by Sarah Hegger
The bench protested as she pulled it out and sat. The surface of the table was scratched and scarred from years of use. It was large enough to seat three boys and their friends comfortably. It was a place waiting for its family to come and fill it up.
Holly put her head down on the table. The faint tang of furniture polish soothed her, and she pressed her forehead to the cool wood. She would rest here for a while and then get something to eat. In the quiet, a rooster clock on the wall ticked, and Holly let herself be lulled by the rhythm.
The bench rocked as someone sat, and she turned her head, not surprised to see Josh had joined her. “Hey?”
“Hello.”
“She’s asleep?” He had to cock his head to maintain eye contact.
Holly nodded. Her head was way too heavy for her shoulders and she left it where it was.
“What are you doing?”
“Feeling sorry for myself.”
“How’s that working for you?”
Warm yellow light stroked lovingly across the fine angles of his face. Lucky, lucky light. “Not so good. How are you?”
His jaw tightened. “Honestly?”
“What the hell, go for it.”
“I’m still a bit pissed.”
She ached to trace the beautiful lines of his remote profile. His eyelashes were almost absurdly long. “About the pregnancy thing?”
“I am not the father.” His voice was raw with suppressed feeling.
“I know that.”
His expression changed so quickly, it was almost comical. “You do?” He turned to face her, and a frown creased his forehead. “You gave me this look at the hospital, as if you were convinced I’d done it.”
“I can count, Josh.” And she was an old hand at the Portia Partridge take on reality. “Portia is over four months pregnant. Even you have your limitations.”
He put his head down on the table, facing her. “I would prefer it if you’d said you knew it wasn’t mine because you trusted me.”
She did trust him, oddly enough. It wasn’t that. “I think we’ve covered my trust thing.”
“Holly.” His face had an austerity to it, like a Dutch masters’ painting, “I never touched your sister.”
“I know.” It was the only tiny glimmer of okay in this monumental balls-up. “Portia constructs her own reality, and right now, you’re it.”
“Lucky me,” he said, but some of the tension drained out of his features. His gaze slid over her face and the corners of his mouth quirked up a bit.
“It’ll pass eventually,” Holly said. “She’ll find something else to fixate on.”
He absorbed her statement with a nod. “Have you been sitting here like this for long?”
“Nope.”
“Because it’s not comfortable.”
“I told you.” Holly sniffed in away that even she found pathetic. She didn’t care. “I’m having a pity party.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Do it anyway,” he said and sat up.
Holly let the silence draw out as she put her thoughts in order. “It’s the baby.” Christ, she was such a selfish bitch to be even thinking this way. “I can’t be glad about the baby.”
“Because it means you’ll be taking care of it?” He shifted closer.
“I don’t want to take care of another person.” It sounded bad saying it out loud, but Josh’s expression didn’t change. She’d half-expected him to rear back in shock and disgust. “And what if it’s like Portia or—” Holly choked off her surge of panic. “It’s not always hereditary, but it sure does increase the chances.” And now they had another little genetic time bomb on the way. “You were right, this sucks. I want …”
No point in even finishing that thought.
“Holly?” Gently, he moved strands of hair away from her face. “It’s not wrong to want things for yourself. It’s only wrong if you take those things at the expense of someone else.”
“I know.” The lack of conviction in her voice fooled no one. Her head got all that, but the older sister in her still wasn’t buying.
“I want to hold you,” Josh said.
Oh, yes, please, please, please. A small sob caught in her throat. “You can’t.”
“Why not?” The soft touch of his fingers on her cheek was heavenly.
“Because I’ll lose it if you do.” If he held her now, she’d never want to stop leaning on those strong shoulders. A stray tear slid down her nose and landed on the wood in front of her. “I don’t cry.”
“Why not?” His leg pressed against hers, warm and solid.
She scrubbed the traitor away with her palm. “Tears are pointless.”
The bench scraped on the wooden floor as he got to his feet. The loss of him left her bereft. Until he slid his long legs on either side of hers, cradling her body with his.
She had to scoot forward to the edge of the bench to accommodate him, but she did it anyway. And because there was nowhere she’d rather be right then than wrapped in a cocoon of Josh.
He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. His lips pressed warm and soft on her skin. “I think we can risk it.”
He settled his big body behind her.
Holly closed her eyes and let it be.
He surrounded her with his warmth and comfort. His breathing huffed loud in her ear and his heartbeat pulsed strong at her back.
Holly didn’t feel alone as she lay quiescent in his arms, and she didn’t feel burdened. She was safe and peaceful and she let the feeling seep into her bones. She didn’t have to be herself. “Josh?”
“Hmm.” His voice vibrated through her chest.
“What if I’d said yes that night and we’d danced?” Holly kept her eyes closed. She didn’t want to open them and confront tonight.
“We would have danced,” he said and chuckled softly.
Her back vibrated as he hummed a couple of bars of “Truly Madly Deeply.”
“You remember?” Holly grinned.
