by M K Farrar
“That’s what I thought the first time. But honestly, it’s not as though I really drank that much. Enough for a headache the next day, perhaps, but not complete blackouts. Last thing I remember, it was Friday afternoon, and then when I opened my eyes, you were calling me, and it was one p.m. on Saturday.”
“Have you been to the doctor?”
“Not yet. I’m scared of what they’ll say. What if it’s a brain tumour or something?”
Ellen frowned at her in concern and rubbed her arm again. “Oh, don’t say that! I’m sure it’s nothing so serious. But you have to get it checked out. You can’t just ignore it and hope it stops.”
“No?” she said hopefully.
“No!”
What would a doctor say? He’d check she was still taking her medication, that was for sure. Would he order brain scans?
“Do you want me to come with you to the walk-in centre at the hospital?”
Liv waved a hand. “No, I’ll book an appointment with the doctor’s surgery first thing Monday morning, I promise.”
“Do you want me to come with you?
“No, I’ll be fine.” She didn’t want Ellen knowing her medical history. Her friend didn’t even know about the antipsychotics she was taking. Maybe they were the problem? She might have been given a bad batch when she’d refilled her prescription after dropping the previous ones into the sink. That would explain it, wouldn’t it? They clearly weren’t helping at all. Perhaps it would be a good idea to stop taking them, at least until she’d seen the doctor.
Chapter Twenty-two
One Week Earlier
ELLEN STAYED WITH HER for the rest of the day. They ordered in a takeaway and watched endless films on Netflix. Though normally one of the things they’d have done automatically when spending time together was to open a bottle of wine, neither of them mentioned alcohol.
Liv started to feel better as the day went on, but that didn’t include the squirming uncertainty that something might have happened during those missing hours. She’d checked her phone to see if she’d drunk called anyone, but there was nothing showing on her call log. But those missing hours haunted her, and she couldn’t help thinking back to the previous time when she’d not remembered getting home from her date with Michael, and even the night where Tammy had told her she’d gone out during the night and had left the door open. She’d dismissed it as Tammy being paranoid at the time, but now she started to wonder if it had been her after all.
Ellen tried to convince Liv to call either Michael or Tammy and find out exactly what was happening between them, but the truth was that them having a fling wasn’t even what preyed on her mind right now. And she didn’t want to be the one chasing them. Michael had called her clingy the last time he’d seen her, and she didn’t want to prove him right.
Ellen left to catch the last Tube home, and Liv was faced with a night and the remainder of the weekend alone. She was normally comfortable with her own company, but now she didn’t feel right in her own skin. It was as though a silent alarm was sounding inside her head, and she was the only one aware of it.
SHE WOKE SUNDAY MORNING after a restless night, her stomach a tight knot of anxiety. She hadn’t been able to eat anything all day in anticipation of Tammy coming home. She would have to say something. She couldn’t stand the thought of her flatmate sitting across from her, smug with the knowledge she’d stolen Michael right out from under her nose. Liv knew she and Tammy weren’t exactly friends, but she still thought there were moral rules to that kind of thing. Surely your flatmate’s boyfriend was off limits. Was that where she’d been all weekend—with Michael? Had there been previous times when Liv had assumed Tammy was out partying when actually she’d been with him?
The thought caused the knot in her stomach to constrict. It was a physical pain, causing her to double over and gasp for breath. Had she thought she was in love with Michael? Love? She wasn’t sure she even knew how it felt to be in love, but she’d definitely liked him a lot, and it was the betrayal that was worse than anything.
The hours passed by, and still there was no sign of Tamsin.
Liv couldn’t keep going like this. She was driving herself insane.
She picked up her phone for the hundredth time that day, but instead of checking the screen and throwing it back onto the table, she scrolled down to find Michael’s name. Her stomach churned with tension. She was almost certain she’d find them together.
Liv pressed the phone to her ear. It only rang twice before he answered.
“Livvy, I’m so pleased you phoned. I’ve been thinking about you all week.”
The jovial tone of his voice threw her.
“What? You have? Why?”
“Because of the way we left things the other day. I meant to call, but then I kept talking myself out of it, telling myself you probably needed some space. I mean, it was all pretty awkward when I was at yours the other day.”
She shook her head, baffled, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “It’s been a week since I heard from you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been swamped with work and house stuff.”
“But you’ve been here since,” she snapped.
He hesitated at her change of tone. “Sorry?”
“I saw you here on Friday afternoon. With Tammy.”
“Oh, you did? Why didn’t you speak to me then?”
“Because I put two and two together. Why else would you be sneaking out of my flat on Friday afternoon?”
“What? Oh, no. That’s not it at all. I left my jacket at yours the other night, and I happened to be passing.”
“I heard voices—you and Tammy, together.”
“Yeah, she was there when I passed by. I told her she should be a little nicer to you, considering ... everything.”
“Considering I’m on medication, you mean?” Her heart was pounding, the blood rushing through her ears. “How about you being a little nicer to me?”
“What are you talking about? I’ve only ever been nice to you.”
