So it looks like a cappuccino with extra foam in a flat white cup … lady, just kill me now. Imogen smiled and made the woman the drink she wanted, in the cup she wanted, and made herself a green tea. She’d learnt if she limited the coffee she was less agitated. Less agitated meant she didn’t take things nearly as personally. She was cultivating a zen style of working, Imogen decided, sipping her tea.
‘Do you think you could help me?’ an older man asked, approaching the bar. ‘I’m after a drink, but I don’t know what it’s called. It’s a little sweet, a little bitter, kind of warm with a –’ he paused to make a chewing sound ‘– nom nom nom sort of taste?’
Imogen took a deep breath. Fuck zen. She punched the button for an espresso, and went to list all the drinks on the board that could possibly be described as ‘nom nom nom’.
Chapter Four
‘You know, Immy, we really think things are working out with you. I hope you’re feeling like part of the Bean Team?’ Darrel grinned, ballpoint pen clicking against his cheek. There were four blue dots on his face, and a fairly big gash of ink in the corner of his mouth, but Imogen was so offended by the shortening of her name that she didn’t say anything.
‘I’m really … learning a lot about myself. And rising to a challenge.’ Imogen had started to say she was enjoying it, but lying seemed to be a bad option. She’d said she wouldn’t complain. And it was true; she was enjoying rising to the challenge. She still couldn’t really write, and she was exhausted, and smelled like stale whipped cream and despair at the end of every day, but it was becoming less ghastly.
Most of that was to do with the team. Darrel was hardly ever there, except to do paperwork in the back office, encourage more understanding of the ‘company ethos’ and remind them that the auditors were due. Emanuel was becoming a friend – until he fell in love with a customer just because she’d been in twice in three days, and he suddenly had to expound on why her hair fell across her face like an angel’s.
‘Look at her, there’s something miraculous there,’ he sighed, eyes trained on the girl who sipped delicately at her mocha-sippy-something.
‘Yes, a deep conditioning treatment and absolutely no desire to date the staff,’ Imogen replied, throwing a cloth at him. ‘Save your attentions for someone worthy.’
‘What’s the point in saving the love when there is beauty everywhere to share it with?’ Emanuel raised an eyebrow.
‘You do realise you don’t have to be a cliche just because you’re French, right?’
‘And you realise I’m not French?’ Emanuel shook his head. ‘I’m from Guadeloupe!’
‘Yes, and yet you tell all these silly girls that you’re from France in the hope they’ll suddenly think of Audrey Hepburn and La Vie en Rose, and romance and art … except you’re picking people who are more about Marc Jacobs and Made in Chelsea.’ Imogen sighed. ‘Be more discerning.’
Emanuel shook his head. ‘I never tell them I’m French. They assume. And how do you suggest I look for The One, then? Because as far as I can see, you’ve never even blinked at a customer.’
Imogen twitched her lips thoughtfully, twisting her side-braid around to the other side of her neck, and then washing her hands when she realised what she’d done.
‘Well, there was the guy last week who said he and his wife were looking for a threesome partner, and asked if I knew anyone who’d be interested. I blinked at that.’
‘That’s not what I mean, and you know that very well.’ Emanuel rolled his eyes, setting up a coffee tasting, heating the cafetiere.
‘We’re doing training?’ Imogen asked, smiling. She was quite enjoying the ‘specialism’ of it all, knowing what blends went well with what flavours, what textures, what time of day. Personality type, star sign, bank balance, etc.
‘Yes, don’t change the subject. There’s been no one of interest?’
‘I … I just don’t have the time or energy. By the time I’m done here each day I just want to sit in a quiet room where no one’s asking anything of me. And small talk. I hate small talk.’
‘But the British weather is such an invigorating conversation topic!’ a voice lilted from behind them. Declan. She felt her cheeks warm, and tilted her eyes up to him, flashing a smile.
‘Come to steal more supplies?’ She twitched her mouth. Be clever, Imogen told herself; be relaxed and unimpressed and … nope. Imogen leaned back against the bar, her hand touching the jug of steamed milk. She jumped and yelped, knocking the jug with the milk all over the work area.
