It’s bullshit.
But my mother’s words ring in my head, and I know I have to do it. She once warned me that I would have to sacrifice things for the sake of duty. She told me that as the eldest, it would be my responsibility. Maybe she was in love once, and she had to give it up for the sake of the Kingdom.
With Damon in medical school, and Gabe a worse troublemaker than I ever was, I know I have to do this. My mother was right—I’m the only one with the strength and the will to be King.
Even so, all I want to do with the Crown is fling it deep into Farcliff Lake.
I spend another week wallowing in my own misery. I drive by Elle’s house every day until it becomes too hard to go near her. I set aside some money for her and the baby, hiding it in an account my father can’t access. I plan to pay her student fees for next year.
I torture myself, thinking of every single possibility where I could be with Elle, and not Olivia.
But there’s no way. I have to accept the Crown, or else put Elle in danger of retribution and force one of my brothers to give up their lives. My father has me over a barrel, and I can’t see any way out of it. If I don’t do as he says, he’ll renounce me as his heir and everyone that I love will suffer.
The entire Kingdom will suffer.
Whenever I go near his office, he shuts the door. I hear rumblings about this dam project, and it worries me. I still can’t work out what’s going on, but my head is a mess. I can’t focus.
Two weeks after Elle tells me it’s over between us, Olivia and her family are invited over to a formal dinner at the castle. I straighten my tie in the mirror as Neville waits by my bedroom door.
“How are you feeling, sir?”
“How am I feeling?” I scoff. “I’m feeling like shit. I have to marry a woman I have no interest in marrying, and the woman that I’m in love with is pretending she doesn’t know me.”
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“Me, too.” I walk to the ensuite to put some pomade in my hair. When I tug open the top drawer, a little black ring box slides to the front. Cracks spider over my heart for the millionth time. I flip the ring box open to see my mother’s ring, and I know I’ll never be able to give it to Elle.
Which means I’ll never give it to anyone.
If Elle won’t wear it, it’ll stay hidden in this drawer forever.
With a sigh, I toss it back and slam the drawer shut. I fix my hair and stomp out. “Let’s get this over with, Nev.”
He bows and walks with me to the dining room. Everyone is already there: Damon, Gabe, my father, as well as Olivia and her parents.
It’s a happy fucking family reunion.
“Glad you could join us,” my father says with a cruel smile. For the past two weeks, he’s been walking around with the same stupid smirk on his face. “Charles, you remember Lord and Lady Brundle?”
“Good to see you again,” I say mechanically, even though I have no recollection of ever meeting them.
“Your father and I were just discussing the hydroelectric dam proposition on the southern end of Farcliff Lake.”
I arch an eyebrow. Lord Brundle seems to be up to speed on this proposal. The dam would straddle our two countries, and I’m starting to wonder what my father promised him. Is Olivia being traded like a bargaining chip as well?
“Enough business, Daddy.” Olivia bats her eyelashes at me. “Come sit, future husband.” She gives me a toothy smile and pats the chair beside her.
I hold back a shiver of disgust. When I sit next to her, she puts her hand on my thigh. I move it off, and then throw a glassful of wine down my gullet and call for another. If I can’t change this, at least I can drink, right? I haven’t had a big binge in months.
Somewhere between my second and third glasses of alcohol, her hand reappears on my thigh. It slides all the way up until she’s grabbing my…
“What the fuck?” I jump back, kicking the table and smacking her off me.
Cutlery clatters as Olivia’s face reddens. She removes her hand and I glare at her.
“Charlie!” My father snaps. “That’s no way to speak to your betrothed.”
I don’t answer, instead swinging my eyes to my future father-in-law. “Tell me more about this dam,” I say to Lord Brundle.
My father’s eyes narrow as Lord Brundle launches into an explanation of the new hydroelectric dam. Grimdale residents would be relocated to East Brundle while the current lowlands would be completely flooded.
“We estimate that the power generated would be enough to support both our countries.”
“You want to relocate over twelve million people? How do you expect to do that? What would they do?”
“It’s just Grimdale,” my father says with a wave. “They’ll move.”
“Just Grimdale? They’re people, Father. They’re your subjects. You’ll just move them to a different country without batting an eyelid? What will they do in Brundle?”
My father just smiles at me, and dread seeps into my heart. This isn’t just about Elle, or my brothers. If I refuse to marry Olivia, he’ll be in power long enough to see this plan through. If I do marry her, I’m essentially signing on the dotted line to hand over all of Grimdale to Brundle. He’s getting rid of what he sees as the scourge of our Kingdom—the entirety Grimdale—and making a shitload of money for himself in the process.
At the same time, he’s getting rid of the only threat he has—me.
Check-fucking-mate.
All those people moved from their homes in Grimdale… for what? How much money is this power plant going to generate?
“We have a shortage of workers in East Brundle. Lots of jobs.”
“What kind of jobs?” My eyes narrow.
Lord Brundle waves a hand. “Factories, mines, that sort of thing. Low-skilled jobs well-suited to Grimdale residents.”