“What, by sleeping with my flatmate, you mean?”
There was silence on the other end. “Liv, I don’t know how you’ve jumped to that conclusion, but that isn’t what happened.”
“So, where is she now? She’s been gone all weekend, and the last person I know who was in her company was you.”
“Seriously, Liv. I have no idea. Out clubbing like she does most weekends, I expect.”
“And she’s still out on a Sunday?”
“Sleeping off a hangover, then? How the hell am I supposed to know? I saw her briefly on Friday, but otherwise I barely know the woman.”
“No, you’re lying. The two of you are involved, I know you are.” A rising panic built inside her, her mind clutching for the truth. He had a way of doing this, of convincing her to think something different. He was playing with her head.
“Liv, you’re worrying me. Do you want me to come over?”
“No!” she blurted. “I’ll call you if I need you.”
She hung up the phone. Michael coming over was the last thing she wanted. If she saw him, he would put thoughts into her head, bend the truth.
She wasn’t sure she trusted who she was around him.
Chapter Twenty-three
Five Days Earlier
BY MONDAY MORNING, Tammy still hadn’t come home.
Liv was getting worried and called her mobile several times, though it was either switched off or out of battery as it just went straight through to answer phone. It wasn’t like Tammy not to come home. However wasted she ended up at the weekend, she always made it back so she’d be ready for work Monday morning.
She’d left enough messages now, and didn’t feel she could call any more. How stupid would she feel if Tammy was simply still angry with her, and was staying at someone else’s house because she didn’t want to be around her? Liv would look like a complete stalker. Tamsin was an adult and was free to do whatever she wanted. She didn’t have to report
back to Olivia. But something gnawed at her, and she couldn’t let it drop.
Liv didn’t have any choice but to leave for work just as she did every weekday morning. She couldn’t risk losing her job on top of everything else. Even if Tony was a little strange at times, the job was the most stable thing in her life right now, and she desperately needed it.
She arrived at work to an angry client whose buyers had pulled out at the last minute, and another who was being messed around by an incompetent solicitor. Neither of those things were in Liv’s control, yet she was the one who caught the brunt of it when the house-sellers needed someone to vent at. At least her being busy meant she didn’t have time to mull over everything else that had happened, though she couldn’t stop herself from flicking her gaze repeatedly over to her phone, hoping either Tammy or Michael would have called or messaged her. Not that she was really expecting Michael to. After their previous couple of conversations, he probably thought he was better off out of the relationship.
“Hey, how are you after the weekend?” Ellen asked as they stood by the coffee machine.
“No more blackouts, which I guess is a good thing. And I spoke to Michael, and he insists there’s nothing going on between him and Tammy, and that he was just popping around to pick up the jacket he’d left there the other day.”
A smile of relief spread across Ellen’s face. “That’s great.”
“Yeah, but Tammy didn’t come home last night.”
The smile vanished. “Oh? Is that normal? She normally stays out a lot, doesn’t she?”
“But she’s normally home by Sunday night, ready for work the next day. And she’s not answering her phone, or replied to any of my texts.”
Her lips twisted. “Well, you and Tammy have never exactly been best buddies.”
“Maybe not, but I thought she’d at least let me know she’s okay. I told her in my messages that I was worried.”
Ellen exhaled a sigh. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s probably hooked up with some guy and gone straight to work from his place.” The smile was back, but this time mischievous. “At least now you know the guy wasn’t Michael.”
Liv forced a smile in return. “True.”
“Honestly, Liv. I think you’re being too kind to her. Tammy doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. I bet you’ll get back to the flat and discover her stomping around in a crap mood just like always, and then at least you’ll be able to get her to confirm what Michael said about the jacket.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
Ellen gave her a stern look. “And you’re going to call the doctor today and make an appointment about the blackouts, right?”
“Yes, I said I would.” Quickly, she moved the topic in a different direction. “Anyway, how about you? You’re the one who’s had this big breakup, and I’m the one hogging all the attention.”
Ellen’s eyes misted over, her lower lip jutting out, and she glanced away. “He’s shut me out of his life completely, so I guess I have to accept it’s over. He’s going to have to speak to me at some point, though, because I’ve got a ton of his mail.”
The knowledge that she’d gone to see Ryan swirled at her guts. She knew she should tell Ellen everything, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It would only upset her more, and the truth was that Ellen seemed to be handling things far better than she was right now. Maybe she was being utterly selfish, but she couldn’t stand for this to be a new area of animosity in her life. The saying ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ didn’t come out of nowhere.
LIV FINISHED UP HER day at work and went home. She still hadn’t heard anything from Tammy, and when she let herself into the flat, everything was quiet. She did a quick tour of the place, trying to figure out if there were any clues to show Tammy had been and gone again, but the place looked exactly the same as she’d left it.
She tried her phone again, but once more it went straight through to answer phone.
