by Kristi Rose
Andee couldn't believe her ears.
"He was out in the open with another woman?" Lorelei asked.
Melinda nodded. "He didn't care who caught him."
Lorelei narrowed her eyes. "I hope she skins him alive."
"She won't." Melinda shook her head. "I saw her the other day, and she asked me if I was happier once I got divorced. I told her I was just relieved. She looked like she could handle a bit of relief."
"What am I---I mean what is she going to do?" Andee asked.
Melinda grabbed her hand. "This is not you and Buck. Listen, men are morons They don't always put the pieces together. You have to show him how this new look benefits him."
"She's right," added Lorelei.
Melinda adjusted her shirt, exposing her ample cleavage even more. "I got this new shirt today. You like it?" She leaned forward.
"No, you didn't. You got it yesterday when we were shopping."
Melinda smacked Andee on the side of the arm.
"Ow," she said, rubbing it. "Oh, I see what you just did. I get it." Tell them without actually telling them. Sneaky. "You think I should try again."
"Um." Melinda rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I think you should try again until you get the results you want."
"What if I never get the results I want?" Andee whispered, partly to herself. "What if he wants a new honey? He's been acting weird."
"Impossible. Buck loves you. Always has. Always will," Lorelei said.
Melinda nodded her agreement.
Yeah, but it wasn't Buck's love she doubted, just his desire for her. Everyone knew those were two different things. Men who had affairs were men who loved their wives, usually, but somewhere along the way the passion for them had turned into friendship and companionship. The shift in marriage went from turning them on to tuning them out.
Andee saw that coming like a freight train about to jump the tracks. Not that she thought Buck was a cheater, but he was a red-blooded, horny man, and the last time they'd tried a position outside of missionary, the president had been campaigning for reelection.
The jingling of the front door bells indicating a new customer stopped her from further sharing her fears with her friends. Andee turned to find Buck walking into the diner dressed in his typical, not-at-work, weekend clothes--a T-shirt, cargo shorts, and his favorite ball cap--which was puzzling He pulled his ball cap off and ran his hand through his hair before he folded then tucked the hat in his back pocket.
"Hey," he said when he came to the counter. "Melinda. Lorelei." He nodded to them. "How are ya? How are the repairs coming on your house, Melinda? Heard Jared's company was fixing it up." He returned his gaze to Andee, Melinda's recent house fire already forgotten.
"Can we talk?"
"Now? Why aren't you at work? Isn't it your Saturday?" She knew it was his once-a-month weekend to cover the store. She straightened her shirt and pushed back her shoulders.
"Can we take this elsewhere?"
Andee scooped up a set of dirty dishes and dumped them into the bin for the dishwasher with a clatter, tossing a plate over them for good measure. Perversely, she took pleasure in his wince.
"Buck here tied one on last night," she told the girls. Frankly, she was tired of this state they were in. Tired of trying to figure it out while he avoided it through work or TV, and drinking.
"Why don't you all go into the kitchen," Lorelei said and pushed the dishwashing bin toward Andee.
Andee snatched up the large plastic box, gave it a good shake, and nodded her head toward the back, indicating Buck should follow her.
KISS ME AGAIN
CHAPTER FIVE
With more force than she intended, Andee slid the wash bin onto the table and began loading it into the dishwasher, tossing the plates and mugs haphazardly into the machine.
Her fear of what Buck was hiding and frustration over her repeated failures to draw it out of him had morphed into simmering anger. There was no denying that she was scared, but she'd finally hit a place where she simply needed everything to be resolved so she could move forward. Living with no understanding about what the hell was happening was eating her alive. Doubt was now consuming logic.
If Buck was no longer turned on by her and wanted someone else, then as her father would say, "It was time to fish or cut bait." This sentiment applied to whatever else might be eating away at the underpinning of their marriage.
Slamming the door of the dishwasher closed with her hip, Andee grabbed a pen and paper and began taking inventory. She heard the swinging door whoosh open and slide closed and turned to face her husband.
"Babe?" He took a step toward her.
"What's going on, Buck? Why aren't you at work?" She crossed her arms, pen and paper gripped tightly in her fist, and shifted her body away from him.
Stopping, he rested his hands on his hips. "I got fired. Remember?" He met her gaze.
"You get fired at least twice a year. Why is today any different? Put on your uniform and go to work." Why was he suddenly so resistant to his job? Where was this coming from? From what she'd read, it was too soon for Buck to be having a midlife crisis, but damn it if it didn't look like that might be what was happening.
Buck shook his head and stood firm before her. "I'm not going back there."
She watched him search her face, trying to read her. Good luck, she couldn't even get a good gauge on how she felt. She slapped the pen and paper on the counter and planted her hands on her hips, ready for a faceoff.
"What do you mean you're not going back there? Where you going? What are you doing? You've worked for your father since you were fifteen. You've never work anywhere else-ever- but today is the day you've decided to change that." She tossed up her hands in amazement.
Buck briefly scrubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah, that's the plan." He scuffed his foot against the cement floor and met her gaze.
