by Lough, Loree
“Well, you need any help with her, should she go breach on you, give a holler. I’ve one-armed many a foal birth in my day.”
He’d be hard-pressed to name a rancher who hadn’t aided a horse or cow in the same way. But “Give Mable my best” is what he said before hustling to the sheriff’s office to pick Gardiner’s brain.
Fifteen minutes later, armed with the name of the widow and her Laredo ranch, Josh sent her a telegram, picked up his mail, and headed home. There’d be a family meeting to discuss the cost of purchasing the bull, and if he could talk the other Neville men into it, he would suggest that they offer the widow seven hundred dollars and let him make the trip to cut the deal. He sure could use the time it’d take to get there and back to puzzle out what he should do about “Dinah Theodore”—if she were still there when he returned.
31
It’s a good deal, I tell you.”
Matthew Neville rested his chin atop steepled hands. “I’m not quibbling about the bull’s value, son. It’s the price that concerns me.” He looked to his younger brothers for support.
Mark, perched on one corner of the big mahogany desk, spoke up first. “I’m of the same mind as your boy. We need insurance, and a strong line of Angus will give it to us.”
John nodded. “And going in there blind, Josh has to be prepared to top all offers.”
Then it was Luke’s turn. “We could get lucky. Maybe Josh will get there and discover the top offer is just a couple hundred dollars.”
“But we want to be fair,” Dan pointed out. “Wouldn’t do to cheat a widow.”
Micah started to pace. “Dan’s right,” he said. “The lady has a right to get what the stud is worth. But Uncle Matthew is right, too—seven hundred dollars is a lot of money.”
“Not if he’s a quality animal,” Paul put in.
“A lot to gamble for an if,” said Matthew.
Josh sat back and surveyed the seven other men gathered in his father’s study, each of them smart, tough, and capable to a fault, whether born into the second generation of Nevilles or the third. Yet not one could make a decision without the approval of the rest. “I’ll find a way to repay y’all, if this beast doesn’t earn his keep,” he offered. “You’ve got my word.”
“And deprive us of taking it out of your hide?” Dan joked.
A quiet ripple of laughter rolled around the room, and then Matthew cleared his throat, effectively silencing it. “There’s work to be done around here,” he reminded them, “so let’s nail down a decision, boys, and get to supper. I’m starved.”
It was times like this when Josh wished he’d given in to the urge to strike out on his own after Sadie’s death, because then he wouldn’t need the consent of seven other strong-minded men before making important decisions. “I wasn’t fooling earlier,” he said. “I say, let’s do this thing, and if it turns out poorly, I’ll take the hit.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Uncle Luke growled.
“What affects one of us…” Uncle John started.
“…affects us all,” Uncle Mark finished for him.
In the ensuing silence, Josh reminded himself that the real decision—go or stay, buy or not—was God’s.
“So, when will you leave, son?”
He sat up straighter at his father’s inquiry. “First light, I reckon.”
“Take my wagon,” Dan offered. “It’s built for hauling livestock, plus it’s brand-new, so you won’t have to fret about losing a wheel on the way home.”
That’s all we need, Josh thought as Uncle Mark volunteered his team—to lose a seven-hundred-dollar bull in a freak wagon accident.
But they’d finally come to a decision, and for that, he sent a silent prayer of thanks heavenward.
He made a point of visiting his grandmother before turning in that night, and she insisted that he pull a chair up close to her bedside. It broke his heart to watch her struggle with every word, and he prayed for the ability to comprehend what she was trying to communicate before she had to wear herself out with repetitions.
“Watch for s-snakes,” she said. “And d-drive s-slow, you hear, es-espesh…coming home.”
She wanted to know which route he’d take and how long he thought he would be gone and also made him promise to come see her the minute he returned.
Josh secured a promise from her, too. “I know how anxious you are to get back to doing things the way you did them before, but promise me you’ll take it easy, all right?” When she answered with a jerky nod, he kissed her good night. And because Callie had worked hard, taking him to Eagle Pass and back, he decided to walk back to his place.