“My mother says I’m a sensitive soul.” He tightened his arms around her, tucking her more securely into him. “I notice these things.”
“What was I wearing?”
“A short dress.”
“Good guess.” Holly laughed.
“A green dress with some sort of flower pattern.”
“Butterflies,” she said, close enough to be impressive.
“I was more focused on the body than the dress.” It should have ruined the moment, but somehow—it made her smile wider.
“So, if I’d said yes?” Holly shifted. “We would have danced?”
His thighs were rock solid. It must be the running. “Hell yeah. And I would have collected about twenty bucks from my buddies.”
“You bet on me dancing with you?” She tried to work up some outrage.
“Damn straight, but you turned me down and I ended up losing big.”
“You deserved it.”
“You’re right.” He nuzzled the curve of her ear.
It sent a lovely shiver over her skin and Holly gave a small, contented hum of appreciation.
“If we’d danced, I would probably have copped a feel,” he said.
Holly snorted with laughter.
He joined in, and they sat there and laughed. His hands shifted until they rested on the waistband of her pants. His fingers brushed her skin as their chests rose and fell together.
A different sort of tension coiled in her belly. Beneath her sweatshirt, her nipples beaded, tight and expectant.
His erection pressed against the base of her spine.
“Josh.” Her skin was sensitized. It was so good, and it shouldn’t be. Her defenses were melting.
“I know, Holly.” He edged his hips away a tiny bit. “I only want to hold you, to be close to you.”
Holly nearly protested the loss. “Is this you doing nothing?”
“You got it. This is me being your friend when you really, really need one.”
&n
bsp; Unshed tears pressed hard at the back of her eyelids. A friend, someone to lean on. Shit, she’d never had one of those. “Have you ever been friends with a woman?”
“Nope, but I think I’m doing quite well so far. What do you think?”
The smell of him curled around her. “I think women don’t look at you and see friend material.”
“I don’t care what they think.” He snorted. “What do you think?”
“I don’t want to think.”
His arms tightened around her. “That works, too.”
God, Holly could lie like this with him forever, even with the constant hum of sexual tension between them.
“What if I wanted more than a friend, for tonight?” Her own daring left her breathless. She needed this, him, and this was great, but it wasn’t enough.
He went still before he spoke, his voice rough around the edges. “I would make myself want to puke by reminding you that you aren’t in a good place to be making that sort of decision.”
“People say it’s the best sort of comfort.” Holly’s blood pounded in her ears.
He blew out a long, tortured breath. “You’re not making it easy to be a nice guy.”
“I know.” Holly folded her hands over his. “But I don’t want to be reliable, sensible Holly tonight.” She moved her head until her cheek was pressed to his. “I want to pretend it isn’t real.”
“You want comfort sex,” Josh said. The bench scraped as he surged to his feet. “And I’m going to have to say no.”
Chapter Seventeen
Holly’s heart gave a vicious twist in her chest.
Josh was turning her down.
“Don’t look like that.” He ran impatient fingers through his hair.
Holly tried to school her features into a mask, but she was too worn out to give it a decent effort. “Like what?”
“Like I’m rejecting you, because that’s not the case, sweetheart.”
Holly snorted. She sat at the table and he stood poised for flight. It sure looked like rejection from her angle.
He took a step toward her. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”
Holly spent a lot of time theorizing about moments like this. As a grown woman, in charge of her own life, including her body, she could make whatever decisions she wanted. Holly dropped her eyes to the front of him, where his erection pressed full and impressive through the fabric of his pants.
He wanted her, but he was doing “nothing.”
Enough. Enough thinking, planning, strategizing, waiting. Enough making sure everyone else got what they needed. Well, damn it to hell, Holly needed a little something, and it was four feet away from her and waiting for her to make her move.
Energy crackled through her. Holly stalked him, her feet slapping on the wooden floor.
He tensed, his eyes narrowed as he watched her approach.
He was much taller than she was and she had to virtually climb him like a maypole. His chest was hard and hot. Raising her body, his cock branded her through their clothing, and it was like a match to dry tinder. She didn’t doubt the wisdom of what she was doing. Thinking didn’t even come into it. She wanted and she needed.
Holly grabbed a hank of his hair and tugged his mouth down to hers. His hair was soft and silky beneath her fingertips as she held his head still.
His eyes flared. “Be sure, Holly, because I don’t have a lot of good intentions left here.”
“You’re overthinking this.” She fastened her lips over his.
He gripped her hips, tugging her flush with him. “Ah, baby, if you stop me now, I’m going to cry like a girl,” he said as his mouth took over.
“I’m not going to stop you.” Holly panted as heat twisted her up inside.
Josh groaned deep before claiming her mouth with a single-minded ferocity that thrilled her.
Holly reveled in the power she had over him.
His big body pressed closer, leashed strength in the hard muscle demanding a combustible response from her.
She needed this, needed him. Like this she wasn’t contained, careful Holly, taking responsibility and keeping her family on track. Here she was desirable, beautiful, all woman and passion.