"You're just walking away?"
His mouth opened, then closed before opening again, the words apparently unwilling to come out. Andee almost took comfort in that. Almost.
She looked away to gather her racing thoughts, but panic had disabled her coping skills and left her in a heightened state where she was working from her gut. "So what? You're going to go work for Publix now? I thought you swore you'd never be like the masses here and work for a grocery store. I don't understand, Bucky. Help me understand why everything is changing." She fought to keep the hysteria from her voice but failed.
In anticipation of what she was about to inevitably hear, she gripped the counter with one hand and waited. What would he say? What would it change? Would the eventual outcome be something drastic like divorce or just change the structure of their marriage? The possibilities were endless. Truth was, she might be able to handle almost any of the scenarios with the exception of someone else.
"Your dad always says to follow your heart--" The ringing of Buck's phone interrupted him. After pulling it out, he looked at the screen and pressed ignore. He switched the tone to vibrate.
"Oh my God." Andee moaned and covered her eyes with the palms of her hands, "Do not quote my father. He's a person who is never content with what he has." She dropped her hands and watched him ignore the call, "Was that your dad?"
"Just listen. Your dad did what he wanted and he was happier for it."
She sliced her hands through the air to emphasize her point. "And my mother was stressed out because of it. Trying to figure out how to feed us when he was between jobs. Trying to keep up the appearances he expected. My dad is a selfish asshole who moved his family every six months to a wreck of a house. He made us live in a construction zone nearly every day of our lives all so that he could make more money. Money that he does nothing with. Just hoards it. "
"Oh, come on. It was never that bad. I've heard the stories. I was even there for part of it, and you never went without." Buck crossed his arms over his chest.
"I bet my momma would tell a different tale."
Her voice hit a new high.
The low hum of vibration filled the pause between their words.
Buck's volume met hers. "We should ask her because she seems pretty happy to me." Following a sigh, he reached into his pocket and silenced his phone a second time.
"Why are we even talking about my parents? What does this have to do with anything?"
"It has everything to do with what I'm talking about." He moved away, turning his back to her, and she watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took in a deep breath.
She closed her eyes and quietly said, "I get that my parents are much nicer than your dad, but you didn't grow up with my dad. His life wasn't as rosie as he always made it look. I know working for your dad is much like facing a bully. But you're going to own those stores one day--"
"I don't want to own them." The terse tone of his words snapped her eyes open and she saw him facing her, his face drawn and angry. "I don't want anything to do with it. I'd rather be a beggar on the street than give him another day of my life. I'm sick of him pitting Cal and I against each other for bonuses and promotions--that rarely come through, need I remind you. I'm tired of him trying to hijack my life. For the love of God, Andee, he wants to take our vacation home money and use it on a hunting cabin. That alone should piss you off."
"We had a plan," she yelled. "Now, suddenly that's no longer good for you? I don't know who--"
"You're so focused on your ten-year plan that you can't see what's going on around you." He met her volume and took it a notch higher.
Andee gasped. "You come home drunk, tell me you've been fired, and now you're telling me that you're not going back? What else are you gonna surprise me with?"
Buck pulled out his phone and shut it off. He tossed it on the counter. "Do you not see how unhealthy this relationship is?"
Andee paled and wrung her hands. Had he been avoiding his issues with her just like he was avoiding his father's calls? Could he really think they were unhealthy or was he talking about his father? A cacophony of thoughts, most heavy with fear, crowded her mind making logical reasoning impossible, "Is that him that keeps calling? Aren't you going to tell him your plans?"
"I'd like to tell you first, but if you don't care--" He stood with one hand on his hip and the other pointing at her.
"I never said I didn't care, but it's kinda rude to let him hang like that--" Andee folded her arms around her, squeezing her arms tightly, hoping to hold herself together. If he could treat his own father with such careless disregard, how would he treat her?
"He fired me!" He stepped toward her and shouted, "Do you not hear what I'm saying? Are you unable to hear me?"
"But have you even told him what your--"
"He. Fired. Me." Buck yelled again. "I don't owe him anything."
"What about me? Do you owe me anything because you've made all these changes without so much as a hint as to what is on your mind-" She hollered.
"I'm trying-"
Their voices escalated as they continued to talk over the other, not listening, instead trying to get the other to see their side. A years worth of stress, confusion and its mounting strain spilled out through their words and in the pitch of their voices.
"You can't even tell your father you're done-," she said over him.
"I told him yesterday-"
A shrill whistle made the argument come to an abrupt stop. Lorelei stepped between them.
"Now. There's nothing I want more than for y'all to work this out and put it behind you. But I reckon you might not want to do it here, with everyone out in the diner privy to the conversation."
"Jesus," Buck said and stepped away.
"Was it bad?" Andee asked Lorelei.
She nodded. "Everyone out there is tuned in. I'm sure the gossips have phoned their counterparts and word is spreading as we speak."
Andee slumped against the counter, her head resting in the palms of her hands.