Looking down as he sauntered along the well-worn path, he didn’t see Dinah step out of the shadows, and he nearly leaped out of his boots when she said, “I wish I could ride to Laredo with you, Josh.”
He masked his surprise with a hearty chuckle. “You must be taking walk-like-a-cat lessons from Daniel.”
But she ignored the joke. “It’s a long, dangerous ride, and even if you don’t count bandits and outlaws, I can think of a hundred reasons why it’s just plain crazy for you to make this trip alone.”
Her skin glowed like alabaster in the light of the moon, making him want to reach out and touch her, just to remind himself how warm and soft it was. “I’ll be fine,” he said, flattered by her concern.
“Oh, and now I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’ve made the trip a thousand times and never encountered so much as a big ol’ spider along the way.”
He chuckled. “Well, not a thousand times, but….”
She propped her fists on her curvy hips. “Very funny. But, rest assured, this is no joke: if Esther didn’t need me, I’d ride with you, no matter what you said. No doubt about it.”
Josh believed every word, and if his grandmother hadn’t needed her, he wouldn’t have fought her on it. “I won’t be gone all that long.”
Her eyes glittered like the stars in the sky as she looked up at him. “How long?”
“A week, give or take a day.”
A certain sadness replaced her former spunky expression. “Why can’t Dan or Micah or Paul go with you? They don’t have wives or children depending on them.”
“Their pas and mine depend on them, though.”
Dinah exhaled a frustrated groan. “Well, it just doesn’t seem right!”
He took a step closer. “What doesn’t?”
“That you’re obliged to bear the whole burden of risk all by yourself, when the results will benefit everyone at the Lazy N.”
Not even Sadie had shown this sort of protectiveness toward him, and it touched him deeply. “I’m not obliged.”
When she looked away, it seemed as though a cloud had slid in front of the moon, dimming the light in his world. He lifted her chin on a curved forefinger. “This whole thing was my idea.”
“And why doesn’t that surprise me, Mr. I-Must-Save-the-Whole-World-All-by-Myself?”
With one hand on either side of her face, he held her gaze. “I don’t want to save the whole world,” he whispered. “Only the part with you in it.”
Her mouth formed an O, as if she had something to say, something to admit. But, as quick as a blink, she bit her lower lip. “I probably won’t be there to see you off in the morning,” she said, stepping away from him. “So, I want you to know, I’ll be…I’ll pray for your safe return, that’s what.”
And with that, Dinah lifted her skirts and raced back toward the house. If the screen door hadn’t banged shut behind her, who knows how long he might have stood on the walk, staring into space, like an empty-headed scarecrow?
It took him an unusually long time to fall asleep because he couldn’t get that look out of his mind. Couldn’t figure out what it was she’d stopped herself from saying, either. The next morning, Josh woke up feeling groggy and grumpy, and not even Lucinda’s hearty breakfast could lift his spirits. Not the best way to start a grueling trip.
The Neville men were there to
see him off, just as they’d promised. And, just as she’d promised, Dinah was not, a fact that disappointed him far more than it should have, far more than he cared to admit.
As the others headed out to perform their chores, Matthew hung back. With one hand resting on Josh’s shoulder, he said, “I’m trusting you to take care of things, son, you hear?”
Josh knew by the loving look on his father’s face that the advice was more than just an exhortation to protect the emergency funds taken from the safe earlier that morning. The last time Matthew had traveled the same road, he’d encountered bandits, who had left him penniless and horseless, forcing him to make a long, solitary walk home. Josh was well aware that the farther south he traveled, the more likely he was to encounter predators of the four-legged variety—and the no-legged variety, as well. “I’ve got my Winchester,” he assured his father.
“Well, let’s just pray you won’t have cause to use it.”
