by Gina Blaxill
REECE
Convinced something bad would happen, I spent the next day glued to Mum and Neve. Mum was still being frosty about Brent Cross and didn’t even thank me when I said I’d help with the shopping.
‘If you think I’m going to say everything’s OK because you’ve decided to be nice today, I’m not,’ she said. We were in an aisle that seemed to contain nothing but chutney; how Waitrose found so many different types to stock was a mystery to me. ‘You may well think me getting tough on Sophie was unfair, but I’m not changing my mind.’
‘It’s not that. I just wanted to make sure you were OK.’
Mum snorted, but when I didn’t react she frowned. ‘Reece? What’s wrong?’
Everything, I thought. I couldn’t tell her about Cherie taking Neve, so I mumbled something about being freaked out about the burglary. None of the items nicked from our house had turned up. I wondered what Aiden had done with them – probably binned everything. Dad’s annuals couldn’t be repaired either. There was a company online who specialized in rebinding old books but I didn’t have that kind of money. In a fair world Aiden would get serious payback.
Mum sighed melodramatically and inspected a jar of quince jelly. ‘I’m just waiting for the next horror to assail us. Bad things always come in threes, you know.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I wonder.’
For all I knew, Sophie might be continuing to poke around, putting us all in danger. I was so angry with her. I got her point about truth. And despite not admitting it, I got that what happened at Brent Cross had really been my fault, and I’d antagonized them with the whole work-experience stunt. But surely now we had to get real. I hated quitting, but protecting my family was more important than finding out what had happened to Danielle. They were alive. She wasn’t.
But I didn’t want to think about Sophie, not after she’d rejected me. It really hurt. For God’s sake, it wasn’t as though I was asking her to marry me – all I’d meant was that we could try giving it a go. After all I’d done for her too!
Well, I wasn’t going to ask again. I felt humiliated enough already. All I could do was try to get over her. It was totally sad, but I was almost looking forward to this rubbish summer break being over.
‘Hey! Reece!’
I gave a start. A girl was waving at me from further down the aisle. After a moment I recognized her.
‘Hey, Paloma,’ I said. It wasn’t often that I bumped into anyone from Broom Hill. ‘What’re you doing here?’
‘Picking up stuff for a picnic.’ Paloma nodded to a group of people queuing at the till. ‘My cousins live around here. Omigosh, is that your little sister? She’s so cute!’
Paloma beamed at Neve. Neve looked a bit worried and hurried back down the aisle after Mum.
‘Hey, I heard what happened at Brent Cross,’ Paloma went on. ‘Totally twisted! You must have freaked.’
I was beginning to remember why I’d found Paloma irritating. She was the only one of my ex-classmates who had a gob as big as mine. Sophie had always liked her for some reason – which reminded me . . .
‘Hey, I’m glad I met you,’ I said. ‘There’s something I want to know. You know that party you had? What happened to Sophie that night?’
‘Omigod! Didn’t you see the videos on YouTube? I thought everyone had. OK, let me tell you . . .’
SOPHIE
I’d thought I’d find Waterloo station fairly empty at ten on a Monday morning, but it was quite the opposite. I stood in front of the departure board, scanning the electronic display for the next train to Bournemouth. 10.25 – that wasn’t such a long wait. I found a bench and sat and watched people go by. Like all the big London stations, Waterloo was large and airy, sunlight beaming down through the glass roof. I’d read a news story once about a man and a woman bumping into each other here on consecutive weeks; those coincidental meetings had grown into a relationship, and a year later the man had proposed right here where I was sitting, outside M&S. It seemed dead weird that your life could change just like that – that amazing things really could happen when you least expected.
I wondered how Danielle’s life would have been different if she hadn’t met Aiden. She’d be alive, for one thing, and being alive meant anything was possible.
After a few minutes my train pulled into the platform. I’d bought my ticket already so I went straight through the barriers and walked down the platform to the furthest carriage; more chance of being alone.