Well, that took 45 seconds. Great. She grabbed a cloth, and Declan jumped over the bar to help.
‘No point crying,’ he shrugged, crouching down to stop the drip that was quickly making it’s way under the fridge.
‘Funny.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘It is. Especially when it’s 6 a.m. and you worked sixty hours this week, and some guy comes in asking for a macchiato, but what he really wants is a latte, but instead of realising that, he calls you incompetent and stupid and a pathetic waste of a human existence. Sometimes it’s not the spilled milk that gets you.’ Declan nudged her gently with his arm, and she looked up to find those blue eyes, soft brown lashes framing them.
‘So, how’s your week been?’
‘Broke three cups. Spilled bin juice on me and a customer’s child, because the little shit was playing kiss-chase with his imaginary alpaca or something. Served a senile priest, evil grandma and that guy off X Factor, who was actually really nice.’
‘Soy sugar-free vanilla latte?’ Declan asked, smiling.
‘Yeah!’
‘Have you started seeing people in their drink orders yet? It’s a bit like The Matrix. When you’ve been working here long enough, you don’t see red-head, or brunette, or blonde. You see soya, chai, double espressos. Objects become symbolic.’
Imogen turned to look at him, eyebrow raised.
‘What, I’m meant to be stupid because I work here? I thought you’d know better than that.’ He folded his arms, and though he was smiling, he looked a little disappointed. He stood up, wiping his hands.
‘No, it was just a very deep response to a very normal thing,’ Imogen shrugged, secretly wondering if she had assumed he wasn’t smart. Or maybe it had just been so long since she’d had a decent conversation that wasn’t about Emanuel’s love interests or Agnes’s failed attempts at dieting. And even those weren’t decent, but they were preferable to trying to explain why the prices were what they were, and how that wasn’t her personal decision. She, personally, wasn’t ‘capitalist scum trying to con the everyman’, which was pretty rich coming from someone who was … well, pretty rich.
‘Well, that’s me, deep as a shallow pool,’ Declan laughed, holding her gaze a little too long, until she felt her breath hitch. He stepped back and shrugged.
‘So …’ Imogen exhaled and heard it shake a little. ‘Cups?’
‘Cupholders,’ he shrugged. ‘Sorry.’
Emanuel raised an eyebrow, ‘I find it surprising that your boss has got so much worse at ordering in the last few weeks. Before it was bad, but now it’s like he’s not even thinking.’
‘Seems normal to me,’ Declan said lightly, but glaring at Emanuel.
‘No, it’s definitely been more. We only used to see you once a month, and now, here you are every other day. Isn’t that funny, Imogen?’ A smile played around Emanuel’s mouth as he watched Declan shuffle, putting his hand in his pockets.
‘I don’t know, why would it be funny?’ she said, returning with a bag of cupholders. ‘Do you need this many?’
‘I’m sure he doesn’t,’ Emanuel grinned as Declan’s face reddened.
‘That’s fine,’ he said gruffly. ‘Sorry for bothering you.’
Imogen shrugged. ‘It’s not a bother. Nice to see another member of the resistance.’
He smiled a little, looking at her from under his lashes. ‘Cool.’
Emanuel’s voice cut through again, as he began cleaning the coffe
e machine. ‘We were just talking about the fact that Imogen is a cold-hearted woman who has no interest in love.’
‘Were we?’ she heard her voice shriek a little, ‘because I thought we were talking about your need to stalk any female who comes in here.’
‘No,’ Emanuel’s accent twanged, ‘I believe we were talking about the fact that you are incapable of showing romantic interest in people, and that you should work on that. Go on dates, that sort of thing.’
Emanuel was too casual, and when she chanced a glance at Declan, for some reason he was glaring at Emanuel, too. Maybe this was his thing, being a busybody in other people’s lives.
‘I’m sure I will, when I’m not falling down from exhaustion and staring at blank pages every night, wondering why I thought it was such a good idea to move to London and be a writer.’