“You do realize that people have been living in Grimdale for generations, right? They’re not just animals that you can trade for money. They’re not all low-skilled workers. There are doctors and lawyers and all kinds of professionals in Grimdale, too. They won’t move without a fight.”
“Well, that’ll be something for the new King to deal with,” my father says, raising a glass. “To the happy couple.”
“To the happy couple,” Lady Brundle says with a smile.
My heart sinks. My father is triumphant. If I oppose this now, he’ll hurt Elle. If I don’t, I’m the face of the project. My father keeps calling the shots with no repercussions.
I know, now, that Elle is right. I can’t be with her. My duty is to my Kingdom, and it seems that my father is intent on ruining it. If I turn my back on the Crown now, all of Grimdale will be annihilated.
My father stares at me with a wicked smirk on his face. He calls for more wine, but I can’t hear a word. My ears are ringing. I look around the dinner table to see my brothers’ grim faces followed by my father’s jubilant one.
He knows he’s trapped me. The only way I can stop this from happening is by becoming King, and the only way I can become King is by marrying Olivia Brundle.
Which means I can’t have Elle.
Sitting at that dinner table, the last piece of my heart turns black and crumbles as I realize that for all my wishing, all my hopes and late-night dreams… I’ll never be with the woman I love. I’ll never be a father to our child. I’ll never hold her in my arms again and I’ll never get to tell her that I love her.
I have to choose between her and half my Kingdom. As much as it breaks my spirit, I have to choose my Kingdom.
34
Elle
Days turn into weeks, which turn into months. My baby grows. I take summer classes and schedule my next semester so I can graduate by December.
The baby is due around the holidays, so it’ll be tough, but it’s possible. I just have to do things right.
I apply for student loans. Between that, what the Valencias scrape together, and a generous loan from Dahlia, I’m able to pay tuition f
or the summer and fall semesters. I’ll graduate.
I stay off social media and I don’t watch the news. Stories of Prince Charlie’s wedding dominate the press. It’s never-ending.
There are news stories about what flowers will be chosen, what dress Olivia will wear, what they’ll name their first child. It feels like whenever I’m having a good day, I’ll see another headline about his happy marriage, or a photo of him and Olivia together, and it sends me down another spiral of depression.
The only thing that keeps me going is my baby. When I feel the negativity start to creep in, I sit and meditate until it goes away. I play classical music for my bump, and talk to my baby as if it’s already in my arms.
“You’re going to be the luckiest baby in the world, because you have a mother who will do anything for you,” I whisper to my belly.
Tina brings me to my doctor’s appointments, and I learn that I’m having a son.
“What are you going to call him?” She asks as she’s driving me home.
“Charlie,” I answer, staring out the window. She reaches over to clasp my hand, and we drive the rest of the way home in silence.
I still love him, is the thing. Even when I read about Prince Charlie’s upcoming marriage. Even when I see pictures of him with the girl who tormented me in the locker room for three years. Even when I get scared that I won’t be able to provide for this baby on my own.
I still love him.
As the weeks go by, I realize it’ll never go away.
So, I just accept it. I’ll love the Prince from afar, and I’ll use that energy to raise our son.
Come September, I go to the Farcliff University Student Services building to make my final tuition payment, only to learn that the balance has been cleared.
I walk out, stroking my now-obvious six-month baby bump. I know it was him—it was the Prince. My fingers hover over my phone screen, but I hesitate. I’ve blocked his number months ago, because I couldn’t handle his calls and texts.
If I talk to him now, will I still have the strength to go on without him? I’m just starting to come to terms with his absence.
I put my phone away without saying anything and I go home. Dahlia is there, and I try to give her back the money she lent me. Dahlia refuses, saying I’ll need money to live during the semester.
“I won’t charge you interest. The banks will. Pay back the student loans first, and you can pay me back after.”
“Dahlia…”
“I’m not taking any money from you. I’ll kick you out of this house before that happens, and then you’ll need the money even more than you do now.”
I open my mouth, but all I can do is laugh. “Fine. Thank you.” And then my jaw drops and my hand goes to my stomach. “He’s kicking!”
Dahlia squeals, rushing over to me and putting her hand out to feel it. “Is this the first time?”
I nod, speechless. My cheeks flush and a smile cracks my face in half. “That feels so weird.”
“You have an actual whole other human growing inside you,” Dahlia says, her eyes wide. “That’s wild.”
I laugh. “Yes, that’s the general idea behind pregnancy.”
We sit on the sofa together for another quiet evening, and I realize that Dahlia and the Valencias are all the family I need. I’ve spent my whole life mourning the fact that I don’t know who my parents are, but now—with this baby inside me—it’s giving me perspective. I get to choose my family, and fill it with people who love and care about me. I know Dahlia, Frank, and Tina will be here for me, no matter what.
I glance at Dahlia and nod to her room. “I haven’t heard any marathon sex sessions in a while. You okay?”
She gives me a tight smile. “Yeah,” she says. “Just a dry spell, I guess. Don’t want to ruin another bed frame seeing as you won’t be able to help me build another one for a little while.”