I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to achieve. Last night I’d gone over all my options, feeling increasingly helpless. There wasn’t much I could do by myself. Aiden and Cherie would be on their guard, so my more daring ideas – following them about, somehow hacking into their Facebook accounts – were out. I knew other people were in on this, but I had no way of knowing who they were. Going to Bournemouth to retrace Danielle’s last steps was the only thing I could think of.
I found myself a seat with a table and dumped my backpack on the seat next to me. As I got comfortable a giggly couple in their twenties got on and sat nearby, snuggling up together. I watched, wondering how it was possible to be so at ease with another person. They were so wrapped up in each other that I didn’t think they’d noticed me.
I like you. I’ve liked you for ages. Reece’s words were playing around in my head. I took out my phone and opened a photo of us taken at the Christmas funfair at Alexandra Palace. I was bundled up in a scarf and hat, but Reece, who I always joked was impervious to the cold, hadn’t even bothered buttoning up his coat – we made a funny-looking pair, especially as it was starting to snow. The photo wasn’t the greatest – I’d taken it myself, holding the phone at arm’s length – but it brought back that day. I hadnt really been feeling happy I was far from OK – but I’d started to believe I could be one day. I’d felt so close to Reece, for the first time properly appreciating how he’d stuck by me. How had things got so complicated between us?
I didn’t know why I was finding it so hard to take in. When I thought about it, I’d always been the one to joke that we were just good friends. Most girls would be delighted to have Reece as a boyfriend. So why did I feel like I wanted to run away? And why did I find it so hard to believe a boy could like me in that way? I wanted to apologize, but as I tried to compose a text I realized I had no idea what to say.
Perhaps I needed to get my own head sorted out before I thought about Reece. I knew I’d hurt him – but at the same time, how unfair to blame me for putting Neve and Effie in danger. OK, so if Reece hadn’t helped me look into Danielle’s death nothing would have happened, but I’d never forced him to take risks on my behalf. In fact I’d cautioned him against it. He just couldn’t bear to take responsibility, because doing that would make him feel he’d failed to look after them – and that he’d let down his dad.
Being angry with Reece didn’t stop me feeling awful though. I should have handled him more sensitively. And maybe I should have told him the truth . . .
I’d been in two minds about going to Paloma’s party. It seemed so unimportant after Dani’s death. But I knew I ought to show. Paloma was nicer to me than anyone else at Broom Hill and I didn’t want to push her away. Besides, I knew she’d invited Reece, so I’d have someone to talk to. I’d missed him too – thanks to his school play, we hadn’t seen each other much over the past few weeks.
I spent longer than usual getting ready. I see-sawed between different outfits and eventually messaged Paloma to ask her opinion. She replied: U tryin 2 impress Reece? ;-)
I didn’t respond to that. I thought a few days back to the evening of Reece’s school play. What he’d said about ‘looking the part’ had been really annoying and made me feel self-conscious, because I had been trying to make more of an effort recently. Not that Reece appeared to have noticed – he hadn’t said a thing when I’d started wearing make-up when we met up. I’d not been confident enough to wear anything out of the ordinary, but I’d tried a more sophisticated hairdo a couple of times, wh
ich I thought looked good.
Did he really not notice how I looked, or did he pretend not to? Was I being too subtle? Maybe it was time I gave him a shock. Not that I’d be doing this for him – this was for me. To see if it made me feel that I fitted in better at Paloma’s party, and to have the satisfaction of seeing him realize I could make an effort after all.
I’d arrived at the party late – more chance of Reece having got there before me. I’d texted him on my way over, but he hadn’t replied. Paloma lived in the nicer part of Hendon – her house was a semi-detached with fancy-shaped hedges in the garden. She acted like her place wasn’t a big deal, but compared to Julie’s it felt like a mansion.
I had to psych myself up before stepping inside. I’d deliberately arrived without a coat to make more of an impact – I hadn’t come this far just to chicken out. While I felt comfortable enough in my denim skirt, it was my top that was making me nervous. It was turquoise and corsety, with ribbon lacing up the back and sequins on the front that I’d sewn on – not the kind of thing I normally felt confident carrying off. I’d only bought it from the charity shop on a whim. I’d tried it out in the safety of my bedroom, but as yet I’d never worn it out.