‘Well, maybe you need some inspiration?’ Declan ventured awkwardly, rubbing the bristles on his chin. ‘This city is … well, it’s here to inspire. You won’t get anywhere by working here and sitting in your room.’
‘He’s right!’ Emanuel said, delighted. ‘Why don’t you let Declan take you out; he know London very well!’
‘Um –’
‘I –’
‘It’s a wonderful idea, no?’
Imogen could feel herself blushing, but also knew she was glaring at Emanuel. She didn’t need a pity date. It was nice enough for Declan to come in, for her to quietly drool over him until he left, and then wait for her heart rate to return to normal. That was all she needed. That was enjoyable, in a distressing sort of way. Now, he’d feel guilty and obligated, and she didn’t need that.
‘That sounds–’ Declan started, glaring at Emanuel as well, when his phone rang. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes, answering with ‘I’m just picking up cupholders like you asked’. He looked at Emanuel again. ‘I’m on my way.’
He put his phone in his pocket, and picked up the bag. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to run. Apparently I’m taking the ruddy piss, or something. See you guys later.’ He sent a soft smile towards Imogen, and she nodded. Then he was gone.
‘What is WRONG with you?’ she rounded on Emanuel.
‘Sorry, darling, just trying to get you a life,’ he said, shrugging.
‘I have a life!’
‘A love life,’ he turned to serve a customer, leaving her completely irritated.
She didn’t need Emanuel’s broken concept of love. She didn’t need love at all. All the classic fairy stories told her everything she needed to know – the women who would cut their feet in desperation for a chance at a glass slipper and a better life, the abandoned children, the evil stepmothers. Okay, so Babs wasn’t quite in that territory, unless there was a story about ‘irritatingly sweet stepmother equivalents’, but no one talked about the characters’ dreams. No one thought, ‘Holy crap, that princess is going to have to give up her whole life to get dressed up, be presented to the people, pop out royal sprogs, and who the hell cares what she dreamed of doing before?’ Love trapped you. Kept you in one place. Hell, if her dad hadn’t become obsessed with her mum, they never would have lived in Doncaster. Maybe he’d have stayed in London, gone to college like he used to mention. He always wanted to be an accountant. But he met Daisy, and he chased her to Doncaster, and there he stayed, the local butcher for ever more.
Imogen always felt a little uncomfortable about how much her dad loved her mum, watching that unequal level of adoration. If love meant sacrificing every dream you ever worked for, and doing so without a second thought, she didn’t have time for love. Which was exactly what she told Emanuel when he brought the subject up again.
He looked at her with pity. ‘If you don’t have time for love, you don’t have time for life.’
Imogen rolled her eyes. ‘Go play a mentor in a rom-com, why don’t you?’ Then she disappeared to rearrange the stockroom for an hour, just so she didn’t have to listen to him any more.
*****
Imogen thought her little cousin had asked for her address to send her things: letters, birthday cards, care packages with her Auntie’s homemade baklava. Apparently that was naive. When she arrived back from work that afternoon, there was Demi, all blue-streaked hair and leather jacket, sitting on her front step looking miserable, with a rather alarmingly large holdall.
‘How long?’ she sighed, stepping over her to the front step.
‘Just a couple of days.’
They walked up the rickety narrow staircase, Imogen having to open the door and walk all the way through to the kitchen area at the end so that Demi could fit through the door and close it behind her.
‘You do realise this doesn’t actually qualify as a flat?’ Demi heaved her bag onto the bed and looked around.
‘You do realise you weren’t actually invited, and therefore don’t get to say shit,’ Imogen bristled. ‘Also, this is pretty spacious for London.’
Demi looked horrified, and Imogen nodded.
‘Anyway, we’re family,’ Demi shrugged. ‘Su casa es mi casa.’
‘That only works if I say it, Buster.’ Imogen clicked the kettle. ‘So do I need to call Thea so she won’t freak out?’
‘I called them from the train. Said they saw it coming. Plus I’m with family and they can’t get to me, so really they just have to wait ‘til I come home.’
Imogen rolled her eyes, but didn’t disagree.
Demi wrinkled her nose, still looking around. ‘No offence, but could we maybe go out and get a drink or something? This place is making me claustrophobic.’
