by Phil Foglio
“—But I think we got it mad,” Trish cried.
“Stev!” Guntar shouted, “Destroy!”
With a rumble, the squat automaton strode forward. As he moved, he shuddered and shrugged, unfolding his joints and growing as he advanced. Smilin’ Stev suddenly looked a lot more dangerous. The enormous grin plastered across his face widened—and a buzz saw slid out of his mouth, shrieking as it gained speed.
The monster saw the approaching clank and paused. As Stev came within reach, the creature wheeled about and delivered a punishing kick with its rear legs, punching two enormous dents into the machine’s hide and sending him flying backwards. Stev hit the ground rolling. When he stopped, he was on his back, limbs waving feebly.
By this time the rest of the circus performers had appeared, most of them carrying strange bits of equipment. A high-pitched squealing filled the air, causing everyone’s teeth to vibrate painfully. “Cover your ears!” André yelled, “I’m using the sonic cannon!”
Dame Ædith appeared atop one of the wagons. She opened a huge prayer book to reveal a hand-held machine cannon, and began firing wooden stakes at the creature. “Aut vincere aut mori!” she screamed.
Yeti lumbered forward. He took a string of huge beads from around his neck and wrapped it around his hand. The light around him began to bend slightly as he advanced. “Stay back,” he called out, “I am contemplating the gravity equations!”
Professor Moonsock rushed up, wearing nothing but a leather waistcoat and bloomers. She gleefully pulled the stopper from a large canister covered with warning symbols. “Fools! None of that will work!” she announced joyfully, “I am releasing my poisonous skywurms!”
At this announcement, the entire company turned away from the spiny horse-monster and screamed “No!” But it was far too late. A horde of glowing purple insects boiled forth from the canister. They spun about in the air, and then, at a signal from their delighted mistress, dived en masse toward the bemused horse beast.
As the wurms neared their target, the monster reared up and spat out a stream of foul-smelling flames that engulfed the entire swarm.
Guntar blinked in astonishment. “It breathes fire?”
Professor Moonsock stomped in fury. “Cheating! Cheating! That is so unfair!”
At that moment, Yeti clapped his huge hands together and boomed forth a low “Ooooommmmm...” The horse gasped, and its knees buckled.
From the darkness, Zeetha leapt onto the horse-creature’s back, her swords crossed before her. As she landed, she swept her arms forward, and the blades effortlessly sliced through the creature’s neck.
The head flew off with a surprised expression frozen upon its features. The body shuddered, but before anyone could react, the creature’s chest split wide open, revealing a gaping, fang-filled mouth that gibbered and squealed. Zeetha, astonished, had recovered quickly and was repeatedly sinking her swords into the creature’s back, but long tentacles burst out of the open maw, and plucked her into the air. Helpless, she roared in fury as she was pulled toward the creature’s huge mouth.
Suddenly, the thing exploded in a spatter of brilliant blue light. Zeetha was thrown sideways, and crashed against a cart, followed by tiny pattering scraps of monster.
The circus players stood transfixed. The only sound was an ominous “vreeeeeee—” as the weapon Agatha held under her arm recharged. She stood in the firelight, studying the performers and the assorted devices they held. She looked around at the damage those devices had caused to the surrounding area. Finally she nodded and lowered the gun.
“Well,” she said to Krosp, “There’s your answer.” She turned to Master Payne. “I think I understand now. You’re all Sparks. Aren’t you?”
Everyone looked at Master Payne. He opened his mouth to answer—and was cut off when Lars let out an unearthly shriek.
Oddly, at the sound of Lars’ scream, the circus players seemed to relax, as if this were the signal that all was clear. Trish bent over him as he sat on the ground near the fire. “It’s okay!” she said soothingly, “Take a deep breath.”
This didn’t help. “HORSE!” he screamed. “HORSEHORSE HORSEHORSE!”
Agatha stared. “What in the World is the matter with him?”
The Countess shook her head. “Panic attack. He gets them after things like this.”
Agatha looked surprised. “Oh. But... that’s kind of unusual for a Spark, isn’t it? Doesn’t he wind up doing it all the time, then?”
“He’s not a Spark.”