The men exchanged a clumsy hug, and as Josh prepared to climb onto the wagon seat, his mother came running across the yard. “Josh, wait—I made you some fried chicken and packed a few pieces of fruit,” she said, thrusting a sack into his gloved hands. “Do you have plenty of water for the horses?”
“Yes’m,” he said. How like her to pretend that her concern was for the animals instead of her only son. It reminded him that not all women were cut out for ranch life—and that fewer still made good ranchers’ wives. “Thanks for the grub.” He hugged her tight. “And I love you, too.”
Tears glistened in her eyes when she said, “God go with you, son.”
Josh hoisted himself into the wagon. “Maybe you can roast a fat hen to welcome me home,” he suggested. Then, with a wink, he urged the horses forward.
He’d gone only a few yards when he saw Daniel limping across the lawn. He knew it was a rugged, possibly dangerous, trip, but he hoped the rest of his cousins wouldn’t show up, one by one, to wish him well. At this rate, he’d never get on the road!
“Hold up, Josh! I’m going with you.”
“But, Dan, I thought you—”
“I have nothing to do that can’t wait a week. Now, slide over and make room for me up there. With this bum leg, once I commit myself, I could very well land in your lap. And wouldn’t that be a nice mental picture for your sweet mama to hold on to while we’re gone!”
Chuckling, Josh did as instructed. As the wagon rolled forward, Dan called over his shoulder, “Don’t you worry, Aunt Eva—I’ll take good care of him!”
It would be good having Dan’s company. Not only was his cousin a better shot, but his constant joke-telling would keep his mind off Dinah and the sad-eyed look she’d left him with.
Was that her way of letting him know she wouldn’t be at the Lazy N when he got back?
With a bit of luck, Dan would distract him from that dreary notion, too.
32
During the first few days after the apoplexy attack, Esther had fought slumber the way a toddler fights naptime. It seemed to Kate that the poor woman feared falling asleep might mean she’d never wake up again. But, as the days passed, Josh’s grandmother spent more time asleep than awake—which became a source of worry and concern for her nurse.
This morning was worse than most.
Kate tried keeping Esther awake by chattering on and on about how Lucinda’s broth was filled with vital nutrients and ingredients, but the woman only moaned, shook her head, and waved the spoon away.
“If you don’t eat something, I’ll have no choice but to call your son and his wife,” Kate warned her gently. “Maybe they’ll be able to talk some sense into you!”
The threat inspired a little pout—and a little cooperation. But, after just a few spoonfuls, Esther shooed her away again.
“Half a teacup of weak broth isn’t enough to sustain you, Esther Neville. You have to eat more than that, or you won’t be strong enough to welcome Josh back from Laredo.”
“L-Laredo?”
Kate reminded her that Josh was headed south to buy a stud bull, one that they hoped would revitalize the herd. But her mind wasn’t on the conversation. Rather, Kate recalled the discussion she’d overheard from the pantry last evening, when Josh had told Lucinda that, when he’d said good night to his grandmother, she’d looked weaker and paler than usual. “Maybe you can talk her into eating something other than clear broth?”
During supper, the men had discussed the potential dangers Josh would face along the way, each sharing suggestions for preventing those he could avoid and methods for handling those he couldn’t. Their conversation had made it blatantly clear that, to remain safe, Josh first had to remain alert. And how could he do that if his head was filled with worries about his grandmother?
Her intent, when Kate had gone looking for him, had been to promise that she’d remain at Esther’s side every minute until he came home again. If she’d known he would look at her so tenderly, that he’d touch her with such gentleness, she would have written her reassuring words in a note to be delivered by George. Because, now, every time she closed her eyes, she’d picture the confused, wounded stare inspired by her hasty departure.
She hadn’t meant to run off like a spoiled, frightened child, but in those warm and wonderful moments, she’d come dangerously close to confessing everything to Josh, right there on the path. In a blinding flash of clarity, she’d realized that blurting out the truth could do more than just end their warm and wonderful interlude. It could distract him out there on the trail. And if, God forbid, something happened to him because of it, she’d never forgive herself.