"We'll just work this out at home," Buck said and started to move away, but Lorelei snagged him by the elbow and pulled him back.
"No. I've known the two of you my entire life, and I've never seen you all like this. From what I can gather this fight is two different conversations. Neither of you can see that. My folks are in town and my dad's doing a marriage retreat of sorts at the church this weekend. It starts in a few minutes. I called him and he's expecting you."
"I don't think so, Lorelei." Buck shook his head.
Lorelei stepped closer, and though she lowered her voice, Andee heard her say, "Yeah, Bucky. You're going. Do you know that Andee thinks you don't find her attractive anymore?"
Part of her hated that her friend had outed her but another part felt relief. She'd been too afraid to say the words, afraid his confirmation would follow them.
Through her tears, Andee saw Buck stare at her. Yet, he made no move to comfort her or ease her fears.
Lorelei turned to Andee. "You all rarely fight. And now, when you need to do it to work out some stuff, you're no good at it. You two don't know how to fight. You need a mediator. That's my dad."
"What about the interviews?" Andee stalled.
"You're just gonna have to trust me. I'll hire the one I think works best. Can you do that?"
Andee nodded and wiped her eyes with a tea towel.
Buck sighed. "Why can't you do that for me, Andee? Trust me like that."
Before Andee could respond, Lorelei cut her off. "Not here. Take it to dad."
"What about closing up?" Andee twisted the tea towel in her hands.
"Kylie is coming in. She'll help through the weekend. You all just focus on each other. Melinda said she'll help out until help gets here."
Andee started to stay something, but Lorelei pulled her into a hug. "Focus on your marriage," she whispered.
Andee nodded and let Lorelei wipe her face clean with the towel.
"Do you want to ride together?" Buck asked.
Andee shook her head. "I need a minute to gather my thoughts. I'll follow you there." She pulled off her apron then bent to pull her purse from a crate on the floor. If there was one thing from this whole experience that Andee was certain of, it was that if Buck Swift no longer wanted to be with her she likely wouldn't have the strength to knock some sense into him. That the idea of him moving on would break her in two.
KISS ME AGAIN
CHAPTER SIX
From the moment he walked into the diner and saw the tired but frustrated expression on his wife's face, he felt pretty confident there was no chance his actions from last night would blow over.
He was tired, his head pounded, and his gut told him that this was not the time or place to have the conversation they needed to have. But now that his plan was in motion, he didn't want to waste another day and had already put a call in to the realtor who was selling the empty lot he'd come to covet.
Now, as he waited to walk his wife to her car, he banked his frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was air his business in front of more people, including Reverend Parker, a man Buck had always wished was his father instead of the ballbuster he'd gotten. But he'd go to hell and back to never again see his wife look like she had a moment ago. Her face ravaged from tears and fear. Even if hell looked like couples counseling with the guy who used to be his youth pastor, who had married him and Andee, and who threw a football like a laser.
While Buck held the diner door, waiting, a line from an old movie played on repeat in his head. "Dead man walking," it screamed, all the way to the church.
He parked beside Andee, and together they walked in silence to the large building. Usually they'd hold hands, but today he worried about touching her. Afraid she'd start crying again. His intense need to ease her pain and guilt for knowing he was wrecking her ten-year plan almost made him reconsider going back to work for his tyrannical father. Almost.
He'd known this was going to be hard. Andee came from a large family that was always on the move, changing plans
, and forgetting about little things like deadlines, routines, and schedules. It had made his little type-A planner crazy back in high school, and she was only able to manage it now because she could leave her family's nonsense behind for the comfort and structure of their home.
Andee needed predictability and it was his job to see she had it. That's why dropping this bomb on her without time to prep her was going to be hard. Real hard. And it was all his fault because he hadn't figured out the best way to prime her for his news back when he knew the change was coming.
They entered the front of the church, and immediately his eyes were drawn into the chapel, down the long center walkway that ended at the altar where Jesus hung from the cross.
"God is watching," His wife whispered.
"Pardon?" Her words caught him off guard.
"God is watching It's something momma used to say when she thought we were lying. It always got us to confess. I suppose that's the point of this exercise." she mumbled the last bit.
It was do-or-die time. There'd be no skirting the truth in order to avoid what needed to be said. There would be no white lies to save feelings.
It wasn't that he believed God would smite him down or anything like that. He knew that he was to blame for the state of their relationship. His hesitation and concern with rocking her boat, for increasing their risk, had made him drag his feet too long. Andee deserved better.
Reverend Parker came out from an annex room and smiled at them. "Come in. Come in. We're just getting started, held the introductions until you arrived." He gestured for them to precede him.
Andee looked to him, something she always did when she was nervous and moving into new territory. He gave her a reassuring nod and, sensing her hesitation, stepped forward.
"Reverend. Thanks for letting us come last minute." Buck extended his hand and the two men shook, the reverend clasping Buck's hand between his.
"I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you both. I wish it were under different circumstances, but this'll be a good thing. Trust me, son. I'll take care of you."