Taking a seat on the edge of the sofa, she sat holding the phone in her hands and staring at it as though it might have some answers. She’d lived such a separate life from her flatmate that she didn’t even know who to contact to see if she’d shown up somewhere else. Tammy told her she was originally from Plymouth, and her dad had buggered off when she was younger, and she didn’t really get on with her mother anymore. She worked in marketing for a kitchen company, but that was all Liv really knew. It suddenly occurred to her that Tammy could have hidden as much about her past as Liv had, and neither of them would have been any the wiser.
A sharp knock at the door pulled her from her stupor. Who was knocking? Normally, people used the bell at the main entrance to buzz up. She had the crazy idea that Tammy was home, but why wouldn’t she use her key? Unless she’d lost it, of course, or she was hurt and unable to.
Liv got to her feet, her legs loose and wobbly beneath her, and made her way to the door. A peephole embedded into the wood allowed her to see into the hallway, and she leaned into it, squeezing one eye shut so she could get a good look.
Two people, one man and one woman, both around mid-thirties, were standing in the hallway. They looked official, and her chest grew heavy with dread.
Stepping back again, she unlocked the door and pulled it open.
“Olivia Midhurst?” asked the woman.
Liv nodded. “Yes.”
“I’m D.C. Flynn, this is D.C. Mayfair. Can we come in?”
She looked anxiously between them. “What’s this about?”
“Miss Midhurst, we’d really rather not talk about it in the hall.”
She nodded and stepped out of the way, allowing the police officers to step into the flat with her. “Okay, sure.” Immediately, guilt swamped her, and her gaze darted over everything she could see in the flat, hoping there was nothing incriminating. Sometimes Tammy liked to smoke a little weed in the evenings, and Liv would just about die of mortification if the police officers noticed some remnants of it on the coffee table.
“Please, have a seat.” She gestured to the sofa, relieved she couldn’t see anything illegal lying around.
Both officers sat awkwardly side by side, perched right at the edge. The woman had a folder of notes, which she placed on her knees.
“This is the known address of Miss Tamsin Ashe?” asked the male half, D.C. Mayfair.
“Yes, that’s right. She’s my flatmate.” Liv looked anxiously between the police officers, her hands clutched together in her lap. “Is she okay?”
“I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but I’m afraid she’s not. Her body was recovered from a park earlier today.”
Liv froze, her mind pulling away at the edges. She reached out and grabbed the armrests of the chair, trying to steady herself.
“What?” Her voice sounded distant, like it didn’t belong to her at all.
“We’re not treating her death as suspicious at this time.”
Liv blinked. “How can it not be suspicious? She’s dead!”
“It would seem she sent some friends and family a number of concerning text messages before she died.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand. What are you trying to say?”
“We believe Tamsin may have taken her own life.”
She barked sudden and inappropriate laughter. “Tammy? Kill herself? No way.”
The female officer frowned. “What makes you so certain?”
“That just isn’t who Tammy is ... was ... I mean. She’s confident, and beautiful, and got everything going for her. She wouldn’t do something like that.”
The officer’s tone softened. “Quite often it is the ones we suspect the least who are going through the hardest battles. They have a way of hiding how they’re feeling from everyone around them.”
What she said was true—Liv knew that better than most. But she still didn’t believe Tammy had killed herself.
Michael.
Other than her, he was the last one to see Tamsin. She suddenly remembered the blo
nde woman who had turned up dead, too. Hadn’t they said she’d also killed herself? It was too much of a coincidence, surely, for the deaths not to be linked.
Liv opened her mouth to say something, and then snapped it shut again. She’d be throwing Michael into the lion’s den, and possibly for no reason, if she said something. He would never forgive her if she told the police she thought he could be involved in the deaths of two young women. The cops thought both deaths were suicide. They were professionals. They must have good reason for thinking such a thing.
“How ...” Her voice broke, and she cleared her throat, composing herself. She tried again. “How did she do it?”
“It was a drugs overdose,” D.C. Mayfair, the male half of the duo, said. “Cocaine. We believe she has a history of drug abuse, which probably led to her mentally fragile state.”
Liv shook her head. “She was a party girl, that was all. It was recreational. It’s not as though she was sitting on the street doing it.”
The woman officer frowned slightly at her, obviously reading the myriad of expressions flitting across Liv’s face. “Is there something you’d like to tell us? Something you’ve thought of?”
“Oh, no, not really.”
“When was the last time you saw Tamsin alive?”
She could tell her now, that it had been when she’d come home early and seen Michael leaving, shortly followed by Tammy. But if she did, they’d question Michael, and they’d want to know why they’d all argued, and then the medication she was on was bound to be brought up, and if that was mentioned, they’d be sure to look into her past. It was a can of worms she didn’t want to open.
If Tammy had killed herself, Liv wouldn’t be helping anyone by bringing all that up. She’d only be causing trouble for all those left behind.
“When she left for work Friday morning,” she said instead. “She didn’t seem any different than any other day.”
The officer gave a tight smile and snapped her notebook shut. “Okay.” She reached out, and Liv saw she was holding something out to her. It was a business card. “If you think of anything at all that might be of interest to us, please, do call.”