I laugh, and then glance at my friend. It’s out of character for her to be celibate. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. You?”
“Yeah,” I smile. “I’m good, actually. I feel… I feel like everything is going to be okay.”
“Didn’t I tell you that four months ago? It will be okay.”
She grabs the remote and changes the channel, and Charlie’s face flashes on the screen. My heart squeezes.
“Oops! Sorry,” she says, flicking it back.
“Wait, go back.”
“…and the date of the wedding is set for November first of this year. With only six weeks for the final preparations, the castle is abuzz with energy. The Brundle family are making preparations to move their daughter to Farcliff…”
“Six weeks,” I say, eyebrows arching. “That’s soon.”
“Must be some kind of rush.”
“Maybe she’s pregnant, too,” I say with a grin that turns into a grimace. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret saying them out loud. My lips pinch and my eyes water, and Dahlia squeezes my arm.
“I don’t think so,” she says. “I don’t think he would do that.”
“Yeah,” I respond, but I don’t really believe her. The Prince and I aren’t together anymore. He’s getting married, and he’s expected to have to have children—legitimate children—to become his heirs. At some point, if it hasn’t happened already, he’s going to have sex with Olivia Brundle.
The thought of him with another woman still makes me sick. My stomach turns and the baby kicks, as if he can feel me getting upset. I just run my hands over my stomach and focus on my son. I take deep breaths as Dahlia changes the channel again, and I push the thought of the Prince and Olivia out of my mind.
It doesn’t matter anymore, but it still hurts.
“He loved you, Elle. I know he did.” Dahlia’s voice is soft.
“It’s irrelevant,” I say. “It’s over. I just need to move on.”
“I’m sorry, Elle.”
“For what? I mean, at the end of the day, I was with him and it gave me an entire new perspective on life. I’ll have this kid, now, and I already know I’ll love him more than anything else in the world. It’s not all bad.”
“No, but it would be better if he wasn’t on television every four seconds.”
I laugh bitterly. “Yeah, true. I’ll have to choose a less famous secret boyfriend next time.”
“He hasn’t tried to contact you?”
“I blocked his number.”
“Oh.”
“He was calling me almost every day the first month. It was too hard to keep ignoring his calls. I can’t be with him, so it’s easier just to cut him off.”
“He paid your tuition, though, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So he’s thinking about you.”
“Maybe.”
Dahlia doesn’t say much after that, and neither do I.
Maybe I should talk to him and keep him in my life. Maybe I should call him to thank him. It would be the mature thing to do.
But every time I see him with Olivia, my heart breaks all over again. I’m scared that if I talk to him, hearing his voice will send me back down to the depths of despair.
It’s easier just to move on. It happened, and it was great, but now it’s done. I’ll always love him, but I can never have him. It’s over.
35
Charlie
My wedding day feels more like a funeral. With my stiff, over-starched ceremonial uniform choking me, and my hair gelled back like a helmet, I feel like a fool. A makeup artist is fussing over my face and neck. She’s covered my visible tattoos with makeup on my chest and wrists—at my father’s instruction, of course. It’s not appropriate, he told her. I don’t have the energy to fight it. It’s just another sign that I can’t be who I want to be anymore.
“It’s okay. I’m done now,” I say, waving her away.
“But the photos—”
“The photos will be fine. I don’t care about the photos.” I get up off the chair and make my way down to the castle lobby. The royal processi
on is ready and waiting for me. We’ll make our way to the cathedral in the center of Farcliff. The police have closed off the streets, and there are already thousands of people lining the barricades to watch us go by.
My carriage is ornate, red, and completely over-the-top. Four white horses are ready to pull me to the end of my life as I know it.
My father hangs out of the carriage waiting behind mine and he waves impatiently. “You’re late!”
I ignore him. Castle guards on horses line the procession on either side, wearing equally ridiculous uniforms as me. What a fucking rigamarole this is. It’s almost embarrassing.
Olivia Brundle is somewhere in this circus, wearing a big dress that everyone will gush about. There are about a dozen horse-drawn carriages in a row, and I allow myself to be led to one of them. Neville joins me, along with my two brothers.
“You look like you’re in a good mood,” Gabe says with a grin. “Your wedding day is supposed to be happy.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not.”
No one says anything else, and we start moving. The carriage bounces along and I stare out the window, seeing nothing.
The future is bleak, but this is what being King is all about, apparently. I have to sacrifice my personal happiness for the sake of my people—and the twelve million residents of Grimdale shouldn’t have to move away from their homes. If I can’t be with Elle, I’ll make sure of that, at least.
The Farcliff Dam Project isn’t signed yet, and I’m making it my mission to kill it, if it’s the last thing I do. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will. I’m doing it for Elle, and for my mother. It’s what they’d both want.
There are thousands of people lining the streets, shouting and cheering for us as we ride by. My spirits sink lower. They shouldn’t be here celebrating when I feel like I’m walking the plank. We wind through the streets of Farcliff and the crowds get denser.
Knocked Up by Prince Charming: Knocked Up Royals: Book 1 Page 18