“What? But—”
Marie spread her hands. “Many of us, yes, but not all of us.”
Taki bustled up with an anticipatory grin upon his face. He was carrying a beautiful, large, golden-brown pie. “Panic attack, eh? Finally! Thought I’d never get a chance to try my newest Calming Pie!”
Before anyone could stop him, the cook strode straight over and slapped the pie directly into Lars’ face. Lars froze. Everyone held his or her breath... and then from around a face full of pie could be heard a strangled, “horrrff!”
Agatha looked at Marie with suspicion. “That was supposed to calm him down?”
The Countess rolled her eyes. “Those of us who are Sparks aren’t always that good at it. There’s a reason we get called ‘mad’ you know.”
The cook shrugged irritably. “All the calm must’ve leaked out. I’ll bake a fresh one.”
Yeti had retrieved Zeetha, and now held her carefully in his arms. Master Payne examined her foot, which looked bruised. He gingerly wiggled it, causing her to gasp in sudden pain.
The Circus Master clucked his tongue. “You’ve sprained that ankle. One of Professor Moonsock’s self-tightening bandages should have it fixed up in a few days, but you’ll want to stay off of it.”
One of the other performers bustled up. “No! Wait! This is the perfect opportunity to test out my ‘relativistic pain theory’! Let me get my hammer!”
One of the puppeteers snorted derisively. “Bosh! We should amputate! We can try out my new steam-powered feet!”
Zeetha snarled at them both and brandished a sword. “Come near me, and I will kill you!”
With the ease of long practice, both Sparks turned away. “Fine. Suffer then,” the hammer man said.
The puppeteer was obviously more disappointed and turned to eye the still babbling Lars. A speculative gleam grew in her eyes. “You know,” she said hopefully, “I’ll bet Lars wouldn’t panic if his feet could run at two hundred kilometers an hour!”
The hammer man looked at her scornfully. “Absurd. The stress would tear his legs apart.”
The puppeteer grinned and rubbed her hands together. “Ah—Old fashioned flesh legs, yes, but—”
“Enough!” Marie shouted, giving them a stern look. Around them, several equally-alarming conversations came to a halt. “All Lars needs is a lie-down and some quiet!”
The crowd shuffled its feet sheepishly, looked disappointed, and began to disperse. The Countess nodded in satisfaction and then turned to her husband with a thoughtful expression. “And...and perhaps a soothing tonic?” she said—a small, manic grin spreading across her.
Payne nodded amiably and gently pushed his wife along. “That’s a wonderful idea, my dear. Why don’t you go brew one up?” The Countess gave a slightly mad chuckle of triumph and darted off.
Master Payne gusted out an enormous sigh and turned back. The circle of firelight was now empty except for Agatha, looking perplexed, and Lars, still babbling about horses and pies.
Payne addressed Agatha warily. “And you, Miss Clay—do you have any ideas for calming Lars down?”
“Me? Heavens, no!”
Payne grinned in relief. “Excellent! You may stay. Help me get him up, won’t you?”
Soon enough, they had Lars sluiced off and installed in his own bed. Abner had been dispatched to look in on everyone as they settled in. After the night’s excitement, Payne wanted to be sure that no one was out building anything “helpful.”
&n
bsp; Lars had calmed down a bit. He was no longer babbling, and lay quietly, burrowed deep under his bedding. Only his face showed over the quilt, staring out at the world with wide eyes.
Agatha placed a damp cloth on his head and turned to Master Payne, who sat slumped wearily in a chair, watching her. “So?” she asked.
Payne nodded wearily. “So the point is, everyone knows what a Spark is, right? Just ask the people who come to our shows. A Spark is the madman in the castle on the hill, cackling away while he builds monsters. Sparks are Flamboyant! Fearless! Powerful! No one can stop them! When you say ‘Spark,’ that is the sort of fantastical creature a person thinks about.”
Payne’s voice had risen to a dramatic height, but now he sighed and wiped a hand across his face. When he spoke next, his voice was tired.
“You’d probably think of the Heterodyne Boys, or The Master of Paris.” He shook his head. “But most people remember the bad ones. Petrus Teufel. Lucifer Mongfish. The Polar Ice Lords. If only because they make for better stories. That’s what Sparks are like.