Here goes, I thought.
I could tell by the pounding beat that greeted me as I walked in that the party was in full swing. From the number of people in the hallway and sitting on the stairs it looked like Paloma had invited the entire year. I tracked her down to the kitchen, where she was mixing drinks. She shrieked when she saw me and crushed me in a hug.
‘Sophieeee! You look gorgeous! Wow! What a change!’
I smiled self-consciously, giving my top a tug. ‘Is Reece here yet?’
Paloma giggled and gave me a poke in the ribs. She was wearing a pink dress that looked a size too small. Her cheeks matched it. I wondered how she was still managing to breathe – still, as Paloma was so fond of saying, beauty was a pain. ‘You so obviously fancy him. I don’t know why you bother denying it.
I wasn’t ready to admit anything so I just shrugged. Seeing she wasn’t going to get a reaction, Paloma said, ‘Haven’t seen him, but he might have come in while I wasn’t looking. Here.’ She shoved a plastic cup at me. ‘I made mojitos! Très sophisticated, eh? My parents had a bottle of Cuban rum in the cupboard. Edie found a recipe; think I’ve got it right.
The mojito didn’t taste like anything I’d had before – minty and syrupy, with a crunch of sugar and a strong whack of lime. I wandered around the house looking for Reece, but he was nowhere to be seen. Not sure whether to be worried or annoyed, I finished the mojito and picked up another drink from the kitchen. Paloma had vanished. I was suddenly very aware that I didn’t really know the people surrounding me – they were all busy with their own friends and I’d never made the effort to get to know them. I sipped quickly, starting to feel out of place. I caught sight of Zoe Edwards out of the corner of my eye, standing by the patio doors and pointing and whispering to her friends. She was wearing a top very similar to mine and looked great – how embarrassing! Realizing she’d spotted me, I grabbed another drink and quickly left the kitchen. What was Zoe doing here anyway? I was fairly sure Paloma wouldn’t have invited her – her gang often took the mick out of Paloma for being big.
I let myself out into the garden. Leaning against the wall, I breathed cool air. It seemed like the party had been going on ages – where was Reece? I’d been depending on him coming. I hadn’t replied to his texts after the play because he’d annoyed me that night, but it hadn’t crossed my mind that he might not show.
Someone coughed. I realized I wasn’t alone. To my surprise, it was Finn Jones, evidently come out to have a cigarette. Finn wasn’t the kind of guy who was ever alone – he was one of the most popular people in our year, mainly because he looked a lot like a blond version of Robert Pattinson. Paloma had the hugest crush on him and I could kind of understand why. I turned away, trying to be invisible, but he’d already seen me.
‘Oh, hi, Sophie,’ he said. ‘Didn’t know you were here. Wow, you look amazing!’
Had I just imagined that? No, he had genuinely complimented me. He was smiling too, showing perfect teeth. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I took a quick glug of my drink.
Finn finished his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stubbing it out with his shoe. He came over, still smiling, hands in pockets, the height of casual cool. ‘You know . . . I never noticed how pretty you are before. You kind of slip under the radar at school.’
‘Maybe I like it that way,’ I said. To my surprise, Finn started talking about the party. I couldn’t believe he was interested in spending time with me. It had occurred to me that I might attract some attention dressed like this, but I hadn’t seriously expected it, and not from anyone like Finn.
‘You’re way friendlier tonight than you ever are at school,’ Finn said. ‘To be honest, I always thought you were really moody.’
‘I don’t try to be,’ I said, reaching up to brush my fringe from my eyes.
‘Then why are you? If you don’t mind me asking.’
Normally I’d never answer that question. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my life to anyone, let alone a virtual stranger. But Finn was being nice to me, and the mojito was making me feel less uptight.
‘Life is sometimes a bit crap,’ I said, not meeting his eyes. ‘I feel sad and angry a lot of the time, and sometimes I don’t even know why. That makes it tough to be around people – and for people to be around me. And those I do feel I can be with always seem to leave me. My cousin . . .’ For a second I felt a lump in my throat. ‘Well, she understood me. And now she’s dead. Sometimes I look at what I have and it seems there’s nothing good.’
