‘Look how overheated you got at our interview; ready to fall over from standing on the doorstep too long. You’ll make yourself ill, and then where will my kids be? Take it off.’ Reaching out, he curled a big hand around the jacket collar and tugged her closer.
She froze, smelling his aftershave, far too close to his broad, muscular chest, her body flashing with heat, but not because of the weather this time. She mustn’t sway towards him. Couldn’t ask him to put his fingers down inside her collar, to run them over the tops of her boobs, to—
‘Is this wool?’ he asked in disbelief, testing the material between two fingers.
‘Er—’ she pulled a face. ‘It might be.’
‘It’s the middle of summer. You’re completely insane,’ he joked. ‘Right, that’s it. Take it off. I don’t want to get done at tribunal for not ensuring the health and well-being of my employees.’
‘No!’ She might have given in at that point but quite apart from sticking to her guns, there was a really good reason she didn’t want to remove the jacket in front of him.
‘Yes!’ he insisted. To her shock, he started unbuttoning it, and she wrestled with him, trying to bat him away.
‘Matt, don’t!’ Oh shit, she thought fleetingly. ‘I said don—’
Unfortunately the jacket only had four buttons, his fingers made mega-quick work of them and she stepped back at the same time as he undid the last one.
The jacket flew open, revealing her pale, round breasts encased in a red lacy bra.
‘Bloody hell!’ His breath whooshed out, eyes all but popping out of his head as he took in her cleavage. ‘You’re not wearing a top!’
‘Thank you Captain Obvious, I didn’t know that,’ she muttered, yanking the jacket back together, doing it up with fumbling fingers, face burning as he spun around to give her some privacy. This was so embarrassing, and would probably forever be known as either jacket-gate or bra-gate. Why it had to happen in front of Matt of all people, she didn’t know. It was just her luck. ‘Sorry,’ she thought of how her sarcastic Captain Obvious comment must have sounded, ‘I didn’t mean to be rude.’
‘That’s fine. I’m sorry too. I-I just meant…Bloody hell,’ he repeated. ‘Why?’
‘It is too hot,’ she grimaced. Now the outfit choice looked really stupid. ‘And I didn’t think it would matter that I had nothing on underneath. You can turn around now,’ she said. When he obeyed, it was like he couldn’t quite bring himself to look at her, fixing his eyes on a spot on the wall over her left shoulder. She gazed up at him, seeing the nonplussed expression on his face. For some reason her mouth quirked up on one side. They must have looked like complete idiots during their little struggle, her trying to keep the jacket on, him trying to get her out of it. ‘I wasn’t planning on taking the jacket off,’ she explained, ‘and I didn’t foresee a madman coming along and trying to wrestle me out of it,’ she finished drily.
‘No,’ he conceded, dropping his eyes to her face, ‘I don’t suppose you did.’ For a moment he looked solemn, but then his mouth curved, a spark of warmth in his eyes.
Their gazes connected. There was a silence.
‘It was like a comedy sketch or something,’ he choked out. ‘Your face! I’ve never seen anyone look so panicked!’
She couldn’t help it, grinning back. ‘Well, you can understand why now.’ She gave into laughter, holding her side. ‘We must have looked pretty ridiculous. I mean, imagine if the kids had seen us,’ she snorted.
‘They’d think that we’ve lost it,’ he agreed, laughing. ‘Not a great example to set for them.’
Oh, bugger. The kids. She’d forgotten all about them. It’d never happened to her before. In her other jobs she hadn’t ever neglected her professional responsibilities. ‘Oh, God, they’re alone in the kitchen. I should go.’
‘Yes,’ Matt crossed back to his desk, looking puzzled, ‘me too. That’s right, I have work to do, a meeting to go to.’ He rammed his phone into his jeans pocket, hunting around in the mess of music sheets and other random items. ‘Keys… keys. Argh…bloody things.’
Zoe stood by the door, watching as he cast various papers and a spare tablet around. ‘Um, Matt.’
‘Don’t you put your car keys in the bowl by the door?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘The bowl,’ his head came up and he glanced over at her, face clearing. ‘Yeah, you’re right, I always do. I can’t think why I forgot—’ his green eyes flickered over her chest. ‘I’ve got to go,’ he blurted, racing past her out of the office. ‘See you this evening. Bye kids.’ She heard him yell, followed by the slam of the door and the quiet purr of the Prius rapidly fading into the distance.
Shaking her head at his odd departure, Zoe walked into the kitchen to find Jasper standing by the fridge, face covered in strawberry jam, slices of bread, utensils and bowls littering the floor and work surfaces.
‘I got hungry,’ Jasper explained woefully, staring up at her with an expression on his face that said please don’t tell me off.
Aimee was completely oblivious, head stuck in a thick book of fairytales with line drawings on the cover.
‘That’s okay,’ ruffling Jasper’s hair, Zoe lead him over to the sink and started wiping his hands and face with a damp cloth, ‘it was my fault. I took too long with your dad.’ She blushed as she thought of all the things they could have done if they’d had more time. If when he’d opened her jacket he’d sunk to his knees and buried his face in her cleavage and—
No. Remember why you’re here.
There was no doubt about it, Matt was hot, but her sister came first, she wasn’t letting her down again. Plus, no good came of getting involved on the rebound. ‘Next time come and get me, okay?’ she asked the little boy, shaking her head as she found a clump of red jam in the hair behind his ear. ‘When you want jam, remember it’s supposed to go on something, Jasper. Like toast. Not the floor, or yourself,’ she smiled.
‘Yes, Zoe,’ he nodded.