“But the Spark, like any other talent, comes in varying degrees. Think about it. How do you know when someone is a Spark?
“The answer is when they create something too mad too ignore. That’s all it takes, really. But what about someone who’s brilliant, has the Spark burning brightly within him, no doubt about it, but is born to an impoverished village cobbler? Without any education or resources, what can they do? Build a dangerous boot?
“The worst off are those with just enough of the Spark that those around them can identify them, but not enough that they can defend themselves.”
Payne gestured out at the circus. “Most of us, here, are Sparks without power. We are not rich, and, my Countess excepted, we have no rank. We have no castle walls to hide behind, and our talents are not strong enough to fend off the world. We are easy prey for those who would have use for us. So, we play madboys on the stage and openly perform our mundane miracles using easily spotted smoke and mirrors. The audience sees simply players in a show, and we are able to hide in plain sight. Even from the Baron.”
Realization dawned in Agatha’s mind. “You thought the Baron had sent that crab clank. That’s why you didn’t fight back.”
Payne nodded. “The Baron or someone like him. When we think the wrong people are watching, we travel ‘on stage.’ Remember that term, please. There are many who have a use for Sparks, weak or strong, and they have any number of tricks for hunting us.”
Agatha was silent. She had seen enough at the University, and later on Castle Wulfenbach, to know that Payne’s words were true. The thought made her feel heavy, and tired.
“I understand. Well, it’s late. I guess I’d better go—”
“NO!” Lars frantically pushed himself up and grabbed Agatha’s arm so hard that a small shock of pain went through her. “I want her to stay here!”
Payne looked surprised. “Miss Clay? Why?”
“Because she’s got a great big monster-killing gun!” he exclaimed. “And I want it, and her, right here!”
Krosp shrugged. “Can’t really argue with that logic.”
“Don’t worry.” Agatha smiled at Lars as she pried his hand from her arm. She turned to face Master Payne. “I’ll stay. I don’t know if I could sleep now, anyway.”
Payne sat back and nodded. “Thank you, Miss Clay, I appreciate it.”
A quiet snore surprised them. Lars, eyes closed, was already deep in slumber.
“Strike a light!” Master Payne declared. “That was quick.”
Agatha smiled. “Well! No one has had that much faith in me since—” Suddenly, she thought of Gil, his image so clear in her mind that her breath caught and her eyes began to sting. She turned away.
Payne looked quizzical, “—since?”
“Nothing important.” Her voice was husky, “Never mind.”
Master Payne looked thoughtful. “I see.” He stood up, and said in a hearty voice: “Good night then!” Agatha simply waved a weak goodbye. She was lost in unhappy thought.
When Payne stepped down from the wagon, he found Abner waiting for him. The young man was slightly disheveled, and hastily tucked in his shirt as he asked: “Is Lars all right, sir?”
Payne nodded. “Oh, yes. Miss Clay is going stay with him.”
Abner shook his head. “Well, we’ve got our proof. She’s a Spark, and a strong one, I’d bet.”
“That’s a sucker bet and no mistake.” Payne shook his head. “And she’s on the run from Wulfenbach. Aspects of Moxana’s new game are starting to make some sense.”
“And yet you don’t look happy,” Abner observed. He lowered his voice. “We... could lose her. At the next town.”
Payne stretched and rolled his shoulders. “No, Ab, I don’t think we could.” The two men started to walk. “Nothing good would come of it. I can almost guarantee it.” He shook his head. “She wants us to get her to Mechanicsburg? Let’s just do it as quickly as possible, and get it over with.”
The body of the horse-monster needed to be disposed of. Several men had been hauling wood and building a pyre a small distance downwind of the camp. As Payne and Abner arrived, Rivet and Otto were just lowering the carcass onto the pyre with a device that resembled an inside-out forklift. The cook used a tiny hatchet to broach a small cask, and everyone stepped back as he soaked everything with a colorless liquid. He took extreme care not to get any on himself, and when he finished, he sprang back—tossing the empty cask on the pyre as if it were already on fire. Everyone looked expectantly at Payne. The Circus Master stepped up and with a flourish, shot a thin jet of green fire from his fingers. Wood and monster exploded into flame.