Finn looked as though he didn’t know what to say. ‘I’m sorry. That’s harsh.’
‘I don’t have anyone left now,’ I said. Afraid I was going to embarrass myself by crying, I dabbed at my eye – and heard a giggle. To my horror I saw that we weren’t alone. Zoe and her friends were coming up, holding their phones and laughing.
‘Were you filming that?’ I demanded, though I already knew the answer. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Finn disappearing into the house.
‘An Oscar-worthy performance – so moving! I was having trouble holding my phone straight I was shaking so much.’ Zoe paused. ‘Poor little Sophie, such a tragic life, no one to confide in, so much pain! No wonder you dress like a tramp!’
My legs were shaking and for a moment I thought they’d buckle. It felt as if I was about to fall to pieces – and then all my emotions turned into burning anger. I had never done anything to Zoe! How dare she pick on me, make my life more hellish, when it was bad enough already?
I realized I was holding the remains of my drink. I hurled it at Zoe. It splashed across her top, and she screamed. Taking advantage of her surprise, I plunged forward and grabbed her phone. It was a swish new pink iPhone, and that was all I took in before I threw it across the garden. It slammed into the wall and clattered to the ground. Amazingly, it still seemed to be in one piece. I reached it before Zoe could and brought my heel down, hard.
‘Screw your video and screw you, Zoe!’ I shouted, shoving her away from me. What I might have done next I don’t know – because that’s when I realized that one of Zoe’s bitchy friends was still filming me. Horrified, I ran into the house and out through the front door. No one noticed me – they were having too much of a good time. I took off my shoes and made for home, tears streaming down my face.
On Monday at school I found out that the video of me smashing Zoe’s phone had been uploaded on to YouTube. It was all across Facebook too – cleverly edited so it looked as if I was randomly lashing out. What had gone before I’d flipped, with me confessing to Finn how crap I felt, had been cut. Everywhere I went, people seemed to be laughing and even reciting some of the stuff I’d said. I wanted to fade away. It was useless trying to explain why I’d gone for Zoe. Who was going to listen – let alone understand? And I’d thought
my life couldn’t get any worse.
Not everyone was horrible – Paloma and her friends were outraged, and a couple of others came up to me and said Zoe deserved it. Many people simply didn’t care. Finn actually apologized about running back into the house instead of sticking up for me. He was clearly embarrassed, and somehow I knew we wouldn’t be speaking again. Nothing could make the humiliation go away.
I kept thinking, If only I hadn’t been to the party. If only I hadn’t been lonely enough to latch on to Finn like that. This was Reece’s fault! He’d said he’d be there – he’d have looked out for me. Stuff dressing up and trying to fit in – I’d only managed to make myself more of an outsider than ever.
To top it all, the answer to where Reece had been on Saturday night was on his Facebook page. One of his Berkeley friends had uploaded a photo album showing a whole bunch of them out on the town. It looked like they’d been in a cocktail bar. Since when had Reece even liked cocktails or looked old enough to get into a bar? Some posh-looking girls had been there too, and a particularly pretty one had managed to get photographed with her arm around Reece. Even though I knew people always got in close to pose for the camera, it stung. Maybe there was something going on with them. And why not? She was gorgeous and obviously liked him – if Reece was interested, I guessed it would make sense. He clearly wasn’t interested in me.
All of this just smacked home the fact that he had a new life now, one I didn’t fit into. It was time we called it quits.
That had happened about three months ago and it still tore me up. I was afraid of starting in the sixth form because of it – Zoe’s behaviour at Brent Cross told me she wasn’t going to let things be. I wondered if Reece had seen the video clips – I’d assumed so, but now I wasn’t so sure. Had I been wrong to blame him for what had happened between us? I had been pushing him away by making things difficult for him with his new mates, and he had sent me texts I’d ignored. He’d hurt me – but now I’d hurt him.