The kiss grew wild, a fiery mating of teeth and tongues that swept her along.
The taste of him roared through her, and there was no more thinking.
He lifted her onto the solid wooden table with thrilling ease. His erection was hot and heavy through his jeans and she ground herself on him.
Her fingers fumbled with his shirt.
He helped her and sent buttons flying across the kitchen.
She spread her fingers over his flesh, enjoying the contrast of hot, silken skin over hard, unyielding muscle.
“Josh.” She pressed her forehead on his chest. His skin was hot against her face, the insistent drum of his heart heavy under her ear.
He tipped her chin up for access to her mouth, the line of her jaw, the sensitive skin of her throat. His tongue skimmed her ear, sucking the lobe, sending electric shocks coursing down her neck and back. “This is for you, Holly,” he said. “Just for you.”
Yes. Holly arched her neck to give him freer access.
He didn’t need any more of an invitation and swooped down, putting hot, wet kisses along the line of her throat. Until he reached the curve of her shoulder and he breathed deeply.
“My favorite part of a woman.” It came out as a sigh.
He bit lightly before he brought his mouth back to hers for another drugging kiss.
Holly’s bones turned to water as he kissed her. His sure hands brought her flesh to life.
“Velvet.” He cupped the weight of her breasts.
Her nipples peaked hard and ready for his touch as he brushed his fingers over them.
God, it felt so good, perfect. She gasped her approval.
He tugged up her shirt and gained access to her breasts. With a growl of appreciation, he bent his mouth toward her. He licked a nipple and blew softly until it reached aching hardness.
More. Holly arched her back, offering her flesh to him. Soft whimpering noises escaped her throat as he brought her nipples to aching points of sensation that shot straight down to her core.
“So beautiful.” He sucked lightly on the underside of her breasts, laving the skin with his tongue, moving along her ribs and onto her stomach.
Holly sucked in her stomach and wriggled beneath him.
With deft fingers, he worked the fastening of her jeans. He tugged them down her thighs and sent them sliding across the floor.
This was what she craved. It scared her and thrilled her all at once. Holly opened her mouth to protest, but he kissed her as he nudged her butt farther back onto the table. Excitement drummed like a pulse between her thighs.
She grabbed the waistband of his pants, tugging at the button. Her hands slipped inside to touch the hard, throbbing length of him, and he sucked in his breath. With shaking fingers, she pushed down his briefs until she could stroke him.
His cock pulsed in her hand. He grabbed her wrist. “No.”
Holly moaned her protest. She wanted to touch him, brand his skin like he did hers.
“There will be time for that.” He spread her hands above her head before skimming his mouth down her body.
He grasped the elastic of her briefs and pulled them off. “I’ve wanted to do this for as long as I’ve known you.”
He pushed her thighs apart and stepped between them.
“Josh.”
His gaze skimmed hot and demanding on her exposed flesh, but she didn’t feel shy or vulnerable. His eyes worshipped her. He dropped to his knees, his mouth searing on the inside of her thigh as he pushed her legs up and apart until she was completely exposed to him.
“Shit, look at you.” His mouth tracked higher, and she writhed in anticipation.
Her hands tangled in the silky strands of his hair, tugging him closer, wordlessly demanding he get on with it.
She stuffed her
hand in her mouth to stop the scream as his mouth discovered her needy flesh. He hummed his enjoyment as he worked his lips and tongue over her. He took his time, exploring the aching bud of her clitoris and sucking gently, laving her.
It was too much, and Holly went off almost immediately under his mouth.
He spread soft kisses over her stomach as Holly drifted back down. She melted onto the table beneath her and there was a gentle throb between her legs.
“That was—” Holly couldn’t find the words.
“Don’t say nice.”
Holly laughed.
He leaned over her and kissed the skin of her neck. His hair was mussed where her hands had gripped it.
She pressed her face into the spot where his neck and shoulder met and inhaled the scent of clean man and laundry detergent. She had been half-expecting some sort of expensive cologne. “Intense. I was going to say intense.”
“Okay, then.”
“You’ve wanted to do that since you first met me?” Holly had to ask, and he laughed.
“I was precocious.”
“I’ll say.”
She gave in to the urge to taste and opened her mouth to suck the warm skin of his shoulder.
A soft groan resonated through her as he reacted. His cock still pulsed, hard and needy.
“That was … only the beginning.” He tangled his hand in her hair and tugged her head back. His mouth descended. “We are just getting started.”
Holly was amazed as her body stirred back to life under the determined demand of his mouth.
His hands swept under her shirt and onto the skin of her back, exploring and discovering her skin inch by inch. They slid down to cup her ass and pull her tight into his erection. His fingers traced the crease of her butt, dipping between to stroke through her wet heat.
Holly whimpered softly as his fingers caressed her back to arousal. She moaned in protest as he stopped suddenly.
“These are going to have to go.” He shucked his jeans and impatiently stepped out of them.
“And these.” Holly grabbed his briefs and he yanked them off. Holy shit.