Payne nodded in satisfaction and turned to Abner, who was settling himself against a log. “Use all the wood and fuel you need, but I want that thing reduced to ash before morning. That’s when we’re moving out.”
Abner gave a lazy salute. “If anything happens, I’ll give the signal. You know, the one where I scream like a diva.”
“Good man.” Before Payne went back to his own wagon, he took a last turn through the camp, making sure to assign extra watch duties to everyone unwary enough to cross his path. Just before he climbed the steps to his own wagon, he saw Pix heading toward the roaring fire. She was loaded down with an enormous counterpane and a picnic basket. Payne grinned, and closed the wagon door behind him.
Back in Lars’ wagon, Agatha had lit the lamps, and made herself comfortable at the wagon’s tiny fold-down table. Krosp was blithely rummaging through the cupboards. Agatha considered telling him to stop, then decided that she was too tired to bother. She would scold him later.
“Hide the Spark,” she mused. “I’ve heard of people trying to do it, but they never seem to succeed.”
Krosp sniffed at an empty china bowl. “It’s easier for these guys. They have less to hide.”
Agatha thought about some of the devices she had glimpsed before she had blasted the monster horse apart. “I don’t know about that. But even if that is the case, I can still learn a lot from them.”
Krosp had opened a door and removed a covered plate. He lifted the lid and discovered a wheel of buttery yellow cheese. He sniffed approvingly, and bit off a sizeable chunk. Agatha swatted the back of his head in disgust as she scolded him. “Krosp! Manners!” The cat blinked resentfully, but carefully took a knife and cut a thick wedge off of the unbroken side of the cheese. He passed it to Agatha and went back to gnawing away at the rest. “The problem is that because they’re trying so hard to appear harmless, they’re vulnerable.”
Agatha was thoughtful. “Yes, they can’t carry around anything unusually powerful without giving themselves away. Hiding really big stuff would be hard.” She paused for a moment as an idea percolated in her mind. “Hmmm... I’ll bet I could do it.”
Krosp’s ears flattened with alarm. Agatha didn’t notice. “Yesssss—” her voice intensified, “With the tools and materials available, why, I could build defen
ses that would keep them safe from anyone!”
Krosp waved his paws. “Whoa, whoa! Without being obvious? The whole idea is to look innocuous, remember? Anyway, they probably won’t want to let you mess around with their stuff!”
Agatha was excited now. “Plans!” she declared.” I’ll draw up plans and they can see what I can do.”
Krosp considered this and nodded grudgingly. “That should give them some warning, anyway. Hold on...” He opened an upper cupboard and returned with a stack of paper and some pencils.
Agatha snatched them from his paws and began sketching furiously. “When I’m done,” she declared, “we’ll be the most normal-looking circus on the face of the earth!”
Krosp rolled his eyes. “Very reassuring.”
Hours later, the first subtle hints of dawn began to appear. Krosp was curled up inside an earthenware bowl that a few hours ago had contained a black pudding. Now, the pudding was contained within Krosp. Agatha was still hunched over the table. Beside her, the lamp guttered, and with a final puff, went out. She blinked and sat back, her back popping faintly. She stretched mightily, and looked slightly astonished at the blizzard of paper strewn about the little room.
With a sigh, she began collecting the papers, pausing to examine each one as she picked it up. Hearing her chuckle, Krosp came awake with a grunt, stretching all four legs upward in a huge yawn. “Done?” he asked.
Agatha nodded proudly. “Uh-huh. Want to see?” She held up a page covered with intricate drawings.
Krosp’s brow furrowed. “What is this? A nutcracker?” He tilted the page slightly sideways, and realized that the “nuts” in the picture actually had tiny screaming faces. “AAAAHHH!” He shrieked and flung the paper away.
Agatha looked surprised. “What?”
Gingerly, Krosp picked up another page and examined it. He frowned and waved the page at Agatha accusingly. “A merry-go-round that can level a small town seems a bit... overboard for ‘self defense.’”
Agatha examined the plans. She didn’t remember drawing that one—it was pretty horrible. Still, she was rather pleased at how she’d drawn the fleeing townspeople.