‘Excuse me.’ Imogen turned the kettle off at the plug and grabbed her handbag. ‘I think you’ll find your presence is making this room claustrophobic. Which I would have mentioned. If you’d called. Running away from home every few weeks is stupid.’
‘I’m twenty-two. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for me to run away from home – I shouldn’t be living there as it is.’ Demi was making a fair point, but it was undercut by the way she crossed her arms and glared from underneath her heavy dark fringe.
Imogen knew better than to press this, and instead ferried her down the stairs and out to the Hope and Anchor, which Demi at least smiled at.
‘This is good,’ she nodded with approval, looking at the teal tiles along one side of the bar, and the framed picture of Winston Churchill, which someone had attached a fluffy moustache to.
When they were slumped opposite each other, and Imogen had had time to take in the scene, she wanted to laugh at how clearly related they were. Demi sat across from her – younger, prettier and more fiery with her blue highlights and nose piercing adding that little edge of rebellion, but they both wore jeans, band t-shirts (The Who and The Velvet Underground respectively), bright hoodies and leather jackets. Except she had a pint of cider and Demi had a Guinness.
‘Go on then,’ Imogen gestured with her pint. ‘Spill.’
Demi leaned forward, hands splayed to tell her story in that Greek way, all backstory and impressions, but she stopped, leaned back and sighed.
‘I’m just not as good a person as you are,’ she said, tracing the rim of her glass with a fingertip. ‘You stayed at home until you were twenty-six. You paid the bills, cooked, looked after your dad, stayed in contact with the family. You never missed a birthday and you were studying and working two jobs!’ Demi shook her head. ‘I can’t seem to be there for either of them. They say I’m selfish, and they’re probably right.’
‘I did it because I had to, Dem. I had no choice. Your dad being sick, well, he’s better now, but your mum is always going to see him as ill. You know what she’s like. It’s almost a competition as to who can love him the most. I don’t blame you for not playing along.’
Demi shrugged. ‘That whole time he was sick they both pushed me away. He didn’t want me to see him weak; she didn’t want to sacrifice any time with him. But now he’s better and things are still … weird. They didn’t want me to leave, but they don’t really want me there, either.’
Imogen sighed. She didn’t really have any insight into her Auntie’s weird ways. But she knew what it was like to watch one parent dedicate themselves wholly to another and get forgotten in the process. How weird that it should happen to her cousin in such a similar way. A small, bitter part of her complained that at least Demi got to keep her dad around. She shook her head.
‘My dad couldn’t survive without me. That’s why I stayed,’ Imogen shrugged. ‘It doesn’t mean I wasn’t planning my big escape that whole time.’
Demi looked up hopefully. ‘Do you think you would have left if Babs hadn’t come along?’
Imogen thought about it. ‘Eventually. But I would have been in my forties and really resented him for it.’
‘You would have left before then, Saint Imogen,’ Demi laughed.
Imogen shrugged, honestly unsure. At the time it felt fated: Babs moving in, hitting her savings target, the promise of the job. It was like the stars had aligned … except that she should have know better than to believe in fairy tales.
‘If it hadn’t been now, it would have been three months from now when I woke up to Chico biting my face. Or over dinner listening to Babs giving me a life lesson on the importance of intimacy in lovemaking.’
Demi choked on her drink, and Imogen just nodded, grinning. As irritated as she was that her cousin had arrived uninvited, it was nice to have family. She hadn’t realised how lonely it had been without the bustling noise of all the cousins, and second-cousins, and third-cousins at their get-togethers.
‘Did you go to Kristina’s baby’s christening?’ she asked Demi, thinking of the hilarious invite she’d received where the child had been photoshopped into a variety of unlikely scenarios. One of them being on board the Death Star.
‘Yup, it looked like a dragon had vomited blue and gold everywhere.’
‘Oh, stop it.’
Demi raised an eyebrow and smirked around her pint. ‘The baby screamed blue murder, then shat in the font.’
Imogen pressed her lips together. ‘… Holy crap?’
If You Don't Know Me by Now Page 3