She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life, but one of the biggest had been accepting his kindness. From the moment she’d stumbled upon Josh’s camp, she had tainted his life, just as surely as Frank had tainted hers.
When he was home, safe and sound, Kate would reveal the truth. And, just as soon as Esther was better…. Oh, who are you kidding? As much as it pained her to admit it to herself, Esther wouldn’t get better. The best Kate could hope for was to keep the poor dear as comfortable as possible until the end came. And something told her that would be soon—very soon—if she couldn’t talk Esther into staying awake long enough to eat and exercise her rapidly deteriorating muscles.
“Esther,” she said, settling onto the edge of her bed, “let’s sit you up a little, all right?” Sliding an arm behind her back, Kate tried to prop her up against the headboard, but the poor old woman was as limp as a rag doll.
“Not to worry,” she announced, settling Esther back onto the pillows. “I know how to remedy this!” Kate darted to her makeshift bed against the wall and grabbed her pillow, then flung open the wardrobe and gathered the extra pillows stored on a shelf inside. One by one, she positioned them beside her patient, under her arms, next to her hips. “There!” she said when at last Esther sat upright. “Maybe now you can stay awake long enough to eat something!”
Esther clamped her teeth together and squeezed her eyes shut, a silent but obvious refusal to cooperate. Kate began to pace at the foot of the bed, muttering to herself as she tried to come up with something—anything—that would rekindle Esther’s desire to live. She knew the dear woman was tired and beyond discouraged by her own helplessness. And how many times during their many hours alone together had Esther said she wanted to go to heaven, where she could see Jesus and reunite with Ezra?
Exasperated, Kate knelt beside the bed and held Esther’s hand. “Now, you listen to me, Esther,” she began. “You can’t just give up this way, especially not while Josh is away on family business. It would break his heart if something happened to you while he was gone. Just think how disappointed he’d be to know you didn’t fight this thing right to the end!”
The woman’s left eyebrow rose ever so slightly. “D-don’ tell him that…that I gave up.”
Don’t tell him! The notion put Kate on her feet so fast, she nearly overturned the bedside table. “How can I make you understand—”
“You don’…under�
��stand!”
On her knees again, she kissed Esther’s bony knuckles. “What don’t I understand? Oh, dear, sweet Esther, tell me, please, because I’ll do anything to help you.”
“Don’…wan’ help.”
For the first time since volunteering to care for the woman, Kate was angry with her. “Well, if you’re bound and determined to give up, just like that, then I hope you’ll help me figure out how I’m supposed to explain a thing like that to Josh!”
A single, perfectly pronounced and enunciated word sighed past her parched lips: “Tired.”
“Of course, you’re tired. But if you’ll let me feed you something, I’m sure—”
“I wan’…to be with Ezz-ra.” Tears shimmered in her eyes, and her lips trembled. “I m-miss him.” She nodded slowly. “It’s time.”
Kate considered keeping the pressure on, but the agony in Esther’s eyes silenced her. If she missed Josh this much after sharing such a short parcel of his life, how much more must Esther miss Ezra, when they’d been together for decades before his death?
“You get some sleep, dear Esther.” Maybe she’d eat after a refreshing nap. Perhaps the nourishment would rejuvenate her love of life. And, if it didn’t, Kate would seek the guidance of Josh’s mother and father. Hopefully, they would talk some sense into the stubborn woman!
One by one, Kate carefully removed the pillows she’d positioned around Esther, leaving a few in place to keep her up in order to ease her ragged breathing. She tidied the covers and tiptoed from the room, and then, closing the door quietly behind her, pressed her forehead against the cool, plaster wall. It wasn’t until she attempted to fold her hands in prayer that she realized how tightly she’d been clenching her fists.
She dropped to her knees outside Esther’s room and bowed her head. “I’m not asking for myself, but for these good people and that good woman. Enlighten me, Lord. Help me find the words that will restore Esther’s will to live.”
